Circle of Life
by FleetingRainbows
Summary: Continues the story of Luke, Noah, Maddie and James.  Picks up six months after the end of Weight of Love.  Join the four musketeers as they make new friends and settle old scores and try to keep up with the circle of life
1. Homecoming

He was just fixing his tie when he felt arms slip around his waist. He smiled as a body leaned into him and started kissing his neck. "You know, if you keep this up we'll never get out of here." he chuckled. A slight moan escaped his mouth as lips attached themselves to his neck and started to suck. At the same time hands un-tucked his shirt and slipped beneath the fabric to touch smooth, warm skin. "You really aren't playing fair," he murmured trying to sound cross, but he failed miserably. Another gasp escaped his lips as teeth sunk into that spot on his neck, and he forgot all about his tie. "What are you doing to me?" he asked softly.

"I want to make love to you," the sultry voice responded, nipping on his earlobe before turning him around to capture his mouth.

Hands made quick work of the tie, tossing it to the floor and slowly unbuttoned the shirt as he tried to regain his composure from that deep kiss. "What about…mmmm," he moaned in response to that kiss. "Dinner…mmm, it's our mmmm last night here." He hadn't even realized that they were by the bed, until he was pushed down onto it. His pants were removed, and his boxers. His lover straddled him and bent down to capture his lips once more.

"Who needs dinner when I have you?"

"Are you still meeting us at the airport," Luke asked as he handed Noah some more folded clothes. They were packing up last minute things, gearing up for their return to the states. Six months had flown by, and as much as he hated leaving, Luke found he was eager to get back to their home.

"That's the plan," James said, a smile on his face as he sat behind his father's desk. "What time are you guys getting in?"

"Well, we should be taking off in about an hour, and we will arrive in Chicago at 10 more or less."

"It will be 10 here," James commented, but you two will still be on European time. Did you enjoy your trip?"

"Yes," Luke sighed contentedly as he handed even more folded clothes to Noah. "And we have more stuff to take home then we had coming here. It was a nice time though, I'm sorry to see it end."

"And did you actually get out to see Florence?" James asked amusement clear in his voice.

"Yes," Luke laughed. "As a matter of fact we did. We also toured Rome, Venice, Sicily, Malta."

"You went to Malta? I thought you had reasons for not wanting to venture there."

Luke shrugged. "I wanted to show Noah, Malta, so we took a tour. I didn't even think about that certain person whom shall not be named."

"Yeah, whatever," James laughed. "I'm glad you guys had a good time, though I must admit I can't wait for you to get home. I missed my brothers."

"Yeah we missed you too," Luke smiled and shook his head in answer to Noah's question. "You will have to fill us in on all the happenings in Oakdale since we've been gone. You kept an eye on my dad right, and Grandma?"

James chuckled again. "Oh….yeah you can say that. There's a lot I need to tell you when you get here. Your dad is fine, he actually checks on me and Maddie often. He misses you and Noah like crazy. Everyone is doing well, Luke. You just need to get back here. And you aren't allowed to disappear for six months again."

"I'm not allowed huh? NO, sweetie don't put that in there, give it here," he said holding his hands out for the framed picture of them in front of the Coliseum. He wrapped it up in tissue paper and a soft pillowcase for cushioning and then placed it carefully in the bag resting beside the suitcase. "Well I don't think we'll be staying away so long anymore," he said continuing his conversation with James.

"I'm going to hold you to that," James replied. "Maddie is going to be psyched to see you guys. I didn't tell her you were coming in, I wanted to surprise her."

"And I'm sure she will shriek loud enough to wake the rest of Oakdale," Luke teased. "I'm looking forward to seeing her too. I better go though, we have to get to the airport, and Grandma's jet should be waiting for us. I'll see you soon."

He hung up the phone and looked at his husband who was smiling at him. "What" he asked placing his cell phone back in his pocket.

"Nothing," Noah replied slipping his arms around Luke's waist. "I just love you."

"I love you too, Noah. He wrapped his arms around Noah's neck and gave him a kiss that quickly turned passionate. "Mmm," he said pulling away when they were both breathless. "We have a plane to catch," he reminded reluctantly. "Are you ready to go home?"

Noah kissed him once more before pulling away to gather up their things. "I am looking forward to going back, actually," he admitted. "It will be interesting, going back home with all my memories intact."

Luke smiled. "Yeah, that part's nice though. "I don't think I'm over my fear of you driving though. And it's coming close to a year since the accident."

"Don't trouble yourself with that," Noah said coming to take Luke's hands. "What happened last Christmas was a freak accident, and I'm glad that nightmare's over. And I'm glad that Randy isn't a part of our lives anymore. I hate what he did to you, and I hate what he did to try to hide it."

"Let's go catch our plane," Luke said softly, caressing Noah's cheek. "You're right; it's time to go home."

They were wrapped in each other's arms when Charles announced that they were approaching Chicago, and would be landing in 45 minutes. Noah nuzzled at Luke's neck, causing the younger man to moan contentedly. They had spent the majority of the flight in the bedroom, determined to continue their honeymoon until the last possible second.

"Are you ready?" Noah asked as Luke shifted in his arms, turning to face him.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Luke replied. "I knew we couldn't stay gone forever Noah. There's so much waiting for us back home, and besides its Christmas. We couldn't very well miss Christmas at home. And don't you miss it?"

"Well," Noah said thoughtfully, "I don't care where we spend Christmas; I just want to be with you. But I can admit that it would be nice to actually enjoy being with you on Christmas night."

"Yeah," Luke agreed. "Last Christmas was even white, but that didn't matter at all because…"

He let the thought trail off and Noah reached up to touch his cheek. "I promised you that I wouldn't go anywhere without you…and I'll let you drive. Nothing is going to spoil the holidays for us this year."

Luke smiled and kissed him once more before they reluctantly got out of bed. Soon they were dressed and in their seats preparing to land at Midway Airport. It was strange, touching down on American soil after six months abroad. It was nice though too. There was something comforting about being this close to home again. Luke took hold of Noah's hand as they stepped off the plane, the brisk air hitting them in the face. Noah's feet barely touched the ground before a figured barreled into him and slipped padded arms around his neck and held on tight.

"I guess it's safe to say you missed me?" Noah laughed, letting go of Luke's hand long enough to hug his friend.

"I missed both of you," Maddie said giggling as she moved to give Luke a hug as well. "It's so good to see you guys. You aren't' allowed to stay away this long ever again."

"Is she always this bossy?" Luke asked as James walked up to join them."

James laughed. "Wouldn't you know that better than me?"

"Oh, she can be bossy when she wants to be," Noah said sidestepping Maddie's swiping hand. "What it's true," he said with a laugh. "Sit down, and drink your tea, Noah," He said mimicking Maddie's voice. "I know you don't like tea, but drink it anyway." He laughed at the incredulous look on her face. "Remember that's exactly what you did when you came over that Saturday before Christmas? Luke and I were relaxing on the couch when you came, and you brought tea and insisted that we drink it right then and there." He chuckled. "Luke came out of the bedroom and told you to stop being bossy."

James and Luke chuckled at the memory and Maddie gave Noah another hug. Oh My god," she shrieked. You remember that? Do you have your memory back, Noah?"

"Hmmm, let's see," Noah said wrapping an arm around his husband and looking at his friends. They begin to walk toward the parking lot, knowing that Lucinda's pilot was close behind them with all their bags. "The first thing I noticed about you James was your eyes because they are an amazing shade of green. I can remember answering the door and you and Maddie were standing there with dripping wet umbrellas. And Maddie, I remember my first introduction to you was actually a cell phone video you sent me by accident."

"I don't think I know that story," James teased.

"Me neither actually," Luke laughed lightly.

"And," Noah said as they reached James' car, "I recall a certain double date where Luke spilled water on himself. He grinned wickedly at the blush that stained his husband's cheeks, "I also know that there were several key moments early in my relationship with Luke that crossed directly with my relationship with Maddie, which I will apologize for right now…even though I know I've done that before. I love you guys, all of you, and I'm glad to be one of the musketeers."

Maddie laughed. "We love you too Noah, though I don't think I want to speak for Luke on that one."

Luke kissed Noah's cheek and went to help with the bags. Noah and James helped too while Maddie slid into her seat and buckled her seatbelt. Soon the guys joined her and they begin the trek back to Oakdale. Luke looked out the window for a moment before slipping into Noah's arms. It was good to be home.

"So what do you want to hear about first?" James asked looking into the rearview mirror at his brothers. "We've been keeping tabs on everyone while you guys were away. "

"Well, how are you two?" Luke asked curiously. "You guys went to Lake Tahoe right?"

"Yes," Maddie chimed in, "and it was amazing. The best two weeks ever spent."

"Did you guys leave the hotel room?" Noah asked.

"We got out sometimes," James laughed. "Probably more than you two."

"I wouldn't doubt that," Luke replied as he snuggled closer to Noah.

"Lake Tahoe is beautiful, especially in the summer," James explained. "And actually we were sad to leave, but we had to get back. Dad insisted that I work with him over the summer, and Maddie was working too. And then school started-"

"And you guys were lucky," Maddie continued the story. "To get to take a semester off."

"But we didn't take a semester off," Luke informed them.

"Yeah, we were taking courses from our bed…I mean we were using the internet," Noah amended when Luke elbowed him in the ribs."

"You guys actually took time to study?" James, asked, extremely impressed.

"Yes, and we toured Italy for credit. It worked very well for what we needed to accomplish," Luke added proudly.

"Nice," James laughed. "We just took our last finals the other day, so we're all set for Christmas."

"And how's Dad? You said you guys heard from him a lot?"

"Yeah. Your dad invited us out to the farm a lot for horseback riding. I think he missed you guys a lot, and he wanted to exercise the horses. But it was fun. Bastien likes me a lot, he recognized me immediately the last time we were out there."

"That's great. I'm glad you guys were keeping Dad company. Have the girls and Ethan been with him as well."

"Yeah," James said slowly. "Your Mother hasn't really been around much, honestly. I wish I could have better news about that…I'm sorry."

'You need to stop that," Luke sighed as he sat up. "You don't need to apologize for my mother's behavior. And I shouldn't be surprised by her behavior anymore, so whatever."

James frowned as he watched Luke through the mirror. He wasn't certain he believed him, but he was willing to drop it for now. They were just getting home after all. "Well do you want to know about anyone else?" he asked.

"Hmmm just tell us what's going on," Noah said pulling Luke back into his arms.

"Well there's the fact that Aaron and Ali are engaged."

"Will and Gwen are having another baby," Maddie added.

"Henry and Vienna are thinking about expanding Al's.

"Plus Henry gave us a puppy; I wanted to name it George."

"You wanted to name a puppy after James' dad," Luke laughed.

"That was my response," James chimed in, keeping his eye on the road. "I told her we should save that for the baby."

"And Ethan's growing like a weed," Maddie added with a giggle.

"My dad is dating your grandmother."

"And Faith and Natalie are in the Christmas play they will be excited that you are home."

Luke looked at Noah with his mouth agape, and noticed immediately that Noah was just as shocked.

"You're having a baby?" Noah said.

"MY Grandma is dating your dad?" Luke exclaimed at the same time.

"And what did you name the dog?" They said at once and burst out laughing as James shook his head. The laughter was contagious and for a few minutes the four friends dissolved into giggles.

"Now are you serious?" Luke asked once things had calmed down. "Your dad is dating my grandma? When did that happen? How did that happen? How did we miss it?"

"I want to hear more about this baby," Noah piped up, earning a swipe from his husband. "Okay so I want to know about Grandma Lucinda and your dad too."

"It happened right under our noses apparently," James explained. "A lot of cafeteria coffee and conversation, along with companionship it just grew into something more than that. It's very interesting to watch Dad dote on her like he does. She's doing much better now, but when you guys left she was still getting chemo. She just refused to stay in the hospital anymore. So Dad would take her every day and he takes care of her."

"It's so sweet to watch," Maddie agreed. "She seems to adore him as much as he adores her."

"So the flirting at the wedding wasn't just flirting," Luke mused, a smile crossing his features.

"Wow, I guess the family just got a little more complicated," Noah stated.

"Here's a scary thought, James," Luke interjected. "If your dad, you know marries my grandma, you'll be related to my mom."

"I was hoping to forget that part actually."

"James," Maddie exclaimed, playfully punching him in the arm.

"So what about this baby?" Noah changed the subject. "You're pregnant Mads?"

Maddie nodded and turned to face her friends. "Three months along, just found out two weeks ago."

"Three months eh?" Luke smiled. "So the baby's due in June."

"Just in time for our anniversary, yeah," Maddie sighed contentedly. "I'm so scared though."

"Me too," James said squeezing his wife's hand.

"You both are going to make wonderful parents," Noah assured them. "I'm so happy for you. You guys deserve a little happiness."

"Well the puppy's good practice," James admitted as they entered the city limits. "And speaking of which we named him D'Artagnan, but we call him Dart."

"Ah the fourth Musketeer," Luke exclaimed, immediately getting the reference. "Dumas would be proud."

"You named the dog after all of us?" Noah said in awe. "That's really cool."

"Well you guys are home," James said as he pulled up in front of the apartment complex.

"There isn't a surprise party or anything waiting for us in there, is there?" Luke asked cautiously.

"Maddie wanted to plan one but I talked her out of it," James chuckled. "I figured you would want to relax and sleep off the jet lag you're sure to have tomorrow."

"And he said you wanted to surprise everyone with your return." Maddie added.

"When's the Christmas play?"

"It's tomorrow night at the Church," James responded. "But if you guys need to miss it…"

"NO that's okay, James, just call us to remind us. I'm sure we'll be awake. Thanks so much for meeting us at the airport."

"We have something for you guys," Noah said reaching for the bag Luke had on his shoulder. Luke handed it to him and he pulled out the picture. "We have another copy for ourselves, but we wanted you to have this for your mantle.

"We have other things for you, but you'll have to wait for those." Luke smiled. He moved forward to give Maddie a hug, and then James. Noah repeated his movements before stepping back to stand beside his husband.

"Thanks guys. We'll see you tomorrow, and welcome home."

They were silent as they carried their bags to their bedroom. Together they unpacked their belongings, sticking their clothes in drawers and placing gifts on the bed to be wrapped. Luke placed their toiletries and medications in the bathroom while Noah worked on fixing up their bureau. Clothes were hung in the closet carefully and Luke carried all the gifts out to the living room so they could wrap them. Noah prepared huge mugs of hot chocolate for them and they settled on the couch to label and wrap presents.

"Thank you," Luke said as Noah handed him a second mug of hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. The wrapped presents sat in a pile by the chair and Noah grabbed the remote before taking his seat beside Luke on the couch.

"You're welcome," he said smiling at his husband before leaning in for a kiss. Luke placed his cup on the table and scooted closer, allowing Noah to wrap his arms around him. Noah turned on the TV and turned it to the American Movie Classics channel. Miracle on 34th Street was on, and Noah put the remote down and rested his head against Luke's as they watched the movie.

They watched movies for the rest of the morning into the afternoon. Luke was determined to keep his eyes open. He didn't want to fall asleep without Noah. As strange as that sounded, he liked it when they drifted off at the same time. It was after noon when they drifted off to sleep, while Scrooge was visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future. Noah's arms wrapped protectively around Luke, and Luke nuzzled into his favorite spot in Noah's neck. They were comfortable, they were together…and it was time to sleep.

The phone rang around six, and Noah blindly reached for the receiver. "Hello," he said his voice groggy. "Not a chance we're going to make it bro…yeah, bye." He yawned and hung up the phone, his eyes closed again before his arms wrapped tightly around his husband.

Holden was quiet as he followed his mother into the building. He had been thinking a lot lately about his sons. He supposed it was the holiday season that brought the thoughts more frequently, but he couldn't be certain. Neither of them was ever far from his thoughts. Yet today as he followed behind Emma, with Christmas presents to be opened when the boys returned, he found himself wondering what they were doing at that exact moment. Would they be home for Christmas? Or would they decide that they needed to spend one more month away? He knew they had decisions that needed to be made…but what if they didn't come back at all? His heart ached just thinking about it. He loved his kids, from Abby and Aaron all the way down to little Ethan. But it couldn't be denied that Luke and Noah held a place very special in his heart.

"MY word," Emma exclaimed as she opened the door with the spare key.

"Momma," Holden said coming up behind her. "What's wrong?" Emma didn't speak as she smiled back at her son and pointed into the apartment. Holden looked and his eyes brightened with a smile that could fill a room with light.

Luke and Noah were cuddled together on the couch. Luke's head rested neatly beneath Noah's chin, their arms wrapped around each other.

"We should wake them," Holden said, ready to move past his mother to get to the sleeping boys.

"No, let's not," Emma whispered. "They must be exhausted." She placed the packaged down and retrieved a blanket to cover them up. "They'll come home to the farm when they're ready. Just knowing they're back here is enough for now. Set the presents over there on the table and do it quietly."

Holden stared at the sleeping figures for a long time before being ushered out the door by his mother. They were as quiet as mice, and neither Luke nor Noah stirred. Emma locked the door and slipped the spare key beneath the welcome mat. Their boys were home at last. It was going to be a merry Christmas.


	2. White Christmas

A yawn escaped his lips as he pulled the blanket closer to him, and snuggled up to Noah. He frowned and opened his eyes, moving slightly to survey the room. They were on the couch, in their apartment, but he didn't remember them having a blanket. In fact he was certain they had fallen asleep without one. His eyes traveled the perimeter of the room, and noticed the presents stacked neatly in the cornier. A soft smile crossed his lips and he turned to find that his husband was awake as well.

"Looks like we were visited by the elves," he said kissing Noah softly on the lips.

Noah smiled. "I guess our secret's out," He chuckled as he shifted too, needing to stretch out his body which had been folded into the same position for too long. "I'd say this was the handy work of your dad and grandma."

"Our dad," Luke corrected, "And our grandma Emma. I'd bet anything that they were here."

"Luke," Noah said pointing at the table in front of them. Their hot chocolate mugs sat untouched, but in between them was a plate of cookies wrapped in saran wrap. "She left us cookies."

"Guess that settles that," Luke laughed and shook his head. "Good morning," He said shyly placing hands on Noah's cheeks.

"Good morning, my husband," Noah said mimicking Luke's movements, his fingers caressing Luke's face."

"You are a dork," Luke whispered as they simultaneously moved closer together. "I love you."

Their lips met in a sweet kiss that tasted of hot chocolate and marshmallow. Their hands slipped down from faces to shoulders, Luke's circling Noah's neck, and Noah's going further to encircle Luke's waist. They stayed like that for a moment, their foreheads touching as they tried to catch their breath. Today, they would restart their lives. They would get reacquainted with the world of Oakdale, and slowly weave their way back into the lives of their family and friends. For the moment though, it was all about being them.

They munched on cookies as they prepared for the day. Noah relinquished the shower to Luke, but not before pulling him in for another wet kiss. Luke's hands rested against Noah's wet chest and he moaned contentedly before pushing him away. "You know if I don't go now we are not going to get out of here," he said swatting at his husband. "Go eat another cookie or something, I'll be out in a bit.

Noah laughed and swatted at Luke's butt as he disappeared into the bathroom. He swiped another cookie and rummaged through his closet for something to pull on. It was nice to be home, to be back in Oakdale around familiar things. IT was even better to actually remember everything about his life, and his love for Luke. As he pulled a fresh shirt out of the closet his eyes lingered on the pile of shirts that rested on the floor. It was just a little frightening to know that it was almost a year to the day that he had found Luke's clothes in that mound. That moment had led to six months of what could only be described as a crazy time. Perhaps chaotic was a better word.

He forced himself to look away from that spot and walked to his bureau instead looking for boxers and jeans. Once he was dressed he sat on the bed and rested his head in his hands, his fingers running through his hair. His hair was a little longer than he was used to wearing it, but Luke liked it that way…and surprisingly he liked it too. Being back with all his memories was proving to be challenging. He had two sets of them now, the lost ones returned to him at last, and the new ones gained over time. There were so many moments that he could recall; some of them happy, some sad and some that surprised him more than anything else.

Knowing what he did now, it horrified him that Randy had taken advantage of him, and that he had almost harmed Luke in the same way as that jerk. It angered him that he had caused Luke a lot of pain…that they had suffered together through so much. It wasn't lost on him though that these incidents, these things that happened during his amnesia had somehow managed to bring them even closer together. Noah knew his love for Luke was the strongest it had ever been…and six months alone together only proved to solidify their connection and their commitment to each other. Noah really was the happiest he had ever been, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was thanks to Luke and their love.

"Penny for your thoughts," Luke's voice met his ears as a cool hand touched his neck. Noah looked up into the chocolate eyes he loved and pulled Luke down beside him.

"I love you," he said wrapping Luke into his arms.

"Do you really think I'm going to let you get away with that?" Luke asked softly. "It's obvious you were thinking about something, babe. Are you okay?"

Noah sighed and pressed his forehead against Luke's for a long moment before he spoke. "I'm just overwhelmingly happy I guess. I mean I keep thinking about all that we've gone through…and I everything I did when I couldn't remember you or us…and it just really makes me think, you know?" He pulled away to look at his husband who just nodded before getting up to get his clothes.

"You know," he said as he pulled a blue sweater over his head, "Yesterday marked a year ago that I told you what happened. Seems kinda funny that we ended up sleeping on the couch, since that's where we were all that weekend."

"Yeah," Noah said biting his lip. "I remember. And I recall that you were so scared. At first I thought you were scared of me, but I realized as you told me what was going on that it wasn't me at all."

"Never you, Noah," Luke said coming to sit beside him again. "Even this year, I wasn't scared of you exactly…just of-"

"Just of what happened," Noah finished. "I realize that, it's just almost surreal to realize that we don't have to worry about that anymore. And I keep trying to reconcile the fact that…"

"No, Noah don't go there. Please, don't do that. You didn't know."

"But I should have."

NO," Luke shook his head. "You were taken advantage of, Noah. He manipulated you and I refuse to let you blame yourself for that."

"The fear in your eyes, Luke…that day when you said 'you're supposed to love me' I think it broke my heart. And thinking about it now, and knowing that I almost betrayed you in that way…"

Luke's hands touched his face, caressing, soothing as their gazes locked. "You are the sweetest, gentlest man I know. I've forgiven you for that day…I know it wasn't your fault specifically. I know you love me, Noah. Now you have to forgive yourself. It's Christmas," he added when Noah tried to protest. "It's a time for Joy and bliss and happiness. We deserve that, Noah…you deserve that. Do you believe me?"

"Yes," Noah said smiling despite himself. There was no way he could resist Luke.

"Good, now let's go find us a Christmas tree."

"What about this one?" Noah asked pointing at a particularly large pine.

"Maybe when we move into a house that would work," Luke laughed. "I don't think we can get it into our apartment though."

Noah smiled. Moving had been one of the many topics to come up during their vacation. It was definitely something they were considering…but nothing concrete would be decided until after the New Year. "Okay then," He said as he scanned the tree lot, "What about that tree."

Luke looked where Noah pointed and smiled. "I think that one is perfect," he said getting closer to inspect it. "It's just the right size, it smells heavenly, and I think it would look perfect covered in tinsel and lights."

"Did you boys find something you like," Mr. Shaw asked coming to stand beside them.

"Oh yes, sir, we like this tree. It's just perfect for our apartment."

Mr. Shaw chuckled. "That seems to be a popular tree today.

"Excuse me," Noah asked confused.

"It's already been sold fellas. The couple who wanted it had to go get a truck to pick it up."

"You're kidding," Luke said sadly.

"Afraid not. A nice elderly couple, real sweet like. There they are right there."

Luke and Noah looked, and Luke's face lit up when he saw who was walking towards them. "Grandma!" he exclaimed as he walked toward her.

"Well hello there," Lucinda said letting go of George to give her grandson a big hug. "Let me get a look at you. You look so fit and tan," Lucinda praised standing back to look him up and down. "And you, my dear boy," she said pulling Noah into an embrace. "When did you boys get back? What are you doing here?"

"James didn't tell us you were back," Dr. McPherson stepped up to shake Luke's hand then Noah's."

"We got back on Saturday night," Luke explained.

"And we were up until Sunday afternoon when we finally fell asleep," Noah continued.

"So today we're trying to get back on Oakdale time instead of Italy time." Luke finished.

"Well it is definitely great to have you home, Darling. Both of you, I missed you dreadfully, just dreadfully."

"From what we hear you've had company though," Noah teased. Luke elbowed him lightly in the ribs and grinned. George patted Lucinda's hand as her cheeks tinted just a little.

"So I hear you want to buy this tree?" Luke said gesturing at the tree they had picked out. "Noah and I were looking at it too and we love it."

"Well then I guess that means we both have good taste, Darling," Lucinda said laughing. "George what do you think? Should we let them have the tree?"

"Well," George said pretending to think about it. "They are just returning, and it is the right fit for their apartment…and seeing as we were going to buy it for them anyway."

"Seriously?" Noah asked amused.

"Yes, of course Darling," Lucinda said with a wave of her hand. "George and I already have a tree decorated. We wanted your home to look like Christmas whenever you chose to return from your sojourn abroad. This was all planned. You two just spoiled it."

"Grandma," Luke protested.

"You will not refuse your grandmother this privilege, I want to do something great, something great for my two grandsons and that is what I am going to do. "Mr. Shaw, George will help you get that tree into the truck, Darling.

"Are you happy, Grandma?" Luke asked when she turned to face them again.

"I'm very happy, Darling. Very happy indeed. George is a wonderful man. Do you approve?"

"Yes Grandma, I definitely approve. I'm good with any way that would keep James in the family. And I can tell that he makes you happy, and that makes me happy for you."

"Everything alright over here?" George asked coming up behind Lucinda.

"Everything is good, Dr. McPherson," Luke said smiling. "I just wanted to thank you for making my grandma happy."

"And for keeping her company while we were gone," Noah added."

'IT was my pleasure, Noah," George replied.

'You all hush," Lucinda said in her take charge way. "We have to get that tree back to your home. You guys have some decorating to do."

"Is she always like that?" George whispered to Luke and Noah as he watched Lucinda head toward the car.

"Afraid so. But something tells me you can handle her."

"I heard that," Lucinda called back to them. The three men laughed as they quickened their strides and caught up to the fiery woman. Lucinda was right; they had a tree to decorate.

"Remember this one," Luke asked holding up a medium sized red bulb with script written across it. Noah smiled and took the ornament from his husband.

"We got this in Venice," he said. "I think I can even recall the day we bought it, and there's a blue one that matches it."

"Yeah, right here," Luke held up the blue bulb and fingered the word. "Merry Christmas with all my love, Noah," He translated.

"it was great that we found the little shop that could inscribe them like that," Noah remarked as he hung his on the tree."

Luke took great care hanging the bulb before reaching into the box of ornaments. "We will definitely have to go there again," he agreed. I think that was my favorite little shop."

"What's that," Noah asked pointing at the ornament that Luke was holding. "It looks like a crippled gingerbread man."

"Yeah," Luke said smiling fondly. "It was my first ornament…I made it in school. Faith broke it a few years ago by accident…I remember telling her that it was okay because even with a broken leg the gingerbread man could still go on the tree. "

"You're such a good big brother," Noah said admiringly. "What's the story behind this one," he picked up an ornament that looked familiar though he couldn't quite recall why.

"That is a replica of the farm," Luke explained. There's a picture of the farm after a snowstorm, and Dad decided to get an ornament made out of it. That one belongs to you, every family member has one."

"I'll get it," Noah said in answer to the doorbell. He handed the ornament back to Luke who stood to follow Noah to the door. "Hey, guys," he greeted James and Maddie who were bearing gifts.

"Come on in," Luke added pulling Noah away from the door. We were just trimming the tree. Want to help?"

Maddie sat her stack of presents on the table and settled down on the couch. James followed suit and whistled at the tree.

"Nice," he said a smile lighting his face. "And of course we'll help. Decorating the tree is fun. Dad and I used to string popcorn ropes every year, and he'd tell me stories about where all the ornaments came from. "

"That's what we were doing when you came in," Luke admitted. "It sounds like Christmas for you was like it was for me, only with less people."

James chuckled. "I'd say that is about accurate yes. Did you bring home ornaments from your trip?"

Noah pointed at the red and blue bulbs hanging on the tree. "These are from Venice," he explained, and we picked up things from Florence and Rome too. There are some stained glass ornaments from Sicily that Luke has wrapped up over there."

"These are amazing," Maddie exclaimed, taking the ornaments Luke handed her. "The attention to detail is incredible," she praised as she showed one of the pieces to James.

They continued admiring pieces as they decorated the tree. Sometimes they laughed, sometimes Noah or Luke shared a story about the decoration and why it was so special. Luke made hot chocolate for them and they polished off the cookies Emma had left for them. The lights were strung, and the tinsel sprinkled around, and finally it was time to hang the candy canes. The small apartment was full of fun and laughter and music when Maddie insisted that Noah lead them in singing Christmas carols. Noah couldn't remember ever having so much fun at Christmas time. Even last year paled in comparison because as wonderful as it was to spend that time with Luke, the events leading up to, and after Christmas made the event bittersweet.

"You forgot some ornaments," Maddie said reaching over for a box that sat on the table.

"Oh those were meant to be last," Luke explained as she opened it. Maddie pulled out an ornament shaped like a video camera with Noah's name written on the front. That's Noah's first ornament."

"It was a gift from Luke's family, though I'm sure it was Luke's idea," Noah laughed.

"There's a green and red striped tie in there too," Luke said, plus a notebook and Pen ornament that Dad had made when I published my first story in school. "

"Well I have something you guys can add to the box," James said as Maddie continued to pull out what Luke called the crème de la crème of ornaments. "We have this on our tree too." he explained pulling a wrapped ornament out of his pocket.

Luke opened it and burst out laughing. Noah moved to his side and a big grin crossed his face as well. "What in the world?" Luke said between giggles. "How did you do that?"

"I took a picture that my dad took and had it made," James shrugged. "Hope the laugher means you like it."

"Oh James, we love it," Noah said. "I think I remember the picture this came from too.

"It's going to go on the front of the tree, just like the four musketeers should," Luke said hanging the piece beside Noah's video camera. He pulled James over to give him a hug, which Noah caught on camera. Maddie insisted that Noah get in a picture with the boys, and then they all wanted a picture of their whole group in front of the tree. "Wait let me throw the lights," Luke said taking the camera from Maddie before he flipped the switch. He set the timer and ran to join his friends. They had to try three times before they got the perfectly timed picture. The first time, the camera flashed while they tried to position themselves. The second time, James sneezed and Maddie turned her head just as the camera flashed. The perfect picture proved to be James standing behind Maddie, his hands on her waist. Noah stood beside him, their shoulders touching. Luke stood right in front of him and Noah had wrapped his arms around his neck. Luke had his hands on top of Noah's and he was smiling as Noah rested his chin in his hair.

They stood on the porch for a moment, their arms laden with packages, their eyes focused on the scene unfolding inside the house. Holden was setting the table for dinner. Natalie was helping in her own bouncy way. They could hear Faith's voice, but couldn't make out her words, and there was no doubt that Emma's kitchen was full of delicious smells. Luke balanced his packages in one arm and knocked on the door that would take them into the house. Christmas Eve at the farm was always a treat, and this year they were going to be the main surprise.

When Faith opened the door she was startled to find what appeared to be two pairs of legs, and arms holding packages. She tilted her head to the side for a moment and then tried unsuccessfully to peek over the packages to see who held them.

"Can we come in, Faith," Luke asked laughing at his sister's efforts. She stepped back, a grin spreading across her face as she held the door open for Luke and Noah to walk in. As soon as they set the packages down on the island Faith attached herself to her brother and held on tight.

"Oh my god you're here." she said looking up at him. "I've missed you so much."

"Noah," Natalie shrieked as she ran into Noah's waiting arms. "You came back!"

"Hey there, birthday girl," he grinned and hugged her close.

"You remembered my birthday?" Natalie said excitedly. "Does that mean you remember everything else too?"

"Luke could have told him when your birthday was, silly," Faith said moving away from her brother to get a turn hugging Noah. "That doesn't mean he remembers everything."

"But he does," Natalie insisted. "Don't you, Noah?"

Holden smiled as he watched Luke and Noah with the girls. They were always very good with them, and it was obvious that Natalie and Faith both adored them immensely. Luke wrapped his arms around Natalie, giving her a kiss on the cheek, and Noah was whispering something in Faith's ear that made her laugh out loud.

"Alright girls, give Luke and Noah some room to breathe."

"Awww Daddy," Faith and Nat said at the same time.

"Your father's right, let the boys have some air," Emma said stepping away from the stove. She wiped her hands on her apron and gave each of the boys a hug and a kiss on their cheeks. "It's good to have you boys back. When did you get home?"

"It's good to be back," Luke said moving forward to hug his dad. "I've missed everyone…we both did."

"Is it just me or does it seem really quiet around here," Noah commented. "I could have sworn last year it was a little more…"

"Chaotic," Luke finished his husband's sentence. "Where is everyone, Dad?"

"Well, Aaron and Ali were here earlier. They will be very sad that they missed you. You'll see them tomorrow. Jack took Carly and the kids to Montana for Christmas, and Brad is on assignment."

"And Mom," Luke asked softly. "Am I right to guess that her choice extends to the holidays as well?"

Holden frowned and shook his head sadly. "Your mother's not even in the country, Luke. She won't be back until January."

"Business or pleasure?" Luke asked crossing his arms. Noah instinctively placed a hand on his husband's neck, massaging to ease the tension.

Luke allowed himself to relax and he didn't blink at the fact that his dad didn't answer his question. Just as he was about to speak again, a small pair of arms attached themselves to his legs. He looked down and his face brightened at the sight of his little brother. He knelt down and held out his arms, laughing as Ethan barrowed into them. "How's the best godson/little brother in the world huh?"

"Dood," Ethan replied, wrapping his little arms around Luke's neck."

"And I suppose you're going to tell me you've been a good boy right?" Luke asked smiling. Ethan nodded emphatically. "Does that mean you want a present then?"

"Dyess!" Ethan exclaimed raising his hands into the air. "Pweasents, pwease Wuke."

While Luke entertained his little brother, Noah asked Faith and Natalie to help him get the presents into the other room. He warned them not to run less they drop something. And Luke heard him tell them not to peek.

Dinner was filled with questions and stories. Everyone wanted to know about Italy and all the sights they had seen. Luke spoke of the rich history of Rome and Florence, touching on all the other cities they visited as well. Noah told of all the buildings and people that they met, and he promised to show them the video footage at a later date. Faith liked hearing about the paintings and the statues they saw, and Natalie clapped her hands and grinned every time her big brother started speaking Italian when he was explaining something.

Dinner was followed by Emma's Dutch Apple Pie and then the family gathered in the parlor to open gifts. Everyone got to open one present from beneath the Christmas tree. Then Natalie became the center of attention as everyone gave her birthday gifts.

"We have one more gift for you, Nat," Luke said picking up one of the packages he and Noah had brought from home. "As the birthday girl you get to open your gift from Italy first. We have something for all of you."

Natalie clapped her hands and accepted the package from her brother. She made quick work of the wrapping paper and uncovered a small purse.

"Grandma look," she said holding up the pink purse for everyone to see. "Thanks Luke and Noah." She gave each of them hugs. "I feel so grown up!"

Luke chuckled. "That was primarily the point. "None of the toys suited you, and we both agreed that it's beyond time we treated you like a big girl." Natalie beamed and looked down to examine her purse some more.

"Faith this is for you," Noah said handing over a similar package. Just like Natalie she ripped into it, and was pleased to find a hand bag of her own.

"Look inside," Luke instructed.

Faith looked, inside and smiled, immediately standing to give her big brother a tight hug.

"Just don't spend it in one place," Luke whispered to her before she hugged Noah too.

Emma received a handbag too, and she gushed over it for a few minutes, tears spilling from her eyes as she hugged both of them. "I don't believe I have ever had a purse this nice," she said feeling the leather, and placing the strap over her arm. Noah exchanged a look with Luke and squeezed his hand. They had spent at least fifteen minutes trying to find the right bag for her. They wanted it to be elegant yet simplistic, and they thought she deserved something nice.

"Dad, we wanted to get you something nice," Luke explained holding out a small box for Holden.

"And we wanted to give you a message," Noah explained as Holden opened the box. Inside was a watch with an Italian leather band. HE turned it over to read the message which was written in Italian.

"It says Sei Ill migliore papa. Gratzie," Luke explained. "You are the best dad, thank you." He translated."

Noah frowned when Holden stood without a word and left the room. "Was it something we said?" he asked turning to hishusband.

"Dad doesn't like to wear his emotions," Luke explained. "I think we may have overwhelmed him with the gift but it's a good thing. He'll be back."

Just as Luke predicted, Holden returned to the parlor a few minutes later with a smile on his face. He hugged both boys and thanked them for the gift and the praise. After presents Emma insisted that they sing Christmas carols.

"Okay girls time for bed," Emma announce after a rousing rendition of Jingle Bells.

"Awww grandma," The girls exclaimed at the same time.

"Luke are you and Noah staying the night?" Faith asked.

"We were planning to, yes," Luke smiled.

"NO sleep until Noah sings Silent Night," Natalie insisted.

"Would you like to sing it with me?" Noah asked.

Luke smiled as Natalie nodded and came to sit on Noah's knee. He started in on the first verse, and everyone listened, quickly getting caught in the rich tones of Noah's voice and the message behind the song. Natalie's voice joined in on the second verse, and Noah stopped momentarily to allow her to sing solo.

"Christ the savior is born," Noah's voice rejoined Natalie as he hugged her close. "Christ the savior is born." He kissed her cheek and they sung the first verse over and the rest of the family joined in.

Luke joined Noah and Natalie on the couch and Noah put his free arm around him as the song ended. "Sleep in heavenly peace," they sang. "Sleep in heavenly peace."

"He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,  
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.  
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,  
_"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."_ Luke closed the book and smiled at the sight before him. Little Ethan lay snug as a bug between his two sisters, each of whom had a protective arm around him. They were fast asleep and he kissed them each on the forehead before standing to leave the room. He headed back downstairs, and wasn't surprised to hear chatter coming from the Parlor.

""It sounds like we missed a really good pageant," Noah remarked as Luke entered the room. "Hey,. The kids asleep?"

"Yep, they were out before I finished the story. Where's grandma?"

"She went to get some sleep," Holden explained. "I was just telling Noah about the pageant."

"Sorry we missed it, Dad," Luke said frowning.

"It's not a problem, Luke. The girls don't know you were home, and I know if they had known you would have tried to come. You must have been exhausted though."

"We stayed up until at least noon on Sunday," Noah explained. "We were watching movies…"

"And drinking hot chocolate," Luke added. By the time we went to sleep, we knew there was no way we would be going anywhere."

"And When James called at six…I was only partially aware that I talked to him. I think it was six anyway," Noah grinned sheepishly. I don't think I was even coherent when I talked to him."

"Well I for one am glad that you're back. This has been the best Christmas gift." Holden smiled. "I missed you."

"We missed you too, Dad. A lot. It was nice being away, but I'm kinda glad we're back."

"Yeah," Noah agreed. "And I wanted to thank you sir. I mean I don't think there are words really that can express how touched I am that you welcomed me into your family."

"You don't have to thank me for that, Noah."

"Could I apologize for running out of here that first day then?" Noah laughed. "Well I guess actually it wasn't here but I am so sorry about that sir. You were being nice to me and I bolted."

"Well I've met your father, Son. I think I would have bolted too. Kindness can be overwhelming when you aren't used to it."

"So how are you, Dad?" Luke asked. "Are you taking care of yourself?"

"Shouldn't I be asking that question of the two of you," Holden countered.

"We're fine," Noah answered for them. "But I'm with Luke, Dad. How are you since…"

"Since the divorce was finalized," Luke asked softly. "I hate bringing that up tonight…but it's just too weird, you know? You guys went through so many near divorces and separations…I knew this one would go through but," he shrugged sadly and looked down. Noah wrapped his arm around him and kissed his cheek.

"I know its hard son, but it will be okay. And I'm fine, the kids are great and your mother…she's moved on. This was what she wanted, and I'm not going to let her ruin our holiday. You guys are here, Aaron's engaged and everyone is healthy. I couldn't ask for more."

"We feel the same way," Noah assured him. Luke smiled and nodded, resting his head against his husband's as they shared a quick hug.

"Holden smiled too. "I think this is just as good a time as any to give you guys your gift," he said standing to retrieve an envelope which he handed to Luke.

"What is it?" Luke asked sitting up straight so he could open it carefully.

"Read it and find out," Holden said sitting down. He watched as Luke opened the letter and handed the envelope to Noah who looked for other contents. He pulled out the key and peeked over Luke's shoulder to read.

"What is it Luke?" he asked as his eyes scanned the page.

"It's the deed to my great-grandfather's house," Luke said surprised. He looked at his dad and looked at the key Noah held in his hand, and back at his dad. "Is this for real?"

"I talked it over with Cal," Holden responded. "He was more than happy to let you have the place, Luke. It is sitting unused…and has been since Jade left, and I can't think of more suitable occupants then you two."

"We were just talking about possibly moving," Luke said looking at his husband, amazement clear on his face.

"I think Dad is trying to hone in on our bond or something," Noah joked. "This is incredible though, sir…are you sure? I mean we were thinking about it…we weren't going to make any decisions until the New Year, but…"

"No buts Noah. The property is yours, whether you chose to move into it today, next week or next year. It's the perfect way to start off fresh. I know you guys have a lot of good memories in your apartment, but I also know there are things that you'd rather forget as well."

"That's for sure," Luke bristled. He folded the deed and placed it back in the envelope along with the keys. "Thanks Dad," he said giving his father a hug. "We'll think about it. Moving would mean that we'd be closer to you, too which I am sure will be a plus."

"I didn't even think about that," Holden said feigning innocence. "Okay, so maybe the thought did cross my mind. But you boys know that whatever you decide…I'm behind you 100 percent."

"So what do you think?" Luke asked as they held each other in the darkness. They had talked to their dad for a little while longer before retiring to their bedroom. This year there was no question of how close they would lay. Luke easily slid into Noah's arms and turned out the lights, both of them thinking about the gift Holden had given them.

"Well we were thinking about moving," Noah said, his fingers idly stroking Luke's hair. "That's on the top of our list of things to discuss."

"Mmmhmmm," Luke said, his eyes closing as he relaxed under Noah's gentle ministrations. "The cottage is very nice, and it has a fireplace."

"That does sound nice," Noah admitted.

"And, it's close to Dad too," Luke yawned.

""I think he likes that idea," Noah chuckled. "I kinda like it to…we really should consider it."

Luke looked up, causing Noah's hand to fall down to his arm. "I love you."

Noah kissed him softly and wrapped his arms tighter around him. Luke settled against Noah's chest and closed his eyes again. "I love you too, Luke. Merry…" He stopped as he felt the rise and fall of Luke's chest. It made him smile and he kissed the top of his husband's head. "Merry Christmas, Love." He whispered as he too gave in to sleep.

Noah spent the morning videotaping the girls and Ethan opening presents in front of the Christmas tree. Natalie had come into their room at 6am insisting they had to get up and see all the presents Santa had left for them. The stockings were hanging on the mantle, each emblazoned with the name of each family member. Noah smiled as he recalled them putting those up just hours ago it seemed. He even had one with his name on it, placed right where it belonged, beside Luke's.

Various family members stopped by over the course of the day, everyone was glad to see Luke and Noah back and they ended up sharing stories about their trip, not that they minded. For Noah the best part was seeing Luke's' face light up whenever he spoke about Venice and gondola rides. Luke's smile was forever imprinted in his mind and even still he was determined to make sure he saw more of it.

After many gifts, pleasant conversation and Emma's Christmas brunch, Noah pulled Luke out into the cold brisk December air. Christmas with the family had been a blast, but it was time to go home…to their home for their own brand of Christmas tradition. It started to snow as they travelled home, and Noah noticed that Luke slowed his pace as they reentered the city and made their way to the apartment. He watched his husband carefully, knowing exactly what he had to be thinking at the moment. It was a white Christmas, just like it had been last year. Luke would be holding his breath hoping that history did not repeat. Noah was determined that it wouldn't, and there was no reason that it should. Still his husband's fears were important and not to be ignored. He reached out a comforting hand, resting it on Luke's leg .

"Just relax, Luke. We're almost home."

Luke nodded and breathed deep before moving once the light turned green. He maneuvered the vehicle through the falling snow and pulled safely into their parking lot a few minutes later. Noah gave his leg a squeeze and they got out of the car, linked hands and walked into the building. Once inside they brushed the snowflakes from their hair as Luke opened the door. Noah chuckled as they removed their shoes before entering their home. He still remembered how adamant Luke was about not tracking rain, snow or mud into the apartment. He wondered if he would be the same way if they did move. He reckoned that answer was yes.

Hot chocolate was prepared and It's a Wonderful Life was placed into the DVD player. They settled on the couch, both sitting with one leg tucked beneath them as they cuddled and watched Frank Capra's timeless classic play out on screen. When the movie ended, they watched the DVD Luke had made a year ago, the love letter to Noah that he held dear to his heart. Noah got a kick out of watching Luke's reaction to hearing himself say the words he wrote. His husband spent most of the time with his head buried in Noah's shoulder, every now and again peeking and blushing before disappearing again. It was the undoubtedly the cutest thing Noah had ever seen.

"We missed our anniversary," Luke said smiling at him as they ate their version of a Christmas feast. He was smiling and it proved contagious. Noah couldn't help but grin himself.

"I think I can remember what we were doing on November 10th, but I can see how it would have slipped our minds that it was indeed a year since we first said our vows," he said, finding it hard not to get lost in that sea of chocolate brown. Even after all they had been through Luke could still get him with a look.

"I remember," Luke said those eyes glistening like rhinestones. You were taking advantage of me."

"Ha," Noah laughed. "Was that before or after you tackled me in the hot tub?"

Luke opened his mouth to say something, but Noah decided he wanted a kiss instead of words, and that suited both of them just fine. "Mmmm," He said moments later, stealing another kiss before he could articulate his thoughts. "My point, Noah, was that I have something for you." He kissed him again and giggled. "God if you don't stop that…well never mind. Here," Luke handed him an envelope which Noah promptly opened, being careful not to rip it.

Inside was a checkbook full of checks. Noah looked up at Luke, who just smiled and waited. He looked at the book and opened it to one of the checks. The checks were a crisp blue with silver trim, but it wasn't' the color that caught his attention at the moment. At the top of the checks the names Luke and Noah Snyder Mayer appeared, and as he flipped through the book he noticed the same on each one. "A joint account," he said looking up at Luke who just nodded. "You got us a joint account."

"Now we have three accounts," Luke explained. "You still have yours, and I have mine…and our family," He reached out to take Noah's hand, "has an account too. "I want to share everything with you, and I know how important it is for you to provide for us too. You don't mind do you?"

Noah shook his head and looked down at the checks once more before facing Luke again. "Thank you," he whispered. "Just thank you."

Luke kissed him softly and Noah bit his lip when he pulled away. "No thanks necessary, Noah. I love you."

"Same here. And I have something for you too."

"I hope it's something that doesn't involve you leaving." Noah could tell by the look in his husband's eyes that he hadn't meant to say that. It was reflex, impulse and maybe just a little bit of fear. He understood it and he would not begrudge it. He kissed Luke softly on the lips before getting up to retrieve his present. He was back in a flash and he handed Luke a package and took his seat at the table again.

"I tried to keep with the tradition…paper is for first anniversaries, and well this feels like our first true Christmas, even better than last year…and I just wanted you to have this."

Luke smiled as he opened the package and Noah watched as he touched the leather bound journal with such care, lifting it out of the box as if it were made of glass and could break any second. He watched Luke hold the journal to his nose, inhaling the newness, savoring it before he opened the book to flip through the crisp clean paper, Noah held his breath as he waited for Luke to notice the best part about the gift. Luke flipped it back closed and let his fingers run over it again, and Noah knew the minute he realized how special the journal really was. His smile was brighter and he gazed at Noah with such a look of love, Noah wasn't quite certain how he managed to keep from kissing him.

"Our initials are on each page," Luke said out loud. "And on the cover…and the inscription, Oh Noah, thank you." He put the journal down and found the pen that was sitting alone in the box. It was blue with solid gold trim and it was heavy in weight. His name was engraved into the pen, and Luke smiled lovingly at Noah. "You're too good to me."

"I just love you," Noah said reaching over to take Luke's hand.

"I love you too," Luke said giving in to the urge to kiss him. "Merry Christmas."

Noah smiled and stood pulling Luke up with him. Without a word he pulled him out of the kitchen, through the dining room and straight to their bedroom. He closed the door and turned so that Luke's back was against it. Their lips touched in a passionate clench that left both of them breathless. "Merry Christmas," he said as he tried to catch his breath. Luke's hands went up to cup his face and Noah felt himself being pulled forward until he was pressed against his husband, their lips joined once more in a passionate embrace.

Their movements were slow as they made their way over to their bed. Clothes disappeared, hands touched and bodies came together in an intricate dance of love and romance. Tonight was about loving, embracing and being one. Noah rained kisses up and down the length of Luke's body, caressing and pinching in all the right places causing all sorts of exquisite sounds to escape his husband's mouth. Effortlessly he found what he craved and traced with his fingers before slipping them inside one by one. Luke writhed beneath him, panting and wanting to feel what Noah wanted him to feel.

Their lips met again and Noah took a hold of Luke's hands, intertwining their fingers as he slid inside, slipping into the bliss that was his husband. He took him, he claimed him…he loved him.


	3. Changes

Luke was already awake when Noah opened his eyes the next morning. He sat up in bed and watched his husband jot notes down on a legal pad. He looked like he was deep in thought, chewing idly on a pen every few seconds before writing something else down. It didn't escape Noah's attention that Luke was shirtless. He loved looking at those broad shoulders and the muscles in his back. He sighed and threw back the covers, his feet hitting the carpet with a soft thud.

"Good morning, love," Luke said without looking up from the paper. He was writing again and Noah came over to wrap his arms around him, kissing his neck before stealing a kiss greedily. "That's a nice morning treat," Luke grinned and abandoned what he was doing.

"How long have you been awake," Noah asked pulling Luke out of the chair, switching places with him and pulling his husband into his lap.

"I've been up since the moment you kissed me," Luke teased.

"Oh hush," Noah said nipping at his ear. "You know what I meant."

Luke smiled and reached for the pad of paper on the desk. "I haven't been awake too long," he explained. "Just about an hour. I was just thinking about Dad's gift. I wrote down all the pros and cons…I figured we could talk about it some more."

"So pros and cons huh?" Noah said smiling. "Well why don't you tell me what you've come up with so far, and then I can give you mine and we can talk about them and come to a decision."

Luke smiled appreciatively and glanced at the paper before putting it down on the table again. "Well, okay we can start with the cons. We'll be further away from School, and from work. Now those two don't really matter…considering we drive but I figured I'd put them down there anyway. There will be a little less privacy since Dad is right up the road…but that's not really a con either because Dad respects our privacy all the time. I don't know…can you think of any reasons not to?"

"Well it would mean more upkeep of the yard," Noah pointed out, "and house and possibly some extra bills that we don't have now, but those are things that we can work around pretty easily."

"Yeah, growing up on a farm does have such advantages. I love working outside so I think I can handle the upkeep of the yard. I did put the bills on my list, and we essentially are going to own this property and that means property taxes and insurance, plus utilities that we don't pay now but I think we can work around that too. We won't be close to any stores…but that won't be a problem either. And we can have a garden, and grow flowers and vegetables. So while we'll have to put out more money for bills…we can save some as well."

"I know you mentioned Dad," Noah added, "have you given any thoughts to the kids? Faith and Natalie are big enough to disappear from the farm without much notice. I have no problem with them showing up at the house, however, it would mean that we would have to be a little more discreet than we are here. And Ethan, well that kid just adores you so he is going to be begging to go home with us all the time. I don't mind that at all just so you know, but just a couple of things to think about."

Luke grinned. "Yeah a little less privacy but I think that much would be worth it. Before we could only see the kids when we went to Sunday dinners, now we could see them more often, and if we make sure they understand that they should call before they come over or knock before entering I think that would be fine too. And actually them wanting to visit is another reason why moving would be good. More room, some place for them to sleep. I think we could handle being a little more discreet…don't you?"

"Oh most definitely. I would love being closer to your family, and have the girls and Ethan stay over from time to time. It's so much fun to watch you with them, especially Ethan. That little guy has you wrapped around his finger and if I'm not careful I will be there right along with you." Noah smiled and took the paper from Luke to look it over. "Other than those things I really can't think of any other cons right off the top of my head."

"Well, then its time for the pros," Luke said taking back the pad of paper and stealing a kiss. "We'll have more room in the house first off, and we can get a fresh start…make some new memories. I really like that one."

"Me too. We have some great memories here, but there are plenty of sad ones too."

Luke nodded and looked at his list again. He shifted so that he could put his arms around Noah's neck. I know there are more good memories then bad ones, but…honestly, Noah I feel like the sad memories are overwhelming."

"I can understand that," Noah's tone was thoughtful as he held on to Luke, "and I don't want you to be overwhelmed by the sad memories. We can go to our new home and have nothing hanging over our heads. A place with no sad memories to overcome. A place that is part of your family, and that your Dad and Great-grandfather think will be the perfect spot for us. I say we throw away that list my love and just go for it."

"Gladly," Luke said ripping the sheet from the tablet and tearing it to shreds.. "You're really sure about this? We can move?"

"Absolutely we can move," Noah kissed him softly on the lips. "As far as I am concerned we can start moving today if you want to. I know Dad and Grandma Emma will be thrilled."

The look of wonder on Luke's face was enough to make Noah smile. Those hands touched his cheeks and they shared another sweet kiss. "I love you Noah," he said, his words full of meaning. "Let's do it. Let's move today…so that we can start the New Year in our new home."

Luke prepared breakfast while Noah called Holden to tell him the good news. As predicted Holden was thrilled and he told them to let him know if they needed any help. There was so much to do, and it seemed so little time to do it but they were ready. This would be an adventure for them, their first place together, it was perfect.

"Do you want to tell James and Maddie or should I?" Noah asked as Luke placed their breakfast on the table. he watched as Luke cut into his pancakes and poured on syrup before answering his question.

"We'll call them after we eat. We also need boxes and we need to let the landlord know and we need to pack."

Noah focused on his own food for a minute, chewing thoughtfully as he thought of all that needed to be done. "Well I'm glad we decided not to go back to work until January. We can spend this entire week here just getting our house situated and we can throw a party for the New Year?"

"I think it should just be the four of us for now," Luke added. "Maybe after we are settled more we can have a house warming party and invite all of our friends but for New Years…I wouldn't mind just spending it with you and our closest friends."

"I like that idea," Noah agreed. "So when you call James you can hit him with both pieces of news."

Luke smiled and shook his head, before leaning in to give Noah a syrupy kiss. They ate their breakfast in comfortable silence, each of them easily getting lost in thoughts of what was to come. There was a lot to get done before they could officially move, but they were determined to get it all taken care of.

"You're what?" James asked as he towel dried his hair. "Are you serious?" He listened for a moment to the sound of Luke's excitement and smiled as he switched his phone to his other ear and abandoned the towel on his bed. "So let me get this straight? You're inviting us to a party at your new home? You're moving for real?"

"Yes James," Luke chuckled as he handed Noah the last dish to dry. "Dad surprised us with this yesterday, and we don't see a reason to wait. So we're going to take the house and you and Maddie are invited to help us move and we can ring in the New Year together. I hope that's okay."

"Well of course we'll help," James replied as Maddie returned to their bedroom. She looked at him questionably and he let her know it was Luke on the phone. "When do you want us over there and what can we do?"

"Well come over whenever you can, and bring some boxes and containers. We need to start packing things up and we'll need a truck but we don't have to worry about that just yet. Besides Dad said he would help too, and you have to tell me if this sounds crazy James. I count on you for that, you know."

James laughed. "Actually you sound really happy. And I am very happy for you. Maddie and I will be over as soon as we can. Talk to you soon, Luke."

"What was that all about," Maddie asked as she ran a comb through her hair.

"The guys need our help today," James explained. "They're moving."

"What? Really? Oh my god, where to?"

"Luke's great grandfather's place. They're really excited about it, and they want our help."

"Awww, well I'm happy for them. Though I will miss having them close by."

"Yeah," James agreed. "They won't be just across town anymore, but I think this move will be good for them. That apartment has a lot of demons that they need to escape."

"And it will be nice to be in a place where Randy has never been."

"That too," James nodded. "They can close that chapter for good, and I'm sure Mr. Snyder is completely stoked."

Maddie giggled. "I can't believe you just said stoked." James pulled her into his arms and kissed her breathless. Maddie put her arms around her husband and lost herself in his touch.

Packing up your life was never easy. Noah figured he should be used to it; he had done it enough times growing up with his father. They had moved from army base to army base. They always left just when he was starting to form roots. It got to the point that he stopped trying…what was the point when you just left a couple of years later? This was slightly different though. He was moving out of the apartment he had occupied for a year more or less. And he wasn't moving far…and he wasn't going alone.

It helped too that the ties he had made in this small town would still be there. The future looked bright for him and Luke and he was ready to embrace that. He wanted this move for himself just as much as he wanted it for his husband. This was their home, and it had been for a long time, but Noah was well aware of how he came to live in this place. His past with Luke was here, but so was his life of living a lie. Months of living with Luke had erased the days of living here with Maddie…but Noah remembered.

He recalled the times they sat on the couch watching movies, eating popcorn, making out. He could recall the conversations, the jokes and the phone calls. He would sit in this very chair, and talk to Luke about anything. It had always been easy to speak to Luke when he wasn't in front of him. He and Maddie hadn't lived together long at all; in fact it was mere days compared to the lifetime he spent here with Luke. But he still remembered, and soon he would close the door on that part of his past…for good.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked coming to sit beside him on the couch. He wrapped his arms around Noah and kissed his shoulder. Noah turned causing Luke to shift slightly as Noah slipped his arms around him.

"I'm fine, just thinking about all the things that have happened in this apartment. "There are a lot of memories here."

"You lived a lifetime here," Luke said softly. "We both have, and so has Maddie. It's going to be hard saying good bye to this place but I think we're making the right decision."

"How do you always know what I'm thinking even before I do?" Noah asked, completely in awe of his husband.

"I just know you. I know you have a big heart and I know you have a lot of feelings about last year. I can't tell you how glad I am that you and Maddie are okay. It means so much to me that we're all friends."

"That means a lot to me too, Luke. More than I can even put into words. I know things happen for a reason, and I think we're where we belong. I have you, and I couldn't be happier…and Maddie has James…do you know how lucky we all are to have him in our lives?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do, and I know how lucky I am to have you." Noah smiled as Luke leaned in to kiss him, and they were lost in each other for mere seconds before there was a knock on the door. Reluctantly they pulled away from each other and Noah went to let their friends in.

"We come bearing gifts," James said as he carried in boxes and containers. Maddie followed with a small load and James made another trip to the car before the door was closed and secured. "Just tell us what we need to do and we'll get at it," he said running a hand through his hair. "It seems kinda strange to be in this place, knowing it will be the last time."

"Yeah, I was here when Luke called about the mugging," Maddie said softly. The four friends took a moment to silently recall the incident that almost cost James his life.

"And that was where I was when I called you totally freaked out," Luke said nodding toward the bedroom. "At least one of the times…it happened pretty frequently after Noah came home."

"But that was the time that mattered," James commented. "It led to you doing something really brave."

"Our first anniversary was in this very living room," Noah added slipping an arm around Luke's waist. "We had quite a few firsts right where that couch is sitting."

"And there were a lot of movie nights here," Maddie said nostalgically.

"And a lot of fights," Luke added.

"And Make ups," Noah whispered in his ear.

"Needless to say it's been a helluva year," James interjected. "But come on guys, it's time to get you moved."

They worked diligently, folding clothes, taking down books and packing things into boxes and containers. Luke made lunch for the four of them, grilled cheese and potato fries. They sat around the table laughing and talking about life and Christmas. James talked about the family dinner they had shared with his dad and Lucinda. Maddie spoke of Henry and Vienna's visit. Vienna had apparently decided to regale them with her Swedish splendor, but the only thing that was really appetizing was the meatballs. Then of course they talked of Dart, the sweet puppy who decided that Henry's hat was more appetizing then puppy food.

After lunch they went back to work, loading things into Luke's car so he could drive them out to their new home. He returned with Holden and a truck to load up more of their belongings. James offered to take things in his car, and soon they were all moved. They agreed unanimously that they could live without the furniture in the apartment. Everything else, pictures, books, DVDs, things they brought into the place together it was all moved to their new home.

"I can't believe you two just managed to move your entire apartment in the span of a day," James said as Luke handed him a glass of juice. The four friends were sitting on the couch, surrounded by boxes upon boxes of Luke and Noah's belongings.

"We wouldn't have been able to if not for you and Maddie and my dad," Luke commented.

"I guess it helped that we were just bringing our own things," Noah chimed in. "We saved a lot of time by not wanting the furniture.

"Yeah, just the TV and the DVD player, and you and I both have Laptops so that saved time as well."

"You guys are not sitting here dissecting your move are you," Maddie teased. "You're such dorks."

"Watch it," James said laughing. "We may be recruiting them when and if we decide to move so be nice."

"Are you guys thinking about moving too?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, we're thinking about it."

"Our apartment doesn't have enough space for a baby," Maddie explained. "We have a few prospects but we haven't decided on anything yet. We've been looking for a month now."

"You didn't tell us you were looking," Noah accused playfully. "Can you believe that Luke. They have been holding out on us."

Luke smiled and shook his head. "I think it's great," he said raising his glass to James and Maddie. "We're all trying to start fresh. I have an idea though." He took a sip of his drink and placed a hand on Noah's knee as he looked around at his friends. "I think we should think about this past year, or I guess this past year and a half…and then come up with our resolutions. On New Year's Eve when you guys come over, we'll talk about them."

"That's not a bad idea, Hon," Noah said placing his arm around his husband. "We can make it a memory party. Each of us can share a story about our best memories together. I mean we've had some crazy times, the last six months notwithstanding."

Everyone laughed and James took a sip of his juice and put his glass on the table. "The last six months don't even count, since you two decided to disappear." He smiled. "Seriously though, I think that is a good idea. There have been some great times."

"Bright spots," Maddie nodded as she placed a hand on her belly. "I think we can do that."

"Specifically," Luke said as he snuggled closer to Noah, "Let's sum up the last two years, and talk about what we're thankful for. I know between the four of us there's a lot, and I can't think of better people to bring in 2009 with then you guys."

"Now who's the dork," Noah teased. James and Maddie laughed as Luke swatted at him.

"I'm serious, Noah!"

"I know, I know," Noah said laughing. "I'm just kidding. It's a good idea and I actually agree."

"I agree too, Luke," Maddie smiled. "It should be fun."

"We better get going sweetie," James said checking his watch.

"We have an appointment tonight," Maddie explained as she stood and James grabbed her coat.

"There's nothing wrong with the baby is there?" Luke asked concerned.

"No, just a checkup."

"We asked for night time appointments," James explained. "We'll come help you guys unpack if you want."

"Though next week some of us have to work." Maddie teased.

Luke and Noah stuck out their tongues almost simultaneously and burst out laughing. Maddie shook her head, a smile on her face as she joked about them being immature.

"Bye guys," James said as he followed Maddie out. Noah locked the door and leaned against it. There was so much to be done still. Boxes littered the floor and there were still sheets on some of the furniture but all in all this was their new home and he walked over to Luke who was looking around himself. He wrapped his arms around his husband and kissed him softly on the lips.

Luke's arms went up around his neck and he deepened the kiss wantonly.

"Alone at last," Noah muttered against his lips.

"Our first night in our new home," Luke sighed. "That seems so surreal. I can't believe we did this."

"You know what else I can't believe?" Noah asked, pressing his forehead against Luke's.

"What?"

"That we're still talking," Noah responded, swallowing Luke's giggles in his mouth. He lifted his husband into his arms and carried him to their bedroom kicking the door closed behind him.

The next few days flew by without much fanfare. As predicted Faith and Natalie found their way over to the house often, and for the most part Luke and Noah would put them to work. Faith had the task of putting books on the respective bookshelves with her brother's supervision, while Natalie helped Noah dust off everything and put the silverware away in the kitchen. Natalie handled the forks and the spoons, Noah handled the knives. They allowed both girls to help them decide which way to arrange the furniture, and on Tuesday the girls and Ethan joined them for a special movie day. They ordered pizza, popped popcorn and sang along to a few Disney movies.

Noah's favorite part of the evening was sitting on the couch watching his husband wrestle with Ethan, who was having a grand old time trying to tackle his big brother. He would swat with his little hand and Luke would tickle him until he screamed with glee for Luke to stop. Luke would release him, and start a conversation with Faith, only to be tackled by Ethan again minutes later. Natalie decided she wanted to join in the fun so she tackled Luke too. Luke tickled her easily and she squealed for Noah to come to the rescue.

Noah just laughed and watched from his seat on the couch. It was always fun to watch Luke with his siblings. He was so good with them, and they adored him. That was fairly obvious. He was also coming to realize that they loved him too. While the younger two played with Luke, Faith carried on a conversation with Noah about school and how she felt about certain things, including her mother's disappearance from the family. Noah just allowed her to talk. Luke had always said that Faith was quick to pick up on things. It was a shame that no one else seemed to realize that.

"Okay, guys time to go home," Luke said some time later. His cheeks were flushed from playing, and Ethan looked like he'd fall asleep right then and there. That didn't stop him from throwing a tantrum though.

"I wanna stay!" he pouted as he looked up at Luke. Pwease, can I stay with Luke and Noah? Pwease."

Luke looked at Noah who shrugged his shoulders. "It's okay as long as he goes home in the morning."

"We want to stay too, if Ethan stays." Natalie insisted.

"You don't want to leave dad all alone do you?" Luke asked a frown settling on his lips. "I wouldn't mind having you all here, but not on such short notice. And Faith, you know I'm counting on you to keep an eye on Dad for me."

"I know," Faith said resigned to the fact that they couldn't stay. "Noah can you walk us back to the house?"

"Sure." Noah kissed Luke quickly and told him he'd return shortly. Faith and Natalie hugged their brother before each of them grabbed one of Noah's hands; and they were off to the farm. Luke picked up his little brother and placed their heads together for a moment.

"What am I going to do with you, munchkin?"

"Wuve me," Ethan said a big grin on his face.

Luke laughed. "Definitely that." He kissed his brother's cheek and placed him on the floor. Ethan was picking up toys here and there, when Noah returned.

"Dad said its okay it Ethan stays but we can feel free to send him home if he starts causing trouble."

"NO trouble," Ethan insisted, burying his head in Luke's shoulder.

"Well then, little guy it's time for you to go to bed okay?" Luke said carrying him toward the guest room. He tucked his brother into bed and sat with him until he fell fast asleep.

"It's time for you to go to sleep too," Noah said as Luke came out of the room. "You look exhausted."

Luke smiled and they retired to their room and prepared for bed. They were in bed talking softly when they saw their door move slightly and a little head peeked around the corner. "Can I sweep in here?" Ethan asked even as he came further into the room.

"Come on little guy," Noah said laughing. Luke held open his arms and Ethan came bounding into them. Soon he was situated between Luke and Noah and he quickly slipped into a comfortable sleep. Noah smiled at Luke, and gave him a soft kiss good night. "Good Night, Love."

"Good night," Luke said softly. They shared another kiss, and kissed Ethan's forehead before settling down into bed, simultaneously they placed their arms around Little Ethan. Their fingers touched, and their eyes closed as they escaped into dreamland.

"Okay so who's going to start?" Luke asked as he settled on the couch beside Noah. It was New Year's Eve and as planned the four friends had gathered together to reminisce about the past eighteen months. They had plenty of food and hot chocolate, and there was sparkling cider to toast the New Year. Ethan had been around for the majority of the day, and even Maddie and James got to spend some time with him before Luke flew him home to the farm with promises of more fun and sleepovers in the near future. Now he rested his head on Noah's shoulder and waited for someone to answer his question.

"Well I guess we can go in alphabetical order," Noah suggested, 'Which means, you get to start, Mads."

"Oh that is so unfair," Maddie laughed as she snatched a mini pizza off the table.

"Ladies first, Maddie," James and Luke commented at the same moment.

Noah smiled and picked up a pig in blanket and brought it to Luke's lips for him to take a bite. He finished it off and pointed at their friend. "You'll always be first because you're our best girl."

"You're full of it, Mayer," Maddie laughed. "But okay, I guess I can start us off. You wanted us to figure out what we're thankful for," she said her words directed at her best friend. "So I've been thinking about it, and I'm most thankful for my brother, because he's' put up with so much with me; I wouldn't even still be in Oakdale if not for Henry taking me in when he did. I would have never gotten to know you at all, Luke. Your friendship means the world to me. I can't understand how you put up with my neurosis, but you do. And as crazy as last year was, 2008 was even more so, but I think we got through that because of these amazing guys right here. It doesn't get any better than that."

A smile crossed Luke's lips as James wrapped Maddie in his arms and kissed her softly on the cheek. Noah rested his chin in Luke's hair and Luke smiled up at him for a moment before focusing on their friends again. "If you had to pick one moment, Mads, that defined our time together; the four of us…when would that be and why?"

Maddie's expression was reflective as she mulled over the question. Her eyes were focused on Luke and Noah, as she relaxed against James. It was amazing to her, just how well her two friends fit together. They complimented each other; a perfect mixture of light and dark, a gentle coming together of two souls and a bond that had withstood so many tests in such a short amount of time. She loved these guys, just as she loved the husband who sat beside her. The three of them were her security. They were her rocks.

"A defining moment," she said thoughtfully. "Well it kinda coincides with something bittersweet, but I think the moment it struck most for me was in James' hospital room, after the mugging." They were all silent as they recalled that fateful day. it had been Luke and James' birthday and they had been out with Noah to celebrate. "You were sitting between Luke and Noah," she said pulling their minds back to the present. "and I came and joined you guys on the bed…and we formed a circle. There was just so much love in that room. We linked hands, and then shared a group hug and it just seemed right. I had had moments before when I thought our friendship, no matter how peculiar its beginnings was special, but that it just …I just knew that no matter what we would be doing everything together. And as sentimental as this is going to sound, I think we were brought together for a reason and I couldn't ask for a better circle of friends."

"I wish Gwen and Will were here," Luke sighed. "I still can't believe they decided to move away, just like that. Noah and I stopped by on Christmas Eve before we went to the farm and they were packing up. Oakdale won't be the same without those two."

"Just like it wasn't the same without you two, for six months," James commented matter-of-factly. "I'd have to say that I'm most thankful for you guys, probably most especially Luke."

Luke detangled himself from Noah and they both sat up to take a drink as they listened to what James had to say.

"Why is that, James?"Noah asked, a smile playing on his lips.

"Well, as my dad will tell you, I didn't have many friends growing up. I shied away from people, because I was used to being alone. In my experiences, potential friends wrote you off if they knew that you were sick, and that you were different. I couldn't go to all the sleepovers or hang outs…and then add in the fact that my mother left me, I guess you could say I was a fucked up kid. But I've said this before," James continued, locking gazes with Luke. "I feel very honored to have met a guy like you, Luke. You are one of a kind, and I know I'm embarrassing you, but since you asked the question you're going to get my answer."

Luke laughed and bit his lip to keep his emotions in check. Noah placed a hand on his shoulder and they focused on James.

"For the longest time," James continued, "My dad has been the only person who could reach me. He was the one who knew just what to say and what to do when I was in a funk. "He was the only one, until one September day when you spoke up in Psych class and I got this feeling that someone understood me. And it may have taken a few months for us to really cultivate a friendship, but I must say that it's the best few months I've ever spent. And that's not even to mention the fact that you convinced me to go out on a blind date, which led me to meeting this terrific girl." He took Maddie's hand and smiled at her lovingly. "And let's not forget," he said a moment later, "That you were there for me during my darkest hour. You and Noah are truly like brothers to me, and that's what I'm thankful for the most. For your acceptance and your love."

"Same question for you, James," Noah spoke up softly. "Do you have a defining memory?"

"Well I think for me that moment came that day back in February when Maddie and I came to help you guys after what happened. It was on that day that I realized that it wasn't just Luke that I cared about. You are just as important to me, Noah, and that particular day cinched it for me."

"I guess that means it's my turn," Noah said smiling even as he ducke3d away from James' praise. "Gosh, um what am I supposed to say to that?" Everyone laughed at him and Luke gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Just say what you're feeling, love. There's no right or wrong answer here."

Noah squeezed his hand and smiled as Maddie reached out to pick up another pig in blanket from the tray. "I think I have to follow everyone else's lead here and say that I'm most thankful for Luke. But I guess I can't say that without saying that I'm grateful to you as well, Mads for your friendship and your understanding. IT would have been too easy for you and for James to have written me off without a thought, but you didn't. and I will never forget that for a long time. But back to you," He said smiling at Luke adoringly. "When I came to Oakdale I was so deep in the closet that I had myself convinced that I was straight. It was a necessary lie at the time, but you made it almost impossible to keep. You taught me a lot about love, and family and you shared yours with me without even a thought. Thanks to you I have sisters and brothers , and a dad who really cares about what happens to me. And most importantly I have you. You have shown me what it means to be loved and accepted for who I am. You've stood by me through so much and I just want you to know that you most definitely are my heart and my soul and without you I just know I'd be lost."

"And your defining moment?" Luke asked softly.

"Well we've had a lot of those," Noah responded. "What was nice about my memory returning was that I could recall our meeting, the way we all became four, and it was very interesting to reflect on everything. And it's crazy to think that one some levels I only really got to know all of you for a few short months…just this year. I felt like I was coming into something that was already pretty great. You, Maddie and James had this thing…this connection that you welcomed me into and I felt honored to be included. But my favorite memory has to be the four of us at our wedding. Not even just the ceremony which was beautiful and perfect. The reception, and listening to the toasts and being reminded that we were four…that was it for me, and I'm glad I got…that we got," he said squeezing Luke's hand, "to share that day and that moment with the two of you. That was perfection."

'You are not allowed to say you aren't good with words anymore," Luke insisted as he leaned in to kiss his husband. "Sometimes you really know how to overwhelm me, Noah and right now is no exception to that. So I guess its my turn to play this little game." Everyone nodded and Noah stole a kiss before Luke was able to continue.

"When I first thought of this idea, I had no idea that you guys were going to turn it into let's praise Luke day, but I appreciate it…and I more than adore all of you. So let me start with what and whom I am thankful for." He stopped to grab his glass from the table, taking a long sip of his drink before he felt ready to talk. "First of all, I'm thankful for my Dad and my grandma Lucinda. They have been my guideposts through the hard times, and believe me there have been a lot of those. They are big reasons why I am the man I am today…and I don't think I need to say how much I love them. And I probably don't need to tell you guys how much I love you either, but that seems to be what the theme of the evening is."

Noah wrapped his arm around Luke and held him there, his eyes glancing at the clock. According to the clock there were forty-five minutes left in the year and he kissed the top of Luke's head, thinking it was wonderful that this year they would ring the New Year in together.

"Maddie," Luke continued, a smile crossing his lips. "Like Noah said you could have written me off a long time ago as well. But you were one of the few friends I had left in high school. You didn't turn your back on me, and in fact loved me for being just who I was. Your encouragement means so much to me, and I'm thankful that I have you in my life. And I'm grateful that last summer didn't tarnish that, because I'd truly be lost without you. And James," he said his voice already thick with emotion as he spoke, "what can I say about you? You are the one who helped me cope when Noah was out of reach. You are the one who convinced me to fight when I was ready to give up. I already have brothers…but there was definitely room in my heart for one more, and I'm glad it's you. Thanks for always being there when I called, or when I freaked out and randomly showed up at your dad's office. And more importantly I guess, thanks for letting me in…for allowing me to be there for you like you were for me."

James grinned and reached out to squeeze Luke's free hand. A silent thank you passed between them and Luke smiled warmly. He adored this guy so much; he couldn't imagine not having James in his world.

"And as for you," Luke said letting go of James to turn his attention completely on his husband. "is it any wonder that I am especially thankful for you walking into my life. That I treasure every day that I get to spend in your arms, and that I love the friendship we cultivated so well that it became this amazing thing. I think it's called love, Noah, but I seriously don't think that describes what I feel for you. I mean you saved my life, both literally and figuratively. The best thing I think I can thank you for is the opportunity to fall in love with you all over again. Thank you for being patient with me and for just…just being you, my safe haven, even when it would have been easy for you to just give up. I'm glad you didn't. And with that said, I guess you want my defining moment…the moment that sealed our friendship for me. It wasn't just one thing, its been everything. From the first dinner party, to the moments when we sat in my hospital room after I woke up. I just can't imagine not being friends with you guys, so," He shrugged and ducked his head shyly. "I guess that's that."

"You are too adorable my love," Noah said kissing him softly on the lips. "We have just enough time to do our resolutions before we say good bye to 2008. "Do you want to start?"

"Well," Luke said thoughtfully, "even with everything I've gone through this year, I still have a lot of unresolved issues to deal with. So my resolution is to deal with my baggage so that Noah and I can have some peace in our second year of marriage. What about you, Maddie?"

"Well, I resolve to learn as much as I can before the baby comes. So that I can be a good mother to him or her."

"And I will work on opening up more," James added. "Now that I've started letting people into my heart, I will try not to close myself off anymore."

"Those are all good," Noah said biting his lip. "I think mine will surprise you…but I want to find out more about my family. I want to resolve that part of my life so that I can focus on what's really important…my life with you," He said his final words for Luke's ears only and they shared another kiss as James prepared the glasses to toast the new year.

"I think those are all great," James said, sharing one last kiss with Maddie before picking up his glass. Luke and Noah picked theirs up as well, and Maddie turned on the television. There was just one more minute left in the year and Luke heard his friends counting down along with Dick Clark. 2008 had been quite the year but he was more than ready to see it go. He linked arms with Noah as James held Maddie's hand. "Ten, nine eight, sever..five for three…two…onw."

"Happy New Year!" They said all together, clinking their glasses and taking a sip before giving in to New Year's kisses. Aud Lang Syne could be heard in the background and Luke smiled as Noah started to sing along with the song.

"Happy new year Noah," he whispered as Noah wrapped him in his arms.

"Happy New Year Luke…I love you."


	4. Mothers

For the longest time he just laid there watching his husband move around the room. He was propped up on his elbow watching him dry his hair and look for something to wear at the same time. It was interesting to watch the routine. He had missed it, Noah getting ready for work in the morning, rushing, trying to make sure he didn't forget anything.

Usually, he was up too, in the kitchen preparing breakfast before he hopped in the shower himself. He wished he could be as ready as Noah was to get back to work…but today he wasn't feeling it. He couldn't even begin to explain why he felt this way…he just did. He wondered if he should just call in sick, or persuade Noah to stay home with him for just one more day.

"Luke," Noah said pulling him back to the present. "Why aren't you up, baby? You know we have to be at the studio in an hour."

"I don't know, Noah," He said sitting up in bed. "I'm not in the mood to go in today."

"Are you sick," Noah asked coming over to feel Luke's forehead. "You don't have a fever," he frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I just…I don't know, I don't feel like going in today is all."

"We have to go in, Luke," Noah's voice was gentle as he stroked Luke's cheek. "We've already been out for a very long time…we're very lucky that Katie was holding our jobs for us. "Come on, I'm sorry you don't feel well, but you might feel better once we get in there. I know you don't' want our vacation to end, but it's time to get back into the real world."

Luke's frown deepened but he listened to Noah and got out of bed to get ready. He didn't know how to explain it to his husband. How did he tell him that it wasn't that exactly? He knew they had to go back to work…he was ready to get back to their lives; that was all he wanted to do. It was just that WOAK was part of the "issues" he wanted to…needed to face. He just didn't know if he was ready to do it, but for Noah he would try.

He wondered, as he worked, if he could change the room around. Maybe just rearrange the furniture a bit, make it look different from how it had looked that day. Maybe he could push the file cabinet over there…right to the spot…well that wouldn't make sense; he'd still have to stand there. As it was he wished he could just not work in that office at all. He even toyed with the thought of asking Kim if he could switch offices, but he didn't' want to appear weak. He closed his eyes and sighed. It was better not to think about it. He just needed to do his job, there was no reason whatsoever why he couldn't do this.

Except that his eyes were drawn to that spot. For some reason this was harder than it had been coming back in March. If they changed the room around…the shelves and the desk could be strategically placed just so. And the filing cabinets could move too…over there, away from that one place. It could be done, he could convince Noah and Maddie that they needed a change.

It was good to be back to work. He could admit that much. He was categorizing video tapes; it was a simple enough task. Katie wanted him to write a new script for Noah, and he could do that too. Now that Noah was well, he was going to be given more directorial duties. His presentation…the one from Thanksgiving 2007, had gone well, but with everything that happened afterward…decisions had to be made, things had to be postponed. Luke was proud of Noah, he deserved this chance. He was going to make that blockbuster movie one day…he would bring back the classic movie style he adored so much. And Luke would help him do that…things were finally falling into place it was good, things were going great.

Every sound made him jump. Every shadow, every footstep…he felt like he was being watched and it made him angry. This was supposed to be over…it had been exactly what he was afraid of. The chair scraped the floor with a screech as he stood and started walking around the office. He felt agitated, and he wished he could give James a call. He wanted to…needed to talk to someone before he went insane. He wished Noah was there but he wasn't because he was working on a project for Katie, and he wouldn't be back around for at least another hour…at least. Maddie was nowhere to be found either…she was…she was somewhere and he knew what she would say. She would tell him to relax and he was trying.

He was trying.

The filing cabinet, the one that held the outline Katie wanted him to follow..it was over there, by the spot…it was calling to him again. Taunting, teasing…why was he here? He took a deep breath and approached the cabinet. There was nothing to fear. All he had to do was open the drawer, and search for the correct file. This wasn't rocket science…it was his job and that damn spot was just that a spot on the floor that had been swept over and mopped over again and again. It wasn't the same it was not the same.

A hand touched his shoulder and he jumped and whirled around, ready to strike out if need be. He came face to face with an intern who stepped back uncertainly. Luke ran a hand through his hair and tried to calm his heart. He swallowed and found his calm voice…he was almost surprised at how calm he was.

"What…what do you want?"

"Katie wanted me to give you this paperwork. Are you okay," the intern asked coming closer to put a hand on Luke's arm.

"Don't touch me," Luke yelled backing away until he hit the chair. Just put the papers on the table and leave."

"Are you sure you're okay? Here let me help you."

"NO!" Luke screamed. "No…just put it down and get out of here. Just get out of here please. Just go!"

The intern turned away ready to flee, and Luke collapsed into a chair and tried to catch his breath. He put his head down on the table, trying desperately to stop the trembling. He could hear the intern talking to someone, and he looked up, sitting back in the chair. He was still trying to catch his breath when he saw Noah in the doorway.

"You don't want to mess with that guy," The intern was saying as he gestured back to Luke.

"What did you do to him?" Noah asked, his eyes locking with Luke's for a moment before he focused on the intern again.

"I didn't do anything to him. I was just doing my job when he attacked me," the intern complained. "I'm going to report him to Ms. Perretti."

"You will do no such thing," Noah snapped, making Luke's heartbeat jump yet again. god he hated being this scared. "Just get out of here. I can handle him."

"I don't know, you may be tall but that guy is fierce."

"Just go!"

Luke watched the intern scurry away and he covered his face with his hands as Noah made his way over to the table. He heard the chair scrape against the floor and he knew the moment Noah was looking at him. He lowered his hands and looked into the sapphire eyes of his husband, but neither of them said a word for a long time. He breathed in deep, trying against hope to calm his fears. His composure was slowly coming back…and he could reach out and touch his sense of calm. The shaking lessened considerably and he swallowed. He just didn't want to be here.

"I…I can't do this…not here."

"That's okay," Noah assured him. "We can talk about it when we get home tonight. You don't have to say anything now."

Luke shook his head. Noah didn't get it. He needed to explain. "No, Noah. I can't do this," he said emphasizing his words. "I can't work here."

"What happened?" Noah said frowning.

"It's just too much," Noah tried to explain. Too many memories, too much pressure…I don't want to take my pain out on others. It's just best for everyone if I leave."

Silence was his response and he could feel his heart pounding against his chest. It was nerve-racking, though he knew his husband well enough to know that he wouldn't let im down. He was counting on Noah to understand…he needed him to. He also knew that if Noah asked him to stay, he would try…he just wouldn't like it, but for Noah he would do it.

"Okay then," Noah said finally. "Then we leave."

"You're sure," Luke asked sounding much like a kid asking if there were no more cookies in the cookie jar. "I know this job is important to you."

"You're more important," Noah said his hand touching Luke's cheek, "then this job…or any job for that matter. I'm not letting you go anywhere without me, never again."

"Thank you," Luke said softly, taking a hold of Noah's hands. Noah lifted Luke's hands to his lips and kissed them both before focusing on his brown eyes again.

"You don't have to thank me, Luke. Your happiness is paramount. Now do we need to draft a resignation letter?"

Luke nodded, pulling his hands away to look for a pad of paper and a pen. He could feel Noah's eyes on him as he crafted a letter for himself and then gave it to Noah to type. While Noah did that he drafted a letter for Noah as well, explaining that effective immediately they would be leaving their positions. He felt slightly guilty for doing this, but he knew it needed to be done. He just couldn't stay here; in this place…the taint was too strong.

They told Maddie their plan, and she was sad to hear it. She understood why they needed to go, and she hugged Luke when he explained what happened in the office. WOAK wouldn't be the same without them, but Maddie knew it was for the best. She would be taking off herself after a time…especially when the due date for her precious little one was near. Then she'd decide what she wanted to do, but until then it would definitely be lonely without her guys to keep her company.

They stood in front of Lily as she read the letters. She seemed to be taking a long time to decipher them. Either she didn't believe the words she was reading, or she wanted to ingrain them into her memory. Either way Luke was getting fidgety, and he wished she would just hurry up and finish. Finally after what seemed like hours she put the papers down and looked at them. The look in her eyes made Luke frown, and he reached out subconsciously for Noah's hand. As soon as their fingers touched he felt better, and he waited to see what his mother would say.

"Just who do you think you are," she asked," her voice sounding icy and flippant. It certainly didn't sound like the mother he had known all his life…but then he already felt like he didn't know her anymore. "Just because you're my son doesn't give you the right to disrupt my business."

"That's not what I'm…"

"And how dare you give me no time to replace you," she interrupted. If this was the kind of game you were going to pull I don't know why you decided to come back."

"That wasn't our intention…"

"Luke you don't know what your intentions are. I'm tired of this, honey. I keep seeing you make wrong choice after wrong choice."

"Alright, Lily that's enough," Noah stopped her torrent of words. "Just shut up for a minute and listen to your son. Maybe if you had done more of that we wouldn't be standing here right now."

"Are you accusing me of something, Noah?"

"If the shoe fits."

"Mother, please," Luke said before she could respond to Noah's quip. "Look, I didn't mean to make this so difficult but I just can't do it anymore. I can't work here. I have to leave."

"This is about the blackmailing thing isn't it?" Lily asked exasperated. 'You're still mad about that."

"No, Mother…"

"I have tried apologizing for that, Luke," she interrupted. "You shouldn't hold that over my head. and this is certainly a very irresponsible thing to do. Backing out of a job over something nonsensical and petty."

"Alright that's enough," Noah snapped pulling Luke toward the door. "We're out of here."

"I am so, done," Luke snapped as he went along with Noah.

"Don't you dare walk out that door until you give me an explanation," Lily demanded. "I am not going to let your mistakes make me look bad Luke."

"What did you just say," Luke said turning to face her once more. Noah was right beside him trying to hold him back, but Luke was livid.

"Luke, baby, calm down," Noah tried to soothe. He put his hands on Luke's shoulders and began kneading the tense muscles he found there. Luke pulled forward, out of his grasp.

"Don't you dare take that tone with me, young man. I am still your mother, and you have no right blaming me for the root of your problems. Everything that happened to you with Randy, you brought on yourself and it's about time you took responsibility for your actions."

"No Mother, you need to take responsibility!" Luke raged, his fists clenched as he faced Lily. All the pain, and the hurt he had been feeling rose to the forefront, and his body shook with the power as he stared her down. Everything isn't about YOU, mother. Contrary to popular belief everything in my life does not revolve around you, and my decisions don't have anything to do with you. This is about me, and how I feel. I am not comfortable here. I don't like being here in this building, or even in this room, and I hate…" he stopped, his voice cracking. He cursed himself for allowing his emotions to show at this moment. He felt Noah's hand on his arm but he pulled away from him and wiped at his eyes.

"I hate you," Luke said focusing on his mother again. "I…hate you so much that it makes my heart hurt."

"You don't mean that," Lily said looking like she was about to cry herself.

"Yes, I do," Luke cried. "Don't tell me what I mean and what I don't mean because you don't know me!"

"Luke," Noah said trying once again to get a hold of his husband, but to no avail.

"NO, Noah…she needs to hear this. She needs to know just what she did, and why it hurt so much. If she wants to make it about her…I can make it about her."

"Luke you're not being reasonable," Lily insisted. "Lower your voice this instant."

"Why?" Luke asked. "Are you afraid of everyone finding out just how bad a mother you really are? Are you ashamed of how many times you have left me? Do you not want them to know how many times I took you back because I loved you…and yet you would just do it again and again? You made promises and I believed them…each and every time I believed you. But no more mother, no more."

"Will you control your husband," she screamed at Noah. "Did you put him up to this."

"I think you need to listen to him," Noah said as calmly as he could. Luke knew those blue eyes were on him, watching him and he wanted to calm down, but the minute she accused him of causing his own pain something inside him snapped and he felt like he needed to get this off his chest once and for all.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't sit back and let you make everything about you. You call me selfish, and you tell me that I need to take responsibility for my mistakes, but it's you who needs to do that. You need to step back and take a look at the mess you've created. And you need to look at your children and see how much they have suffered, how much I have suffered because you didn't care enough."

"I do care, Luke. and if you sit down we can talk about this rationally." She reached out to touch him, but stepped back when his hand raised up in the air.

"Don't touch me," he said even as he felt a hand on his arm and another pair of arms around his waist..

"Baby, you need to stop," Noah whispered in his ear. "You need to stop before you do something you're going to regret.

He heard Noah's words and he looked to his side to see that James was the one holding his arm. His dad was there as well, he saw him out of the corner of his eye. The older man was talking angrily to Lily, and Luke tried to regain his control. He couldn't believe he had almost hit her.

"My god," he said, taking a deep breath, steadying himself as he leaned against Noah. His husband ran his fingers through his hair and that soothed him a bit. "you can let me go now, Noah. I'll be okay"

"You sure?" Noah asked.

"Yes…and you too James. There's something I need to say to my mother."

He could tell that James was reluctant but he let him go, and Noah backed away. Holden was glaring daggers at Lily but he turned as his son approached and he pulled him into a hug. Luke welcomed the embrace, and for a moment he buried his head in his father's neck, something he used to do often when he was a little child.

"You okay?" Holden asked, pulling away to place his hands on his son's face. Luke nodded, biting his lip and trying to blink back the tears.

"I need to talk to her, and then I'm done."

"Okay, we'll be outside if you need us," Holden said gesturing for Noah and James to follow him. Luke was grateful that they understood he needed to do this on his own.

His back was too her, as he watched the three men he loved talking outside. He could only guess what they were talking about, he was sure it was about him. Their words weren't important now, their presence was. he loved them more than anything, and he was grateful that they were there for him…that they were on his side. it was a comfort to know that when he left this room warmth would be waiting for him. The thought of cold caused him to wrap his arms around himself, his coat suddenly not insulated enough. He had a lot to say to the woman behind him…he just didn't know where to start. The silence…it was getting to him.

He loathed the quiet.

"You never made it easy," he said his voice trembling slightly, "to love you. In fact you always made it pretty difficult. But I did love you, in every way that a son could love a mother.

"Luke…" 

"I believed you," he said turning to face her. "I believed you when you said you weren't leaving me. When you and Dad had your arguments, and your fights…and the divorces. I believed you when you said you'd be back, and that you loved me but you had to go away for just a little while. You and Dad weren't getting along and you said he wanted you to go."

"Luke, sweetie I meant all of that, honey. I haven't left you."

"Do you know what it's like?" Luke asked. "Being four years old, waking up in the middle of the night calling for someone who isn't there? Do you know what it feels like to hear your father tell you that mommy's gone, but I will call her in the morning and tell her that you miss her? Or do you know the excitement that comes into your heart every time your parents tell you they'll get back together, and that's all you wanted to hear, because you love them. And you want them to be together."

"I don't think I know what you're getting at, Son."

"You always left," Luke said pointedly. "You were always gone, and sometimes it seemed like you were away so much more than you were there. Yet I loved you and I believed you when you said it wouldn't happen again. But you kept doing it mom. You kept leaving. "

"Your father left," Lily defended. "Why aren't you mad at him."

"Don't do that," Luke shook his head. "Don't turn this into a battle between you and him. It's not about that. Dad did leave; you're right, but he told us he was leaving. And that made me mad, and I did some stupid things…but he told us the truth. You…you sugarcoated, tried to make things out to be simple and uncomplicated…you tried to make yourself look better but you failed. You failed and I still believed you. I trusted you, Mom. I trusted that no matter what, someway somehow you would always be there for me. You proved me wrong though, so wrong and I just can't take it anymore. "

"I do care about you, Luke. You're my son I love you."

"Stop saying that," Luke cried. "Stop saying words you don't mean. And I know you don't mean them because you have proven just the opposite, I was just too stupid to see it."

"It's the truth," Lily said softly.

"Then where was that love when I needed you? Where was that understanding when I needed your support? Where was it then?"

"Are we talking about you coming out?" Lily asked. "Honey that was three years ago, are you still upset about how I reacted at first. I thought we were past that?"

"I'm talking about the last fourteen months mother. The last fourteen months of my life have been a mixture of heaven and hell. But you wouldn't know that, because you n ever took the time to find out how I was doing. You didn't even have the decency to pick up the phone and call me back to find out what was going on. Your life was more important…and I realized that the moment Dad told me you were having an affair. The moment he told me when it started I realized you always put yourself first."

"That's not true and it's not fair," Lily charged. "Your father doesn't know what he's talking about."

"No mother, you don't know what you're talking about. and you want to talk about fair? My husband was lying in a coma for six weeks, six weeks mother and you weren't there. I needed you to tell me that everything was going to be okay. I needed your encouragement to hang in there."

You had your father and your friends."

"But I DIDN"T HAVE YOU!" he yelled, each word pronounced so make his point. "I didn't have you, and you were who I needed. And instead of being there for me, you were with your lover. Do you know how that makes me feel? To know that you chose someone else over your family? Is Dusty really more important? Is it worth it?"

"I'm not even going to answer that," Lily shook her head. "If you don't mind Luke I have to get back to work."

Luke laughed bitterly. "You don't have to answer that, mother. Your answer was very clear the moment you bailed Randy out of jail. The moment you took the stand and swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but…and you lied to protect your lover. You chose your side, and that broke my heart. Just listening to you say all those things about me, the son you claim to love. That you could really believe that I could do something that horrendous. That hurt, Mother. It hurt far more than even what Randy did…and I don't think I can ever forgive you for that."

"What are you saying Luke." Lily said sounding scared for the first time since the conversation started.

"You need to take a step back and take a long hard look at your life and the choices you make. You need to do it now…before you lose another kid."

"Luke no…I love you."

"Maybe you do…but I don't love you. I can't not anymore. I need to focus on me, and my life. I need to be able to function for my husband, and my sisters, my brothers…my godson, for grandma and for dad and all my friends. They love me, and they want me to be okay, and that's why I can't work here. Noah and I are leaving and we're not looking back. And from this day forward you no longer have a son."

Maddie was with them when he exited the room, and she approached him first, wrapping her arms around his waist, her head resting on his chest. He hugged her back, and let his chin rest in her hair as he looked at his dad, Noah and James who had worried expressions on their faces. He pulled away from her after a moment and reached for his husband's hand. Noah came forward to take it and looked at him questioningly.

"I want to go home." It was all he said and Noah nodded, letting go to wrap his arm around him. Silently they walked out, with the others following close behind. He didn't even look back…all the good memories of working at WoAK were where he needed them to be; in his heart. His journey to Noah had started there, and it wouldn't end just because he left the building. IT was part of his past now and he needed to focus on his future.

"Seriously?" Maddie asked as James handed her a glass of milk. He settled down beside her and placed his arm on the back of the couch. They were home now, having decided to take the rest of the day off from work. James was filling Maddie in on what happened once he and Mr. Snyder had arrived on the scene. "He almost hit her?"

"He would have," James sighed. "He was that close, Maddie. If I hadn't of gotten there when I did…"

"God poor Luke," Maddie frowned. "I didn't realize he was that angry. He's not the type to hit someone…he wouldn't even punch out Jade and she deserved it half the time."

James shook his head choosing to ignore his wife's jab at Luke's cousin. "She hurt him a lot, but I know he would have regretted it if he had actually hit her. He's not necessarily a violent guy."

"No, not Luke," Maddie agreed. "Do you think he'll be okay?"

"Yeah. He will be fine now that he has gotten all of that off his chest. What happened anyway? I mewn what brought all of that on?"

"I'm not too sure," Maddie shook her head. "I'm sure he'll tell you if you ask him. All I know is that they resigned and they went to give her a resignation letter. And the next thing I know Luke is screaming at the top of his lungs. And that's when I called you and Mr. Snyder."

"They quit?" James asked, a frown crossing his lips. "Did they say why they were doing that? Did Luke seem okay?"

"He was pretty frazzled, but they didn't explain. I think Noah was being protective…he told me to just trust them, so I am."

"Something must have happened," James said softly. His expression was thoughtful as he idly played with Maddie's hair. "And they didn't say anything?"

"No…why what's wrong James?"

"Well think about it. They resigned, which means they're not going back to WOAK. Are they still working in the same office?"

Maddie's mouth opened wide as she realized what James was saying. "Oh," she frowned instead of answering his question.

"I'm going to give him a call," James said reaching for the phone just as there was a knock on the door. Can you get that?" he asked as he grabbed the phone and headed for the kitchen.

Maddie watched him go before placing her glass of milk down on the table. She stood and walked to the door. She was more than a little surprised to see a small boy, who looked to be about ten years old, standing in front of her. His eyes were green and more than a little familiar, which was odd seeing as she had never seen this kid before in her life. He looked at her nervously, a flicker of uncertainty in those emerald orbs.

"Hi there," she said, a smile crossing her face. "May I help you?"

"Does Jimmy live here?" the little boy asked.

"Honey who's at the door," James asked coming into the living room." Before Maddie could respond the kid ran past her and into James unsuspecting arms.

"Thank god I finally found you," the little boy said holding on to James tight. James patted the boy on the back and looked at Maddie who shrugged her shoulders and closed the door.

"So you ran away from home?" James asked as Maddie sat a plate of cookies in front of their guest. He had already guzzled down his first glass of milk, and Maddie picked up the glass to refill it before taking a seat herself.

"I had to," he insisted as eh munched on a cookie. My father is not a nice guy at all, and I just couldn't take it anymore. Mom always let him have his way with me and then she would yell too. And sometimes when she yelled she called me Jimmy."

James frowned. he wasn't sure he understood any of this, but he was willing to listen. "So she got you confused with me?" he asked, swiping a cookie from the plate and breaking it in half before taking a bite.

"That was normal, " The kid said pointedly. "She mentioned you a lot, always talked about my wonderful big brother. But she would never tell me where to find you."

"How old are you?" Maddie asked curiously, and what's your name."

"I'll be twelve in June," he replied swallowing down his cookie with some milk. "My name is Robert, but most people call me Robbie. My dad calls me Bob but I don't like that at all."

"Robert is my middle name," James said sadly. 

"I know," Robbie said proudly. "I'm named after you."

"Yeah?" James asked bewildered. He was trying to make sense of all this. He had a brother? His mom had given birth to another human being…just a year after leaving him. if that didn't say she left because of him, he didn't know what did. He frowned and pushed those thoughts away. The timeline wasn't important right now. What was important was that this kid…his brother was sitting in his kitchen munching on cookies and drinking milk. This kid…Robbie had sought him out. HE wondered if she had any idea…

"Yep and Mom has pictures of you," Robbie said pulling James out of his thoughts.

"Pictures?" Maddie asked.. Robbie nodded and took another sip of his milk, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before continuing.

"She has pictures of you winning some science award and your high school pictures. There's one of you in your cap and gown too for graduation. She said she was so proud of you. Are you okay?"

James face was pale, and Maddie reached out to touch his wrist as he flexed his fingers in and out of fist form. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He was not going to get mad, not now…not while Robbie was sitting there looking at him with concern in those eyes so much like his own. No this wasn't Robbie's fault…not in the least.

"Jimmy?" Robbie asked. "Did I I say something wrong?"

"No," James said shaking his head. "I'm just a little shocked that's all. I mean I haven't seen mom in twelve years…" He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "It's just weird to know she apparently has pictures of me."

"Well she was here seven months ago," Robbie said confused. "I found the ticket stub for her flight in the mess drawer. That was how I knew where to find you."

"She was here, last June?" James said looking at Maddie as eh spoke.

"Yeah, she missed my birthday and everything. She insisted she had to be here on June 1st, and that's my birthday. She missed my first little league game which was the day before and we won't even talk about the week of May 16th."

"What about it?" Maddie asked, sensing that her husband was about ready to lose it."

"She was here…or I am guessing that she was here. She was gone for a while and left me with my dad. That wasn't pretty believe me. I swear Mom's a flake."

"Excuse me," James said getting up from the table. Maddie and Robbie watched him leave the room, dialing a number as he went.

"Was it something I said," Robbie asked frowning after him. "I didn't upset him did i?"

"How about some more cookies," Maddie said after a moment's pause. As she filled the plate with Oreos her eyes ventured to the door, a worried expression on her face as she thought about James.

"Dad," James said as soon as his father answered the phone.

"James is something wrong?" George asked concern clear in his voice. "Are you alright?"

"No…" James bit his lip. "Look, dad I need to ask you something and I need you to be completely honest with me. Okay? It's important"

"James, what's wrong?"

James closed his eyes preparing himself for the worst. "Have you been in contact with her? With Mom?"

"Do you want something to eat?" Noah asked him as he handed him the glass of juice. "You didn't eat any lunch…I'll make you something. What do you want? Chicken? Seafood? We have left over lasagna in there too if you want some of that?" Luke looked at him for a moment, not saying a word in answer to his question. "Okay, great," Noah said, turning to head to the kitchen. "Lasagna it is . I'll be right back,"

"Okay here's the lasagna," Luke looked up as Noah appeared with food in his hands and he tried to smile. Tried being the operative word. "What's wrong," Noah asked placing the food on the table. he sat beside Luke and wrapped his arms around him even as Luke tried to protest.

"Nothing, it's okay. I'm okay," He tried again to smile as Noah ran his fingers through his thick hair. I'm fine, Noah."

"I know," Noah said as he continued to soothe him.

"I…I don't care about that anymore. It's just not important."

"Okay." Noah kissed the top of Luke's forehead as he moved his hand to the small of Luke's back. He started rubbing in soothing circles, trying to ease Luke's tense body.

"I had to do it," Luke's voice was barely a whisper and Noah didn't answer him this time…but that was fine. With those strong arms wrapped around him Luke finally allowed himself to let go. He clung to Noah, taking deep breaths as if to temper off the sobs that threatened to surface.

"You aren't being judged, Luke," Noah whispered. "There is no jury here…just me, its just us."

One final shake, like an earthquake on its last legs; the movement was followed by aftershocks and then it came. The sobs he had been holding at bay erupted and he didn't know how to stop them…or if he could.

"I'm sorry."

Noah looked up from his reheated food and frowned at his husband. "For what?" he asked.

"Acting like such a big baby," Luke said picking at his lasagna. Noah had reheated it again, and he was going to try to eat it for that reason alone. Otherwise he truly had lost his appetite. Crying did nothing for the appetite. "I'm sorry I was ignoring you, I just…it just hit me what I did and I…I'm sorry."

"Honey," Noah reached out to touch his cheek. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Getting it out is so much better than keeping it all bottled up. And you're not a big baby and I'll be honest with you,I am not sure I would have been so brave standing up to my mother the way you did."

Thanks," Luke said a faint smile touching his lips as he focused back on his food. They ate in comfortable silence for a moment before he looked at Noah again. "Have you thought about her?" he asked curiously. "Do you still think you want to find her…find out what happened?"

"I don't know, Luke," Noah said honestly. "I really think I would like to, but with all the other stuff that we have going on right now, maybe it would be better to wait until things settle down some before I start my search."

"We're always going to have stuff going on, Noah," Luke pointed out. "And I think last year proved how fast time can pass us by, and how fragile it is. I think you should go for it. We've got nothing but time now, and as far as work goes…maybe we can start something up on our own, put our creative juices to work. Unless you really would rather work at the studio…I'd understand."

"No way am I going back to the studio," Noah exclaimed without preamble. "You toss that idea right out of your head." HE paused for a moment thinking about what else Luke had said.. "I guess you're right though, time really does seem to be flying past, and without work to tie me to a schedule I would have time to do the research that will be needed. And as for y ou," he said leaning in to give Luke a kiss, "do you know how much I love you? Starting something of our own would be a wonderful idea, it would give us both an outlet for our "creative juices" as you put it."

Luke smiled, a genuine smile this time as he looked at Noah. "I love you too, so much." He bit his lip and picked at his food again before placing it on the table. "Being home will give us more time to spend with the kids too, and plus we can spend some time with Grandma…though she is pretty well taken care of with James' dad. I want to help you with your family search. Would you mind if we did that together?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Noah said taking a hold of Luke's hand. "We're stronger together, remember?"

Luke pressed his forehead against Noah's and leaned in to kiss him softly. "yeah," he said breathlessly. "I remember."

Maddie frowned as she listened to Robbie's ramblings. James didn't look to happy about what he was hearing either. In fact, unless she missed her guess, Maddie was sure her husband was a fine mixture between upset and pissed. A knock on the door interrupted her train of thought, and she stood to answer it. She was relieved to see her father-in-law standing there and she placed a finger on her lip to signal him to be quiet as he entered their hone.

"SO he says he's James' brother," George McPherson asked as he watched the two boys on the couch. The younger boy looked up at him, a nervous frown crossing his features and James' dad tried to smile, wanting to ease any fear.

"Yeah," Maddie said pulling him in and past the couch. "I want to speak with you for a moment while the boys are talking." She explained. George followed her into the kitchen and she put on a kettle for tea before taking a seat. "His name is Robbie…Robert actually. He's eleven years old, and apparently idolizes his older brother."

"Ok," George said taking the information in. "How did he get here and before James gets too involved in this child I am going to make sure that his story is on the up and up."

"He seems sincere," Maddie said standing to get the cups ready for tea. "He said he found a ticket stub that apparently led to him knowing his mother had been in Illinois. And he said he has pictures. Did James win a science project or something?"

"Yes he did," George responded, "years ago, All the grade level winners were posted in the local paper. I can't believe this. She leaves him behind without even a phone call and yet keeps up with what is going on in his life. I have to tell you Maddie, this makes me very nervous. I am not sure what his mother showing up will do to him. That is a pretty raw open wound."

"I know," Maddie said placing a hot cup of tea in front of her father-in-law. Luke and Noah helped him deal with some of that last year. Almost a year ago now…but I don't get it. Why would she do this? She left him, and he certainly doesn't need her back in his life when he's just getting it on track." She frowned and sat down with her mug. "I'm worried about Robbie though too. I was listening to him talk to James. HE doesn't sound like he liked living at home…wherever home is."

"Maddie, I don't like this at all, but you can rest assured we will get to the bottom of this. "And I will do everything in my power to make sure that not only James, but Robbie too, if we can prove that he is in fact my ex-wife's son, are protected. She has caused enough damage in James' life and I won't let her destroy Robbie's too."

"Well she better hope I don't meet her," Maddie said crossing her arms in front of her. "James didn't tell me the whole story, but I know her leaving hurt him deeply…to the point that it was hard for him to let people in. I have a feeling Robbie is telling the truth, but I don't know how we prove it."

"Well the first thing we are going to do is go back to the living room and talk to young Robbie. I have a feeling that it won't take long to determine if he is telling the truth or not."

"Well I hope for James' sake that he is. Otherwise he'll have some explaining to do." She placed her cup back on the table and she stood up with George right behind her. Together they headed back into the living room where Robbie was telling James what it was like to live in Chicago.

"i there Robbie," George said sitting in the chair to the left of the couch.

James and Robbie both looked up at him, and Robbie smiled nervously. "Hi."

" My name is George, and I am James' dad. Would it be ok with you if we get to know each other a little better?"

"I…I guess so," Robbie said looking at James uncertainly.

"Don't worry, Robbie," James assured him. "My Dad's cool."

I heard you say you were from Chicago," George told him. " I love Chicago, which part of town do you live in?"

"Hyde Park."

"Have you and your mom and dad always lived in Hyde Park? " I love that area of the city. Lots of things to do and see."

"Yeah…the south side is great, and the university is right there. And I go to the library sometimes. It's really cool in there, and I feel like a college student looking at all the research books." He frowned as he looked at James' dad. "You aren't going to tell my mom that I'm here are you? I don't want to go back there."

"We won't tell her right away," George assured him, as James and Maddie watched, "but Robbie she needs to know you are ok. I am sure she and your dad are both very worried about you. How long have you been gone from home?"

"Honestly sir, I don't think Mom will really notice. And Dad well he doesn't care…I've only been gone for a few days."

"Why don't you think your mom would notice that you're gone?" George asked curiously. " I would certainly notice if James disappeared, even for a day at your age, much less a few days. I bet your mom is really panicked."

Robbie shrugged. "I just don't think she will notice. But if you want…I guess I can call her. She doesn't listen when I tell her things, so I don't see what good it will do."

"I tell you what Robbie my man, why don't you give me your mom's phone number, and I will call her. I'll let her know that you are here with James and Maddie and then we will go from there. How does that sound?"

"You'd do that for me? You'd tell mom I was here and you wouldn't send me back…yet?"

"Dad are you sure that's a good idea. Will you be okay talking to her?" Even as he asked Robbie grabbed the backpack he had stashed on the couch and pulled out a pen and paper to write down his phone number.

"Son I can handle it. I would be worried sick if you had disappeared on me at Robbie's age. Let me at least get a feel for the situation we are dealing with and then you and Maddie and I can figure out what to do. I would say I would like a DNA test to prove that he is your brother, but looking in his eyes there is very little doubt. They are just like yours and your mother's."

"Okay," James said frowning. He wasn't so sure about this, but he knew he wouldn't be able to deter his dad. He sat beside Robbie and watched as his father dialed the number Robbie had given him.

"Hello?" a frazzled voice answered the phone.

"Marsha? It's George. I have a young man here with me that says you are his mom."

"George," the voice sounded almost confused and it made, George frown. "What game are you trying to play? James is no more a boy then…never mind. How did you get my number?"

"I got your number from a young man by the name of Robert James Warren who says you are his mother and claims James is his brother. He gave me your number."

"Oh, Robbie," she said with a sigh. "That's fine, George. It's been a while. How is Jimmy?"

"That's all you have to say Marsha?" George said incredulously. " I tell you your 11 year old son is in Oakdale and you want to talk about James? Have you completely lost your mind?"

"Told you she wouldn't care," Robbie said sadly. James put his arm around the younger boy and pulled him into a hug. He could remember hearing his dad this angry…ironically enough it was usually aimed at his mother. It made James sad to think that Robbie had been living with this woman and his father, yet they didn't' seem to care about him.

"What's the big deal, George," Marsha was saying on the phone. "He's with you isn't he? Just give him some cab fare and stick him in a cab, he'll be okay. I'll deal with him when he gets here. HE knows it makes his father nuts when he disappears. That's why he stays in trouble. So are you going to tell me how Jimmy is or not?"

"I can't believe you Marsha." James could tell his father was really put off by his mother's attitude. He sounded cross. "Although I don't know why I'm surprised. Your 11 year old son is hours from home, you had no idea where he was or how long he's been gone and you want to know about James. I don't know why I even bothered. I will keep Robbie here with James and me, at least until the weekend, and then we will re-evaluate the situation. As for James, well, right at the moment I don't think he wants anything to do with you."

"That would make you happy wouldn't it," Marsha said bitterly. "You probably filled his head with stories about me anyway. Why don't you let him make the decisions for a change, George. And I told you to put Robbie in a cab. I don't need anyone else taking care of my kid."

George couldn't believe what he was hearing. He rolled his eyes and sighed, knowing it was time to squash this conversation in the bud. Now you listen here, Marsha, I didn't have to fill James' head with anything. He was old enough when you left to remember, and the fact that you never came back is pretty obvious. If James wants to talk to or see you then that will be his choice. As for Robbie, there is no damn way I am putting that child in a cab and sending him back to you. Obviously someone needs to take care of him and you are not doing it."

"You are not taking another son away from me, George. Robbie is not y our responsibility."

"I never took James away from you," George reminded softly. "You walked away from us, and I don't know what you have told Robbie about that, or me for that matter, but all I have to do is look at the way he is looking at James right now to know that if I even attempt to send him away he will just show up here again in a few days, and I am not willing to take the chance on him getting hurt either way. So if you want Robbie before I can bring him to you then you will have to come to Oakdale to get him.

"I'm not going back," Robbie declared.

James looked at his dad with his mouth open…he wanted to say something but the words were stuck in his throat. Somehow he managed to shake his head. he wasn't sure how he would react to seeing her in person…he was having enough trouble with the fact that his dad was talking to her.

"Fine, Fred and I will be there to get him next week. I can't believe you are being such a jerk about this, George. You can't hold this over my head forever."

"Hold what over your head Marsha? I have done absolutely nothing wrong."

"Dad," James said getting his father's attention, "Don't" he said shaking his head. "Just don't."

"Marsha we are done here" George said turning his attention back to the phone call. "I am not going to upset James or Robbie any more than they are right now." he stopped for a minute to listen to her response before continuing. "My cell number should be in your phone now, call me next week and let me know what time to expect you so that we can set a place to meet. Good-bye Marsha."

He hung up the phone and turned his attention to James and Robbie who were watching him expectantly. Maddie had disappeared into the kitchen again, but now she was back with an interesting concoction that made James wrinkle his nose.

"Well Robbie," George stated, it looks like you'll be staying with us for the next few days at least. Would you like him to stay here with you, James? Or would you like me to take him to my place."

"Can I stay?" Robbie asked looking at James.

James nodded and focused on his dad. "It's okay if he stays here, Dad. We can set up the guest room for him."

"Ok," George said with a smile. "Well if you need anything call me. I will be here as quick as I can. If you guys want to come by the office tomorrow we can talk then after we have all had some rest."

"Thanks Dad," James said as his dad prepared to leave. "for everything."

"Don't even mention it son. You know I'd do anything for you."

Before George could leave, Robbie ran to him and wrapped his arms around him tightly. "Please, don't make me go back there, sir. Don't send me back. I will do whatever you want me to do, and I'll be good…I'm sure she told you I was bad. But I'm not, just don't let me have to go back there."

George frowned and exchanged a look with his son, before pulling back to look at Robbie. "Son I can't make that promise, but I will tell you that I will do everything I can to make sure that you are kept safe. I won't lie and say that I understand any of this, but we will figure it out the same way James and I have been doing things for 12 years, with time and communication."

"Okay," Robbie said trying to smile. "Thanks anyway, sir." James came to give his dad a hug and then stood with Robbie as they watched him leave.

"You hungry?" James asked placing his hands on Robbie's shoulders. "Or did my wife spoil you with cookies. She's been craving oreo's."

"Can we eat something other than what she's eating?" Robbie asked wrinkling his nose.

"Hey, I heard that." James and Robbie looked at each other and laughed. Maddie grinned and continued to eat, all the while talking about what she would make next.

"Come on, let's go raid the fridge, I'm sure we can find something edible in there."


	5. FAmily Ties

"Did you do it yet?" Luke asked as he placed orange juice on the table. Noah sighed as he put the eggs back in the refrigerator, and Luke knew immediately the answer to the question. For the past few days they had been discussing Noah's need to learn more about his family. They were more than prepared to start the search, but there was one thing they needed to do first. One thing Noah needed to do.

"Did you want the milk while I'm in here," Noah asked, trying to change the subject."

"Yeah, you can take it out," Luke replied as he checked on their breakfast. He served it up on plates and placed them on the counter. From the cupboard he pulled down two glasses and handed them to Noah. "I know you really don't want to talk to him, Noah, but you need to. It's the only way you are going to get the answers you want."

"I know," Noah said. He carried the milk over to the table and they settled down to eat their breakfast. "It's just that I really don't want anything to do with him."

"When was the last time you saw him?" Luke asked frowning.

"Um, I believe the last time I saw him was in court during the trial last year. The last time I actually spoke to the man…I think that was while you were in a coma. And before that we had banished him from our lives, remember that?"

"You stood up to him," Luke nodded as he waved his fork in Noah's direction. "Which just m that he has no power over you. You can go see him, make him tell you want you want to know and then you can leave. And he doesn't know where we live, so it's not like he can track us down. He lied to you, Noah. You have a right o know anything he knows about your mom."

"Will you come with me?" Noah asked after a moment's reflection. He knew Luke was right. And there really wasn't a reason for him not to seek out his dad. Like Luke mentioned, it wasn't as if he had to see the man after this. And he did have the right to know about his mother…"I still can't believe she actually is alive. Do you think I should find her for real?"

"I will go with you if you want," Luke said answering Noah's first question. "And it's very sad that your dad lied to you like that. We can stand up to your dad together, just call him. The quicker you do it, the quicker we can get it over with. And this way we get your answers and we can close another door."

"I definitely can't say no to that," Noah said taking his husband's hand into his. "I'll do it, Luke. I'll do it today."

"Is Robbie still sleeping?" Maddie asked as she came into the living room to embrace her husband.

"He's out like a light. Are you ready for work?"

"Yeah," Maddie said sighing as James helped her with her coat. "It's going to be weird being there without the guys though. I mean Luke and I started there together."

"The memories you shared are here," James said, his fingertips gently tapping her heart. "And here," he kissed her forehead. "I know you'll miss them, but you won't be there for too much longer either. Is it going to be awkward working around Ms. Walsh?"

"You know she could be your sister one day," Maddie teased. "Are you still going to call her Ms. Walsh."

"Very funny," James said kissing her forehead again. "Dad gave me the day off to stay here with Robbie, so call me if you need me."

"Okay. And don't' forget to eat; there's plenty of food in the kitchen. You buys behave yourselves…and don't forget we're supposed to meet the guys for dinner."

Is that tonight?"

"Yeah, the boys are cooking."

"Okay, I'll call Luke and let him know we will have one more for dinner."

Maddie stole one more kiss before she disappeared out the door. James settled down on the couch with a report he was reviewing for h is father. HE looked up when he heard the door to the guest room.

"Good morning," he said when Robbie appeared looking completely disheveled. Did you sleep well?"

Robbie yawned and rubbed his eyes and came to take a seat next to James. "I slept better than I do at home," he commented. And there was no tossing and turning like the last two nights."

"You keep saying that," James frowned. "Is there a reason why you can't sleep well at home?"

Robbie shrugged and looked away and James decided he needed to change the subject. "you hungry? I can whip up some scrambled eggs and bacon, unless you just want cereal."

"Do you have Rice Krispies? Robbie asked. "I like hearing the snap, crackle and pop."

"I used to love that," James said smiling. "I think we have some, follow me." He placed the report on the table and went in search of the proffered cereal. He was pouring some into a bowl when Robbie entered the kitchen. Robbie thanked him for the cereal and got the milk out of the fridge while James prepared his own bowl. "Hey where do you think you're going," He asked as Robbie readied to leave the kitchen.

"To watch TV?" he said matter-of-factly.

"No, we eat in the kitchen," James said pointing with the spoon. "Sit. Then you can watch TV."

"But Maddie let me watch TV while we ate yesterday," Robbie complained even though he did join James at the table.

"She was being nice," James said taking a bite of his cereal. "And sometimes we do eat in there…but its not the norm. We try to sit down to breakfast every morning, and if you are going to stay with us then there have to be rules. "

Robbie tilted his head for a minute to listen to his crackling cereal. A smile crept across his features, and James couldn't help but smile too. He could recall doing that as a kid. His dad even had a picture of that somewhere.

"You know your cereal is going to get soggy," He said a few minutes later.

"You don't think that's weird do you?" Robbie asked.

"What?"

"Listening to your cereal pop. Dad doesn't like when I do that, he thinks it's wasteful to let the stuff go soggy."

"It sounds like the cereal is talking," James said taking another bite.

"Yean!" Robbie said excited that someone agreed with him. He ate a few spoonfuls in silence and watched James as he did the same. "Hey Jimmy?" He asked waiting for his brother to look at him before continuing. "Is your dad always nice?"

'Yeah," James nodded. "I mean he gets mad sometimes, but he never took that out on me. When he was irritated with work he'd explain it and then let me know to leave him be for a few minutes."

"You mean you guys never fought," Robbie asked in awe.

""We had our moments when I went through my rebellious stage." James said frowning. HE needed to change the subject before Robbie asked about that rebellious period. "Do you and your dad fight a lot?" he asked finishing off his cereal.

Robbie played with his foot for a minute before shrugging his shoulders. "He doesn't like me much. At least that's what I think."

"Why's that?"

"Because I bet that even though you and your dad argued he never raised a hand to you. This is stupid," Robbie said throwing his spoon down. "Can I go watch TV now?"

"Sure," James said softly. "Just put your bowl in the sink." He watched Robbie do as he was told before disappearing out the room. For a long moment he just sat there, thinking about the conversation that just transpired. Had he handled that right? Was he making the right choices? Should he get someone to talk to Robbie? Should he try? He groaned as he realized he didn't know the answer to any of those questions.

"He's going to think I'm crawling back."

Luke looked at his husband for a moment before focusing back on the road. They were headed into town, to the Lakeview. Luke had already called ahead and learned that the Colonel was still renting a room there. He knew Noah was still nervous about it…this would be the first time since regaining his memory that he would be face to face with the man. That was bound to be nerve-wracking, but Luke also knew that Noah could handle it.

"You're probably right," he said finally acknowledging Noah's statement. "But you know you're not."

"But he's going to think it, Luke."

"Hey," Luke said reaching out to take Noah's hand. "Where's that confidence when you need it huh? And the strength I know you have? Your father can only hurt you if you allow him to." His voice was gentle, and he leaned over to give Noah a kiss while they were stopped at a red light. "I have faith in you, Noah. You know that. We're going to go in there, and we're going to get the information he owes you. I'm there to back you up…always. "

Noah smiled and stole a kiss before Luke had to maneuver the car forward. He was still nervous but it definitely helped to know that Luke was on his side. They walked into the hotel hand in hand, and headed straight for the elevators. Luke squeezed Noah's hand as the elevator took them to their floor. Before he knew it they were standing in front of the Colonel's suite and he looked at Luke for encouragement as he knocked on the door.

Luke squeezed his hand once more and let go, fading into the shadows as the door opened to reveal Winston Mayer. The older gentleman looked surprised to see Noah standing there and he immediately wrapped his arms around him, not noticing that Noah didn't move to hug him back.

"It's so good to see you have come to your senses, Noah. I knew you'd come back."

"I'm not here to make up with you," Noah said finding his voice. He pushed his father away. "Can we come in?"

"Well, I was actually kind of busy," Winston stated as he finally noticed that Luke was standing there. "I don't have time for…"

"Well you're going to make time," Noah snapped. "Luke and I are coming in, and we're not leaving until I get what I want. "

Luke couldn't hide the pride he felt at that moment as he followed his husband inside the suite. IF the Colonel thought Noah was going to submit to him this time, he was sorely mistaken. "Colonel," he said in greeting. The colonel glared daggers at him, but not even that could diminish his good mood.

"Can I get you something to drink, Noah. A beer perhaps."

"Luke and I aren't here to socialize dad. We're here to get answers.

"I don't know what you expect me to know," he said gesturing for them to take a seat. He sat down as well, his arms crossed as he looked at them.

"I want you to tell me about my mother," Noah said plainly. He didn't want to spend any more time in this room then was necessary. He didn't feel like he knew the man sitting before him anymore. And what he did know he didn't like. "I want you to tell me where she is."

"I think your fairy friend here has depleted your brain cells Noah. Your mother is dead, you know that. I'm sure your memory has returned by now, not that anyone bothers to tell me.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't insult my husband," Noah stated calmly. "And I want you to stop lying to me."

"He's' the one who's lying to you Noah. Did he convince you to come over here ? Did he tell you that I was lying about your mother just to get back at me? Your mother died when you were three and that's the end of it. Now if that is all get out."

"She didn't die," Noah said matter-of-factly. "I can remember…vaguely. She kissed me goodnight and told me to go to sleep. I asked her about going away and she told me not to worry about it…and the next morning she was gone. Her stuff was gone, and the car was gone too. She left, and I want you to tell me where she is."

"I don't know where she is," Winston said angrily. "She left me."

"No, she left because of you," Noah said sternly. "I don't care if you don't know where she is, I want you to tell me about her. Just do something for me, for once in your life."

"Everything I have done was for you, you disrespectful little brat."

"Hey!" Luke said speaking up for the first time since they sat down. "That's enough."

"You stay out of this," The Colonel raged. "This doesn't concern you."

"Anything involving Noah concerns me," Luke said calmly. "And I will not have you insulting him or calling him names. He's not asking for much Colonel. Just information about his mother, nothing more and nothing less. We are going to get that from you, and then you never have to see us again, because I can assure you we don't want to see you."

Noah looked gratefully at his husband before facing his father again. "Just tell me what I want to know, and I'll leave. I don't want to be here anymore then you want me here right now…and I don't even see the man I used to love anymore. You're a monster, and I'm starting to realize that that is why she left. Now I want to find her so I can ask why she left me with a monster like you."

Luke ran a hand through his hair as it once again fell into his face. he was jotting down information as quickly as he could. The Colonel seemed reluctant to answer Noah's questions, but Luke was glad to see that his husband wasn't backing down. After what seemed like hours later Noah announced that they were finished.

"Thank you for your cooperation," Noah told his father as they stood to leave.

"It's no problem Noah. If there is anything more I can do to help just let me know."

"I don't think that will be necessary," Noah said taking the coat Luke was holding for him. "I don't ever want to see you again." He shrugged his shoulders into his coat and zipped it up before taking his hat from Luke. "I want you to forget that you know my name. Just forget that you ever had a son named Noah, because I don't need you anymore, and I don't want you in my life.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked as the elevator took them down to the ground floor. "You were amazing in there."

"Do you think I got my point across?"

"You couldn't have said it any louder, love. "And you got the information you needed to. Do you know what our next step is?"

"Well right now we need to go shopping," Noah said pulling Luke into his embrace. "We have company tonight."

"It seems strange that we haven't talked to James and Maddie in a few days. Do you think everything's okay?"

"I'm sure they've just been busy, Luke. Come on let's get out of here."

Luke loved shopping with Noah. He realized that more and more as they walked down the aisle as the market, picking up things and sharing inside jokes with each other. It was a nice system actually. They could communicate with words or just a shake of their head. Noah would pick something up to show him and he would nod yes or shake his head no depending on the item. Between the two of them they knew what they were missing in the house and they knew when to indulge and when to say no.

The best part of shopping with Noah was just being with Noah. School was going to be starting soon, which would cut down on the time they could be together during the day. For him that meant the time they did spend together was even more special.

"Luke do we need Garlic?" Noah asked drawing him back into the present. Luke picked up the jar of crushed garlic he had picked up and smiled. Noah laughed and shook his head. "I should have known better than to ask. I'll get the cheese for the lasagna." Luke leaned on the cart and watched Noah search for cheese. He was happy and so in love…life just couldn't get any better.

His phone rang just as Noah placed the dairy products in the car. He smiled when he realized it was James. "Hey, He said as they headed for the freezer for Noah to get his Rocky Road ice cream. "We were just talking about you. Haven't talked to you in a few days."

"Yeah" James said with a sigh. "Sorry about that. Look I could really use some help…are you home?"

"We're in town…do you want us to come over?"

"No…I'll just meet you at your house…are you headed back there?"

"Yes in a few minutes. Is everything alright James?"

"I'll explain everything, promise. See you soon."

"Is everything alright?" Noah asked as he handed the cashier their debit card.

Luke shook his head, placing his phone in his pocket before looking at Noah. "James sounded weird, but I'm not sure why. He said he'd see us when we got home."

"We could have stopped by…"

"That's what I told him. Thank you," he said taking the debit card and handing it to Noah. "He insisted on meeting us at the house though…so we have to get back.

How did he beat us here?" Luke asked as he pulled into their driveway. "And who's the kid with him?"

"Your guess is about as good as mine," Noah shrugged. "Hey James," he greeted as he and Luke started grabbing bags. "Want to give us a hand since you're here?"

"UH sure," James said coming toward them. Robbie trailed behind them and helped carry bags while Luke unlocked the door. With all four of them helping they got the groceries in the house in half the time it would have taken. Noah asked Robbie to help him in the kitchen while Luke offered James some coffee in the living room.

"You need to talk?" he asked, pressing a mug into James hand.

"Thanks," James said placing the mug on the table. Luke took a seat beside him and waited patiently for him to say something. "I'm sorry I haven't called in a while. I wanted to talk to you, and even had something specific to say to you on Monday but…"

"I take it you have had your hands full?" Luke observed. They could hear Robbie exclaiming about something as he helped Noah and then a big uh oh as something crashed to the floor. "Is everything alright in there hon?"

"Yeah, No worries," Noah called back.

"Sorry about that!" Robbie added in his two cents.

Luke laughed and turned his attention back to James. "So who is he?" he asked. "And why do you need my help?"

"That little guy showed up on my doorstep on Monday," James explained. "He came looking for Jimmy."

"Okay…I didn't realize you use the nickname, Jimmy."

"I don't," James Frowned. "It was what my mom used to call me."

"Oh," Luke said softly. "Wait…"

"He's my brother, Luke. My little brother. And his name is Robert James or Robbie."

"She named him after you?"

"Yep. That seems to be the case."

"And…he's here, why?"

"He ran away from home…from her."

"Have you talked to her?"

"NO," James shook his head. "My dad did on Monday. He was really upset with her. She didn't even seem to care that Robbie was here. She just kept asking about me."

"Her eleven year old son was missing and she was asking about you? I hate to say it James, but I think you were better off without her. And it sounds like Robbie will be too."

James sighed. "I know…but it's just weird you know? She knows things that she shouldn't know and apparently she's been here."

"What?" Luke asked frowning.

"She's been here, Luke, in Oakdale…she has pictures and she was here last June, and last May."

"But how would she have known…what the heck, James. Is she having you followed?"

James shook his head. "I don't know, Luke, but it freaks me out. I mean that's just…she takes herself out of my life for twelve years and then this kid shows up and I found out that she knows what I've been up to. I don't like that."

Luke's expression was thoughtful as he looked in the direction of the kitchen. "Well maybe we can talk to Ali," he suggested turning his attention back to James. "We can ask her if there was anyone around your hospital room after the stabbing. Though I certainly don't' remember seeing anyone. Ali would know though, she was there every day."

"Thanks Luke; that would be a big help. Though I may get a chance to ask her myself."

"Are you sure about that?" Luke asked concerned. "She hurt you really badly, will you be able to face her?"

"I have to," James commented. "I don't want Robbie to know what mom's leaving did to me…and I need to fight for him. I can't in good conscience send him back to live with her or his dad."

"That bad?"

"I don't know…it seems like it though. Robbie won't talk about it. he just hints at it, and he begged my dad to let him stay and not to send him back."

'And how can I help?"

"Well some tips on being a big brother would be appreciated. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. And I don't want to make the wrong decisions you know? I want to take care of him, and be his friend and I realized over the last few days that I really don't know what I'm doing.

"There really isn't a manual, James," Luke smiled softly as he thought of his siblings. "All you can do is love him, be there for him and just be a role model. I just bet that he is in the kitchen talking Noah's ear off about you. So I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"But how do you find the gentle balance between authority and friend?" James asked. "I mean I'm not his dad, I'm his brother. Yet I have to act as a guardian…if it comes to that. So how do I do that?"

"The same way your dad does it with you, or my dad with me. You can be his friend….you just have to know when to be the adult. When its time for bed it's time for bed. No staying up just for tonight, or he'll come to expect that. If you want him to do his homework at 5 then he should be at the table at 5 every day before the TV comes on. And if you tell him to clean up his mess and he refuses, don't give in and let him slide. He'll never respect you that way."

"Who taught you all this stuff?" James asked completely in awe of his brother.

"My dad," Luke nodded and smiled shyly. "We have had our ups and downs for sure. He is my best friend, on a completely different level. But first and foremost he's dad and I respect him, and I love him even when he's cross with me."

"That's how I am with My dad," James agreed.

"Then you don't need my help, James. You'll do fine."

"Jimmy, Noah has a video camera he said I can learn how to use it," Robbie exclaimed as he came into the living room.

"That's great," James laughed. "Are you and Noah having fun?"

"He likes Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He promised to show me the original. Would that be okay?"

"I think we can swing that. And if you're good, maybe Noah and Luke will let you borrow movies sometimes?"

"Yeah?" Robbie said turning to Noah who was now sitting on the arm of the couch next to Luke.

"We could work something out." Noah smiled.

"Did you ever read the book, Robbie?" Luke asked a mischevious glint in his eye.

"There's a book? Of Charlie and the Chocolate factory?"

"Yes as a matter of fact there is," Luke laughed. "Would you like to read it so you can compare?"

"Would that be okay, Jimmy?"

"As long as it's okay with the guys, its fine with me."

"Can I read it now?"

"Sure, I'll go get it for you. In the meantime you can look through the movies if you would like, and let us know what you want to borrow."

"You have really cool friends, Jimmy."

James smiled. "I know. I love them like brothers."

"That makes you my brothers too," Robbie pointed out to Luke and Noah. Luke smiled and exchanged a looks with his husband and with James. He was even more certain than ever that James had nothing to worry about. He tousled Robbie's hair as he stood and went to find his copy of Charlie and the Chocolate factory.

"You guys are the best," James announced as he leaned against the counter in the kitchen. Robbie was in the living room pouring over the pages of his book and James decided to keep his brothers company while they cooked. Maddie was meeting them after work, and they were all ready for what could be a fun night. "He's been reading quietly for 45 minutes."

"That's nothing," Luke laughed. "Robbie's a lot more agreeable then my baby brother, or even Natalie for that matter. Now she can be a handful when she wants to be."

Noah chuckled. "Remember when she didn't want to take a nap even though it was fairly obvious that she was bone tired?"

"Yes," Luke grinned. He turned away from the food he was preparing to focus on James. "natalie decided it would be a good idea to stay up half the night…I'm still not quite sure what she was doing, but she was on a definite sugar high until about noon the next day."

"And when Ethan went down for his nap,, Luke suggested that Natalie take a nap too," Noah picked up the thread of story. "She insisted she didn't need a nap, she was fine and Luke told her she should lay down and try to sleep anyway."

"Did she finally listen," James asked smiling at the story. He was getting a kick out of listening to his brothers; they never ceased to amaze him.

"She argued with me about it," Luke responded. "I think it was a good hour later before we sent her to her room to stew."

"And when we checked on her, she was out cold. And when she woke up Luke told her that next time she'd listen when he told her to take a nap."

"She sounds like a stubborn Snyder." James commented.

"She comes by it honestly," Luke laughed. "But from what I can tell, Robbie has a thirst for knowledge just like you, and he loves books and movies. Just indulge those interests and everything should be good. You will find that as long as you listen to their concerns and they listen to yours everything will be okay."

"You already sound like a parent," James said shaking his head. "Parenthood scares me so much. Robbie is good practice though. I think I may be jumping ahead of myself , but I already can't imagine not having him here."

"You'll be fine," Luke and Noah said at the same moment. They looked at each other and smiled.

"We're scared too," Noah admitted. "It's not like there's a manual."

"Yeah," James agreed. "I think I heard that somewhere before."

"Robbie don't just reach over someone's plate ask for what you want."

"OH sorry, Jimmy," Robbie said putting his arm down. HE turned to Maddie who was sitting to his right, "May I have the garlic bread please."

Maddie smiled and handed it to him, tousling his hair as she die so to take the edge off the reprimand. She locked eyes with her husband who frowned.

"Are you enjoying your dinner, Robbie?" Luke asked.

"It's the best Lasagna I've ever eaten," Robbie praised. "I love it."

"Does that mean we'll have to come over for dinner more often," James teased.

"It's too bad you guys don't live closer," Noah commented. "Are you still thinking bout moving before the baby is born?"

"Yes," James said smiling. "We have some prospects we're looking at…and we'll let you know what happens."

"That sounds really mysterious," Luke smiled. "Just let us know so we can help you move."

"I think it's good we didn't move yet, or Robbie here wouldn't have found us," Maddie pointed out. The guys watched as she took another piece of Lasagna and dumped mustard all over it. Noah wrinkled his nose and Maddie pierced him with an indignant look. "What it's good!"

"I didn't say anything," Noah said eating his own food as he shared a secret look with his husband.

They conversation died down, as everyone focused on their food, until Luke asked Robbie how he was enjoying the book so far. a seemingly endless stream of chatter followed and James was wondering if it was a good thing that his little brother was such a chatter box.

"There was the one time," Robbie was saying, "That I had to eat just toast and a lot of water for two whole weeks."

"What did you do to deserve that punishment?" Luke asked curiously.

"That wasn't a punishment?" Robbie frowned. "Mom and Dad weren't home so there was no one to cook."

"Your parents left you alone for two weeks?" James asked trying to keep the anger out of his voice. "Seriously."

"Yeah, she does it all the time. She disappears and Dad will stay gone, so I had to fend for myself. I was so hungry when she came back, I thought I could eat a horse."

"When was the last time she did that?" James asked.

"She had to miss my birthday," Robbie said sadly. "She was here for your wedding, which by the way its so cool that June 1st is your wedding day and my birthday.

The fork clinked against the plate, followed by silence and veiled looks from the adults at the table. James moved from his seat and Luke cringed at the sound of a door slamming. He frowned as he looked at Noah and Maddie who was looking in the direction her husband had gone. And Robbie was left wondering if it was something he had said.


	6. Sacrifice

He didn't care how cold it was outside. He wasn't worried about the wind biting his face, and the flakes of snow that were starting to fall. The beauty of the scene was lost on him as he fumed at what he had just heard. How could she do that? She left him…alone for two whole weeks while she was here? He didn't even want to think about the implications of that …she was in Oakdale when he married Maddie. God how was he supposed to feel about that?

He crossed his arms and leaned against the house, his thoughts spiraling backward as he stared out into the night. For years he had tried to live with her abandonment. He thought he had finally gotten a hold of his feelings about it. He was at a place where he could separate her behavior from that of the other people in his life. He knew…he knew who he was and where he belonged. So why did he feel like someone was once again pulling salt on his healing wound?

"Jimmy," he heard the frantic voice and turned just in time for Robbie to barrel into his arms. "Don't leave me, Jimmy," He said wrapping his arms around his frame. James completed the embrace and started rubbing his hand up and down Robbie's back. "Please, Jimmy. I'm sorry, for whatever I said I'm sorry just don't leave me. Don't leave me."

James pulled away from the younger boy so he could look him straight in the eye. He wiped away his tears and places his hands on his shoulders. "You listen, and listen good Robbie. I'm not going anywhere. I am going to do everything in my power to protect you, okay. I'm not sure what that means yet…and I don't know how to do it, but I'm not leaving you."

Robbie hugged him again, clinging like he never wanted to let go. James held on tight and he was momentarily surprised to see his wife and his brothers in the doorway. HE let out a sigh as he looked at them with a worried expression to mirror those on their faces. Things were just about to get complicated.

"What am I going to do guys?" James asked even as he accepted a cup of coffee from Luke. "I can't let her take him, not if it means he'll just run again, and certainly not if she is just going to leave him alone."

Luke handed Noah his coffee before settling down in the chair beside him. Maddie had taken Robbie home to get him ready for bed while James stayed to figure out what needed to happen from here. "Well first, you need to talk to your dad," Luke said with a sigh. "He needs to know what's going on here, and what Robbie said. And maybe I can talk to Grandma Lucinda. She has a lot of lawyers…I'm sure we can come up with something."

"And you need to relax," Noah added. "IF you are freaked, Robbie's going to be freaked. Kids pick up on that kind of thing, and the best thing you can do for him is not let him see you scared."

"Easier said than done," James frowned. He took a sip of his coffee and frowned. " Thanks guys, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Don't thank us yet,' Luke said reaching for his phone. He dialed his Grandma's private number and waited until he heard her familiar hello. "Grandma…its good to see you in such a jolly mood. Do I have to guess where you are?" he laughed as he let the others know she was with James' father. "Um actually that's good because I needed to talk to you about something. I don't know if Dr. McPherson told you…He did? Great, that saves us a lot of time…you're already working on it? Why does that not surprise me. Well the reason I'm calling…James and Robbie were just here…yes…yes I can do that, Grandma, but…she's coming here? When?" Luke looked at James as he waited for his grandmother to answer him. "Okay Grandma…okay, yeah…James needs to talk to his dad…there's more. Okay, hold on."

He sighed and handed the phone to James who looked at him questioningly. "My grandma wants to talk to you, and then she'll let you talk to your dad."

"Is my mom really coming here?" James asked.

Luke placed the phone James' hand and held it for a moment reassuringly. "It's going to be okay James. Just talk to her, she wants to help."

"Hello…yes ma'am. No I don't mean to sound sad…he just told me that….but…I don't understand why though." He stopped and frowned as he listened to what Lucinda was saying to him. "I really don't want to see her but I will if I have to…yes. She shouldn't know these things…but she was here…yes…yes," James said again as he ran his fingers through his hair. He looked at his brothers, the emotions he was feeling clear in his green eyes. "Thank you…that means a lot to me. You are sure I shouldn't worry? Okay, I'll do my best…thank you," his voice cracked and he tried to control those emotions he still wasn't quite used to showing. "No…that's okay…I'll talk to him tomorrow…You do? That means a lot to me…okay…I'll remember. bye."

"What did she say?" Luke asked when James handed him back the phone.

"She said she already cares about me as if I were her own child." He smiled, as Luke and Noah came to sit beside him, one on either side. Noah knew how great it was to hear such words from Lucinda Walsh, but for James it was an even bigger deal, and he could sense that those words had overwhelmed him despite the smile. "My mother is supposed to be coming." He stated as Luke touched his shoulders and Noah rubbed his hands down his back. "I haven't seen her in twelve years…and somehow she knows what I have been up to and now she's coming here. God guys what am I going to do?"

"Don't worry about it right now," Luke replied. "Just lean on us that's what we're here for."

"Luke's right. We'll help you and Robbie through this…and you know you are in good hands when you have Lucinda Walsh in your corner

"Luke are you still awake?" Noah asked propping his head up so that he could look at his husband.

"I'm awake," Luke said turning to face him. "What's wrong?

"I was just thinking about James and Robbie. It makes me think sometimes that I'm lucky not to have so many issues…but then I want to know where I come from."

"Are you rethinking the decision to search?" Luke asked, mimicking his husband's movements so he could look straight at him.

"I just don't know if I want to find out why she abandoned me. What would be the point?"

"You can find out where you come from," Luke reminded him. "And even if your mom turns out to be as much of a spaz as James' mom, it's a place to start. And you could have grandparents out there, or cousins and even siblings like James just found."

"That would be strange," Noah said with a sigh. "But you're right…I came this far, I shouldn't stop now."

"No you shouldn't," Luke agreed. "We just need to figure out our next move. Remember I'm going to be here with you every step."

"Well," Noah's hand brushed his husband's cheek lovingly as he thought about his answer. "We know her name, and we know her family is from Tennessee, it's a start. So I guess what we need to do is track down the Wilsons, and see if they can help us find her."

"We can try the phone numbers your dad gave us too. Plush he said that she was a flight attendant, so we can check that out as well. Maybe she still does that."

"But it's been sixteen years," Noah said frowning.

"It's a place to start, Noah. Don't worry we'll find out what we can."

"Thank you for doing this with me," Noah said pulling his husband into his arms.

Luke snuggled up to him and kissed him softly on the lips. "No thanks necessary…I love you, now good night."

Noah chuckled and kissed Luke's forehead. He closed his eyes and started to hum until he could feel Luke's easily breathing. "Good night Luciano," he whispered. "I love you too."

He felt a pair of arms slip around him and immediately leaned into the embrace. A chin rested in his hair and he smiled as he continued to look out the window of their home. It was snowing heavily, and it had been ever since the night before. There would be a substantial amount of snow on the ground when all was said and done. They wouldn't be leaving the house anytime soon, except maybe to shovel the snow off the walkway.

"You know," he said as he sank deeper into the taller man's embrace. "I couldn't even tell you if it snowed or not last winter."

"Really, Noah asked. "That seems unlike you. I seem to recall that you could predict a storm before it hit."

Luke smiled, "yeah sometimes. But after the snowstorm that landed you in the hospital I really wasn't paying attention to weather patterns. I barely saw outside, unless James or Maddie made me go home. I can still remember the first time I returned to the apartment for just a minute. The Christmas tree was still up and there was wrapping paper strewn everywhere…and I felt like I was looking in on someone else's world. Nothing really mattered then, Noah because you weren't there. So we could have had a snowstorm every weekend and I wouldn't have noticed. All of that beauty would have been lost on me, but now that you're here with me, I can enjoy every minute of it."

"I can't believe that was almost a year ago."

"You woke up almost a year ago," Luke corrected. "I'll never forget that day either. You opened your eyes and you saw me, but you weren't really seeing me. It was a bittersweet day…but," He turned around so he could wrap his arms around Noah's neck, "I can't complain about the outcome."

Noah kissed him softly and smiled. "You are such a sentimentalist," Luciano, but I wouldn't change that for the world. I love sharing this beautiful weather with you and I love it even more that we survived last year." Luke smiled and Noah kissed him once more before turning him so they could continue to watch the snow.

"Would you like some hot chocolate?" Luke asked after a few moments of silence. Without a word Noah took a hold of Luke's hand and led him through the house to the kitchen. They talked quietly while they made the sweet drink, and Luke laughed when Noah managed to get whipped cream on his nose. With chocolate in hand they returned to the living room and settled on the couch. Since they were snowed in they figured it was the best time to start calling some of the numbers Noah's dad had given them.

"Hello, may I speak to Ruth Martin Please? Hi ma'am, you don't know me but I was hoping you could help me out. I think you may know my mother…Charlene Wilson? She's your sister?" Noah said looking at Luke with raised eyebrows. "My name is Noah Mayer, Ma'am…yes the son of Winston Mayer. I'm doing okay, thanks. Um do you know where my mother is by any chance? I didn't know she was alive until just last year…yes ma'am, yes he told me she was dead. I just want to know…yes ma'am, yes ma'am. He gestured for Luke to hand him a pen and paper and he scribbled down a number before hanging up the phone.

"Third time's the charm huh?" Luke asked trying to lighten the mood just a little.

"Yeah.," Noah said handing Luke the phone. "It's your turn…she said that we should be able to reach my mother at this number."

"Are you sure you want me to do this?" Luke asked, the concern clear in his voice.

""I'm afraid," Noah admitted sadly. "You don't think any less of me do you?"

"OF course not," Luke said kissing him before he dialed the number on the paper. He took a hold of Noah's hand and waited as the phone rang. "Hello," he said squeezing Noah's hand. "May I speak to Charlene Wilson please?"

"Hello," a twangy voice responded. "Who's there?"

"Is this Charlene Wilson?"

"Who wants to know?"

"This is Luke Snyder-Mayer of Illinois ma'am and I had some questions about your son."

"Mayer?" Charlene asked taking a puff off her cigarette. " Lord I hoped I would never hear that name again in my life time that sorry bastard. Why are you asking questions about my son? I haven't seen my son in years."

"Well, Ma'am that is exactly why I am calling. You see your son is here, and we've been trying to find you. He…he has questions that only you can answer."

"What the hell are you trying to pull kid?" Luke held the phone away from his ear for a moment wincing at the noise. "Ain't no way in hell that bastard would let my baby anywhere near me."

"Colonel Mayer doesn't have any rights where Noah is concerned Ma'am" Luke explained calmly. " If you wanted to see him, you are more than welcome to do so. We got your number from your sister in Tennessee, and well as I mentioned before, Noah just wants a chance to get to know you, and he wants to know why you gave him up."

"Gave him up?" Charlene said incredulously. ' Boy have you lost your mind? There weren't know giving up my baby. That bastard told me if I didn't disappear from their lives he would kill my baby. I couldn't let him do that. Wait just a minute. What did you say your name was again young man?"

"Oh," Luke said looking at Noah. He reached up a hand to stroke his husband's cheek, letting it rest there as he focused on the phone call. "I'm sorry to hear that. I know the Colonel can be a very volatile man. I know it all too well unfortunately." He sighed. "A lot has happened recently Ma'am and Noah just recently recalled that you weren't dead like he was told. And my name is Luke, Ma'am. Luke Snyder-Mayer."

"How is it that you have two last names? Just what the hell is this some kind of sick game you are playing. It took me a lot of years to burying what that cold-hearted bastard did and that I ain't seen my baby in years. Why you want to drag all that up now?"

"Look, Ma'am I am truly sorry for whatever the Colonel put you through…but what about what he put Noah through? Do you care about that at all?"

"Don't you get lippy with me boy." Charlene charged sounding all of the country bumpkin she was. "I didn't see no other choice but to leave my baby behind. I tried to keep track of him, but that bastard made sure they moved at least every other year; every time I got close they disappeared again. Did that bastard hurt my Noah? If he hurt my Noah I will kill him with my bare hands."

"Noah's fine," Luke said rubbing at his temples. "No thanks to the Colonel, but he's fine. He's sitting right here beside me, and I'm trying to decide if it's in his best interest to speak with you. I know he wants to, but I don't want him to get hurt."

"You mean my baby is right there with you?" Charlene asked and Luke could hear the genuine feeling behind the words.

"Yes, he's here sitting right beside me. Would you like to talk to him?"

"Would I like to talk to him?" Charlene repeated. " Lord I would love to talk to him, but what the hell am I suppose to say? I haven't seen my son in 16 years, don't know nothing about him. God my baby's right there, what if I say the wrong thing and he don't want nothing to do with me? That would break what is left of my heart."

"Just breathe, Ma'am it will be okay," Luke said smiling. "You can start by saying hello. I know it's been sixteen years but…hello always works." He looked at his husband who nodded nervously. Luke handed over the phone, even as he heard Charlene continue to speak.

"Are you sure," Noah heard her say, "I don't know if I can do this." His heartbeat quickened and tears came to his eyes as the voice he hadn't heard in sixteen years became a reality. Luke squeezed his hand to give him courage and he nodded. He could do this.

"He…Hello Mom."

"Baby," Charlene said her breath catching for a moment. " Noah is that really you? Oh my god, I can't believe you are there and I'm talking to you."

"Yes, Momma I'm here…it's really me." Noah bit his lip trying to stay the tears that wanted to fall. He was sure he would be a complete mess if Luke hadn't been there with him. "I can't believe I'm actually talking to you."

"Baby, I love you. There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about you and prayed to the good Lord above that he would keep you safe from that bastard.."

"Why did you leave me with him if you knew he was such a monster?" Noah blurted out. "I…I mean he told me you were dead. He said you had died and he said that was my fault. Why didn't you take me with you?"

Luke frowned, as tears came to his own eyes listening to his husband's sadness. He rubbed Noah's shoulder, trying to soothe him even just a little bit as he talked to his mother.

"Baby he threatened to kill you if i didn't leave you. I would never have left you willingly, but he had a gun and was standin right outside your bedroom door. I couldn't take that. The thought of him killing you was more that I could take. So I left to spare your life. I tried to keep up with you, but he made sure that he kept you just out of reach moving like you did. God Baby, please please..."

"She's crying Luke, what do I do," Noah asked panicked."

Luke took the phone. "Hello? Ms. Wilson? Are you okay? It's Luke again. Noah doesn't blame you for leaving…he just, well he missed you. Once he remembered that you were alive he just missed you and he wants to know everything about you. You're his mom, and he always wanted a mom."

"Luke, tell my baby I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make his life worse by leaving. If I had only known or had another way I would never have left him, please please don't let him think I don't love him. I would do anything, anything at all to see my baby. Luke, please..."

"Ms. Wilson, Noah doesn't hate you…he just wanted to understand. I can't speak for him about his feelings, but I know he wants to meet you, and he wants to find out about his family. Is that something you could do for him? Help him figure out where he comes from?"

"See my baby?" Charlene exclaimed. "Oh my Lord Luke, you mean I can see my baby? Whatever he wants, I will be willing to do. Just tell me what to do and I will do it if I can."

"Well just tell me where you are and we can have you flown here in no time. There is a snowstorm going on right now, but I bet Charles could still fly to get you. I just need to know where to send him?"

"You're gonna do what? Kid I don't know who you are, but when I meet you I am gonna give you a big kiss. I am in Charlotte, NC. I don't know who this Charles fella is but you just let me know where and when I need to be somewhere and even if I have to crawl on my hands and knees if it means seeing my baby I will be there."

"That won't be necessary, MS. Wilson, but thank you. I am looking forward to meeting you myself, and Noah is nervous, but excited as well. How does tomorrow sound? I can have Charles waiting for you at the airport, and you'll be here within a few hours. Snow or no snow."

"You tell Charles I will be there. I have been without my baby for so long, just to be able to look at him will be more than I ever expected to have. Luke, I can't thank you enough. I'm still not sure who the heck you are to my baby, but you are one special young man."

"Thank you so much, Ms. Wilson. And thank you for talking to me. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Luke, thank you. I can tell you are a special young man. Will you do something for me?"

"I can try."

Tell my baby that I love him. I will tell him myself tomorrow, but I really want him to know that. Promise me you will take care of him until I can get there tomorrow.

"I'll tell him. And I promise to take care of him. We'll be at the airport to pick you up…if we can manage to get through the storm. Take care of yourself, Ms. Wilson we'll see you tomorrow. And don't forget to pack your boots."

"I will Luke," she said sounding really excited and nervous, "I will. See you tomorrow."

Luke hung up the phone and looked at his husband sadly. Noah was trying to blink back tears and he attempted a smile but Luke wasn't fooled. "You okay?"

"I just talked to my mom," Noah said, his voice husky. "That really just happened right?"

"It did," Luke placed a hand on Noah's shoulder. "And she loves you Noah, I can tell she loves you."

Noah shook his head, as he started to feel a little overwhelmed. Without question Luke pulled his husband to him and Noah buried his head in Luke's shoulder. Luke let his hand glide easily up and down Noah's back soothing him with touches and words of encouragement. It didn't take long for the tears to come as Noah buried his head in Luke's neck.

"He was always a sickly child," George explained as Lucinda handed him another drink. "That was hard on both of us, but of course it was harder on James. He didn't like being sick, and he certainly didn't like hearing his mom and I arguing all the time. Marsha took it as a person affront though. Because James was sick, she couldn't hang out like she wanted to. She couldn't…" George shook his head and took a sip of his drink. The alcohol went down smoothly and he sighed. "I begin to suspect that she didn't' love me or James as much as she claimed to. I felt like I was losing her before she left, and I don't think I can forgive her, Lucinda. I just can't"

"Forgive her for what darling?" Lucinda asked wisely. "What she did to young James or what she did to you?"

George frowned and took another gulp of his drink before placing the glass on the table. "I don't worry about myself so much as I worry about that boy. James is my world," He said startling himself as well as Lucinda with the emotional force behind those words. "I would do anything for him, always have and I always will. And I will be damned Lucinda, if I let her come back into his life and hurt him again. She left once," He didn't see Lucinda sit beside him but he felt her hand on his shoulder rubbing it. "She left, and promised him she would come back. She promised and then she had the nerve…the audacity to start another family right away. I don't even know what to think about that."

"Darling, you can't worry about the things you can't change," Lucinda told him in her characteristic logical way. "You couldn't control that woman's actions even if you had wanted to, but you did everything in your power, everything you could to give James a stable home life. And you gave him the things he will need to deal with things to come. That boy loves you, George, that is as clear as the sky is blue. He loves you with his whole heart, and that's something you taught him. He'll be fine…and so will you, and I want to take care of the both of you as best I can."

"You don't have to do that," George smiled, taking Lucinda's hands into his. "I'm supposed to be taking care of you."

"Darling it works both ways, and I don't take no for an answer."

"It's still snowing," Robbie said excitedly as he looked out the window. He was a little restless, not being able to go outside since James asked him to keep an eye on Maddie. He thought that James' wife was pretty cool, but he wasn't sure what to say to her. He came back away from the window and sat on the couch watching her write in a book. Is Jimmy going to be okay out there in the storm? And what are you writing if you don't mind me asking? My dad says I'm too nosy but I can't help being curious sometimes."

Maddie looked up and smiled at her brother-in-law. "Honey, Jimmy will be just fine out there. He will be careful, don't you worry about that he knows he has to take care of me, you and this little one," she lovingly patted her belly, which was starting to show, "so I know he will be very careful. As for what I'm writing, my friend Luke convinced me in high school that keeping a journal was a good thing to do, so I'm writing some of my thoughts in my journal. Don't ever be afraid to ask questions. You don't know if you don't ask and in this house we welcome curiosity."

"Luke was the one we had dinner with yesterday, right? He was your friend in high school? Did you know Jimmy in high school too?"

"Yep," Maddie said smiling softly. "We had dinner with Luke Last night. Luke and I have been friends for a few years, but we didn't know Jimmy in high school. We met Jimmy in college, freshman year, and we all became good friends."

"I hope I can find friends like that someday," Robbie said before lapsing into silence for a moment. "Maddie," he said looking at her again, frowning when she looked up from her journal once more. "I don't really want my mom to come get me. I don't like living in Chicago."

"Sweetie I'm sure that you will make friends like Luke and Noah someday, give it time. As for your Mom and going back to Chicago, well let's see what happens. We can't keep her from coming here, but before we let you leave here we will be certain that you will be safe. Jimmy isn't going to let you go back to a place that isn't safe for you."

"Are you guys talking about me?" James asked as he closed the door behind him. "I thought I heard my name. Are you behaving?"

Robbie stood and gave his big brother a hug. "I was just worried about you being in the storm. And Maddie was letting me be curious."

"Honey," Maddie said standing, " I'm going to go make us some hot chocolate to warm you up. Robbie would you like a cup of chocolate with us?" 

"With whipped cream please?"

"I think that can be arranged. I'll be back in just a few minutes." James went to her and kissed her softly before she disappeared into the kitchen. James shook the snow out of his hair and settled down on the couch beside Robbie who was looking at him expectantly.

"What's on your mind, Robbie?"

Robbie shrugged. "I'm just wondering how you feel about Mom coming. Do you think she will even be able to come? And are you scared, sad or angry that she's coming? Do you hate me?"

"No, not at all," James said without hesitation. "In just a short span of time you have managed to worm your way into my heart, and let me tell you…that's a really big deal. I am a little wary of mom coming, especially since I haven't seen her in twelve years…but I don't want you to worry about that. I don't want my feelings for our mother to influence yours."

"But I do worry, Jimmy…I just get the feeling that it makes you sad. And I don't want to see you sad. If I end up saying the wrong thing sometimes, just let me know. I don't mean to say the wrong stuff."

"I think we're all guilty of that from time to time. How about we learn from each other? Will that work. I've never been a big brother before, and I feel like you came into my life at this moment for a reason…I'll give it my best shot if you do the same."

"Promise you won't throw me out even if I mess up?"

"As long as you don't get mad at me when I have to reprimand you." James smiled. "We're getting a head of ourselves here, Robbie. I would love to take care of you…but first we have to deal with mom, and that's going to be tough. So let's take it one step at a time, okay?"

Robbie smiled and gave his big brother another hug. "I can try."

"Who wants hot chocolate," Maddie announced coming back into the kitchen. Robbie immediately raised his hand and James laughed as he locked eyes with his wife. Things were just about to get interesting.

He was nervous. That was the only way to describe it. His palms were sweaty, and his stomach was doing flip flops as the limo maneuvered it's way through the snowy streets of Oakdale. Even Loke's hand on his shoulder didn't seem to be comforting him at the moment. In just mere minutes they would be at the airport and he would be setting eyes on a woman he hadn't seen in sixteen years. That seemed so surreal…and he was nervous. No matter how much Luke told him it would be okay, it scared him to think about what could happen.

He could see the concern in Luke's eyes as he looked at him. As sure as he was that things would be alright, it was obvious that Luke had his reservations too. Noah felt so much love for Luke at that moment. Just having him there meant a lot and he hoped that Luke knew how grateful he was to him.

Charlene was getting restless and she couldn't stand to sit still. she couldn't believe she was doing this. Why was she there? What good would this visit do? Was it even safe for her to do this? Did she care if it meant she would see her son? That alone was worth it. She was nervous, but excited at the same time…she hoped they would get there soon.

Luke held Noah's hand up until the moment they reached the airport. He gave him a squeeze and a kiss for good luck before they exited the limo. It was time for Noah to meet his mom, and as much as he wanted to hold his hand while he did it, he knew he couldn't. Noah needed to do this on his own…and it was up to him to let Ms. Wilson know about their relationship. Until then Luke was ready to be the supportive best friend…and he would be watching to make sure that Noah didn't get hurt.

Noah walked behind him as they approached. It was a move that almost seemed silly, seeing as Noah's height made it hard for him to hide behind anyone. Luke reached back and squeezed his hand once more for good measure. He could see a woman pacing and wringing her hands just in front of them. A smile crossed his lips as he approached her and held out his hand.

"Ms. Wilson I presume?"

"That's me," Charlene said shaking his hand. "You must be Luke, I recognize your voice from the phone."

Luke smiled. "That's correct. I'm Luke, and this," he said gesturing for Noah to come forward, is who you really want to see."

Noah bit his lip momentarily as he looked at this woman that he practically towered over. "Hi Momma," he said swallowing nervously.

"Baby, my baby," she exclaimed, reaching out to touch him. Noah shied away from the touch and blushed as he looked at her. "Oh my lord you are so handsome. I, I just can't believe I am standing here looking at my baby."

"I can't believe it either," Noah said softly, ducking his head and stealing a look at Luke. He really didn't know what to say or what to do. His eyes said 'I know you want me to do this on my own, but help me'.

"Ms. Wilson," Luke said stepping up, "did you have a good flight?"

"Oh my, the flight was just wonderful. I don't usually get to fly much, can't afford it, but the couple of times I have it was nothing like this. Your Charles, he's a good man, took great care of me. I feel like I need to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming. It just doesn't seem real that I am standing here looking at my baby. Guess I shouldn't be surprised you got so tall, but it's hard to see the little boy I left in you."

Noah smiled. "I uh haven't been that little boy in a lot of years now. Living with the Colonel…you kinda have to grow up pretty fast." There was an awkward pause after that statement and Luke could tell Noah was getting scared. He decided it was time for them to get out of there.

"Ms. Wilson if you are ready, we have the car waiting outside. You and Noah can talk in comfort if you wish."

"What do you you have a car waiting?" She said the shock clear in her voice. "Kid just who the hell are you? I want to talk to Noah that's for sure, but I just gotta say this is all kinda overwhelming for me. Private jet and now a private car. I just don't know what to think."

"Uh…Luke is someone very special to me, Momma. The car…well that's his grandmother's car and she lent it to us because of the…the snowstorm," Noah said trying not to trip over his words. Luke smiled warmly at him and gestured for them both to follow him outside. The limo driver stepped out immediately to open the car door for them. Luke gestured for Noah's mom to enter first, and Noah got in next with him bringing up the rear.

"Am I taking you straight home, Master Luke?"

"Yes that will be fine Mr. Jenkins, thank you." The limo driver bowed and proceeded to the front of the car. Soon enough they were once again maneuvering through the snow to get back to their home.

"Master Luke? What the hell does that mean? I don't understand any of this. Would one of you kindly explain to me what the hell is going on here? I feel like I have stepped into an episode of the Twilight Zone and that this is all some big joke to play on the stupid country girl."

Luke's smile was soft and reassuring. It's not a joke, Ms. Wilson. And please excuse Mr. Jenkins, whom I have known since I was a kid. He is my grandmother's limo driver, and I know this has to be a bit overwhelming. If not for the snowstorm Noah and I would have come to get you in our own car."

"Luke's grandmother is probably the richest woman in Oakdale," Noah said proudly. "She's been nothing but kind to me, and she thinks of me as a grandson too. And I bet that just confuses you a little more doesn't it?"

"You got that right baby." Charlene responded. "Ok so let me see if I got this straight, you have a grandmother who sounds as though she is richer than God, and she let you have a private jet sent to Charlotte just to pick me up and bring me here, and then she has this limo that is longer that anything I ever saw back home, and now you tell me that she treats my baby like her own grandson?":

"Yes," Luke said his smile growing brighter as he watched Noah's mom's face fill with awe.

"Lord I am so confused. I still don't quite understand how you fit into my baby's life. Maybe that would be a good place to start for now, just so I can at least have something I understand. Baby, don't look so scared, no matter what you tell me I ain't gonna think poorly of ya."

Luke looked at Noah, who's face was indeed as pale as a sheet. He willed his husband to look at him, and as soon as blue was locked on brown he communicated his comfort to him. They had come this far…and it was better if she knew now then later when they would be stuck at the house.

Noah bit his lip and nodded. "Well you know how I said that Luke is very special to me," Noah asked, glancing at his mom for a moment before that gaze went back to Luke. "Well…you see, Momma, he's my husband." His voice was so soft and quiet he wondered if his mother had heard him. He turned to face her again and he was certain she could see the fear and the worry in his eyes. "I'm gay…and Luke is the love of my life."

"And you think I am gonna hate you don't you. That ain't gonna happen. I don't give a rat's behind that you are gay. I just want to know that you are happy. Are you happy baby?"

Luke thought the smile that lit up Noah's face at that moment was the most beautiful sight he had ever laid eyes on. Noah's mother had just scored a lot of points in his book.

"Yes Momma," Noah said reaching for Luke's hand. "I'm extremely happy." He shared a private look with Luke before focusing on his mom again. "I hope you aren't upset with me…with us for being uneasy. I…I banished dad from my life because he couldn't' accept me for who I am and he hates Luke. He hated him on first sight, which was a shame because Luke is quite possibly the sweetest man you'll ever meet."

"I think that's you, Noah," Luke said softly, his cheeks slightly tinted as he looked away.

"He's modest," Noah explained to his mother.

"Well I guess some things just never change now do they? Winston Mayer always was a coldhearted bastard. All I ever wanted was for you to be able to grow up and be happy, baby. I know I failed you in so many ways, but I really hope that you will let me at least try to make up some of it."

"We can try," Noah admitted. "I don't really know what I'm doing but I want to try." 

"Well honey that makes two of us, because I ain't got a clue what i'm doing either. To be just downright honest, right now I feel like a character in that tv show the Beverly Hillbillies. I never in my life thought I might get the chance to see you again, much less find you here and doing so well for yourself."

"Well it wasn't an easy road, that's for sure," Noah replied as they inched closer and closer to their home. "I relly want you to like Luke…and me…and I want to know about my family. Do I have any grandparents or aunts besides Ruth?"

Luke chuckled. One question at a time baby, you and your mom have the rest of your lives here. "Right, Ms. Wilson?"

"That's right baby." Charlene said directing her answers at Noah. "If you want me here, here is where I'll be. If you said 'Momma move out here with us' I would say let me go pack up the house and I will be on my way. I am just so happy to be able to look at you and to hug you if you want me to or just to sit and let you talk. Whatever you want baby, that's what i'll do."

"Luke is a better talker than me," Noah said blushing.

Luke thought it was adorable, and he couldn't wait to hold Noah in his arms. Today was going great, but Luke was certain that there would be bad days ahead. Once the euphoria wore off, reality settled in hard. HE had every confidence though that Noah and His mother would be able to ride out the storm.


	7. Truths

He was beginning to think she wasn't going to show, not that it would have surprised him in the least. He could recall she was usually late for everything, whether it was a family function, or a trip to the doctor's for James, she had never been a punctual person. This time was no exception…Granted he knew the ground was covered in snow…but she had insisted on coming today. She had picked the time, and yet just as he should have guessed…she was late.

"Maybe she decided not to come," Robbie said hopefully as he doodled on a sketchpad James had bought for him. "It wouldn't be the first time she totally skipped out on something."

"Maybe she was smart and decided not to come out in this weather," James muttered crossing his arms. He looked at his little brother and frowned. "No offense by the way."

"None taken," Robbie shrugged. "She's your mother too, and it's her fault that there is twelve years of bad blood between you guys. So you can say what you want."

"Still," James said, running a hand through his shaggy red hair. "I shouldn't judge her like that."

"You are too nice son," George said from his perch on the couch. "Your mother actually deserves all your animosity, though I assure you I have enough for the both of us."

"I'll get that," Maddie said when there was a knock on the door. All eyes were facing forward as she opened it to reveal a woman of about medium height with green eyes she recognized immediately as James' eyes. "Hello, May I help you?" she asked putting on her pleasant smile.

"Well well what do we have here? You must be the little wife my Jimmy got himself hooked up with and look at you already pregnant. You didn't waste any time now did you?"

Maddie tapped her foot on the floor and bit back the retort that was on the tip of her tongue. "You must be Mrs. Warren; it's a pleasure to meet you. Would you like to come in?"

"Mother, that was not nice," Robbie snapped as his mother stepped inside. "You can't just come in here and be rude to Maddie like that."

"Shut your trap you little monster," Marsha snapped back. "I can't believe you just took off and came here. What were you thinking? Oh wait you weren't thinking. I should wear that little butt of yours out for this little caper."

"That's enough Marsha," George exclaimed as Robbie went back to his doodling. "There is no need to speak to the child that way." James for his credit was glaring daggers at her, and Lucinda was reclining in the chair scrutinizing the scene as only she could.

Marsha looked at her ex-husband and crossed her arms. "You always did have to throw your 2 cents in George. That boy is mine and you have no right whatsoever to tell me how to talk, or act with my child. He is an ungrateful little monster. Dragging me all the way down here, of course I can place that squarely on your head now can't I. Wouldn't put him in a cab and send him home. I guess some things just never change."

"And just what exactly is that supposed to mean Marsha?" George said bitterly. "Should I apologize for caring more about your child's welfare then you apparently do?"

"You always thought you knew what was best for Jimmy," Marsha charged, "and I can plainly see that you are doing the exact same thing with Robbie, and I won't let you do it. You have no claim to Robbie, he is mine and you get no say in what I do or how I handle my child."

George clenched his fists and tightened his jaw. Lucinda quietly placed a hand on his shoulder, silencing him and calming him with that simple touch. He continued to glare but he said not a word.

"Maybe he doesn't have a say," James said standing from his spot on the armrest. "But I do. I don't like the way you treat my little brother. And I certainly didn't like the way you treated me. And you cannot," he said getting angry. His voice raised a decibel and it even made Robbie jump behind Maddie, "Come into my home slinging insults at my wife and at my dad. You don't have that right, and I can totally see why Robbie wanted to get away from you. You haven't even said you missed him. You just came in spouting venom, and that's going to stop right now."

"Well I see that apple didn't fall very far from the tree now did it George. Jimmy, you listen and listen well, Robbie may be your brother, but if you think for one instant that I am going to let you walk all over me the way your father tried to do, you have another thought coming. Robbie is mine and I won't let you take him from me. George took you from me I won't let that happen with Robbie too."

"Now wait just a minute," George started but Lucinda silenced him.

"Let your son handle this darling. He's stronger than you may think."

"Excuse me," James said, his hands balling into fists. Maddie stood close by, she didn't like that James was getting this upset. "I think you have that backwards, Mother. You see as I recall YOU are the one who left. YOU are the one who made promises to come back. YOU are the one who left me. Dad didn't do it, you did and it's obvious you don't care about Robbie. You just want to best dad. But I'm not going to let you use Robbie to do that."

"I left because your father wanted me gone." Marsha explained. "I was never good enough, my care never enough to please your Dad. Let's go Robbie;, it's perfectly obvious that I am not welcome here. And to think that I thought maybe we could sit and chat and catch up."

"I'm staying with Jimmy," Robbie said defiantly as he stood slightly behind his big brother.

"You are so full of it," James said shaking his head. 'Catch up? On what? The past twelve years that you have been spying on me? Or maybe the five years since you left that I sat waiting and waiting for you to come back like you promised. Or perhaps you mean all the time that I lay in bed listening to you and dad fight. Is that what you mean by catch up? Do you even remember telling me that you would be back, mother…Do you?"

Robbie frowned and hugged his brother from behind. He had not known exactly why James was mad at their mother, though he had figured it was bad. It made him sad to think that she had done that to him.

"Robbie I said let's go." Marsha said sternly. " I will not stand here and be talked to this way. I did what had to be done and as for spying on you I have no clue what you are talking about. I haven't been anywhere near you since I left. It hurt too much seeing you to be anywhere near you."

"You lying bitch," Robbie said starting everyone in the room. Maddie hid a smile, for those exact words had been on the tip of her tongue. "You were just here to see Jimmy in June, on my birthday I might add. And before that You were here in May and you are always here. I found your ticket stubs. And what you did to Jimmy is not fair, and I won't stay with you, I won't. And I dare you to touch me with all these witnesses around, Mother. I dare you."

"Young man, get your butt in the car this instant. I have had enough of this. You don't know what you are talking about and I won't have you lying to these people. Get in the car."

"Please," Robbie said crossing his arms. "The fact that I am here says enough if you ask me. If I was lying, how did I know where to find Jimmy? And how come the first thing you commented on was Jimmy's wife. No one told you that, Mother. That came out of your mouth, just like all the stories you told me about Jimmy yourself, and I'm not going to let you stand there and lie to Jimmy again. You already hurt him enough. And I don't want to go with you. I like it here, everyone is nicer than dad, and I want to stay with Jimmy."

"Fine. You can stay one more day and then we are going back to Chicago. I will not stand here and let you call me a liar. Jimmy and Maddie's wedding announcement was in the paper and I saw it there. Now you better get done with this foolishness by morning. Don't make me call your father down here. If he has to come it won't be pretty."

"Don't threaten him, James snapped. and stop lying! Our wedding announcement wasn't in the paper mother. We got married way too quickly for that to even be possible. Just stop lying and get out of here. Robbie stays."

"I will leave, but you haven't heard the last of this. Robbie is mine and he will be going home with me tomorrow when I leave here. There is not a damn thing you can do about it. You be ready to go in the morning."

She left in a huff and Maddie went to close the door, turning to face everyone with a sigh. "That went well," she said sarcastically. James stood still for a moment, looked down at Robbie and back at the door before turning and disappearing into the bedroom. Everyone jumped at the sound of the door slamming and Robbie hung his head.

"Robbie I think you should come home with us tonight," George said standing to grab his and Lucinda's coats.

"I think that's a splendid idea, darling. Come along Robbie;, don't let your mother's words spoil your night. Luke's grandma Emma sent some chocolate chip cookies that I have yet to sample…we'll have them with a nice glass of milk would you like that?"

Maddie watched as Robbie got his coat and his backpack and followed Lucinda and George out. At any other time she would have smiled at the thought of Luke's grandmother eating cookies and milk with an eleven year old. But at the moment she was more worried about her husband, and she needed a venting post.

She fixed herself a bowl of chocolate ice cream and covered it with barbeque sauce and whipped cream, and settled down on the couch with the phone. He took a bite of her concoction as she dialed her best friend.

Luke couldn't help but smile as he watched the scene before him. Ethan was over, having begged their dad to allow him to come see Luke and Noah despite the snow. He had met Noah's mom and immediately took to her like ducks to water. Holden had stayed for a minute to meet Noah's mom, but he couldn't stay long. Duty called and he had to check on the horses and the girls who were being reprimanded for something. Luke was sure he'd hear the details from his sister at a later time.

At the moment Ethan was sitting on Ms. Wilson's lap, as the little guy babbled away about his newest toys. Noah was in the kitchen fixing them a late snack, and Luke just watched in awe. This woman seemed almost too good to be true, but he was glad that she was in Noah's life for now.

"Luke," Noah called from the kitchen as the phone started to ring. "Can you get that?" Luke reached for the phone on the third ring and smiled as Noah's mom tickled Ethan.

"Hello?" he said leaning against the wall.

"Are you busy?" Maddie asked as she took another bite of her ice cream. "I hope the answer is no because I really need to talk to you, and your brother needs you like now."

"What's wrong Maddie?" Luke asked frowning. "Did something happen with Robbie?"

"You could say that?" Maddie replied. "So can you talk to me?"

"Yes of course. Hold on a second. "Will you be okay out here with him," He asked covering the receiver to speak with Noah's mom.

"Oh yes, we'll be fine out here, Luke. You go right on ahead and do what you need to. I'm sure Noah will be out soon."

"Thank you," Luke said before heading to the other room to continue his phone call. "Okay, now what's wrong," he said taking a seat at the table.

"The visit was today," Maddie said sadly. "And needless to say it didn't go very well."

"Oh that's right, James' mom was supposed to come today right? What happened? Is James okay? Is Robbie alright?"

"James is in the bedroom right now, probably cuddling with Dart," Maddie said as she continued to eat her ice cream. "And quite frankly, Luke, the woman's a real bitch."

"That bad?"

"First she insults me, and then has the audacity to claim that she never left James. She blames it all on Dad. And she treats Robbie like dirt."

"Is Robbie okay?"

"He's with Dad and your grandma," Maddie sighed. "He stood up for James though, and then James stood up for him. He really does love that kid already, Luke. But I think he could really use your company right about now. You and Noah can usually get through to him when I can't."

"I wish I could help him," Luke said sadly. "Maybe I can talk to him on the phone…but I can't leave right now. Noah's mom is here, and I don't know if I can leave…"

"Noah's mother? " Maddie interrupted. "Oh my god she's there? You didn't tell me you were searching for his mom? Or did you? No, you didn't…I would have remembered something like that. Noah's mom's alive and you found her and she's in your house?"

Luke chuckled. Yes, yes, no I don't think we told you…but we only decided recently to search for her. Remember Noah's New Year's resolution? Well step one has been complete, and Maddie his mom is a sweetheart let me tell you. I'm glad one of us has a decent mom."

"Tell me about it." Maddie sighed. "Well…I don't want to take you away from Noah, though I do want to hear about his mom. But I'm worried about James, Luke. I don't want him to go through what he went through before with his mother. What if he closes himself off again? What if he shuts me out? How do I deal with that?"

"Well first you need to breathe," Luke replied calmly. He heard Maddie take a few of deep breaths and he smiled. "Good, that's much better. Now just hang tight okay. Noah and I will be there as fast as this snow will allows us to get there. And you'll get to meet Noah's mom. Just continue to breathe and put away any vile concoction you have cooked up."

Maddie laughed. "Okay, I will…you spoiled sport. Can you bring me some Garlic and some cherries please?"

"Maddie!"

"Please Luke; you're coming this way…"

Luke sighed. "Fine, as if I could ever say no to you. See you soon."

Noah was in the living room with Charlene and Ethan when Luke returned. "Hey sweetie who was on the phone?"

"One sec," Luke said disappearing into the kitchen. He resurfaced a few minutes later with a bag containing garlic and cherries. "Grab Ethan, and get your coats, we have to get going."

"Where are we off to in this weather, Luke?" Charlene asked even as she stood, placing Ethan on the floor.

"Our brother needs us," Luke responded, directing his answer at his husband. "And his wife is having cravings."

"For Garlic?" Noah asked raising an eyebrow. "And what's wrong with James?"

"I'll explain on the way there, come on."

Luke handed Noah the bag and went to help Ethan with his coat and hat. Soon they were all bundled up and they piled into Luke's car. Charlene buckled little Ethan into his car seat and got herself settled before Luke pulled out and soon they were on their way."

"Thank god you guys are here," Maddie said as she opened the door. She hugged Luke first, because he was in front, and then held on to Noah for a long moment. "He's still in the bedroom. He won't even talk to me but I think he was crying. Thank you," she said taking the bag Noah held out for her. She pushed them toward the bedroom and focused on Ethan and the woman who held him. "You must be Noah's Mom, come on in please. It's a pleasure to meet you. Hey there little guy," she said to Ethan."

"HI Dee!" He said reaching out for her to take him. "Hi Dee."

"Would you like something to drink Ms. Wilson?" she asked as she held Ethan and gestured for Noah's mom to take a seat."

"No dear," Charlene said as she sat down. "I'm just fine. I am thinking that little man loves everyone that seems to be a part of my baby's life."

"This little guy is as sweet as his big brother," Maddie said blowing raspberries at him. She settled him down on the chair and dug into her bag of goodies. "You don't mind if I eat these," she asked holding up the cherries and garlic her best friend had brought along."

"Honey you go right ahead. Pregnancy cravings are just terrible. When I was pregnant with my baby I had some crazy ones. Pickles and peanut butter. So what has Luke so wired up that he thought it best to bring us all along? Not that I mind any, just haven't seen him that wound up since I got here."

"Ah," Maddie nodded as she ate some of her garlic cherries. "Luke doesn't like going anywhere without Noah. And at the same time, he and Noah both have this connection with my husband, who at this very moment is a little down in the dumps."

"Well now I don't know you and I don't want to step on any toes or anything, but you want to talk about what happened? I can tell you are upset and that's not good for you in your condition. I do know that if my baby and Luke think it was important enough for us to come out in the snow that it must be bad."

"Well," Maddie said already liking Noah's mother just a little. "My mother-in-law stopped by today, and I must say that she was definitely not as nice as you are."

When they opened the door the first thing they noticed was the small Jack Terrier that was curled up on the bed. They entered the room and closed the door, causing James to look up. He moved, startling the dog but it didn't matter at the moment. Silently he embraced Luke and just held on. Luke wrapped his arms around him, and Noah hugged him from behind. For a long moment they just stood there like that, offering comfort and peace for James' troubled psyche.

They sat on the bed, their backs and their heads against the headboard. Luke and Noah sat on either side of James, and they turned slightly so that their full attention was on their brother. James looked so sad, and dejected and he was silent. Little Dart lay in his lap, and James idly stroked him. Luke looked at Noah and sighed. This was going to be harder than they had thought.

"James," Luke said softly. "You need to talk to us;, we can't help unless you talk."

"We're here for you, James…Just tell us what we can do," Noah added.

Silence followed their words, and both of them knew well what that was like. All they could do was wait…James would talk when he was ready. "I don't believe her," he said finally breaking through the silence. "She expects me to believe her but I don't."

"What don't you believe," Luke coaxed gently.

"She said that she didn't leave," James explained. "She made it sound like Dad sent her away. And I don't like the way she treats Robbie either. She's just a lying bitch, and I can't believe I care what she says."

"Of course you care," Noah soothed. "If she is trying to say that she didn't leave, then that means she's making you and your dad out to be the bad guys when that's not the case at all. And you loved her…deep down all you wanted from her was for her to love you back."

"And you hoped that somehow someway she did," Luke added. "You care because you are the one with the heart James. And you love with all of it. Your mom is trying to take advantage of you again…but you can't let her."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do guys. She caused me a lot of pain and," he shook his head as he spoke, "And she's trying to twist it into something it's not."

"She can try," Luke said squeezing James' shoulder. "But that doesn't mean she can succeed. James, you are stronger than her, I know you are."

"I don't think so, Luke. I saw her again, and I'm still that little boy who wanted his mom to come home…and she never came."

"You're so much more than that, James," Noah spoke up. "Luke is right, you are stronger than you think, and we love you. You aren't alone here, not by a long shot." Dart chose that moment to bark as if he agreed with the masses, and that broke the serious tension in the room for a minute. James smiled and petted his small little dog.

"I see you agree with them, huh boy?" James said softly. "Well, I hope that I can agree someday. But I don't know what to do."

"Well," Luke said thoughtfully. "Answer me this, do you believe Robbie is in danger if he goes back home?"

"Yes," James said without hesitation. "She leaves him by himself for weeks at a time, Luke. He ate nothing but bread and water for two weeks straight once."

"And did Ali ever tell you anything about someone being around while you were in the hospital?"

"Yeah she said she saw someone mysterious. This guy was lurking around, but he told her he was the new orderly at the hospital."

"That seems strange," Noah commented.

"Not as strange as her lie about the wedding announcement in the paper."

Luke furrowed his brow as he looked at James. "James we didn't have a wedding announcement."

"I know that," James sighed. "Yet somehow she knew, and she was here. She's lying to me again."

"Sounds like she's always going to lie, James," Luke said reluctantly. "You just can't listen to her."

"Luke's right," Noah asserted. "Tune her out and focus on your little brother and the baby you and Maddie are about to bring into this world. You weren't able to fight for yourself James, but you can fight for them."

James smiled and looked over at Luke who was grinning from ear to ear. "When did he get so wise?"

Luke laughed. "I ask myself that every day. But he's right you know? If you really think your brother will be better off with you and Maddie, then fight for him. And doing so will help you to take that control from her. She won't be able to hurt you anymore, and she won't be allowed to harm Robbie."

"And you don't have to do it alone," Noah added. You have me, and Luke, Maddie, your dad and your possible future step mom."

"I don't know about that," James smiled.

"Well no matter what Grandma Lucinda ends up being to you, James, you know she's in your corner and she has an arsenal of lawyers at her disposal just ready for a fight. If we can prove that the environment that Robbie lives in is unstable then as his blood relative you could get custody of him, or your dad could."

"Thanks guys," James said relaxing completely for the first time since his mom left. "It means a lot that you braved the snow to come to me"

"We wouldn't have it any other way," Luke said smiling. "After all, I think you and Maddie have rushed over to our apartment more times than either of you care to remember."

"We're not the four musketeers for nothing," Noah reminded. "And we're brothers and that's what brothers do."

James smiled as Luke and Noah leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. The three brothers shared a hug and James thanked them once more. They collectively pulled him off the bed, with Dart barking his protests, and insisted that he meet Noah's mother before they headed home.

"Do you think we should do it?" James asked as he and Maddie relaxed on the couch with Dart at their feet. Robbie was spending another day with George. He seemed to be enjoying it over there, and as of yet there had been no sign of Marsha. Tomorrow had quickly turned into the next day, and now it was the middle of Robbie's second week with them, and James was starting to think about the future.

"Do I think we should do what?" Maddie asked turning to face her husband.

"Do you think we should try to get custody of Robbie? And should we make a final decision on the house?"

"What do you want to do about Robbie?"

"It's not about what I want to do, Maddie. This isn't just my decision. This is us…you and I have to decide. I'm not sure what my mother is trying to pull here, but she hasn't been back since she left on Saturday. It doesn't surprise me since she's good at making promises but not keeping them. But still, she seemed adamant about taking Robbie back, so what gives."

"No offense, James, but your mom is a bitch."

James smiled and kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry she treated you like that, she had no right saying those things."

"Well she has no right doing what's she's doing either," Maddie sighed. "Robbie deserves a good home, and people who care about him. I know you've grown attached to him, and I like him too. I bet Dad is having a blast as well, and Luke's grandmother, Robbie probably makes her feel young again."

"Yeah, I'm sure he does," James agreed. "I definitely want him here and I think that he'd be better off with us, but can we do it? We're about to have a baby ourselves and we're still just newly married. Robbie's going to be another responsibility."

"No more so than the baby," Maddie pointed out. "And we're not alone in this. We have a whole lot of people in our corner…and I know well enough that you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if Robbie was still with your mom."

"Then I guess that settles that."

"I'd say it does," Maddie nodded. "Which means to answer your other question, we should definitely take the house. It's going to be just the right size for us and the baby, plus Robbie who will be staying with us no matter how we do this. And the best reason is that it's next door to our very best friends."

His smile was bright and his cheeks flushed as he watched his husband get tackled in the snow. Faith Natalie and little Ethan landed on top of their brother, who in turn slammed each of them down into the soft white stuff. Noah carefully scooped some of the snow into his hand and sculpted a ball. Ever so slowly he crept over to where Faith was trying to get to her feet and dumped the snow into her coat.

"AhHH, Noah that wasn't fair," she shrieked as she wet snow chilled her back. Noah laughed and had just enough time to duck before a snowball hit him square in the face.

"Come on everyone, let's make snow angels," Natalie said as she began to move her arms and legs around in the snow. Luke helped Ethan make his snow angel and Faith found her spot next to her brother. Noah watched the Snyder siblings for a minute before finding his own spot to make a snow angel.

"Girls keep an eye on Ethan okay?" He heard Luke say, before he saw his husband smiling just above him.

"You know you are much better than any snow angel," Noah said sitting up in his spot. He pulled Luke down with him and kissed him softly on the lips.

"You just messed up your angel," Luke laughed, his arms slipping around Noah's neck.

"Nuh uh," Noah said kissing him again. "My angel is perfect, and he's nice and warm."

"Who wants hot chocolate?" Emma's voice filled the air as Luke and Noah moved in for a kiss. They smiled at each other and settled for putting their foreheads together instead.

"We're coming Grandma," Luke said moments later as he stood and pulled Noah up with him. Ethan bounded into his arms, and Natalie almost toppled Noah in her attempt to give him a hug.

"Luke," Faith said as they headed into the house, "Mom wanted me to give you your Christmas gift. She left it at the house."

Luke tensed up momentarily at the mention of his mom and he frowned as they entered the kitchen. He set Ethan down and watched as he ran to Noah's mom who had been staying at the farm for the past few days.

"Luke, are you okay?" Faith asked frowning.

Luke shook his head and smiled as he put his arm around Faith. "Do you want the standard big brother answer, or the I'm close with my little sister answer?"

"I'm a big girl Luke," Faith insisted. " Please tell me what's wrong. I can tell that mentioning mom was not a good thing."

Luke sighed and led his sister to the parlor so they could talk. "I don't know how to explain it, Faith," he said when they were seated on the couch. "I know you're a big girl, and I know you can read my moods about as well as I can read yours…but I don't want to influence your opinion of our mother just because I'm not speaking to her."

"But Luke, after all she has put us through, please don't think that I can't take it or understand. Dad told me that she did some really bad things during the trial but he wouldn't tell me what."

Luke frowned. "Did you know what the trial was about? I mean I don't know how much Dad told you."

"Dad wouldn't tell me specifics, but he said that someone hurt you and that the trial was to make that man go away so that he can't hurt you anymore."

"Yeah, that's about the size of it," Luke said frowning, "and I think you're old enough to know exactly what happened…because I don't think you can understand why I'm so mad at Mom unless you know."

"Then please tell me what happened so I can understand.. I want to know what's going on Luke."

"You promise you won't think any less of me?" he asked seriously. He was suddenly worried that he was making the wrong decision. But this was Faith, she was very perceptive and they had always been pretty close.

"Luke, you are my big brother and no matter what you tell me I will always love you. You were there for me when Mom wasn't. Now just spill will you."

"It's not that simple Faith," Luke said sadly. "If it was…if it was just something as easy as Mom thinks I lied about something then I wouldn't hesitate, but this was…this was something bad. Remember when Noah and I missed Thanksgiving?" He waited for her to nod before continuing. "I think Noah told Mom I was sick…and that wasn't far from the truth. I had been drinking…because I wanted to forget what happened the night before. I was raped, Faith," He said looking down at his hands. "I was completely humiliated, and our mother believed him over me. She bailed him out of jail, testified for the defense…lied on the stand and that on top of the fact that she was with Dusty even before Grandma and I got sick."

"Oh my god Luke," Faith said giving her brother a hug. "That's awful. I can't believe that she would do that to you. Please tell me that you are ok. If it were me I don't think I could ever forgive her for what she did."

"That's just it, Faith, I can't forgive her. I'm okay. I have to be okay and being with Noah definitely helps. I'm through with Mom though. After her attitude when I resigned from WOAK I just couldn't take it anymore. I told her how I felt about everything and as far as I'm concerned I don't have a mom."

"I completely understand Luke, I felt the same way when she abandoned us before, but eventually it got better. Do you think that might happen here?"

Luke shook his head. "I don't see that happening Faith. Maybe it's just because I've lived through so many of their break ups and I've had a lot of promises broken but…the last straw was that she believed Randy over me, to the point of getting up on the stand and saying some awful things. It's just too much, you know? How are you doing with the divorce? I know how close you and mom were at one time."

"Yeah well those days are long gone," Faith frowned. "I am really hoping she will back off and let us live with Dad full time."

"Have you told Dad that this is what you want?'

"Yeah. He and Grandma Lucinda are working on it. Mom's not caving though, and I just don't get it. Could she have made it more obvious that she doesn't want us?"

"She made that decision when she chose Dusty over the family," Luke said bitterly. "And to think I was worried about her when she never came to the hospital while Noah was unconscious. Mom just likes blaming everyone else for her screw ups." He shook his head and looked down at his fingers. "Between us and Noah though we can help Dad keep Nat and Ethan in line right?"

"Nat thinks Noah hung the moon and well Ethan just adores both of you and well I will do whatever it takes to not have to go back to Mom's."

"Am I still your favorite," Luke smiled as he wrapped his sister into a hug.

"You bet. You are the best big brother in the world."

"There you two are," Noah's voice startled them and they both turned to see him in the doorway. "Come on guys the cocoa is getting cold."

"We're coming love," Luke smiled and stood pulling his sister up with him. They followed Noah into the kitchen where his mother was talking with Holden and Emma once again thanking them for their hospitality. Luke and Faith took their seats and Luke gratefully wrapped his hands around the warm mug. As he sipped his chocolate he watched the people around him, laughing and chatting just having a good time. He cherished moments like these, and wouldn't trade them in for anything. So far the year was getting off to a fantastic start, and he couldn't be happier.

Robbie flew into his arms as soon as he opened the door. James just held on to the younger boy and looked at his father for an explanation. He couldn't remember seeing anything less than a smile on Robbie's face since he arrived at their door…weeks ago now. Today though, those green eyes looked sad and lonely. James knew that look all too well.

"Still no word?" James asked directing his question at his father and Lucinda.

"Not yet," Lucinda said taking off her reading glasses. "Where is Maddie today, dear?"

"She had to work late," James explained. He pulled away from Robbie and lifted the younger boy's chin so he was looking at him. "What's got you so glum? Are you sad Mom hasn't come back? Or are you sad because you don't like having to look over your shoulder waiting for her to come back."

Robbie shook his head. "I don't know actually. I just feel abandoned. I mean it wouldn't be the first time, and I know I ran away but…"

"It still would be nice to know she cared. I understand," James said tousling his brother's hair. "We'll figure something out, Robbie…we have to. As it is you are missing quite a bit of school because of Mom's carelessness."

"Mom doesn't care, and Dad doesn't either. He probably just misses his punching bag if he misses me at all."

The dejected tone of voice made James frown and he wished there was something he could say to cheer his little brother up. He wanted to throttle their mother and her husband too. This was getting ridiculous. Before another word could be spoken there was a loud pounding on the door. It was so unexpected that it startled both boys.

George was about to stand to get the door but Lucinda placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let me handle this, Darling." She said even as she moved forward leaving no room for argument. When she got to the door she steeled her spine and opened it, to reveal Marsha and a very perturbed looking gentleman. The look on the man's face did not intimidate Lucinda however. "Is there something I can do for you," she said in her coolest voice."

"You can let me in so I can get my son," Marsha exclaimed. "And get the hell out of this god forsaken town. You and George think you are so much better than us, now get out of my way."

Marsha attempted to move past Lucinda but she halted her with a look. "Do not think that you can just show up and expect us to hand the boy over to you," she said keeping her voice stern and controlled. "You were supposed to be here what? Three weeks ago? And from what I can see you have done nothing but harm the child, and you are being extremely rude. Extremely rude and it is uncalled for. Now if you are going to act like an adult I will let you in, but otherwise Robbie is not going anywhere near you just because you say so."

"Just who do you think you are lady?" Marsha raged, "You have no claim to Robbie, and if you think I am letting my son stay here with you and George, and let you poison his mind against me the way George did Jimmy you are sadly mistaken. Now you can either move or I will move you, which is it going to be miss high and mighty?"

"That's enough, Mother," James said jumping to Lucinda's defense. "You will not lay one hand on her and you need to stop lying. Dad did not poison my mind against you. You did that all on your own with your actions. And I'm not going to let you hurt Robbie the way you hurt me. Broken promises are your specialty and you have shown that in these past few weeks. If you cared an iota about Robbie you would have been here before today."

Lucinda stepped out of the way to let the couple into the apartment. She could see that James had this well in hand and she folded her arms to see what was going to happen now that the parties were inside."

"What did you bring him for," Robbie asked crossing his arms as well. "It's not like he cares."

"You will not talk to me that way boy," his father said angrily. "I will not tolerate it, do you hear me. I am your father and I deserve your respect. Now get your stuff so we can get the hell out of here. I have things to do in Chicago and coming down here to haul you home has put me way behind."

"Yeah right," Robbie said standing his ground. "I'm so sure that's exactly what you were thinking about three weeks ago. Or was it just yesterday that you realized your stress reliever wasn't anywhere in sight. You don't miss your son, Dad, you miss having someone to take out your aggression on and I'm through with that," he shouted.

"Boy you will not talk to me that way. Now get your stuff and get in the car. You don't want me to make you, now do you boy?"

George glared at his ex-wife. "You are just going to allow him to speak to your son that way?" he said incredulously. James frowned and stood ready just in case his little brother needed backup.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Robbie said defiantly. "I don't want to go where you don't love me."

"Marsha has no say in how I talk to my son, and if you think I am going to let you run all over me mister, you have another thing coming. Now Robert get your stuff and get in the car or suffer the consequences."

"I already told you no. I'm not going. You don't give a damn about me, and I don't want to be anywhere near either of you."

"Alright that's it. You have gone too far. I will not tolerate your back talk. I am your father and you will respect that."

The smack was loud and hard. Though Robbie had been expecting it, it stung and tears appeared in the corner of his eyes as he felt his smarting cheek. "Robbie no," James said as the boy pushed past his father and past Lucinda out the front door. "Are you fucking out of your mind," James raged, but his words were cut short by the squealing of tires, and he rushed out the door cursing under his breath.


	8. Split Second

He couldn't sit still. He didn't like this, not at all. It just didn't seem right that he was once again in a hospital, in the middle of January waiting to learn the fate of someone he cared about. This year, just like last year it was someone he barely knew but had come to care about a great deal. Even worse, both of them, his brothers had been run down by cars. Irony was a bitch.

"James," he heard his name and turned to see Maddie Noah and Luke walking toward him. Maddie reached him first and threw her arms around him. "God sweetie I'm so sorry. How did this happen?" she asked pulling away to look at him. "What happened? Why was Robbie outside?"

James glared over in the direction to the adults who were sitting in scattered seats around the waiting room. Lucinda was patting George's arm as he settled back into his chair with a cup of coffee. Marsha sat with her arms crossed; chewing her lip and James couldn't tell if she was worried about Robbie or bothered that he had caused this inconvenience. And Robbie's father looked pissed, and James glared at him hardest…this was his fault, and if anything happened to Robbie…

"James," Luke was beside him, a hand on his shoulder. James looked at his brother and Luke just pulled him into a hug. "He's going to be okay, James. "He's made of strong stuff. Just have faith in that."

"And don't even think he won't make it," Noah added. "No negative thoughts…they'll drive you crazy. Can you tell us what happened?"

'My mother happened," James said bitterly. "And that man, who I am not even going to claim as a stepfather."

Maddie crossed her arms. "Oh she showed up finally?"

"If his father would have let him be he wouldn't have run into the street," James said softly. "He shouldn't have hit him."

"He hit him?" Luke said appalled." "What for?"

"Somehow I don't think he feels he needed a reason," Noah sighed. "I know my father never did."

James sighed, yet another parallel between Robbie and Noah. This was getting crazy. "I just hope he's okay."

"He will be," Luke said reassuringly. "In the meantime what are you going to do after that?"

Maddie moved away from the boys as they talked and went over to stand in front of her mother-in-law. "How could you let this happen," she asked her arms crossed in front of her. "You promise to come back the next day for your son, then you stay away for three weeks, and you come back and your son ends up in the hospital? Have you no shame?"

Marsha glared at Maddie who stood her ground showing the woman she wasn't intimidated. Before she could say anymore the doctor came out and walked towards them. James met him as he approached and Maddie went to stand by her husband, slipping her hand into his.

"How is he, Dr. Hughes? Is my brother okay?" James asked quickly.

"Yes, James. Your brother is going to be fine. He has a mild concussion so I want to keep him over night…."

"Why are you telling him," Marsha snapped. "I'm the mother, you should be talking to me."

"As I was saying," Dr. Hughes continued, "we're going to keep Robbie here overnight for observation. His leg is in a cast, but otherwise he's fine. And he wants to see you, James."

"Thank you, Dr. Hughes, so much."

"Don't even mention it James. I told Robbie I didn't want him running in the streets anymore," the kind doctor smiled. "He's a little groggy so if you want to see him now is the best time, before he goes to sleep."

"Will we be able to see him too Bob," Luke asked.

"I don't see why not," he said squeezing Luke's shoulder. He shook hands with Noah and asked Maddie about the baby before moving closer to the seated adults. "George, always a pleasure to see you outside of hospital business. Lucinda you're looking well. Mr. and Mrs. Warren your son is a very lucky young man, and very bright. I'll be back to check on him in an hour."

"Stupid doctors," Marsha grumbled under her breath. "What does he think he knows? Ya'll ain't going anywhere near my son until I see him."

"I don't think so, Mother," James said looking straight at her.

"What did you say to me?" Marsha asked affronted.

"Luke, Noah, Maddie and I are going to go see Robbie. I don't want you anywhere near him, or you," he said pointing at his stepfather."

"Just who do you think you are boy," Ralph Warren stood with his hands balled into fists like he was ready to strike."

"You didn't give a damn about Robbie before the accident, and you're the reason he's here," James said sternly. "And if I have my way you aren't going to be anywhere near him ever again.

Luke and Noah exchanged looks with Maddie who hid a smile as her husband stared down his mother. Even George and Lucinda were impressed.

'You have no right."

"Yes Mother I do," James interrupted her. "As Robbie's brother I can step in when I feel that he is being mistreated. Now he has been telling me for weeks now that you hit him," he said looking at Robbie's father. "But I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I know all too well what it's like to exaggerate a situation. But today at my father's home you crossed the line. If you want Robbie to listen to you hitting him is not the way to do it. And I'm not going to let you hit him again. Just one phone call will get me a restraining order for Robbie against both of you, and then after that I'll see you in court. Right now though, I'm going to go see my brother. Good bye mother, for good this time."

"He can't do that can he?" Marsha exclaimed as James walked off, followed quickly by Maddie, Luke and Noah. "Can he do that?" she asked George?

"Yes he can," Lucinda answered the question as she hung up her phone. "I just got off the phone with Luke's uncle Jack and he is already letting Margo know the situation. James has the support and backing of his father, as well as my family, and if I were you I would get out of here right now and think about the damage you have caused your son…both of them."

"Jimmy," Robbie said his voice groggy from the drugs they had given him. He managed to smile as his brother, his sister in law and their friends entered the room. "Hi."

"Hey yourself," James said coming to sit beside his bed. "You scared me you know."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to." Robbie frowned. "Does that mean you're going to send me home with them?"

"He's going to do you one better actually," Luke said coming to stand on the other side of the bed. Noah and Maddie came closer as well and soon Robbie was surrounded by the four of them.

"Really?" Robbie asked, looking at Luke. "I don't understand."

"Well," Maddie said taking her brother-in-law's hand into hers. "If you are okay with it, James and I are going to see about getting custody of you."

"My parents won't let me stay though," Robbie said sadly. "I'll just have to go back home."

"Not if Grandma Lucinda has anything to say about it," Noah smiled. "I have it on good authority that your parents won't be able to lay a hand on you."

"Or be within 100 feet," Luke added. "Not unless they want to go to jail."

"You guys would do that for me?" Robbie asked his eyes brightening just a little.

"OF course we would sweetie," Maddie said placing a hand on his cheek. "We care about you a great deal…and Dart would miss you if you went back home."

"I do have one condition though," James said softly.

"Anything Jimmy," Robbie agreed causing everyone to chuckle.

"No more running in front of cars, okay?"

"Deal," Robbie beamed. "I'll try to be good too. I promise."

"I'll hold you to that when I have to reprimand you for something," James joked.

"We all will," Luke said placing his hand on Robbie's cast. "Would you mind if I be the first to sign this?"

Robbie nodded tiredly. Somehow he managed to keep his eyes open as all of them signed his cast. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. Jimmy's friends and Jimmy's wife all loved him…and of course the fact that Jimmy loved him too made it the best news ever.

If George were asked just what was it about Lucinda Walsh that grabbed his attention, he probably wouldn't be able to answer. IT wasn't because he didn't know the answer. Quite the opposite actually. But as he watched her make phone call after phone call in her attempt to help his son, he realized that what he was attracted to was everything. She was a strong woman, who had fought many battles, the most recent being a second bout with cancer. But besides that she was business savvy and stylish to boot. Lucinda had a lot of charisma and she was a take charge kind of person. You couldn't pull one over on this great dame, and somehow she had managed to steal her way into his heart.

And to top it all off, she was all about family. Her love for her children was apparent. He only needed to look in her eyes to know that despite her daughter's shortcomings, she loved her dearly. It was pretty evident how much she adored her former son-in-law too. there was such a mutual respect and a lot of love between those two that George loved to see. Her heart was very big, and Luke and Noah seemed to hold huge chunks of it all their own. They were her special boys. Many of their coffee breaks had been centered around those two, and George could admit that he was as fond of the boys as he was of his own. There was no doubting that Lucinda knew how to get the job done, and as she hung up the phone one more time he just knew that she had succeeded yet again.

"It's finished," she said turning her attention to him, a smile lighting up her face. "The restraining order is in place as we speak, and there is already a court date set for the hearing. I am close friends with the judge, and I am certain, very certain that things will go our way, George. Little Robbie will be where he belongs, and he will be happy. That kid deserves a little happiness and I think we can give that to him."

"I think you're right Lucinda. I just hope this doesn't backfire on us. Robbie has already been through so much. And James is already getting attached."

"And so are you," Lucinda said gently. "Myself included, I already adore that boy, so I will do what I have to, to make sure he stays with us and with James. I think those boys will be good for each other. And Luke and Noah…they will help out all they can, and Maddie will have practice for when she has her baby. I think our little family is growing Darling."

"Our family, huh?" George said softly. "is that how you see it, truly."

"Only if you do, Darling," Lucinda said slipping her hand into George's.

"Yes, Lucinda…indeed I do."

Noah was still sleeping when he opened his eyes, and he shifted so he could look at him. Such a beautiful man, Luke really didn't know how he got so lucky. He loved everything about Noah, from his thick dark hair to his ten perfect toes. He loved everything in between…but even more importantly he loved the inner strength and everything that made him Noah…even his stubbornness. He couldn't help but think about the significance of this day. It was a year ago on this very date that Noah had arisen from a coma with no memory of who he was or the life they had shared. It seemed almost surreal that it had been a year ago, but it was one he wouldn't soon forget.

He pulled away from the warmth of Noah's arms and sat up, watching the rise and fall of his chest and marveling at those perfect eye lashes. His fingers reached out to touch the silky strands of hair, pushing it off Noah's forehead. He loved that his hair was long enough to make bangs. He liked how it fell into Noah's face sometimes. It wasn't too long, but it wasn't short either. It was just right. It was all just right; there was nothing he would change about Noah.

"I like watching you sleep," he said as his fingers continued to run through Noah's hair. "I could probably watch you for hours…but you know it's amazing today because I know you're just sleeping. When you first came home from the hospital I checked on you at least three times during the course of your nap, because I was so afraid that I'd lose you again. Even now sometimes, I worry that I'm going to wake up by your bedside and realize that all this has been some crazy dream…and that you're still in that coma." Noah opened his eyes enough to see Luke, but he didn't speak, he just listened. "It's just been one of those years, Noah," Luke continued. "It's like…it's like getting everything you could ever want only to have it taken away in the blink of an eye. IT scares me, but I love watching you sleep."

"I'm not going anywhere, beautiful."

"You jerk," Luke said grinning down at him. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Most of it," Noah admitted. He sat up and rested his hand against Luke's cheek caressing it softly. "Baby just the change in your breathing can wake me up. We have come way too close to losing each other in the last year, and I am so glad we are here today. It's not a dream, Luke. I'm here and so are you, healthy and happy, well at least I hope that you are happy."

"I am happy," Luke admitted softly. "I'm so happy I don't really know how to put it into words. I know that's crazy for me…but I'm serious. It's like this is our New Years…even more important than the one celebrated in January because we had a new beginning of sorts the day you woke up. Then I ended up in a coma too…do you know what I mean?"

"I know exactly what you mean." Noah leaned forward to steal a kiss, bringing a smile to his husband's lips. "We have truly been blessed, and I am so thankful that we found our way back to each other. I can't imagine my life without you in it."

"Neither can i. I keep thinking back, trying to recall a life before you came, and I can't do it. I remember you asking me how long we had known each other. And you knew before I even said it that it felt like forever, though it had only been eight months at the time. And now it's been twenty, and it still feels like a lifetime. "I have a question for you, love. What is your favorite memory of us?"

"Gosh baby there are so many, and you want me to just pick one, you wouldn't make it hard on me would you." Luke smiled shyly and nodded. "Ok," Noah chuckled, "favorite memory of us, hmmmm, well I would have to say the hayloft after the wedding. Watching you, and feeling the love we shared, and then all the memories of my own coming back was just so perfect. I didn't think it was possible to love you anymore than I did before the accident, but the fact that you stood by me and loved me until I could find my way back to the person I was before.

"That was a beautiful moment," Luka agreed. "I didn't know your memories had returned…you surprised me with that later. But just being with you up there, it was incredible, and so different from the first time we used the hayloft." They both laughed before Luke continued. "I guess I'm just in a reminiscing mood today. I know one thing for certain, falling in love with you a second time was probably the best thing I ever did. And I'd do it again."

"Same here, baby. Same here."

The kiss was slow, sensual and hated. Their lips danced, igniting the passion they both felt. Luke cupped Noah's face, deepening the embrace as they lowered themselves to the pillow.

"Honey your phone's going off again," Charlene said even as Noah picked it up.

"It's a text message from Luke," he explained as he read and then replied to the message. He set the phone down and focused on his mother who was visiting for the day. Luke was running errands before their afternoon lecture, and as promised he was keeping in touch. Ever since they returned from Italy they found a way to communicate when they had to be apart. It was most difficult to text each other while they were in classes, but somehow they managed. And on days such as today, it was very important that they stayed in touch. "So back to you," he said smiling. "Are you enjoying life in Oakdale?"

"Oh my yes. The Snyders are just wonderful people. That Emma, I just love her to pieces. I could get use to living out here."

"Well that's good to know. I definitely like having you here. I have a question for you though." Before he could ask his question his phone went off yet again. "Excuse me," he said turning his attention to the phone once more to write back to his husband. He was all smiles when he turned back to her. "Sorry about that, we try to answer each other as soon as we can so the other doesn't worry."

"I think that is just about the sweetest thing I have ever seen, baby," Charlene gushed. "It's nice to know that there are still people in the world who are not afraid to show their love."

"Noah nodded his agreement. "Luke and I have been through so much…we just hate it when we do need to be apart even though we know being apart is healthy sometimes. You do like him right? I mean your opinion is important to me…because Luke is so important and he knows how important it was to find you. And I just used that word so many times…I'm sorry. He's better at that then me. Do you like him?"

"Like him? Baby I absolutely adore your Luke," Noah beamed and ducked his head shyly. "He is all that I could ever have dreamed up for you. I can see that you are happy and for me that's all that matters. Don't put yourself down like that baby. You are absolutely perfect the way you are. Luke is special in his way and you in your way."

"That means a lot to me, Momma.." Noah laughed at the message he just got from Luke. "do you have any questions for me? Anything you want to know about Luke and I? or anything?"

"Tell me how you boys met and got together. I can tell that you love each other and that James and Maddie are close to both of you."

"That's a long story," Noah said shaking his head. "It's complicated too..;.but uh the short tailored version is that we met at WOAK twenty months ago. We were interning there, and Luke and I got off on the wrong foot because I was late for work. But our friendship built quickly and I was um pretending," Noah said ashamed. "If not for Luke I would have been in a relationship I didn't really want, hurting a girl who I am very lucky to have as a friend. But um, anyway we shared our first kiss in August…and I finally got it right in September and we've been inseparable ever since. Though our relationship has not been without bumps and scrapes…and James and Maddie have been with us through most of it. We're all really tight…and I'm rambling now. Sorry."

"Don't ever be sorry for talking about your life," Charlene insisted. "I missed so much and now I want to catch up all at once. So you just tell me if I ask something you don't want to talk about."

"Well I should warn you, I could talk about Luke for hours. He's just precious and I don't' think that is even the right word."

"Well baby if you wanna talk about Luke for hours, then I would love to hear it all. He mentioned something the other day about you being hurt last year, can I ask what happened?"

"I was in a car accident," Noah explained. "Luke still gets freaked out at the idea of me driving, and I can't say that I am too keen on the idea myself. But I was in a coma for two months and then I had amnesia. My memory has sense returned completely, but last year was definitely interesting to say the least."

"Two months," Charlene repeated, "you were in a coma for two months, oh god that must have been awful for poor Luke. No wonder he is so protective. I'm not sure I would let you out of my sight either. Where was your father while all this was happening? If I had to guess he was trying to rule the world."

"Well, according to Luke, Dad tried to keep him away from my room, but he got to sneak in. and Dr. Hughes says that Luke being there by my side is what helped me to be okay. Luke kept dad away from the room, and I know Dad was really mean to Luke when I came out of the coma. I knew then and there I didn't' want anything to do with him…and I had no clue who he was at the time. But if you really want to know what dad was up to during that time, you may want to ask Luke. He's the one who had to deal with him."

"To be honest. I don't know that I want to know. I can only imagine how awful he was to Luke. I'm sure that his reaction to you being gay wasn't pretty either was it?"

"Actually he didn't believe me when I told him. He decided to tell me instead that Luke was fooling around behind my back."

"He did what? That cold-hearted bastard. What the hell was he trying to do, break your heart. Baby, I am so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Noah shrugged. "And no he was just being Dad. He hates Luke with a passion, and that's actually part of another long story. I don't know how far reaching it was but did you hear about a big trial here last year in April?"

"Hmmmmm no baby I don't think so." Charlene shook her head. "What in the world happened that you would be involved in a trial of some kind?"

"I was stupid," Noah frowned. "Luke will probably kick me for doing this but I blame myself a lot for what happened and for things going to trial. IT wasn't for me but I did have to testify. Luke was the victim in this time and I think without getting into it, its suffice to say that someone hurt him really badly. The car accident happened right after he filled me in on what had happened. IT was Christmas night, and um it was just a really big mess."

Noah frowned and looked down at his cell phone, just in time to see a new message from Luke. it brought a smile to his face, but it made him sad as well. He sent him back a message letting him know he missed him.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that," Charlene said grabbing his attention, "and I just can't imagine someone knowingly hurting Luke. He is such a gentle soul as my Momma would say. I hope that whoever this person was that they are long gone from your lives."

"He's in jail," Noah said running a hand through his hair. "Luke didn't get to see the trial end, because he was in the hospital. And in fact he fell into a coma, and needed a kidney transplant. So guess who had to make the decision that he was going to have that operation." Noah smiled grimly. "Just imagine not remembering your husband at all, but having to make a decision that could save him or kill him. It all worked out thought…Luke now has a part of me inside of him and I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Wait baby, what do you mean Luke has a part of you in him?"

"He means that he gave me a kidney," Luke said surprising both Charlene and Noah with his presence. "I needed a transplant," Luke explained placing his hands on Noah's shoulders. "Your son saved my life." Noah looked up at him with a grin and Luke leaned down to kiss him softly. "I missed you too," he whispered in Noah's ear.

"Well now baby, that would make any Momma proud, but you are just too good for words. I am so sorry I wasn't there to help you get through all this."

"Well you're here now," Noah smiled. "And it's alright, Momma. I wasn't alone no tin the least. "I did want to ask you something about our family though. I mean I am really interested in finding out more about you. Would that be okay? Can you tell me about your family? Do I have grandparents or cousins? "

"I would love to tell you what I can. You do have grandparents and cousins. I know that one of you spoke with my sister Ruth and she has a couple of kids. My parents are still in Tennessee. They moved down there right after they adopted me. I love them dearly and I can't wait to take you to see them."

"Is there anything you can tell Noah about them?" Luke asked from his spot behind Noah. "I mean like where the family originates? I know Noah wanted to know about his roots, right sweetie?"

"Yeah," Noah agreed. "I want to know my complete family history, just have to have a place to start."

Well baby, Momma and Daddy adopted me from an orphanage just outside of Chicago when I was just a baby. We moved to Tennessee when I was a baby and then Ruthie came along several years later. I can't tell you much about my birth parents because to be honest for me Momma and Daddy were all I needed. I never dug any deeper than that. Don't know that they will tell me more even if I ask."

"Well that's a place to start," Noah said looking at Luke. "I guess we just have to go to Tennessee and meet my grandparents and see if they will tell us anything."

"And we could visit the orphanage in Chicago see if we can maybe get a hold of the birth certificate," Luke added.

"Baby are you sure you want to go digging all this up?" Charlene hesitated. "What if you find something bad? I mean if I was in an orphanage it must mean my parents didn't want me so how are they gonna feel if we start digging this up."

"II can see what you mean, Momma, but if I took that approach I never would have found you. I just feel like I need to know exactly where I came from. Don't you want to know who your birth parents are?"

"Baby, I just never gave it much thought. Momma and Daddy were always good to me and when your Daddy ran me off they were there to pick up the pieces. But baby you know I will do whatever I can, but don't expect this to be easy."

"I'm not expecting it to be easy, Momma. I want to try though. Luke and I will do all the detective work. You won't have to do anything if you don't want to. I may need your permission to lift records from the orphanage but…I'm sure we can manage. I'm pretty computer savvy and it's really important to me."

"Well baby if it's important to you then it's important to me too. I'll do what I can, just don't know how Momma and Daddy are going to like it. But I guess we will just cross that bridge when we get there."

"Great," Luke said smiling. "Baby we gotta get going to our class. Just one more question for y ou, Ms. Wilson. When can we go to Tennessee?"

"Thanks, Momma," Noah said standing to give his mom a hug.

"Well we can go whenever you boys have a break in classes. Just need to give Momma and Daddy a days notice before we drop in."

"Okay…we'll let you know when we can get away. Probably over the weekend would be best. Thanks Momma so much. Luke and I gotta go…but I love you."

"I love you too baby," Charlene said giving Noah and Luke a hug. "You too Luke. More than either of you will ever know."

Luke smiled and kissed Noah's mom on the cheek before they left the house. They dropped Charlene off at the farm and bid her farewell before heading into town for their class. Noah was on top of the world and he didn't think anything could bring him down. Luke turned the radio to a random station and Noah laughed and started singing along with the song.

"Please tell me you aren't happy about this boring class," Luke teased.

'No," Noah said shaking his head as he smiled at his husband. "I'm just happy to be with you."

"So you decided to take the house?" George asked looking at his son who sat adjacent to his desk.

"Well we had already made the decision, but what's going on with Robbie cinched the deal for us. We need more space, Dad. For Robbie and for the baby. I know that puts me further away from you, but there's not much I can do about it. I'm sorry."

George waved it off dismissively. "Don't you even worry yourself about that, James. I'm a big boy I can take care of myself." He smiled at his son's expression. "I'll just have to come visit you more often which would be fine. Did you tell Luke and Noah you were moving out near them?"

"No, we're going to surprise them. They have no idea we were looking at houses around there. It will be nice to be next door to them when we need them or vice versa"

"And much safer, I imagine," George concluded. "No chance any of you will break you r necks trying to get to the other."

"I think Henry is a little upset with me though," James smiled. "He thinks I'm trying to take his little sister away. I promised him we would still come for breakfast at Al's every day. Especially since Maddie has been craving peanut butter milkshakes and sweet potato fries. "

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"She likes to dip the fries into the shake, Dad."

"Okay that is a bit much," George laughed. "Are you ready for fatherhood son? It's not an easy business not in the least."

"You said it was pretty rewarding."

"Oh it is, James. You are my greatest accomplishment, nothing has given me more pleasure than being your dad. That doesn't mean it's easy."

"I'm slowly learning that with Robbie," James agreed. "Having him around is making me a little less nervous about taking care of a baby. Of course there is a big difference between an almost twelve year old and a baby…I'll be calling you for advice."

"And I will gladly give it James. I am so very proud of you."

"Thanks dad. I'm just glad all of this will be settled soon, so we can focus on Robbie and the impending birth of our child. I think it's a boy, but Maddie wants a girl."

"Can't say that I blame her there, she has to balance it out somehow," George chuckled. "Look, son there is something I wanted to discuss with you if you don't mind."

"Sure Dad. Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing to be alarmed about son. I just wanted to tell you about a decision I am making."

"OH. You aren't stepping down or anything are you?"

"No," George smiled.

"Are you going to be teaching at the University?"

"Well as a matter of fact I will be," George laughed, "but that's not what I needed to talk to about." he waited a beat before continuing. "I wanted to talk to you about me and Lucinda."

"Oh, okay. I do like seeing you happy with her, Dad. I can tell she really cares about you. She's such a sweet lady."

"Yes she is, James. And I love her. I haven't felt that way about a woman in a very long time, but there is just something about her spirit and her vivacity. She has a beautiful soul and a big heart."

"Are you asking my permission for something, Dad," James asked amused. He had never seen his dad quite so tongue tied before. It was nice.

"I want to ask Lucinda to marry me, but of course I want your blessing first. You, as I have said are very important to me and you always come first."

"Don't you think it's a little soon?" James asked, his voice full of concern. He wanted his dad to be happy, but he also wanted to make sure this wasn't a rash decision.

"I seem to recall you marrying your girlfriend of seven months," George said his eyes twinkling. HE knew his son wasn't so much against the idea. He was looking out for him, and George wouldn't have it any other way.

"Touché," James laughed. "though I think the timing of that had something to do with near death experiences …and besides you knew I was going to propose to her at Christmas if I recall correctly."

"I remember. You only didn't because of what was going on with Luke and Noah at the time."

"it would be okay with me, Dad," James voice was soft as he looked seriously at his father. "I like Luke's grandmother, she's one of the nicest people I have met in the past year and her heart is made of gold. Besides it can't hurt to be somewhat even more related to Luke then I already feel like I am." George laughed heartily and James smiled before sobering up once again. "I just want your happiness Dad, and if taking care of Mrs. Walsh and loving her does that for you then…yeah you have my blessing. "


	9. Making it Special

"It's been awhile since we've done this," James said taking a seat behind the desk. He rested his arms on the table and looked pointedly at his brother who was sitting with his hands folded in front of him. Luke's eyes were downcast, and he sighed before looking up to meet the green gaze. "Is there a certain reason why you decided to come in today?"

"Irrational fear I guess."

"Of what?"

"I don't know James. I feel really bad about this. I shouldn't have anything to be scared of…should I?"

"Well," James said thoughtfully, "I know February 13th is coming up…and Valentine's Day. Those weren't very pleasant for you last year."

Luke frowned. "But I know Noah won't hurt me," he protested. "It just makes no sense. Why can't I let it go?"

"Because you're trying too hard."

"What do you mean?"

"You want to let it go," James informed him, as he settled back in his chair. "You're thinking about it, and you want the thoughts to go away, and instead they are becoming more prominent. If you stop the thoughts...just let the days go by and enjoy them the memories will stop haunting you."

"I don't know James. I mean, I remember everything. What you're saying seems so simple, and I don't know if I can do it. The holidays will always bring back what happened, and then February will be awful, and March," He bristled, "and I'd forget about April all together if I thought I could."

"No you wouldn't," James countered. "And no offense, but I think you're being silly. It's not that I don't think you have a right to be, but you're creating situations that aren't there. There's nothing to fear, Luke. You have Noah there with you and you know he will do everything in his power to help you through all these troubled spots. And you'll have to help him too. You aren't the only one who remembers February 13th I'm certain of that."

"So what do I do?" Luke asked frustrated."

"How did you deal with November 21st?"

"Well, we were in Rome during that day so that helped a little. I didn't have time to think about what that day meant because we were touring the Coliseum and we were just enjoying each other's company."

"Well then I'd say that's your answer."

"Even though we're back here?"

"Yes, Luke. I know you've been scared, since you came back, that something bad will take this away from you." Even as he spoke Luke's cell phone went off and he checked it. James watched as Luke smiled and James assumed he was communicating with Noah.

"Sorry about that," Luke said minutes later. "What were you saying?"

"Don't apologize," James smiled. "All I'm saying Luke is that bad things are going to happen, and if you live your life always looking over your shoulder, are you really living?"

"So you think I should just forget that these things happened?" Luke seemed skeptical.

"No, not necessarily. Remember them, but don't let them stop you from enjoying life. You and Noah are together now, he remembers everything and this year is truly like a new beginning. You're healthy, you're happy, and you have a new home, and new responsibilities. Go do something tomorrow. Didn't you say that was your date night anyway?"

"Yeah, it's Friday."

"Well make it a special one. No one ever said Valentine's Day had to be celebrated on just one day. You and Noah could just stay home and do nothing and I'm certain it would be okay with him."

"I know," Luke frowned. "But I want it to be special for him…I think he deserves that much."

"He's going to think its special no matter what you do, Luke. Just do something from your heart."

Luke smiled knowing James was right. "What are you and Maddie doing this weekend?"

"Oh we have plans," James smiled. "Dinner, Romantic movies…Robbie is going to be with my Dad for part of it then he'll be back with us."

"I still can't believe your dad and my Grandma are going to get married. That's just crazy, but in a good way."

"Tell me about it," James laughed. "I'm just glad they make each other happy, you know?"

"Yeah," Luke agreed. "I'm happy for them. In grandma's case the sixth time will be the charm."

"Well she already makes Dad happier then he was with Mom, at least as far as I can tell."

"Have you talked to her since Robbie got out of the hospital?"

"Nope," James shook his head. "I talked to Robbie's father, just long enough to tell him that the lawyer would be in contact with him, and in the meantime we needed some of Robbie's things shipped here. I was serious when I said I didn't want to talk to her again…I think I've realized that I was better off without her. Isn't that sad?"

"No sadder then Noah being better off without his dad, or me being okay without mine, and my mom for that matter. I think parents are interesting."

That's one way of putting it," James agreed. "But I think about Maddie who doesn't have either of her parents, and I count my blessings that I have dad. I'd be lost without him."

"Yeah, same here," Luke agreed. "And you'll be a dad soon. I think you'll be a great one."

"I hope so," James said smiling. "Which reminds me, I have to show you the latest pictures of the baby." He pulled out the ultrasound print and Luke smiled as he took it from him.

"Awww I can see the head…this is amazing. I think it's going to be a boy." James laughed and for a few minutes they examined the picture as if somehow they would be able to figure out what Maddie was having. When James received a phone call, Luke took that as his cue to leave. He was glad he had come to see James today. He already felt a lot better, and he couldn't wait to get home to Noah.

"I just want everything to be perfect for him," Noah said balancing the phone on his shoulder as he straightened up around the house. Is that too much to ask?"

Maddie laughed as she took a seat and rested her elbows on the table. She was at work taking a break after a meeting with the production staff. "I don't think that's too much to ask at all, Noah. I don't think you need my help to do it though."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Noah chuckled. "I know I pulled off a great anniversary for us and everything but this is different. Last year was not kind to Luke and I know he's going to be thinking about the bad stuff that happened on the 13th and the stuff he had to do on Valentine's Day. And the only way to fix it is to make better memories. That's all I'm asking for Mads."

Maddie sighed. "You are such a romantic, Mayer. Hmmm what can you do for Luke?" She thought about it for a second, twirling her hair with her finger as she wondered what her best friend would like. "Well the key will be to make new memories on both of those days," she said finally. "And make a tradition out of it or something. I think Luke would love just being at home with you, maybe breakfast in bed. You can sing to him, or make him a CD of you singing…that would be nice. I bet he'd love that. Or take him out to a karaoke bar and serenade him there."

"I don't think Luke wants to hear me sing," Noah laughed.

"Are you kidding," Maddie giggled. "Luke would melt if you sang to him, and you know it. But there's always the standard dinner with candlelight in front of a roaring fire. That always does the trick. Cook his favorites and feed him while he sits in your lap staring into your deep blue eyes."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No, Noah, No," Maddie said trying to stifle her laughter. "I think that it is very nice that you want to do something special for Luke. He loves you and any time he spends with you is special. So just do what your heart tells you to do…it won't steer you wrong."

"You're sure?"

"Well the last person I gave that expert advice to ended up taking you to Italy for six months so trust me, I'm sure."

"Thanks Maddie. I gotta go. Love you bye. Hey you," He said turning his attention to Luke who had just entered the house. He pulled him in for a kiss and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. "I missed you, terribly."

Luke rained kisses down the length of Noah's body causing him to sigh with contentment. He loved the feel of Luke's lips on his skin. The sucking and the licking…the biting, it made him shudder and moan. He didn't want Luke to stop, not ever. His breath caught when Luke took him into his mouth and started to suck and bob. Those brown eyes met his seductively and he shifted his hips, wanting to be as far into Luke's mouth as he could be. "God Luciano," he gasped as Luke continued his ministrations

It was too easy to get lost in those feelings. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed this…having Luke's mouth working its magic. It seemed like forever since he had enjoyed the waves washing over him. His breathing was already becoming erratic and he moved again, moaning as Luke picked up friction. "Oh god," he said as he shuddered with anticipation. "Luciano…oh god, I'm going to…" He let out an unintelligible noise as he exploded into his husband's mouth. Just watching Luke swallow it all down was enough to send him over the edge again and it took a few minutes for the orgasmic wave to be completely over.

He moaned when Luke crawled up his body to kiss his lips, allowing him to taste some of his own seed. The kiss was intoxicating, sweet and salty. Noah couldn't get enough. "MMM…Make…mmmm Love to…mmmm, Luciano," he gasped as Luke continued to prevent him from speaking. He made his hands move to cup Luke's face, caressing it softly with his thumbs. "I want you to make love to me, Luciano. I want to feel you in me…now."

He couldn't help but gasp as Luke's finger slipped into his entrance. Just that small bit of friction was enough to send his heart racing. He wanted to feel his husband inside him, and he made that abundantly clear as he tried to push down on Luke's fingers. "Luke, please," he begged before Luke claimed his mouth. The kiss was intense, and he felt dizzying waves of passion as Luke finally gave in to his demands. The consummation was exquisite and he felt like Luke had come home to him. They moved together, his hips meeting the thrusts urgently as if his life depended on pulling Luke deeper into his body.

He was in Heaven, and just when he thought it couldn't get better, he felt Luke's hand take hold of his hardened cock. The sensations drove him crazy as Luke thrust and stroked, thrust and stroked easily bringing Noah to the very edge. "Oh god, Luciano," he gasped, "what are you doing to me?"

Luke continued to stroke, and Noah shuddered as the orgasm shook through him leaving a sticky substance in Luke's hands. He felt Luke let lose inside him and he tried hard to catch his breath. Luke kissed him eagerly, bringing his sticky hand up to rest against Noah's chest. "I love you Noah," he said breathlessly as he shifted to lie beside him.

Noah immediately pulled Luke close placing his head against his beating heart. "I love you too…you're incredible.

Luke looked up at him and Noah melted, giving into the urge to kiss those tantalizing lips yet again. Without a moment's pause Noah's hand slid down the body he craved and he proceeded to show Luke just how much he was loved.

Luke was still sleeping when he opened his eyes, and he slipped away from him as not to wake him up He loved watching Luke sleep. He just looked so peaceful, lying there with those perfect eyelashes just barely touching his face. There was a soft smile across those perfect lips, and Noah thought it was just nice to see his husband looking so content

Especially compared to how he had been last year at this time. Noah didn't think he would ever forget waking up to the sound of frantic Luke as he tried to untangle himself from Noah's arms. That had been the beginning of a difficult time for both of them, and it was something that Noah wanted to rectify. He figured the best way to start that would be to make Luke breakfast in bed. Just thinking about it was enough to make him smile as he slid out of bed. He pulled on a pair of sweat pants and kissed his husband's forehead gently before heading off into the kitchen.

As he cooked he tried to stay focused on what was good about the previous year. It wasn't completely awful, not by a long shot, and he recalled that his original intent had been to let Luke know how much he loved him. As it was he found he fell more and more in love with Luke every day, and he wanted him to know that. They had shared some sweet moments before everything went sour, and those were what Noah wanted to focus on today…and for the rest of the weekend.

The phone rang while he scrambled eggs and he reached for it quickly so as not to awaken his husband. "Hi Faith," he said smiling as he balanced the phone on his shoulder. "How are you doing this morning?"

"How did you know it was me," Faith laughed. "Never mind I don't really have time to be silly, I needed to talk to Luke. Is he awake yet?"

"No, he's sleeping, but I could use a favor before you head off to school. And is there anything I can help you with?"

"Well I had a question for him but it can wait. What can I help you with Noah?"

"I need roses," Noah explained as he served up the eggs on a plate with bacon and fried potatoes.

"I can get you roses if you can ask Luke to help me with my paper. Please Noah?"

Noah laughed. "I can't believe you just bribed me you little stinker. I'll see what I can do, it is Valentine's Day this weekend and I want to make sure your brother has a romantic time. I am sure he would gladly help you with the paper though. Can I have the roses post haste?"

"Thanks Noah," Faith said hanging up the phone. It didn't take long for her to bring the flowers over, and Noah thanked her with a hug. He had already prepared Luke's tray, and now he accented it with one of the roses. He took a second rose and placed it between his teeth before heading back towards the bedroom. Just as he figured, Luke was still snoozing. Noah placed the tray on the table and took the rose into his hand, using it to touch Luke's face.

"Good morning beautiful," Noah started singing the moment Luke's eyes fluttered open, "How was your night. Mine was wonderful with you by my side. And when I open my eyes  
And see your sweet face It's a good morning beautiful day…"

A soft smile crossed Luke's lips as Noah continued the song. He took the flower from his husband's hands and pulled him down on the bed beside him. He loved listening to Noah's voice. He didn't think he'd ever tire of it.

"I'll never worry," Noah sang as he caressed Luke's cheek, "if it's raining outside. Cause in here with you boy, the sun always shines. Good morning, beautiful, how was your night. Mine was wonderful with you by my side…"

When the song ended, Luke pulled his husband in for a kiss that left them both breathless. "Good morning to you too," he said huskily as he pressed their foreheads together. "You should be careful; I could get very used to you serenading me in the morning."

Noah laughed and stole a kiss before pulling away to retrieve the tray. "Breakfast is served, my love."

"I hope you plan on sharing it with me," Luke said even as he swiped a potato from the plate.

"Well I was kinda hoping we'd share," Noah admitted. He took the fork and fed Luke some eggs."

"Mmmm" Luke moaned as he chewed his eggs. "I think we can manage that." He took the fork from Noah and took a turn feeding him. They kissed between bites, and somehow managed to consume most of the meal Noah had prepared.

Luke licked his lips when Noah picked up the last piece of meat on the plate and dangled it in front of him. It was a sausage link, and Noah allowed the tip to touch Luke's mouth before withdrawing it and placing it in his own. He sucked on the piece of meat causing Luke to groan.

"You are so not playing fair, Noah."

Noah smiled and held the piece of meat in his mouth as he moved closer to his husband, positioning the meat at the entrance of that luscious mouth. Luke welcomed the treat and for a moment they sat eating the sausage as if it were the best thing they had ever tasted. Noah pulled away long enough to swallow, and allowed Luke to do the same before crushing their lips together and lowering Luke down to the pillow.

"Noah…"

"Shhh," Noah interrupted as he kissed Luke again, allowing his hands to slide down his naked torso. "I love you, Luke," he said as he caressed and squeezed, kneading Luke's skin gently as he continued his descent.

"I love…you…too," Luke gasped as Noah lavished his body with attention. He knew his husband was purposely avoiding one certain spot and it drove Luke crazy. No matter how much he whimpered, or begged Noah wouldn't touch him where he wanted to be touched. It was torture, and Luke knew his husband was enjoying it. "Oh my God, you are so mean," he said as he writhed under his husband's ministrations.

Noah looked up at him, pinning him with that seductive blue gaze and that sexy pout that made him melt every time. "What did I do?"

"You won't touch me," Luke complained, even as Noah's fingers squeezed his inner thigh, and those lips started sucking on his navel.

"I am touching you," Noah informed him sweetly, allowing his tongue to lick at Luke's belly button.

"Noah…please," Luke moaned again.

"Please what, Luciano?"

"I want," Luke gasped as Noah pressed a finger into him, "You to…touch me."

"Here," Noah asked as he brought his fingers to Luke's lips, stroking them tenderly as his other hand remained preoccupied with his entrance. Luke whimpered in reply, somehow managing to shake his head. "Or do you mean here," Noah asked, his hand sliding down to touch Luke's chest. His fingers slid over the contours of his muscles.

"N …No…ah."

"Not there? Hmmm," Noah said as his hand moved lower. Luke was squirming beneath him, breathing heavily though he was trying to hold on. Here?" Noah asked, his hand squeezing Luke's inner thigh, massaging it gently, "or perhaps you mean here."

When Noah's hand touched his hardened cock Luke let out a cry that could be heard on the other side of the country.

"Oh, you wanted me to touch there," Noah exclaimed before leaving Luke's entrance alone so he could focus his full attention on the throbbing manhood. "Why didn't you say so?"

"I…I..." Luke's words were replaced with a sharp intake of breath as Noah took him all in and begin to suck hard. Luke shuddered as his fingers tangled themselves in Noah's hair and he pressed himself deeper inside his husband's mouth. The orgasm washed over him with such force that he felt a little lightheaded. "Are…are you okay," he asked as he heard Noah gag.

"Fine," Noah said, his mouth still attached to Luke as he tried to swallow every drop.

"Will you make love to me…please, Noah?"

Noah didn't have to be asked twice. He returned to Luke's side, locking their lips together as he swiftly claimed him once and for all. Luke's cries of ecstasy were swallowed as Noah pumped and thrust taking them both to highs they had yet to explore.

Luke could still feel Noah's presence as he stood under the hot spray an hour later. He had deliberately told Noah they had to shower separately. If they didn't, then they wouldn't get anywhere that day…and Luke had plans for them. He could still feel Noah's touch as he lathered up and thought about what they were going to do. Since it wasn't too cold, they were going to take the horses out for a ride. It had been a while since they had taken Ariel and Misty out and there was something really nice about riding horseback with Noah. He was even thinking about just saddling up Ari so he and Noah could ride her together. That sounded like an even better idea and romantic to boot.

The plan as it was, was to get Noah out of the house long enough to allow his sister, his grandmother and his mother-in-law to create the perfect pre-valentine's day dinner. The menu was all planned and Charlene had told him to leave everything to her. His task was simple; spend as much time as needed keeping Noah preoccupied.

"What are you doing?" he asked even as he leaned into the arms that encircled his waist.

"You were taking too long," Noah complained as he kisses his neck. "I missed you, so I thought I'd come and join you. Do you mind?"

Luke's laugh turned into a moan as Noah's hand found its target. "I suppose this is okay," he said breathlessly. "We have another hour to spare."

Noah chuckled and turned Luke around so he was facing him. He pressed him against the wall of the shower and kissed him hungrily, neither of them seeming to mind that the water was getting cold.

It was a beautiful day for a ride. The sky was a crisp blue, and the air was brisk. There wasn't a speck of snow on the ground for miles and best of all Noah had his arms wrapped around his favorite thing…Luke's waist. He was leaning against his husband's back as Ariel continued to walk along the trail. Each time the animal moved beneath them, Noah felt his legs rub against Luke's.

Luke refused to wear a hat, and his hair blew in the wind, Noah almost wished he wasn't riding, so he could capture all of this on video. He made a note to do that one day. Watching Luke ride was yet another thing he could do for hours at a time if given the chance.

"Are you okay, babe?" Luke asked turning to face him as Ari came to a stop. His face was flushed from the cold, and he was smiling. Noah was happy to see him in such a good mood, and he stole a kiss before answering him.

"I've never been better. Only you would want to ride a horse in thirty degree weather."

"It's not that cold," Luke laughed. "And besides this was how people traveled in the olden days…no cars, and no trucks. Just a horse and a man's two feet. And it didn't matter if there was snow on the ground either."

Noah laughed and held on tighter as Ari was urged into a run. He was completely in awe of this animal, Luke's girl. She was graceful and quick, and very intelligent. She knew Luke's movements before Luke even made up his mind. It was a very interesting relationship to watch, and sometimes Noah had to remind himself not to be jealous.

"Whoa, girl," Luke said as he pulled Ari to a stop. Noah took a moment to look around, realizing they were in a clearing he had never been to before. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask Luke where they were when his husband beat him to the punch. "I figured it was about time you saw this place," He said turning to face Noah with a smile. "I still have so many special places to share with you, but this one…well I haven't actually been here in a while."

"How come?" Noah asked. It's beautiful."

"I haven't had a reason to," Luke explained. "Ari and I would come out here just to be alone, back when I was lying to everyone including myself about who I was."

"That sounds familiar," Noah said softly.

Luke smiled and slid down off of Ari's back. Noah followed and took Luke's gloved hand and they started walking the path, with Ari walking beside them, as if she knew she needed to be part of the conversation too. "I thought about you here too," Luke admitted after a few minutes of silence. Not so much about you, but the thought of you and what that represented. At the time I didn't really think I would find it, but I did; I found you and more love then I could have ever thought possible."

Noah brought Luke's gloved hand up to his lips and kissed it softly before kissing him tenderly on the lips. "I love when you share these things with me, and I am glad that you haven't felt the need to come to this place alone."

"I hope I don't have to do anything alone anymore…now that I have you. And I know that sounds…sappy but it's true. Even with all the…the crap that happened, and well everything, being with you has still been the best part, and I don't want to lose that."

"Isn't it strange," Noah said taking Luke's hand, "How different this conversation is from the one we had last year at this time? Actually I don't think I recall every minute of that day…I just know it was one of those roller-coasters and I certainly felt like my heart was flip-flopping around. I was happy, then confused then sad and heartbroken."

"So was I," Luke admitted softly. "It was definitely a crazy day…and I was scared too, not of you, but of what you did, you know? I was just so shocked and it sent me into such a panic and I'm sure I was overreacting just a little…"

"No you weren't," Noah said cutting Luke off before he could finish his thought. "I don't want you to ever think you are overreacting about anything, Luke. Believe me; I will let you know if that is the case. You had every right to be frightened that afternoon, and I could kick myself for putting that look in your eyes again."

Luke shook his head and pulled away from Noah. He walked ahead a few paces, wrapping his arms around himself as he looked at the open field before him. "That day sucked in a lot of ways," he admitted some time later, "but it's hardly the defining moment, and truthfully it did lead to a lot of good things and…thank you, Noah."

"For what?"

"For allowing me to talk about this as I need to." Luke turned to him again, "It's so random sometimes, when I think about things like that. I don't know when it's going to come, and you would have every right to tell me to shut up, but you don't. You just listen, and you let me talk."

"Doesn't James do the same thing?" Noah asked coming closer to take his husband into his embrace.

"Yes," Luke said his arms encircling Noah's neck as he looked up at him. "And he doesn't have to either…but I'm not in love with James. He doesn't hold the key to my heart, and despite what you may think he doesn't know all my fears the way you do. We're both close to him, and I am glad that we have him in our lives…but today…this moment is all about one person."

"Just one," Noah smiled.

"When I came home that night I was going to tell you that I was falling in love with you all over again," Luke admitted. "Now I want you to know that I'm still falling and I never want to stop."

Noah smiled contentedly as they walked up the path to their home. Luke was a few paces behind him and he stopped at the door to wait for him to catch up. It had been a nice afternoon and Noah was looking forward to a quiet evening with his husband. He already had a pretty good idea what he wanted to do for Luke on Valentine's Day, and he was sure that Luke wouldn't have a spare minute to think about the previous year. Noah planned to make it a day neither of them would soon forget.

"Oh, wow," he said as he stepped into their home. He heard his husband come in, and spared him a glance before turning to stare at the beautiful scene before him. The living room was littered with candles casting the room in soft light. The furniture had been moved, and there was a pile of blankets and pillows in front of the fireplace. The tantalizing smell of cinnamon met his nose and he licked his lips. "You did all this?" he asked turning to Luke who was grinning from ear to ear.

"With a little help," Luke admitted. "I wanted to make our date night just a little more special."

"Any time I spend with you is special, Luke," Noah said drawing him into his arms. "Date nights are my favorite, next to Thursdays."

Luke smiled and kissed Noah softly before pulling out of his arms. He took Noah's hand and led him to the floor. "You get to be treated like royalty today. I'll get dinner, and we'll watch movies."

"You don't want my help?" Noah asked grabbing a hold of Luke's hand before he could leave.

"I want to serve you today," Luke bent down to kiss him before heading off into the kitchen. Noah sighed and settled back on the pillows to wait for Luke's return. Everything smelled delicious and he could hardly believe that Luke had gone through all this trouble just for him; the roaring fire, the movie projector, which was set up so they could watch movies as if they were in the theater, and the rose petals that were strewn around. It was almost a perfect reenactment of their first anniversary…almost.

"Dinner is served," Luke said returning to the living room with a tray laden with two plates and two gasses of sparkling cider. Noah stood to help him set the tray down and couldn't resist wrapping him into his arms for a moment. "I take it this means you're happy with me?" Luke asked wrapping his arms around Noah's neck.

"Always," Noah said kissing his nose. "What are we eating tonight?"

"Well," Luke pulled out of the embrace and focused on the tray. "We have Grandma Emma's special meat loaf, with fresh mashed potatoes and green beans, plus I asked your mom to make cinnamon apple crisp for dessert. Taste this." He scooped up a spoonful of potatoes and brought it to his husband's mouth.

"Mmmmmm, that's really good," Noah said talking with his mouth full. He chewed and swallowed before laughing at the look on Luke's face. "Don't look so scandalized love."

Luke smiled, "You are such a dork," he laughed. "Come on," he pulled Noah down to the blankets and set the tray between them before reaching for the remote control.

"Wait," Noah said placing his hand on top of Luke's. "Let's talk, then we'll watch the movie. I can't wait to see what you picked out."

"Okay," Luke agreed. He broke off a piece of meat and pressed it in Noah's mouth. "What would you like to talk about?"

"Anything…everything," Noah said feeding Luke a spoonful of potatoes.

"Are you happy?"

"I'm always happy with you, Luke. And right now I couldn't be happier. I mean I have you, and my mom is in my life. I never could have dreamed that I would get a chance to meet her."

"That is pretty amazing. And she seems to be settling in pretty well at the farm. I'm glad grandma Emma offered her a place to stay."

"Yeah me too. Not that we would have minded having her here, but I love having you all to myself," Noah admitted.

"Me too," Luke agreed. "I really like her; she's so sweet and caring. And she seems to fit right in with the family. Grandma feels like she has found a kindred spirit."

"I'm kinda surprised she allows her to use the kitchen," Noah laughed. "You definitely have to be someone special to have any kind of reign in Emma's kitchen."

"That's the truth" Luke chuckled. "Remember she even fretted when you and I cooked dinner over there, and I know she adores us."

"Yeah well I can think of plenty of things we have done in that kitchen...and they don't have anything to do with food…except maybe sausage."

Luke spit out his cider and laughed out loud. "Oh my god, Noah!"

"What? You can't tell me you weren't thinking it too."

"That is so not the same thing. And if you say anything about cherries you will die."

"Okay, I give," Noah pulled Luke close for a quick kiss. "I guess that took the topic far off course."

"We went from your momma to sex," Luke snickered. "Not really two things I want to talk about in the same breath.

Noah accepted another bite of potatoes from Luke and chewed thoughtfully as his husband cleaned up his spill. "I'm glad Momma has taken so well to your family, and I'm glad they are being so nice to her."

"It's your family too Noah," Luke pointed out. "Speaking of which, I think we should go to Tennessee pretty soon. It's time to continue the search for your roots and in order to do that we have to talk to your mom's adopted parents."

"I was thinking the same thing. Maybe if we don't have any other plans we can go Sunday or even next weekend?"

"We can go Sunday unless you think we should let your Momma give her family more warning. If you would like we can make a week out of it and see what happens."

"I can wait until next weekend if we have to, no need for us to miss out on school. And you're right; we can give Momma more time to warn her parents that we are coming. I wonder what they're like." He mused. "I'm a little nervous; I mean these will be my grandparents."

"Well we can only hope that they are as sweet as she is," Luke commented as he took a sip of his drink. "We can talk to her about it this weekend. I think it will be fun to go to Tennessee, I've never been there."

"We'll mark that one off the list next weekend then." Noah sighed and fed Luke another bite of meat as something occurred to him. "Do you remember when we talked about going on a trip every month?"

"Yeah," Luke said fondly. "We were supposed to go to New York in December if I recall correctly."

"Yeah," Noah laughed. "Six months of trips down the drain."

"I think we made up for it though, Noah. I mean we were in Italy for six months."

"That was fun, but I think James would skin us alive if we did that again."

"James, Maddie, Dad…yeah I think a lot of people would be mad at us if we disappeared for too long. I don't really care, as long as we get to be alone sometimes, just like this."

Noah moved their plates to the side and pulled Luke into his arms. "Are you ready to watch the movie," He asked, his face buried in Luke's hair. He felt, rather than saw Luke's nod and he reached over for the remote and pressed play. A smile crossed his lips and he wrapped his arms tighter around Luke as Love Story played on the big screen.

The ringing of the phone was persistent, and Luke's first impulse was to ignore it. He put the pillow over his head and scooted over to Noah. His body met cool sheets and his eyes opened in puzzlement. Where was Noah? And why wouldn't the blasted phone stop ringing? With a sigh he reached for the phone and brought it to his ear. It was the only way to stop the ringing. "Hello." He yawned.

"No New Year's Day," Noah's voice met his ears and a smile crossed his lips. "To Celebrate. No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away. No first of spring, no song to sing. In fact here's just another ordinary day."

Luke smiled and slid out of bed as Noah continued to sing to him. He slipped on a pair of sweat pants and went in search of his singing husband.

"I just called, to say I love you," Noah sang as Luke entered the kitchen and locked eyes with him. "I just called to say how much I cared. I just called to say, I love you…and I mean it from the bottom of my heart." He continued to sing as Luke came closer wrapping his arms around Noah's neck as he placed the phone down on the counter.

"You know that would have been even more effective if today wasn't Valentine's Day, Dork."

Noah laughed and greeted him with a kiss. "Did you enjoy it though, Love?"

"Hmmm you woke me with a song two days in a row. I could definitely get used to that. I love your voice. And I love you."

"Happy Valentine's Day, Luciano."

"Happy Valentine's Day, Dork," Luke replied softly. He leaned in for another kiss and for a moment lost himself in Noah's strong embrace. It was truly a nice place to be.

They cooked breakfast together and ate in relative silence. Luke was thinking about all he needed to do that day, and Noah was running through his plans, wanting to make sure everything was ready for the evening. He needed to check on Luke's gift, and he figured he could do that while Luke helped Faith with her paper. He was a little nervous; being this was truly their first Valentine's Day. Last year's didn't count…even if they admitted that they were falling in love all over again.

"So do you have any other surprises planned?" Luke asked pulling Noah out of his thoughts.

"You'll just have to wait and see," Noah smiled. "What time are you going to help your sister?"

"At noon, after she's done all her chores." Luke took a sip of his juice and reached out to take Noah's hand. "We don't need to do anything special you know. I wouldn't mind just staying in and relaxing. Or you could spend some time with your mom."

"We're going to spend time at the farm," Noah informed him. "And then after you help Faith and we give the girls and Ethan the candy we bought, we are going out on a real date. We can even play dress up."

Luke laughed. "Hmmm something fancy?"

"Perhaps."

"Not the Lakeview I hope," Luke frowned and bit his lip.

"I will not let Lily ruin this day for either of us," Noah assured him. "I think you will like the reservations I got for us though."

"I'm sure I'll love it because you thought of it."

"Are you done with breakfast?" Noah asked taking one last sip of juice before standing. Luke followed him and they took their plates over to the sink. Luke stood behind Noah and wrapped his arms around his waist, his head resting against his back. "Are you okay?" Noah asked making no attempt to move or turn around.

"I'm more than okay," Luke's voice sounded soft and husky. Noah loved that sound. "I'm perfect and I just want to stay like this for a minute…just for a little while until we start our day. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes, Luke." Noah reached back his arms, wrapping them around his husband. "That's more than okay."

They spent the afternoon at the farm. Luke sat with Faith at the kitchen table helping her with her paper. Noah sat with them for a time, listening to the siblings discuss the important plot points in Steinbeck's The Pearl. Once he was certain Luke was preoccupied, he slipped away to take care of last minute details and pick up Luke's gift.

Faith had specific instructions to draw out the writing process for as long as she could. Noah was going to text Luke at five on the dot, and at that point their evening would begin. Henry and Vienna had assured him that everything was set for their arrival, and Luke's present was ready for viewing. Noah hoped that Luke would like his surprise.

"So the basic point," Faith said as Luke's phone vibrated on the table, "Is that the Pearl represented greed and instead of bringing wealth it only caused misfortune and tragedy. They were better off without it."

"I knew you'd get it," Luke praised. "Essentially that is the point, and I think you have a pretty good paper here." He picked up his phone and smiled when he saw the message from Noah. "I better get going; Noah wants me to meet him at the house. Do you need any more help before I go?"

"No, Big brother," Faith smiled and moved to give her brother a hug. "You go enjoy your valentine's day. Thank you for your help…I'm sure I'll get an A. Tell Noah I said hello."

Luke kissed his sister's forehead and promised to give her finished paper a read through before she turned it in on Monday. When he reached the house, Noah was nowhere to be found. Instead Luke found a suit sitting on their bed, accompanied by a dozen roses and a note instructing him to meet Noah at the Café Parma. The name brought a fond smile to his lips and he shook his head wondering just what Noah was trying to pull. He pulled out his phone and sent a text message to his husband asking for directions to the Café Parma.

An answer awaited him once he was dressed and ready to go. He grabbed Noah's gift and his car keys and soon he was out the door to meet up with his husband. They had eaten at many little cafés during their time in Italy, but this one, the Café Parma was by far his favorite for a lot of reasons. It was the first café they went to after their arrival. It was close to their hotel, and the atmosphere was just perfect to both of them.

Noah was waiting for him when he pulled up in front of the "café". Luke smiled as his husband opened his car door and helped him out. They embraced briefly before Noah led him inside where there was a small table set out with a red tablecloth and a candle encased in glass. There was a bottle of wine on the table, and Luke chuckled realizing it was the same brand that had been offered to them their first night. Of course they had both declined, and settled for sparkling grape juice instead. Luke had no doubt that this particular bottle was full of that particular beverage instead of the wine advertised on the label.

Vienna was dressed in the uniform of the Café Parma and she poured their drinks and took their orders with such precision and skill Luke wondered how long Noah had been planning this. He smiled at Noah as Henry, also dressed in uniform placed a basket of bread on their table and shared a private wink with Noah.

"When did you have time to do all of this?" He asked when they were alone. Noah just grinned at him and reached over to take his hand.

"Believe it or not I had the idea yesterday," Noah admitted. "I talked to Vienna and she told me to leave it to her and Henry…and viola we have the Café Parma. Do you remember the first time we ate here?"

"Our first night," Luke nodded. "We took our things to the hotel, and decided that we were too wired to sleep."

"So we went out looking for a bite to eat," Noah continued.

"And this one was right by the hotel, and it was so quaint."

"And we fell in love with it. Do you remember what else happened there, Luke?"

"Which time," Luke grinned. "This was the place we always came back to, the one that felt like home. You finally clued me in about your memory there."

"Your eyes just sparkled when you realized I remembered everything," Noah nodded. "I just loved looking into your eyes as I recited our past to you."

"I definitely enjoyed that…it was a very nice surprise." Luke reached over to take Noah's hand into his and smiled. "There were a lot of nice surprises to be had in that café, but I think I liked that first night the best."

"And do you remember what we had to eat that night?" Noah teased.

"Stuffed Shells with Florentine."

"Coming right up," Vienna said as she set two plates on the table. Luke shook his head and laughed as she sprinkled grated parmesan cheese on their food.

"You really did think of everything," Luke said admirably.

"Right down to the Tiramisu and it tastes great too," Noah said bringing a fork of food up to feed to his husband. Luke gladly took the offered bite and chewed appreciatively. Noah focused on his own food and for a time they were silent, save for the softly playing Italian music in the background.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Noah." Noah accepted the package Luke handed him and carefully unwrapped it. Inside the box was a royal blue journal made of Italian leather. Noah fingered it lovingly before opening it and immediately noticing his husband's elegant script.

"_June 1, 2008"_ he read out loud. _"Dear Noah, I know you are sitting there watching me as I write this, but you will not see it for a very long time. This is my journal to you, a record of sorts of the adventure we are about to partake in. I can only hope you are as excited about this as I am. The Snyder-Mayers are going to take Italy by storm. I'll write in here every day if I can, and periodically you will even catch me, but I plan to surprise you. The plane is about to take off, so I will stop for now. Love you always…your husband." _ He closed the journal and smiled softly at Luke. "You and I are more in tune than even we realize sometimes."

"What do you mean?" Luke asked. "Do you like it?"

"I love it Luke. And I can't wait to read your take on our trip. Right now, though I have a surprise for you. Turn around."

Luke turned just in time to see the screen lower from the ceiling. The lights dimmed and he heard the sound of the projector starting. He was genuinely surprised to see Noah appear on the screen, sitting on the bed in their hotel room in Florence. _"I don't have a lot of time," _Noah's voice boomed in the quiet. _"But I wanted to get this started while you are in the bathroom. By the time you see this video, we will be back in Oakdale and you will know that my memory has returned…I plan on telling you that tonight. In any case, Luke, I wanted you to know how excited I am to start this adventure…and I hope you will enjoy this video journal. I want you to have a permanent memory of our time here…but for now I bid you adieu. Ciao."_

Luke smiled and leaned in for a kiss before turning to watch the video footage Noah had put together. Their dessert was served as they watched, and for the next hour they ate Tiramisu, and reminisced about the many moments they shared and the places they saw on their trip.

'I can't believe you filmed me sleeping," Luke laughed as he listened to Noah talk about their first morning waking up in Rome."

"I can't help it, I love watching you sleep," Noah defended. "And besides I thought it would be very nice to see you waking up in each new city. Like waking up to a new adventure."

"I can't argue with that," Luke laughed. "I watch you sleep too, and even say so in there," he pointed at the journal that housed all his thoughts about their trip. "Which was your favorite city," he asked placing his elbows on the table, resting his chin in his hands.

"Hmmm," Noah said mimicking his movements. "I think I liked Malta best."

"You do realize Malta isn't a city, and it's not in Italy right?" Luke laughed.

"I know," Noah smiled. "But that was my favorite part of the trip."

"You just liked thinking about the Maltese Falcon," Luke teased.

"You're terrible," Noah laughed. "What about you, what was your favorite part?"

"Spending two weeks in Venice. Followed closely by the romantic and exciting time we had in Milan. Rome will always be my favorite city, though, the history is so rich."

"We have to go back one day," Noah commented. "We were there for six months and I don't think we saw everything there is to see."

"I just loved being there with you, Noah." Luke took Noah's hand and caressed it with his thumb. "Thank you for the great memories…and for tonight. Happy Valentine's Day."


	10. Rules of Society

"Are you sure you boys want to do this?" Charlene asked as the car pulled into the winding drive. Noah shook his head as he looked at the house they were approaching. He wasn't even sure if house was the right word to describe the sprawling structure before them. It looked like a mansion. It was huge…especially compared to the homes in Oakdale.

"You grew up here?" Luke asked and Noah could tell his husband was just as in awe as he was.

"Yes indeed I did. I lived here for the first eighteen years of my life. Then I married your father, and only come back here for the holidays mostly. It will be nice to see Momma and Daddy again though."

"What are they like?" Noah asked as the car stopped in front of the house and the driver stepped out to open the door for them.

"Well Momma is a sweetheart if I ever saw one," Charlene praised. "She raised Ruthie and me to be respectful young ladies. She was even nice to your father, Baby. And Daddy, well he is one of the nicest men I know. He's just as respectful and kind, and generous too. He was a journalist, Luke. I am sure he will have a lot in common with you. Both of them are smart and college educated, and just so warm and open. I couldn't have asked for better parents growing up."

Luke listened as she continued to gush about her family. He was smiling on the outside, for appearance sake, but inwardly he had to wonder just how much of her description was fact and what was myth. He knew all too well what it was like to have an influential family. Those types that wore masks; showing what they wanted the world to see, versus what was the truth. It wasn't that he doubted that Noah's grandparents were decent people…but his own father had proved that appearances could be more than deceiving. And one thing was for certain he would not allow Noah to get hurt.

"Hello Greta," Charlene greeted when a plump older woman opened the door. "Where is Samuel today?"

"He is being a bad patient is what he's doing," the housekeeper responded as she ushered them inside. I just took him some soup about ten minutes ago and he's just being cranky. How are you doing child? Haven't seen you around here in ages."

"I'm doing just fine, thanks. Where are Momma and Daddy?"

"I'll let them know you are here. Would you and your gentlemen like something to drink?"

"Oh forgive me, Greta, I want you to meet my boys. This is my baby, Noah, and his partner, Luke. Boys this is Greta, she's been the housekeeper here for as long as I can remember. She and Samuel, our butler, have been married forever. I'm sure you will meet Samuel sometime this weekend."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ma'am." Luke said shaking Greta's hand.

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," Noah said shyly.

"Well, I'll be," Greta said as she reached up a hand to touch Noah's cheek, and placed the other on Luke's. "I do believe these two are the handsomest men I ever did see, Charlene. I can't tell you how happy I am to know that you found your son after all this time. I know you were worried about him."

"Actually he found me," Charlene said proudly. "Happiest day of my life that's for sure. And we would like something to drink if you don't mind."

"I will let your parents know you are here, and then whip you up some of that hot chocolate with cinnamon I know you like. Is that alright with you boys?"

"That would be lovely, thank you," Luke said speaking for himself and Noah. Greta pinched both of their cheeks and went on her way to alert the Wilsons to their arrival. Charlene smiled and slipped out of her coat, gesturing for the boys to do the same and take a seat.

"She seems nice," Noah said smiling as he took Luke's coat and folded it across the chair with his own.

Charlene smiled. "I imagine Great knows even more about me then Momma does. She was always like a second mother to me and she was the one I would confide all my little secrets. She was the one I came to after things went sour with your father. I can't tell you what I would have done without Greta and Samuel in my corner."

Luke thought that bit of information was very telling. It was obvious to him that there was a kinship between the housekeeper and Charlene. There was a warmth there that seemed to permeate the room and he didn't doubt that genuine love was there as well. Greta reminded him of his Grandma Emma.

He reached out to give Noah's hand a squeeze, knowing that his husband was just a little bit nervous. Despite Charlene's assurances that her parents were wonderful people, Luke had to admit he was holding his breath as well. He was good at reading people…at least most of the time. He would be keeping his eye on the Wilsons.

Luke was rubbing Noah's shoulder comfortingly when an elegant elderly woman entered the room. Almost immediately he felt the temperature drop, though he wondered if that was just him being overly cautious.

"Momma," Charlene exclaimed standing to take her mother's hands into hers.

"Hello, dear," The woman greeted with kisses on either of Charlene's cheeks. "Your father and I weren't expecting you so soon, but we are delighted that you could come."

"Momma, I want you to meet my son, Noah Mayer. Noah, this is your grandmother, Ms. Catherine Wilson."

Luke didn't like the appraising look the woman gave Noah as she looked him over. It made him frown. Noah was very shy around strangers, and this woman was not putting him any more at ease.

"Hello," Noah said averting his gaze as he squirmed in his seat. "It's uh nice to meet you."

"Speak up, young man. I can barely hear you."

Noah swallowed and Luke's frown deepened. His own grandmother had a sharp tongue, but this woman seemed downright cold to him. He wasn't sure if he liked her very much.

"I'm sorry," Noah said raising his voice way more than necessary. "It's nice to meet you, Ma'am."

"He has Winston's eyes and your nose, Charlene," Catherine commented and Luke just knew that Noah cringed at that. He wanted to give his husband some comfort but he was waiting to see how Charlene introduced him to her mother first. "What do you do, boy?"

"His name is Noah," Luke blurted before thinking. He didn't appreciate how rude she was being, it certainly wasn't called for.

"And who are you?" Catherine asked pinning Luke with that icy gaze.

"Momma, this is Noah's friend, Luke. He's very protective of him. "

"Noah tends to be very shy," Luke warned. "But if you just talk to him, he will answer you."

"She didn't mean any harm, Luke," Charlene assured him cheerfully. Noah looked between his husband and his mother, before focusing on the woman who was his grandmother again.

"I'm a film student at Oakdale University," he explained. "Up until a month ago I was working at a television station in town. Luke and I want to start our own production company."

"Why is he here?" Catherine asked turning her attention to her daughter once more.

"I told you mother, Noah wanted to meet you and Daddy. He is trying to find out about his roots, and besides he's never been to Tennessee so we came for a visit."

"I meant him," Catherine said throwing a scathing look in Luke's direction. "I don't see why he needed to travel with his friend. He's nineteen isn't he? And I see a ring on his finger, where is his wife."

Luke bit his lip, knowing he should remain quiet but not really sure how well that would work. He was already more than a little put off by this woman's attitude, and her continued disrespect of Noah was grating at his nerves. He wasn't upset with Noah's mom, he knew how delicate a topic their relationship was, and it was always better to gauge the situation before blurting out who they were too each other. After all, the South was not the Midwest.

"If you must know," he said taking a hold of Noah's hand just as Charlene's father entered the room, "He's married to me. We're here to learn more about Noah's family, and quite frankly I am not impressed so far."

"Do not joke that way," the new voice drew their attention and Luke frowned as the silver-haired man came closer. "Who are you to be speaking to my wife in such a manner young man?"

"Daddy," Charlene exclaimed, going to give the man a hug. "It's so good to see you. "This is your grandson, Noah."

"I wasn't joking," Luke said tartly.

Greta chose that moment to reenter the room with three piping hot mugs of hot chocolate. The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife, but Greta seemed to handle it with ease. It was such a smooth transition that Luke momentarily forgot what they were discussing before she entered.

"I put extra cinnamon, and warm milk to help you both sleep," Greta directed her words at Luke and Noah. "Your mother always loved cinnamon. She would sit with me in the kitchen for hours just to get a whiff of it."

"Thank you, ma'am," Noah said finding his tongue. "This is delicious."

"Now none of that ma'am stuff. If you are important to Charlene then you are important to me, I dare say. I insist you call me Greta. And that goes for you too, Handsome," she winked at Luke who smiled as he took another sip of the warm chocolate. "Mr. Wilson is there anything I can get for you, Sir? And you as well Lady Catherine?"

"Not at this time, Greta thank you," Mrs. Wilson replied. "If you could just fix up rooms for our guests that would be most appreciated. Fix up Charlene's old room for her and prepare rooms for the gentlemen as well. Noah can stay in the family wing, and I am certain that his friend will find the east wing suitable."

"Now wait just a minute," Noah said surprising even Luke with the strength behind those words.

"Noah, it's okay," Luke tried to soothe as Greta left to perform her duties.

"No, Luke it's not okay," Noah insisted as he turned to face his grandmother. "You have been nothing short of rude since you entered this room, and I've had about enough of that. Luke is my family, he is my husband, and while I can understand not engaging in any activities under your roof I refuse to make him feel like we can't share a bed."

"Baby," Charlene implored.

Luke knew the situation could get volatile if he didn't step in. Noah was squeezing his hand tightly; a sure sign that he was reaching the end of his rope. "Actually, I think Noah and I will find a hotel for the evening. We don't want to cause any trouble."

"No you both will stay here," Charlene insisted. "Momma, Luke and Noah only want to gain some information about the family so that Noah can seek out his roots. Surely you understand that?"

"Noah, since you are my grandson you are more than welcome to stay, but I think you have to understand that certain things just are not acceptable. Your…friend," Mr. Wilson said tripping over the word, "can stay as well, but until you leave we will not speak of the nature of your relationship is that clear?"

"Daddy!" Charlene exclaimed. "You aren't being fair. Noah already told you they wouldn't be doing anything, can't you just accept that."

Luke gave Noah's mom points for trying, but he felt like they were fighting a losing battle. It was ridiculous really. He and Noah were always respectful of his grandmother's home. Snuggling and cuddling was more than enough as long as they could be together. Noah's grandparents on the other hand weren't just asking for discretion…they wanted to completely ignore the fact that their grandson was "one of them". Just thinking that phrase made Luke cringe. Luke wouldn't even care about their rules except that they were making it very clear why the rule was in place.

"Can we just go?" Noah's dejected voice caught him off guard, and he turned to look into his husband's sad eyes. "I don't think I want to stay here, Luke. I'm sorry Momma."

Luke sighed and glared at Noah's grandparents before standing and grabbing both their coats.

"You don't have to leave, boys," Charlene said frowning at both her parents.

"Yes we do," Luke responded as he fastened his coat. "Noah's not comfortable here, and frankly neither am I. Will you give Greta our love please?"

"I just want to know where Momma was adopted," Noah said turning to face his grandparents again. "That's what we came for, to get information."

"What on earth would you want to know that for?" Catherine exclaimed. "Charlene is our daughter, and that is all you need to know."

"Let it go, Noah," Luke said when his husband opened his mouth to speak again. "It's no use arguing with unreasonable people. Ms. Wilson we'll see you tomorrow." He kissed his mother-in-law on the cheek and waited as Noah did the same before turning to the Wilsons. "Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Wilson for your hospitality. Good night."

The silence in the car was anything but peaceful. Luke could feel his husband's unease, and he was at a loss for how to deal with it. He knew he needed to reassure his love hat everything would be okay. That wasn't possible though if he wasn't sure of that himself. He wanted to know what Noah thought about what had happened and how his mother handled it. Did it upset him, or anger him? Did he understand her reasons for doing that? Luke did…it didn't mean he liked it, but he understood it.

Noah still hadn't said a word by the time they reached the hotel. Luke knew he would have to initiate the conversation, but he decided it could wait until they were alone in their bedroom. He was exhausted from the day of travel, and he knew Noah was as well. It didn't take either of them long to strip down to their boxers and slip beneath the warm sheets and covers on the bed. Usually Luke sought solace in Noah's embrace, but tonight he held Noah in his arms, running his fingers through his dark hair, trying his best to soothe away the sadness.

"Are you okay, Baby?" Luke's voice broke through the quiet. He continued to stroke his husband's hair, hoping that he was giving some sort of comfort."

"I just don't understand," Noah admitted. He turned so that he could look into his husband's eyes and he frowned. "Momma is okay with us…isn't she?"

"Yes."

"Then why would she do that?"

"Because," Luke said trying to pick his words carefully. "She knew how her parents would react…and what she should have done was warned us about their attitudes, instead of letting us think they were all nice and loving."

"But she told the housekeeper and she didn't bat an eyelash."

"Grata's a sweetheart," Luke commented. "She reminds me of Grandma Emma. But the thing about the Wilsons is that appearance means something to them. They come from money and prestige and image is more important than family by any standards."

"Your family is rich," Noah pointed out. "Especially Grandma Lucinda and she's not as cold as that woman we just left."

"This is the South, Noah. And I know you are very much aware of how different things are here than in the Midwest. That doesn't make it right, and it doesn't make it any easier to understand but that is how things are. Grandma can be cold when she needs to be, but she has a big heart besides. I have a feeling that Catherine Wilson's heart is as cold as those eyes of hers."

Noah was silent for so long that Luke begin to wonder if he had fallen asleep. He was more than a little surprised when his husband shifted and he saw that there were tear streaks on his face. "I shouldn't have tried this Luke. It's too hard, and not even worth it. If I ever see those people again it will be too soon."

"You don't have to see them again, Noah," Luke assured him as he reached out to wipe away his tears.

"I don't think I'm going to find my family, Luke."

"Noah don't say that."

"It's true," Noah insisted. "Sitting in that room tonight felt like being back with the Colonel. I don't think I'm meant to have family…just people who don't want me. I guess it's too much to expect that I could be normal."

"Hey, there will be no more talk like that," Luke said his tone gentle but stern.

"I just want to be special to someone, you know? I envy the relationship you have with Grandma Lucinda and the one you have with Dad. I want that. And I was stupid enough to think I would find it."

Luke sat up, pulling Noah with him and touched his face so that his husband was looking at him. "You are special, Noah. Very special…and if I end up being the only person who sees that then I will tell you every day until you tell me to stop. You deserve a lot of things, Love. And I'm going to do my damndest to see that you get them. YOU do deserve to be loved; you are loved, and let's remember this. These are your momma's adoptive parents. You are no blood kin of theirs and definitely nothing like them."

"That's a small comfort but they do remind me of my dad."

"Yes, very narrow minded." Luke agreed.

"And I don't know how we will find Momma's birth parents…and what if they don't want to be found. I should just stop while I'm ahead. I have you…and Momma and dad…and I can live with that."

"You deserve to know your roots, Noah. And I'm going to see to it that we find out where you come from. And don't let the Wilsons get you down. If they don't want to get to know you then it's their loss. Because I know for a fact they are missing out on someone incredible."

Noah kissed him softly and Luke found himself wrapped in that strong embrace yet again. He could tell Noah was still sad, but it was a complacent sadness. Exhaustion was kicking in, and Luke kissed Noah once more before those blue eyes closed. He listened to his husband's even breathing for a while, his mind already set on what needed to be done. It was a good hour before he fell asleep with his mind made up. He was ready for a confrontation, and Noah's grandparents wouldn't know what hit them.

"Luke," Greta greeted when she opened the door. Luke was momentarily surprised when the woman pulled him into a hug. "You came back, thank goodness. Charlene was worrying herself sick. It took me forever to get her to go to sleep. Where's Noah."

"Noah's still sleeping, Greta, and I don't have a lot of time. I must get back to him before he realizes I have left."

"I don't suppose I could interest you in a drink then?"

"Thank you so much for your hospitality Greta, but I am afraid I won't be here long enough to enjoy another cup of your delicious hot chocolate. Are Mr. and Mrs. Wilson available?"

"Yes they are in the sitting room. Luke, I do apologize profusely for the way they treated you boys yesterday."

"Don't," Luke said taking the older woman's hands into his own. He kissed her cheek and gave her hands a squeeze. "Noah and I are going to be just fine. I know we aren't welcome here, but if you and Samuel ever make it up to Oakdale, our door is always open."

"Such a sweetie," Greta said pulling him into another hug.

"Greta could you please let Charlene," Howard Wilson stopped midsentence when he spotted Luke. "What are you doing here?"

"I'll let Charlene know about breakfast sir," Greta curtsied and headed toward the staircase, while Luke brushed past Mr. Wilson forcing the man to follow him into the sitting room.

"Please don't stand on my account," Luke said addressing Catherine. I'm not staying long, and I only want to say this once and be done with it."

"I don't see how we could possibly want to hear what you have to say," Catherine said haughtily.

"Let him speak, Catherine," Howard crossed his arms. "This should be good."

"I know you don't want me here," Luke stated pointedly, "and believe me that's fine. Frankly I don't care, and you guys are not people I want to associate with. However, I do have a favor to ask of you."

"You insult us and then expect a favor," Howard scoffed.

"I don't think you need to be making accusations about Insults, Mr. Wilson," Luke said darkly. "Your task is to listen."

"Get on with it then," Howard said crossly.

"What is it you want, boy?" Catherine snapped. "Surely you aren't here to embezzle money out of us."

Luke snorted. "I wouldn't take money from you if you were the last person on earth, Lady Catherine, and I certainly don't need it. What I do need is the information about where you adopted Noah's mom. My husband came here in search of family, and while it is apparent that he will not find that here, you hold the key to where he could find it. Tell me where the adoption was finalized and which orphanage you used and I will leave. You never have to see me or my husband ever again."

"And if we refuse?" Howard asked.

The amusement Luke heard in his voice irritated him and his face darkened even more. "We tell everyone who will listen that you are Noah's grandparents and you'll see us on a regular basis," Luke said swiftly. "It would take no time at all for us to pack up our home and move here to be closer to his relatives. I'm sure all of your high society friends will be thrilled to meet your long lost grandson and his lover."

"And if we comply…"

"You can forget you ever met us," Luke cut Catherine off quickly. "Frankly it's a win-win situation if you ask me. Noah gets to find his roots and you get to continue your charade."

"Give him what he wants," Howard said quickly. Luke was relieved. He had been counting on them calling his bluff. Once he stepped foot out of this house, he had no intentions of ever coming back. And before he left they were going to hear it from him. "If it means we don't have to deal with the likes of him than so be it." Catherine stood from her seat and grabbed a tablet of paper and a pen. She wrote some information down and placed the paper down on the table beside Luke's hand.

"There, now get out of my house or I will call the police," she threatened.

Luke ignored her and picked up the paper. He read it carefully before folding it neatly and placing it in his pocket. "You have made a lot of mistakes today, Lady Catherine. But the biggest one is denying your grandson the chance to make you better people. You hurt him yesterday with your words, and I will not stand for that. I never had any intention of coming back here, and now that I have what I need I will keep my word. It's just too bad that neither of you will get to know how special Noah really is. But that's your loss. Have a nice life. I'll see myself out."

"Luke wait," Charlene called as Luke opened the car door. Luke waited for his mother-in-law to catch up with him and he waited to see what she had to say. "I'm so sorry…you aren't mad at me are you?"

"No, I'm not mad. When you are through visiting your parents, you know where we are." He took her hands in his and kissed her on the cheek. "I understand opinions such as that," He said nodding toward the house. Closed minded people still exist and that is unfortunate, but you know what…Noah's better off without them, and I am glad you had Greta and Samuel to help you become the woman you are today."

"And my baby?"

"You'll have to talk to him when you get back. I'll make sure he knows you love him. I have to get back though, he's probably awake and worried about me."

Charlene hugged him one last time before letting him get in the car. "My son's very lucky to have you, Luke. Take care of him for me."

Luke smiled and waved as he pulled away from the house. He knew he didn't have to reply to his mother-in-laws's request. There was no need; she already knew that taking care of Noah was always the plan.


	11. Noah's Journey

He was silent on the plane ride home, staring out the window watching the clouds fly by as his husband checked something out in a magazine. He didn't understand how Luke could read at a time like this. He felt like everything was going wrong, and that he was the cause of it. Maybe he needed to thwart the search. It wasn't like they could get any information anyway.. Meeting the grandparents had been a bust. They were stuffy snobby people and Noah found he didn't want anything to do with them anyway. Despite Luke's reassurance he was wondering if he really deserved to find out where he came from.

"So when do you want to go to Chicago?" Luke's voice brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to face his husband. There was a seriousness in those brown eyes that caught Noah off guard and he knew that Luke noticed it. "You do want to go to Chicago right?" he asked, frowning.

Noah shook his head, as he tried to make sense of Luke's questions. Why would they go to Chicago if they weren't able to get the information about the orphanage that handled his mom's adoption? "I don't think we have a reason to go to Chicago, Luke. My so-called grandparents nipped that plan right in the bud. I should just forget it anyway. I don't need another family. I have you, and that's enough."

He was certain that Luke believed him. Especially after Luke turned his attention back to his reading. He knew his husband meant well, but he just didn't want to continue with this if it meant more heartache. He didn't know how much of that he could take. On the other hand it made him sad. He knew the history of the Mayer family. He knew he was the last in a long line of Mayers spanning back centuries. Most of them, if not all until him, had been in the military in some way shape or form. He knew the history, had studied it, memorized it and then tried to forget it as he realized none of them were men he wanted to emulate.

Still he knew the history, and now he had his Momma in his life, and he wanted to know her history as well. He wanted to know her side of the family, but he didn't think it would happen. It probably wasn't meant to be and he was just going to accept that. It wasn't as if he had any other choice. The Snyders were probably the closest thing he would ever have to family…and he was okay with that. He had to be.

"You shouldn't give up so easily, Noah." Luke's voice broke the silence again and Noah frowned. His husband was looking at him, but before he could say more, Charles let them know that they would be landing soon.

"It's not necessarily giving up," Noah said as they buckled their seatbelts. "It's more of a resigning myself to the fact that there's nothing I can do. I'm not supposed to find out anything, so that's okay."

"I guess I went through all that trouble for nothing then," Luke mumbled as he put his magazine in his messenger bag.

"What are you talking about? " Noah asked curiously as he watched his husband fiddle with buckles on his bag. "Luke, talk to me."

"Oh nothing," Luke said shrugging it off. They were silent for a time until the plane touched the ground. Luke shouldered his bag and held out his hand for Noah. "Are you ready?"

"Not until you tell me what you did?"

Luke let his hand fall to his side and he smiled. "Oh, I only endured an excruciating ten minutes with your grandparents before you woke up this morning."

"What, why?" Noah sputtered not sure he understood why his husband would do such a thing.

"Because," Luke said pulling the sheet of paper out of his pocket, "I love you." He kissed Noah softly and relinquished the paper to him before leaving his side.

Noah watched his husband walk away and shook his head. He was sure that he would never fully understand that man, but he loved him nonetheless. He looked down at the paper Luke had given him and a smile crossed his lips followed by tears. It was the name and address of the orphanage his Momma had been born in. He truly did have the best husband in the world.

The glass was cool against his face as he leaned against the window. The bus moved slowly through the streets of Illinois, stopping everywhere to pick up passengers and drop them off. Noah was beginning to second guess his decision to take the bus. He was already nervous enough about doing this without Luke. Yet Luke had insisted he couldn't put it off…that he should go without him, and see what he could find out. Noah sighed as he recalled the conversation he had had with his husband about this. He wouldn't fly without Luke, he had been adamant about that. And taking the car was out of the question. He still to this very day wasn't comfortable behind the wheel, and certainly he would not attempt it without Luke by his side.

They had decided on the bus, because this way Luke could call and check on him and vice versa. Even though Noah was just supposed to be gone overnight they had a hard time saying good bye. And now he was thinking about Luke, wondering what he was doing at that very moment. He knew his husband was with the kids while Holden was out of town. The plan had been to make a day trip to Chicago, they were all going to go; Him, Luke, the girls and little Ethan. A way to keep them preoccupied so they wouldn't miss their father, or think about the fact that their mother once again bailed on them. It had been the plan, but then Ethan fell sick.

The sound of the phone interrupted his thoughts and he reached in his pocket and brought the receiver to his ear. "Hi Love."

"Hey," Luke's tired voice met his ears and he wished once more that he was back there with him. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm really sorry I couldn't come with you, Noah."

"Ethan needs you more than I do right now. Give the little guy a kiss for me. How's he doing?"

"He's got the sniffles and his throat hurts a lot," Luke related even as he shook his head in answer to a question from Natalie. Faith is being a chatterbox on the telephone and Nat is coloring for a moment. Ethan is taking a nap, finally."

Noah smiled. "It sounds like you have your hands full there. I miss you though."

"I miss you too," He could tell that Luke was smiling. "I love you, Noah. Be safe and good luck at the orphanage."

"Thanks…and I love you too. Bye." He hung up the phone and slipped it into his bag. The bus was finally pulling into the station in Chicago, and he wanted to make sure he had the address to the orphanage. He pulled the paper out of his bag and unfolded it as he stood to get off the bus. Luke had already arranged for a car to take Noah wherever he wanted to go during the day, and he was going to stay with Will and Gwen for the night.

"Where do you wish to go first, Mr. Snyder-Mayer," The driver asked as Noah slipped into the back seat.

"Please call me Noah, sir. I need to go to this address please."

"Please call me Sam, Noah," The driver said taking the paper to review the address. "I was ordered by your partner to take very good care of you. I have to make sure I do my job."

"Luke told you about us?" Noah asked, only realizing how silly that sounded when Sam started to chuckle.

"I'll tell you a secret, son. I have known your husband for a lot of years, through his grandmother mostly. He was a very talkative little guy. Is he still the same way?"

"Yes," Noah laughed. "He is very good with words I think. And he can charm the pants off of anyone if given the chance." Samuel laughed again, and Noah settled back in his chair with a smile. He figured he should have known Luke would find some way to take care of him since he couldn't do it himself. Sam entertained him with stories and antidotes for the entire ride.

"We're here, Noah," Sam said as he pulled up in front of a huge rundown house. "It doesn't look too pretty from the outside, but this orphanage has been around for many years. They take really good care of the kids who don't have families."

"Thanks, Sam," Noah said getting out of the car. "I will try not to be too long, I promise."

"Take your time, Noah. I have all day." And with that Sam pulled a newspaper out of his satchel and started to read it. Noah smiled and shook his head. Sam was quite the character. He couldn't wait to talk to Luke and thank him for sending him. He stood in front of the large brown door for a few minutes, trying to figure out what he would say when the door was answered. He was still pondering, and was just about to knock when the door was opened by a matronly looking woman dressed in soft browns colors. Her hair was neat and tied in a bun at the nape of her neck and her expression was unreadable.

"How may I help you, young man?"

"UH," Noah said trying to find his voice. "I would like to see Ms. Barbara Grayson please."

"Follow me." The woman turned without another word and Noah followed behind her. He shivered as he walked through the halls, and he wasn't sure if that was from the cold or just the fear of what he was about to do. Whatever the case, soon he found himself standing in front of an open office. The woman inside looked much nicer then the woman who had brought him in. He knocked on the door and waited to see if Ms. Grayson would notice that he was there.

"Can I help you? Come in come in I won't bite I promise. Thank you Lynn; I'll let you know if I need anything further."

Noah watched the tall woman nod and leave before making his way into the office. Shyly he took a seat and folded his hands on his lap. "Thank you, ma'am for seeing me. I'm Noah Snyder-Mayer and I was hoping I could ask you a few questions about a personal matter."

"I think I would remember a handsome young man like you if you had been in my care, so you didn't grow up here. Ask away and I will certainly see what I can do to help you."

Noah blushed and ducked his head momentarily under the praise. "Uh, thank you Ma'am. I…I actually wanted to inquire about my mother's adoption. She was adopted as a baby from this orphanage and I have been trying to find her birth parents. I was hoping that maybe you could help me with that."

Up until that point Ms. Grayson had been smiling, and Noah thought she looked like one of the starlets from the old movies. Her expression changed though when he finished his story and she now wore a thoughtful frown. It was bordering on sad and it made Noah's heart drop.

"Noah," she said finally," I'm not sure I am going to be much help to you. Most of the records from anyone old enough to be your mother are most likely sealed to protect the biological parents. There is the possibility that the biological parents have taken advantage of some recent law changes to allow the records to be unsealed if the child is looking to find them, but even so, I wouldn't be able to release that information unless your mother requests it."

"You mean there's nothing you can do?" Noah asked frowning. His phone rang before he could protest further and he excused himself to take the phone call. "Hello," He said leaning his head against the wall.

"You don't sound too good," Luke's worried voice met his ears. "Are you okay? Is Sam treating you right?"

"Yes, baby, Sam is great. But I have bad news about the orphanage."

"Oh no, what happened." Luke asked as he placed a cool cloth against Ethan's head.

"Ms Grayson said that the records for my mother are probably sealed. And even if they aren't Momma would have to request them. It's hopeless Luke; I'm never going to find out anything."

"Don't give up Noah; I'm sure we will figure out something. Hold on for a second I will be right back."

"But Luke," Noah said to the dead air. He sighed and waited patiently for his husband to come back to the phone. It was a few minutes later when he could hear Ethan screaming in the background again.

"Noah, it's all taken care of. Go finish talking to Ms. Grayson and I will talk to you later. Love you, bye."

"Luke wait," he sighed when he heard the dial tone. He closed his phone and returned to the office. "Sorry about that," he said to Ms. Grayson. "That was my…my husband checking up on me. Now where were we?"

"Well let's start with you telling me who your mother's adoptive parents are and we will go from there."

Noah blinked, taken aback by the sudden change in attitude, but then he smiled as he thought of Luke's words. He loved his husband. "Their names are Howard and Catherine Martin of Tennessee."

Give me a few minutes here Noah. Let me see what I can find out." Noah watched patiently as she looked through some folders and tinkered with her computer for a few minutes. It seemed like forever before she found what she was looking for and she excused herself to make a phone call.

Noah couldn't help but hold his breath as he waited. He could hardly believe that somehow someway he was going to get the answers he wanted. At least he hoped that was the case. Luke had said everything had been taken care of, whatever that was supposed to mean. He had no doubt that his husband had pulled some strings, and he was already trying to figure out how to reward his mate when he saw him again. More than anything he just wanted to be able to take Luke into his arms and kiss him senseless.

The sound of the door brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to see Ms. Grayson smiling at him. He stood and she handed him a folded piece of paper. "This is the only piece of information I could get for you Noah. It's your maternal grandmother's name. That's all the information I am able to release. It will have to be enough."

Noah startled them both by pulling her into a hug. "Thank you so much, Ms. Grayson. I can't even begin to tell you how much this means to me. When I get home I am going to see what my husband and I can do to help the orphanage. Thank you so much." He took a hold of her hands and kissed them before turning to leave the room.

He was still smiling when he reached the car where Sam was waiting for him. "Well don't you look happy," he remarked as Noah climbed in. "I have been ordered to drive you around Chicago for a while before I take you to your friends' home. Luke wants you to have a good time here in the windy city so just sit back, and I will tell you some stories that will make you smile."

While he listened to Sam talk Noah decided to take a look at the paper. His smile was bright as he unfolded it carefully, as if its contents were gold. To Noah it may as well have been a treasure. This single slip of paper would tell him who his momma's birth mother was. He was holding the key to finding his past, and it was close…he could just feel it. He looked down at the paper and read the name, and ever so slowly his eyes widened and his smile turned into a frown.


	12. Familial Ties

The paper burned a hole in his pocket as he sat on the bus heading back to Oakdale. He didn't know what to think about the news just yet. He needed to sort it all out in his head, especially before he attempted to talk to Luke about it. The only thing he knew for certain at the moment was that he needed to talk to Luke…there was no getting around that. He just wondered how long he could put it off.

He just didn't know how this could be possible. There were so many questions floating through his brain, and he had a feeling that no matter what decision he made someone was going to get hurt. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to pursue this. Why would he?

James was waiting for him at the bus station, and when he reached his brother, Noah immediately pulled him into a hug. He felt so lost all of a sudden, and it wasn't a nice feeling at all. He knew Luke would be busy with Ethan all day, so he figured it was a good time to talk to James and Maddie. It was possible that he could gain some insight on the situation.

He was silent as he adjusted the passenger seat in James' car to accommodate his long legs. He remained quiet as they headed out of town, back to Luther's Corners. He pulled the piece of paper out of his pocket and glanced at it one more time. He sighed as if he had thought the words would magically change. This wasn't a dream and he felt like he could freak out at any moment.

"Noah?" James asked catching his attention. Noah turned and was surprised to realize that they were at their destination. "Are you okay?"

"Not really, James," Noah shook his head. "Would it be okay if I came in to talk to you and Maddie?"

"You're more than welcome to come over, Noah. I'll try to help with whatever I can, and I have no doubt that Maddie will feel the same."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

James smiled and put his arm around Noah's shoulders. "Come on, let's go inside."

"So how did the trip to Chicago go?" Maddie asked as they sat at the kitchen table. James placed a mug of coffee in front of Noah and he took a generous sip before facing his friends.

"It was awful," he said making a sour face.

"Why," James asked. "Luke said you were sure to get some information from the orphanage. Did that not pan out well?"

"Oh, I got information…thanks to Luke," Noah frowned as he played with his coffee cup. "And the guy that Luke got to drive me around was a real hoot. He was telling me stories about Luke as a kid, and he showed me around Chicago so that was great."

"Then where does the awful come in?" Maddie inquired. "It sounds like you had a good time and found clues to your mother's past. Right?"

"Noah shook his head. He watched his friend put together a pickle and French fry sandwich and wrinkled his nose. "It's awful," he said placing his face in his hands.

"What's wrong with pickles and French fries?" Maddie asked innocently.

"Not that," Noah said peeking between his fingers. He put his hands down and focused on James. "That's gross too, but no I mean the news was awful and I am not sure how to deal with it."

"Noah," James interjected. "I'm sure whatever it is, it's not that bad."

"I'm a Snyder."

Silence followed his declaration and he watched as Maddie and James exchanged a look between each other. That didn't make him feel any better.

"Come again?" James said finally finding his voice.

"I'm a Snyder," Noah repeated. "This is a disaster. I'm related to Luke, but that can't be right. I don't want to be related to him…I love him so much and if we are related then we can't be together. How could this be? Maybe that was why I was able to give him a kidney. What am I supposed to do guys?"

"First you need to calm down," James replied easily.

"Calm down?" Noah exclaimed. "Don't you see I'm in crisis here, James? I can't calm down. I don't know how I'm supposed to break the news to Luke that our relationship is totally forbidden. I mean, we're related and…and I don't want to be related to Luke, I want to stay married to him. Maybe I should just forget about this. No one else knows but me."

"You can't do that, Noah."

"Yeah you're right I can't…wait why can't I do that? If no one knows then there's no harm and no foul. I can just tell Luke that…that the lead didn't pan out, and it was a false lead and…"

"Noah," James called, "breathe. Please, I don't want Luke mad at me because you had a heart attack or something."

"More like a panic attack," Noah said trying to do as he was instructed. Maddie for her credit was focusing completely on her sandwich allowing James to deal with Noah.

"That's better," James encouraged. "Now, as I was saying, you know you can't do that, because lying to Luke would be like lying to yourself, and that wouldn't make either of you happy."

Noah sighed. James was right. It wasn't normal for either of them to keep things from each other. "But James…"

"No buts," James interrupted him. "You need to stop panicking and talk to Luke about this. I'm sure between the two of you, you will figure out what to do. And as for the kidney…the fact that you were a match is a miracle in of itself. Just chance and luck, thank god. You saved Luke's life, and I like to think that love was on your side there. Not being related."

"And I think it's cool that you are further connected to the Snyders," Maddie spoke up. "Where do you fall in the equation anyway?"

"Well…if I remember Luke's family tree correctly, I would be Grandma Emma's great grandson. I really don't know what to think about this though…it's just so strange and I really do need to talk to Luke don't i?"

"Yes," James said simply. "You need to do that today."

"He's taking care of Ethan though. I don't want to add this to his plate while Ethan is sick."

"You're stalling."

"I'm serious James."

"And so am I. Look, Noah, no matter when you tell him, or how you do it, it's going to come as a shock. I think Luke would be more disappointed that you thought you couldn't talk to him about this. You guys talk about everything, and you may be surprised…Luke just might know what to do."

He could hear his husband's voice even before he reached the doorway. He leaned against the doorframe and watched the scene before him with a smile. Luke was sitting by Ethan's bedside, the little guy looking at him with sad intent eyes as his big brother spoke in gentle tones. Luke was telling him a story, and Noah crossed his arms and continued to listen.

"…The little prince knew he had a big job to do. It was up to him to save the world from all the monster germs, so you know what he did?"

"Bwew don magick tisshues?" Ethan said his voice groggy from the medicine Luke had given him.

"That's right, he blew on the tissues," Luke nodded as he pushed Ethan's hair away from his forehead. "And he used the magic oranges too."

"Dey bade dim dig and stwong?" Ethan said excitedly.

"Uh huh, and then he sneezed and sneezed and sneezed. And you know what happened after that little guy?"

Ethan turned on his side and looked up at Luke, and Noah, still watching from the doorway, thought his heart would break. "Da germs went bye bye and den the little pwince went to sleep." Even as he said it his eyes begin to droop and Luke continued to run his fingers through the soft hair.

"He went to sleep, and the next morning he felt all better," Luke whispered as Ethan's eyes closed completely. Luke was silent after that, and Noah held his breath waiting to see if Luke would say anything else. He was about to make his presence known when Luke did speak again. "That's it Ethan, take nice deep breaths and don't worry. Big brother Luke is going to take care of you, always. I know you miss Dad, and I'm sure you miss…our…our mom too. I am not going to promise you that she will come back, little brother. I won't do that to you, but I hope that you will get to know her."

Noah frowned, as he listened, knowing how hard it was for Luke to even acknowledge the woman anymore. He was also very careful though not to let his feelings reflect on the younger two. Faith was old enough to make her own choices about their mother, but Luke felt like he needed to protect Ethan and Natalie. And for that reason when Lily was mentioned in their presence, Luke just went with the flow, not letting his true feelings for the woman surface. He really was a great big brother.

"Hey," his husband's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He hadn't even realized that Luke was walking towards him until the man's arms were wrapped around his waist. He put his arms around Luke and pulled him close. "You looked so far away. When did you get back? Is everything alright?"

He leaned in to give Luke a kiss before pulling him into their bedroom. "Are we alone?" he whispered as Luke closed the door just enough.

"The girls are with Grandma Lucinda for the night," Luke replied. "Why? Is something wrong? You don't look so good."

Noah sighed. "I wanted to talk to you, and it's about something important. I didn't want to get into it if anyone was here besides Ethan though."

"What's wrong, Noah? Did you find out something at the orphanage?"

"Well, yes."

"You don't seem too happy about it though," Luke pointed out. Noah could see the concern clearly in those brown eyes and he kicked himself for making his husband worry. "Noah, come on what happened. Was Ms. Grayson able to help you out at all?"

"Yes."

"Okay…what did she tell you?"

Noah was silent for a moment as all of his thoughts became jumbled in his head. He wasn't sure what to say first, and he couldn't sort through it all with Luke staring at him. His Luke; his sweet, dependable wonderful husband. He just wanted Luke to stay his husband…but if what he found out was truly the case…

"She told me who my grandfather is, Luke, but I don't know if I really like the answer. And I don't know what to do about it because….because it involves you, and I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to ruin what we have, and I feel like this secret could do just that so I am very confused."

"Baby," Luke said keeping his voice gentle. "Just tell me what's wrong?" 

Noah took a deep breath and looked his husband in the eye. His expression was sad, and he was certain that only confused Luke more. "Luke…the name on the birth certificate…is Seth Snyder."

The silence was enough to kill him, and Noah wished Luke would say something. He could tell his husband was mulling over what he had just heard. Noah couldn't tell what emotions were fleeting across that beautiful face.

"Okay..." Luke said slowly, trying to wrap his head around Noah's words. "But why is that upsetting you so much, that's great."

"How the hell can you say that's great?" Noah exclaimed making Luke jump. "Luke, it means we are related, we can't be married. I don't want to be your uncle or whatever that makes us, I want to be your husband."

Luke opened his mouth as it dawned on him what the problem was. "Noah," he said keeping his tone soft, "calm down it's okay…really. It totally slipped my mind that you didn't know."

"Didn't know what?" Noah frowned. "What am I missing here that has you so calm about this?"

"Noah...I'm not a Snyder by birth...but apparently you are."

"What does that mean Luke?"

"Holden isn't my biological father, Noah…I'm adopted."

"You're what?" Noah was shocked but he started to calm down. "How in the world am I just finding this out now?"

Luke smiled. "It's not the most important piece of information to me, Noah. I mean dad has always been dad...and I really don't care for my biological father...though I could tell you about him if you would like. I love Dad with my whole heart and he's the only father I need and want."

Noah was silent as he took in all he was being told. He was biting his lip and feeling a little better, though he wanted to make sure he was clear on what his husband was saying. "So we aren't related at all? And all this boils down to is that Dad is actually my great-uncle. That's going to take some getting used to."

"Yes. Exactly. Dad is your great uncle...wow, I think he's actually mine too...really long complicated story there. But no, we're not related by blood. I'm your husband," He caressed Noah's cheek momentarily before cupping it, "And that's all I want to be. But we should definitely talk to Grandma Emma about this to get the full scoop."

"We need to tell Momma first and then definitely talk to Grandma Emma. I am so relieved, Luke, this has been eating me alive since I was handed the piece of paper with the name on it."

"I can hardly believe it myself. I'm sorry I wasn't there to get the news with you. This is crazy. You're a Snyder, for real. It says Uncle Seth is your grandfather." Luke shook his head and grinned. "That's just…fate."

Noah smiled for a fleeting moment before something else occurred to him. "So you really think this is all going to be ok? How is Grandma Emma going to deal with having a granddaughter she never knew and a great-grandson who is married to her grandson? This is all so confusing."

"Noah, the Snyder family is a mass of confusions. I think Grandma will be shocked to say the least, but she already loves your momma so maybe it won't be too bad. And she adores you. And I can tell you about the twists and turns of this family if you want to know."

"That's true," Noah agreed, "she does already love Momma, so I hope that will help. Your, I mean, our Grandma has never been anything but wonderful to me. I am going to have a really hard time keeping all this straight in my head. It was bad enough when it was just the in-laws, but now it is so much more than that."

"Yeah," Luke said shaking his head wistfully. "You know…that means both you and James are somehow related to…to my mother. Just my luck huh? I try to throw her out of my life and I just can't do it."

Noah wrinkled his nose. "Let's not even bring her into the equation just now. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I'm a Snyder. I have more family than I ever thought possible and I have been a part of that family for a while now. Wow, just, Wow. When should we tell Momma what we found out? I know you have Ethan and that poor little guy is still under the weather, so I don't want to do this until we can do it together. I want you by my side when we tell Momma and Grandma Emma."

Luke smiled and leaned forward to give Noah a soft kiss. "I love you, so much, Noah. It warms my heart to see you this excited and I'm just blown away by what we've found out today. I mean I've always wanted you to be a part of my family and now you truly are, and not just because you're married to me. It's your family…and thank you for wanting me to be there with you. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when we make this reveal. I think Grandma Emma is going to be floored. Let's tell them tomorrow okay?"

"Tomorrow sounds really good to me. I'm not sure that I could keep this secret very long. I was so worried when I left Chicago, poor Sam, he probably thinks I am a total nut case. Thank you by the way for sending Sam for me. He was truly a wonderful man and had lots of stories to tell me about you."

Luke laughed. "I figured you would enjoy your time with him. You can't believe anything he tells you though. I'm a complete angel."

"Noah laughed. "Oh yeah, an angel are you? Well I don't know about angel, but I do know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I love you. Thank you for taking care of me even when you couldn't be there."

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Noah. You know that."

I do know, and I would do anything for you."

"Well," Luke smiled as he settled into Noah's arms, "I know that, and you have proven that time and time again, so…thank you for just being here and for holding me and putting up with me…you really are something amazing Noah." He lifted Noah's hand to kiss it, and they sat silent for a few minutes. It was just nice to be together, that was what Luke loved the most.

So…what would you like to know about the family," Luke asked later when they were sharing a late meal. "Do you have any questions, any curiosities? I give you this opportunity to ask anything and everything my love. Take it now for the chance may not come again," He teased.

"I want to know everything, Luke, how I fit into the family. How do you think they will react to finding out about Momma and me? How do you think Seth is going to react? I've never met him so I am really clueless."

"That's not broad at all, love," Luke chuckled. "Let's see, Uncle Seth is my dad's older brother and he actually hasn't been around the family in years. As a matter of fact, I've never met him or his wife. You're his grandson, so that actually makes you my second cousin, and before you freak let me explain. My dad's oldest sister, Iva was adopted into the family. She had babies when she was just thirteen and they were given away for adoption. Those babies are my mom and my Aunt Rose, Jade's mom. Uncle Seth is Grandma's eldest son, and then comes Aunt Ellie. Aaron's stepfather, uncle Caleb comes next, then my dad and then Aunt Meg is the baby. Have I confused you yet?"

"So your Grandma Iva is adopted too? Wow, sounds like this family really believes in adoption don't they? So why is my grandfather not around anymore? Is there something wrong that he stays away from the family? I can't imagine Grandma Emma letting anyone go far for long."

"Yeah, adoption seems to be a Snyder family tradition," Luke admitted. "Uncle Seth and Aunt Angel moved to New York so that he could work on his writing, and to get Aunt Angel away from a terrible past from what I understand. They call home though. We hear from them at Christmas and Thanksgiving and Grandma Emma tries to visit them at least once a year. I have no doubt though that if they were needed here Uncle Seth would be here in a heartbeat, and wherever he is Aunt Angel is sure to be close behind. I think one of the reasons that they tend to stay in New York is because of Aunt Angel's history with the family. It's just easier for her to not be here after everything she went through.

"You don't think this history will affect how the family takes to me and Momma do you?"

"Oh no I wouldn't think so." Luke said thoughtfully. "Grandma Emma loves Uncle Seth and she completely understood his reasoning for taking Aunt Angel away. I'm sure she will want to know why Uncle Seth never said anything about having a baby but otherwise I think she will be pleased to know that you are related to her."

"I sure hope so Luke. I don't want to set Momma up to take a fall. I mean, those people who raised her, and Grandma Emma are like night and day."

"Yeah that's for sure. Maybe we should talk to Grandma Emma first, just to be on the safe side. I wouldn't want your momma to be blindsided by this. We can ask Grandma some questions and see what she has to say."

"I think that might be best. Should we ask Momma to come here instead of going to the farm? That way she doesn't know until we are ready to tell her?"

"I think that works. She can look after Ethan for us. I'm really excited for you Noah. I know how important finding your family has been to you. I'm glad this is all working out so well."

"I'm hoping that it all comes together for both of us," Noah commented. He reached his hand across the table to link it with Luke's. "Thank you again for being my rock through all of this. I love you."

"I love you too," Luke said softly. He was silent for a moment as his finger lightly grazed Noah's hand. "I feel like I should tell you about my father, Noah…my biological one. There's a story there that you really should know…if you want."

"Of course I want to know. If it concerns you it concerns me"

Luke tried to smile, but it fell short as he kissed Noah's hand. "Now that you've said that, I'm not even really sure where to start. Did I tell you why I'm afraid of the dark?"

"No, I don't think you've ever told me that."

"I was kidnapped when I was younger," Luke explained. "I couldn't have been any more than nine at the time. My dad was with me, but I was still so scared. We were in this cave, and it was dark and cold." Luke shook his head. "Dad made that bearable, but needless to say it's my biological father's fault that we were in that predicament in the first place. He wanted to take me to Malta, but my parents said no…so he was going to kidnap me. His half brother beat him to it though and after that was over; I didn't see him again until I was sixteen, when he all of a sudden showed up just after I came out to Mom and Dad. My mother wasn't comfortable with my admission, and I felt like she didn't love me. I was vulnerable and lonely and Damian seemed to really care you know? Mom fell down the stairs, and I thought Dad blamed me for that, and Damian wanted me to go to Malta with him, and at first I didn't want to go because I wanted to stay with my family. Then Damian was sick and he said he needed me and…" Luke shook his head and sighed. "I realized too late that Damian wanted to send me away to a de-gaying camp. I had thought my mother was behind that at first and well that was just a really big mess. Damian was trying to kidnap me again, and I was held hostage at the airport. It's the scariest thing, Noah to have a gun pressed against your neck."

Noah cringed and shook his head. "I already don't like your biological father. I really hope that I never meet him. But at least Dad was with you the first time, was he there at the airport too?"

"Yeah, Dad showed up, right before I was held hostage. And he clued me in on the fact that Damian wasn't dying and I pretty much disowned him that day and signed away my inheritance which was what he wanted in the first place."

"What a jerk. I'm just glad you are ok and that Dad was able to get to you before you left. I'm really glad you shared this with me. It helps me understand a lot better why you and Dad are as close as you are and some of the animosity towards Lily."

"Now you get the significance of Malta too. That was why I wanted to share it with you…though I made sure we stayed away from certain places."

"Definitely makes more sense now. I'm glad I got to share it with you. Is there anything else about your past that I should know?"

"Hmmmm,." Luke said tapping his finger against his lip, "I think besides that I am pretty much an open book. You don't think I was silly to trust Damian do you?"

"Not at all. He's your father, of course you wanted to trust him. I wanted to trust my Dad too until he gave me a reason not to. Don't let Damian make you start second guessing your decisions. If you do that then he wins and I don't think he deserves that."

"Thank you Noah," Luke said biting his lip. "Just thank you."

Noah smiled and kissed Luke's hand before leaning forward to kiss his lips. "Thank you."

Emma was putting a pie in the oven when they arrived at the farm the next day. Charlene had agreed to stay with Ethan, and Luke wasn't sure who was more nervous about this conversation…him or Noah. His husband was holding tightly to his hand and every few minutes Luke squeezed to let him know it would be just fine.

"Grandma?" he called startling her momentarily as they settled down at the table. "We didn't mean to startle you Grandma, but we wanted to talk to you about something."

"Luke, my word, you know better than to sneak up on your poor grandma. Now then, how are my favorite boys today?"

"We're doing fine, Ma'am," Noah spoke up. "And I apologize, we didn't mean to startle you."

"We have something to talk to you about, Grandma," Luke picked up, squeezing Noah's hand one more time. "Do you have some time to speak with us?"

"For my boys I always have time. You two look so serious, is there something wrong?" Emma set the tea kettle on the burner and prepared three cups of hot chocolate while she waited for them to tell her what was going on.

"Well, I don't know if you were aware that we were searching for Noah's family," Luke began, looking at Noah for permission to talk about it. Noah nodded, and Luke continued. "We started with his momma's family in Tennessee and that led us to an orphanage in Chicago."

"And I know the name of Momma's birth father," Noah continued. "And that led us back here."

"Boys I'm a bit confused. How did all that lead you back here?"

"Grandma," Luke started, his eyes meeting with Noah's once more before facing Emma again. "The name on Ms. Wilson's birth certificate was Seth Snyder. Uncle Seth is Noah's grandfather."

"WHAT!" Emma exclaimed even as she placed the mugs of chocolate on the table. She took a seat and pressed a hand to her heart. "Oh my word. You mean that Charlene is my granddaughter and that my sweet Noah is my great-grandson. Oh my word."

"Does that mean you're happy about it?" Noah asked tentatively?" Luke could tell his husband was holding his breath, and that Grandma Emma's answer was really important to him.

"Happy? Happy doesn't even begin to cover what I am feeling right now. You have always been so special to me because of all you have done for Luke, this just makes me love you even more if that's possible."

Noah beamed and Luke wished he had a camera to capture the moment on camera. That smile was full of so much love, even he felt like his heart would burst. His…their grandma was the best and she was proving it even more at that very moment. "Thank you, Grandma," Noah said finding his voice. "That means so much to me…I already feel so close to all of you, I can't believe I'm actually one of you…for real."

"Well now you were already one of us. That happened the day you and my Luke exchanged vows. This just makes it official and I couldn't be happier to call you grandson."

"Grandma," Luke asked as he sipped on his chocolate, "Do you think Uncle Seth and Aunt Angel would want to know this news? I mean, did you have any idea at all that he fathered a baby so long ago?"

"I'd like to know that too," Noah interjected. He took a sip of his chocolate and focused thoughtfully on his grandma. "I mean I'm not sure if Momma actually wants to find her real dad but, being that we're a part of your family do you think we need to at least make him aware that we exist?"

"Well boys, I wasn't aware that Seth's girlfriend was pregnant," Emma explained. "Seth convinced his father and I to let him take his girlfriend on an extended trip to Chicago to live with a friend who was taking classes there. He was so in love with that girl we just thought he wanted to be with her, then when he decided to come home without her we really didn't question it because we were just so happy that he wanted to come home. It would be just like Seth to want to protect that young lady by getting her away from the small town values that looked down on unwed mothers. I'm sure that Seth would want to know about his child, he was always so supportive of Iva and he was a doting uncle to Lily when we found out she was Iva's daughter. As for your Momma, I think that you should tell her you have the name of her father and if she wants to know then we'll tell her together, but if not then we will accept that and go from there. I just bet though she is going to want that name as badly as you did.

"Well to be honest, Grandma I kinda freaked when I found out," Noah confessed. "The family has been so kind to me, and I love how everyone bands together for Luke and no matter what Momma decides I'm glad to be your great-grandson."

"Ahhhh my Noah, I do love you and I am so happy to have you as a part of our family. I don't think we should keep this from your Momma, she knew you were going to Chicago so I have a feeling she is pretty anxious to hear what you found out one way or the other."

"Wait until Dad finds out you're his nephew," Luke laughed. "This is really exciting, Noah. Do you want to tell your mom this afternoon?"

"This is insane," Noah said smiling as he drank his chocolate. I feel like I'm going to hurt myself from smiling so much."

"No such as that now Noah," Emma commented. "I have some work to do now before dinner. . You let me know when you are ready to talk to your momma I would like to be there if that's ok with you."

"I think we were going to try to tell her tonight, Grandma," Luke replied even as he looked at Noah for confirmation. "How about you come over after dinner or forget cooking tonight all together. Noah and I can cook and we'll make a night of it."

"I think that sounds like a great plan boys, I'll bring Charlene and let you boys fix us something. Show off those cooking lessons we have been working on."

Luke laughed. "Okay we better get going so we can start this gourmet meal. We'll send Ms. Wilson back this way and we'll see you tonight."

"Thanks again Grandma," Noah said standing. He kissed Emma on the cheek and watched as Luke did the same. "See you soon."

"My boys. Let me know if you need anything. I'll see you later this evening."

Noah was standing by the sink when he felt arms encircle his waist. He smiled as Luke rested his head against his back and finished with the dish he was cleaning. "Is Ethan better?"

"Yes," Luke responded as he squeezed Luke tighter. "Poor little guy he wanted to run around and jump and play. And he wants Dad, so he best hurry home. Sorry I didn't help much with dinner."

Noah turned in Luke's arms and pulled him closer, burying his chin in Luke's hair. "It's okay Love. You helped as much as you could. I'm a little nervous about tonight, but I really shouldn't be…do you think you could handle telling Momma. I know I should do it myself but I don't know if I will get the words out right."

"I'm sure you will do fine," Luke said looking up at his husband. "But if you want I can tackle that part. Just relax okay, this is going to be good, Noah." He kissed him softly and smiled encouragingly. "I'm going to make sure Ethan is comfortable and then we need to get ready. Grandma and your mom should be here soon."

Noah smiled and kissed Luke's nose. "Thank you." He whispered as he moved away. He truly didn't know what he would do without Luke. He finished up the dishes and set the table while Luke checked on their patient. When he poked his head in the room, Luke was just planting a kiss on the little guy's forehead. Noah smiled, Luke was so good with children. He could only imagine what he would be like when they had kids of their own.

Of course he knew it was too soon to be thinking about that. He wanted to keep Luke to himself for as long as he could before they started a family. They were already surrounded by kids, what with little Ethan, and Nat and Faith. Then throw Robbie into the mix and the impending birth of the newest McPherson…the world could wait for a Snyder-Mayer. For now they would just enjoy being uncles and brothers; those were nice easy titles.

Dinner was just about ready when Emma and Charlene arrived and Noah immediately ushered them into the dining room. :"Luke will be out in a second," he said as he pulled out the chair for his mother and did the same for his grandmother.

"Thank you Baby. Everything smells and looks wonderful. Looks like you have put Emma's cooking lessons into good use."

Hey, I take offense to that," Luke laughed as he entered the room and kissed both women on their cheeks. He Kissed Noah too before focusing on his mother-in-law. "We were cooking together way before we started said lessons," he joked. "I don't think we did too bad, did we?"

Noah laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "I don't think so."

"Now Luke," Charlene admonished, "you know I'm just playing. Emma said you guys used to cook at home at least once or twice a week, but you decided to broaden your adventures after you moved into the house. I can't wait to taste what you have for us tonight."

"Stuffed bell peppers and dirty rice, and barbeque chicken, made with Snyder-Mayer barbeque sauce. I think Noah and I are going to put a patent on it."

"And we made chocolate mousse for dessert," Noah added as Luke went into the kitchen. "We hope that is okay it's just something we whipped together."

"Sounds more than ok to me. I can't wait to try all of it."

"Dinner is served," Luke said bringing in plates and setting them in front of his grandma and his mother-in-law.

"It all smells so good," Emma commented as Noah insisted that Luke sit down. It was a rare treat to watch her boys being so loving towards one another. Noah pulled Luke's chair out and pushed it back in before heading into the kitchen to get more food. Soon they were all settled at the table, and Emma and Charlene both commented on how delicious the meal was. Emma inquired about the barbeque sauce and Charlene wanted to know how they got the meat so tender, and just what ingredients were in the stuffing.

Dinner talk was pleasant, and despite Luke getting up to check on Ethan about halfway through, everything went well. Luke served up the chocolate mousse and waited until everyone had eaten some before getting down to what they needed to discuss.

"So, Ms. Wilson," Luke started taking a bite of his dessert. "Did you have a nice visit with your parents?"

"No, Luke, not really," Charlene frowned. "I was so angry with the way they treated you and my baby that I left the next afternoon and spent some time with Greta and then headed back here."

"I'm sorry about that," Luke replied. "Greta is a sweetheart. I wish we would have had a chance to meet her husband. At least something good came out of that trip though. We found out the name of the orphanage."

"You did? Were you able to find out anything?"

"Actually, Noah did find out something when he went to Chicago," Luke looked at his husband and squeezed his hand. Noah had been looking down, but he looked up and visibly relaxed under Luke's intense gaze. "We know the name of your birth father."

"Really?" Noah's mom seemed really excited to hear that. "You found out the name of my birth father? Oh my, well please tell me what you found out. After my parents reaction to you, I have no desire to give them all my loyalty. My loyalty belongs to my son and his husband." Noah beamed and shared a look with Emma who was sipping on her drink as she listened to the conversation unfold.

Luke swirled his mousse in the bowl and took another bite before answering his mother-in-law's question. "That's the interesting part," he commented softly. "And it warms my heart to know that you want to be loyal to us. I hope you still feel that way when I tell you this. You see, Ms. Wilson, it turns out that your father is Seth Snyder."

"Wait. What does that mean? Who is Seth Snyder? Is he a member of the huge Snyder clan? I don't think I have heard anything about him since I have been here."

"He's my son," Emma spoke up. She reached out to place a hand on Charlene's arm. "You are my grand-daughter sweetheart."

"Oh my!" Charlene exclaimed. "Oh oh, I'm just so overwhelmed at the moment. I can't believe that you are my grandmother. I felt like we connected when we first met and now I guess I know why."

Luke and Noah smiled at each other and Luke squeezed Noah's hand, encouraging him to say something. "Isn't it great, Momma," Noah choked out. "We're a part of this great family."

"I just can't believe it. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm just so shocked, but in a good way."

"That's a better reaction than Noah had," Luke chuckled."

Noah shook his head. "I was a little freaked out when I found out. Since I didn't know that Luke here is adopted too."

"I think that makes you my cousin," Luke grinned. "Though I think I like you as my mother-in-law best."

"Awwwwww Luke you are so sweet. I just don't know what to say. Will my father want to meet us do you think, Emma?"

"I think he will be shocked, but I am sur e he won't be able to resist meeting you dear. And I'm pretty sure his wife wouldn't turn down such a handsome grandson."

"Well I know that," Charlene commented even as Noah blushed and ducked his head. "I wouldn't be able to turn either of these boys away. Do you think you could arrange a meeting for us Emma or should I just let this alone for a while?"

"Well," Emma said dabbing her mouth with her napkin, "Seth is pretty busy in New York but I certainly could give him a call and talk to him about it."

"He wasn't able to come in for the wedding," Luke pointed out. "Maybe we can get him to come for a quick visit, so he can meet Noah. Or we could just all go to New York?"

"I'll do whatever we need to do. I'm game either way." Charlene agreed.

"Then that is what we will do. I will get in touch with Seth and Angel in the morning. And I want to welcome you to the family officially darling." Emma squeezed Charlene's arm and then gave her a hug. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

"Thank you Grandma Emma," Charlene smiled. "I hope it's ok that I call you that. You have always made me more than welcome. I am so happy to be a part of such a large and welcoming family."

"That is just perfect," Emma said hugging her again. She stood and accepted kisses from both her grandsons before she started to gather the dishes. "You two finish your dessert, I insist on helping with the dishes. This is a celebration, and you two fixed a lovely meal. The least I can do is help you clean it up."

Luke laughed at his grandmother's insistence and kissed Noah before getting up to help anyway. Noah watched his husband and their grandmother(that was going to take some getting used to) take care of the dishes. He reached out to take his mother's hand, and squeezed It, as he smiled at her.

"Momma are you happy?"

"Happy? No, I'm so beyond happy that I don't know that there are even words to describe how I'm feeling. I just don't know how I will ever thank you enough for having the courage to find my father."

"Thank Luke. He got the information. It's because of him that I was able to get that name. He won't admit it but I know he had to of pulled some strings for me. He's just the best…so thoughtful and loving…I don't know what I'd do without him."

'Well my baby, let's hope you never have to find out. I adore your Luke. He is truly one of a kind."

Noah had to agree with his mother. His husband truly was one of a kind, and it was in simple moments such as this that he remembered it most often. They weren't doing much, just resting in front of the fireplace, watching the flames dance as they gave off much appreciated warmth. Luke was resting his head against Noah's heart, and Noah had his fingers in the blond tresses he loved dearly. They were talking softly about dinner and how successful the conversation had gone. The plan was to wait until Grandma Emma had a chance to speak with Seth, then they would see about making a weekend trip up to New York City. New York would be a nice place to spend their spring break too, and Luke pointed out that it would be about time for them to cross that state off their list of vacation spots.

"I don't think we can truly see New York in a week's time," Noah pointed out. "But I bet we can see enough of it to satisfy us until we can go back."

"We need to at least get to the Statue of Liberty," Luke insisted. He sat up and straddled Noah's lap so that he could look into those perfect crystal eyes as he spoke. "And as goofy as it sounds I want to stand at the top with you. And we can't go without seeing Ground Zero."

Noah smiled sadly and leaned forward kissing Luke softly on the lips. "We can definitely do that," he said softly. "And we have to see what plays are going to be going on because we cannot be on Broadway without going to see at least one performance."

"Okay," Luke agreed. "Do you think you and I can have some romantic time in between your visits with your Grandparents?"

Noah tilted his head to the side and smiled at his husband lovingly. "I think we can arrange that, not that I plan to let you out of my sights for too long. I'm likely to even follow you into the dressing rooms on Fifth Avenue."

"We could get into so much trouble that way," Luke said softly.

"You mean like we did in Italy?"

Luke's laugher was rich and Noah couldn't resist the urge to kiss him. Luke's arms went around Noah's neck and he gave himself over to the waves of passion Noah emitted. The kiss started out soft and sensual, but it didn't take long for it to deepen as Noah sought to devour Luke's mouth. Luke sighed contentedly as Noah's hands sought skin and tugged at Luke's shirt begging for entrance.

They began an intricate dance of hands and lips as shirts came off and fingers caressed and kneaded skin. Luke's fingers traced the outline of Noah's chest, as they made their way to his waist. Noah's movements matched his and they looked up at each other blue eyes meeting golden brown as fingers disappeared into waistlines.

Luke moved first, expertly stroking his husband as he watched those blue eyes cloud over with desire. He expertly opened Noah's Jeans and lifted himself up so he could push them off. He felt Noah's hands undoing his jeans, and he dipped his head to steal a kiss. Noah's lips tasted like chocolate and he just couldn't get enough of it.

Noah pulled him back down to his lap and their lips continued their dance accompanied by the symphony of moans and sighs that caroled with the crackling fire. There was nothing wild about this dance. There was no desperation, no sense of urgency or fervent ardor it was just the instinctive need to express their love for each other. Their lovemaking was deliberately slow, sensual and passionate.

Luke took a hold of Noah's hardening cock, and positioned himself, kissing him as he joined their bodies together. Noah moaned and thrust, pressing himself deep inside Luke. Luke made appreciative noises into Noah's mouth, and Noah added his own grunts and gasps as they completed each other. Noah's arms were wrapped tightly around his husband as he brought them both to the point of ecstasy.


	13. It's All Relative

He was a bundle of nerves, even though he knew there was no need for him to be. He wasn't alone; Luke was standing beside him, holding his hand tightly. His momma was also there, though she looked just as scared as he did. They were standing in an apartment building in New York City, waiting for someone to answer their knock. Luke had arranged for them to see the city before tackling the task that brought them here. Already they had gone to the infamous United Nations building, visited the Statue of Liberty and Ground Zero, plus Rockefeller Center which they deemed was cool even without all the Christmas decorations.

They had seen many sights, and there was still so much more to be done before they headed home, but today was the day he met his grandparents. His momma was going to meet the man who fathered her, and he hoped that Grandma Emma was right about him being glad to see them.

"You'll be fine, babe," Luke whispered in his ear. "You climbed to the top of the Statue of Liberty and you were very good at Ground Zero, though I know your heart wanted to break. Compared to that this will be a piece of cake. I won't let anything happen to you."

"Is that a promise," Noah asked biting his lip as he looked at his husband.

"Are you sure he's home, Luke," Charlene asked before Luke could reply to Noah. He kissed Noah on the cheek before turning to face his mother-in-law.

"Breathe, Ms. Wilson, it's going to be okay. Grandma said when she talked to Uncle Seth he was shocked, but he wasn't angry or anything. He wants to meet you; she said she could hear the compassion in his voice. I think this is going to be fine. Now I spoke briefly with Aunt Angel, she told me she would be home; though she warned me that she gets so engrossed in her work that she is just slow about answering the door. I predict she will be here in mere seconds."

The words were barely out of his mouth before the door opened and a petite woman of middle age opened the door and smiled at Luke. "Luke, oh my goodness, look at you. I see you grew up on me while I wasn't around. You look great. Now who is this handsome young man, and this lovely lady with you?"

"I take it asking how you even realized it was me would be a silly question right," Luke laughed as he moved to embrace his aunt. "It's great to finally actually meet you, Aunt Angel. This is my husband, Noah, and this is his momma, Charlene. Also known as your stepdaughter, and your step-grandson."

"Oh honey," Angel said as she hugged Luke back, "even had I not talked to you I would have recognized you from the pictures Emma brings when she visits. She is very proud of you. "Noah," she said turning her attention to the brunet, "so handsome, Seth is going to be so proud. And dear Charlene, I can't tell you how happy I am to finally meet you. Emma has been gushing about you since the boys found you. Then to find out you are my Seth's baby girl, it just makes my heart so happy."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ma'am," Noah said blushing slightly.

"Are you certain he will be happy to meet me?" Charlene asked, and Luke hid a smile. She was nervous as well and Luke found it adorable. They were going to fit right in to the family fold and he couldn't of been happier.

"Do you mind if we come in, Aunt Angel?"

"Oh my where are my manners," Angel smiled, "please come in. Let me take your coats and then we'll go into the family room and I'll bring in some tea for us. I'm sure, my dear, that Seth is going to be very happy to meet you. He has been positively giddy since Emma called with the news. So handsome, and just a little shy. Honey, you will feel right at home here. I'm just a bit on the shy side myself."

Luke gave Noah's hand a squeeze as they followed Angel and Charlene into the sitting room. He was glad that his aunt was so calm about this. A lot of people wouldn't react well to the knowledge that their spouse had a long lost child, let alone a long lost grandchild. Noah was looking around the apartment, drinking in everything like a thirsty man. This was his grandfather's home…he actually had a grandfather and he would be meeting him soon.

"They're just a little bit nervous," Luke explained as they settled into seats. Angel brought in cups of tea and little cakes before settling down herself. "So I guess that means that you get to ask the questions."

"So tell me how all this came to be Luke," Angel asked taking a sip of her tea. "I know Emma said you and Noah were getting married and I'm so sorry we didn't get there for the ceremony. So how did you find out that Seth was Charlene's father?"

Noah was more than happy to watch his husband do all the talking. He looked at his momma for a moment and took her hand into his free one. She was trying to stay calm, and Angel seemed really nice.

"Well," Luke said squeezing Noah's hand as he focused on his aunt, "once Noah's mom told us she was adopted, we decided that we were going to look for her birth parents…so we found the orphanage and Noah was able to get one piece of information. Uncle Seth's name is on the birth certificate. And don't worry about the wedding. I understood that you couldn't make it. The entire ceremony is recorded though…I will have to make a copy for you."

"I would love to see that. I heard it was a beautiful day. So Charlene, do you have any questions for me? I won't bite I promise. The Snyder family has been very good to me so I know what it's like to try and fit in."

"Well," Charlene said pulling her hand away from Noah and placing it in her lap. "I guess I just wonder what to expect. I don't mean to be this nervous. I swear I'm as much of a wreck as I was the day My baby and Luke met me at the airport. I know all three of us are going to be meeting him for the first time. What's he like?"

"Seth, he's a big teddy bear," Angel replied happily. "He has a heart of gold, and is so good to me. He is a writer, like Luke, and he loves kids and his family. He misses the family and we are talking about going back to Oakdale, or at least Chicago to be closer to the family. He's going to love you Charlene. Don't worry ok."

"How are you handing this news, Auntie," Luke interjected.

"Yeah," Noah added, "Are you liking the idea of having a daughter and a grandson?"

"Me? I'm loving this. I always wanted children but mistakes in my younger years made that impossible. A beautiful daughter and a handsome grandson. What more could a woman ask for. I am absolutely ecstatic that you are here. Seth should be home soon."

"I hope he likes me," Noah sighed. "I haven't had the best luck with grandparents…at least not my own."

"Well, I won't speak for Seth, but this grandparent is very happy you are here." Angel's smile was pleasant and welcoming. It put Noah at ease and helped him to relax. "I hope you will call me grandma or gram or something. Any person who can't see how wonderful you are is not looking at the same young man I am."

"I tell him that all the time," Luke said bumping his husband's shoulder with his own.

Noah smiled at Luke before focusing on Angel again. "Serious? You want me to call you Gram…I would love that, if it's really okay."

Before Angel had a chance to answer they heard the front door open and close. All eyes were on the doorway, and Luke noticed that he and his Aunt were the only ones not holding their breaths.

"Well hello. Angel who do you have here?" Seth said as he put his bag down by the chair. "This young man looks like my nephew Luke who grew up on me."

"Hi Uncle Seth," Luke said smiling. Angel stood and went to give her husband a hug and a kiss. Luke stood too to give him a hug as well. Then he turned to look at Noah and Charlene who were both looking in their direction. "Uncle Seth I want you to meet my husband, Noah and his mother…your daughter, Charlene."

"Luke, my friend, you did well for yourself." Seth patted Luke on the back before turning his attention to Noah and Charlene. "Noah, Charlene, welcome to New York and welcome to the Snyder family. Although from what Mama has said both of you were already a part of the family before this birth information came to light. I am so glad you are both here. Charlene, my dear, I am so very glad you sought me out."

"You are?" Charlene asked in awe. "I actually owe all of this to your nephew and my baby but, you really are glad that they found you, and you actually want to get to know me?"

'I don't think that's so hard to believe, Momma"" Noah said smiling.

"I don't either Noah," Seth agreed. "Mama has been gushing about you since you came to visit Noah. She has thoroughly enjoyed having you there, and trust me when I say that she is over the moon to have another granddaughter and great-grandson. I am so glad you boys went looking for answers. There aren't very many days that go by that I haven't wondered if I made the right decision to let you go. I have thought about you and hoped that you were being treated like I would have treated you if I could have kept you with me. Things are so different now than when you were born. Now I would never have let you go, and I hope that I can make up to you for all the years that we have lost."

It was a scene right of a movie, though Luke didn't think a script would do it justice. Charlene had tears in her eyes as she stood up and ran into Seth's arms, and Luke was sure his heart wasn't the only one that melted. He chanced a glance at Noah who had tears in his eyes as well. Seth's arms wrapped around Charlene and they stood like that for the longest moment.

"I hope we can make up for some of that time too," Charlene said after a moment, pulling back to wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry for being such a cry baby but I dare say that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

Luke thought her reaction was very telling, and he sighed knowing he had been correct about her adoptive parents. While he had no doubt that the Wilsons cared to the best of their ability, it was obvious that somewhere along the line his mother-in-law had been missing something.

Seth and I would really like to know more about all of you. We feel like we've missed so much of your life Luke, that now you are grown and we know so little so why don't you tell us about yourselves. We want to know about all of you, Luke you too. We've apparently missed a lot when it comes to your life. All I know is the pictures that sometimes Momma and Holden send our way. They left out a few important details I see. When did you get married?"

"We got married in June of last year," Luke explained in answer to Angel's question. They were all sitting around the table. Luke and Noah were sitting side by side, and Charlene was to Noah's left. Seth was beside her and Angel rounded out the table.

"Though I guess that's really our recommitment ceremony," Noah pointed out. "We actually got married on November 10, 2007."

"We eloped," Luke clarified. "I don't think there is much I could tell you about me though, except that I'm happy and I'd do anything for this guy."

"He's being modest," Noah insisted. "He's in school, studying to be a writer and he was one of the stars on his basketball team in high school. Plus he helped write this incredible script when we were interns at WOAK, and he's only the best husband in the world."

Angel smiled. "Somehow I don't doubt it. If he takes after Holden then you are very lucky. What about you, Noah?" What do I need to know about you?"

"I'm not that interesting," Noah said shaking his head."

"Yeah right," Luke protested bumping Noah's shoulder with his own. "He only wants to be a director, and he knows how to cook and sing. Not to mention the fact that he has been my hero more times than I can count and he gave me a kidney. How's that for great husbands."

"Ohhush you two," Charlene said laughing. "You are both great boys. Isn't it clear how much they love each other, Ms. Angel?"

"I can see that very clearly, yes. And dear you don't have to call me Ms. Angel. I think I am in a place now where I wouldn't mind if you wanted to call me Momma.

As the women talked, Noah glanced at Luke with such a look of love that it brought tears to Seth's eyes. He realized he was missing so much being so far away from the family. And he had no one to blame but himself for that. He had come to New York to help Angel get past her shattered childhood, and then had become so accustomed to life in the city that returning home never really came to mind. Never would he have imagined that he would be sitting here in his and Angel's home looking at the daughter he had given up and a grandson that would make any grandfather proud. Maybe it was time to take Angel up on that wish to move closer to home so that he could be a part of the lives of these new family members who were already planted deep in his heart.

"Well, Momma…" Charlene laughed, "I will have to get used to saying that I think. "I am looking forward to knowing you both, and I have a lot of questions.

"Then ask away," Angel said clapping her hands even as her husband smiled at her. She spared him a smile before looking over at her nephew and her grandson. "Do they often look like they are in their own world?" she asked her eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Oh yes, they always have their heads in the clouds. They are so in love, sometimes it's sickening."

"We heard that," Luke said as Noah laughed.

Charlene laughed along with her son and soon Angel and Seth joined in and Luke just shook his head. "Snyders," he said with an amused smirk. Noah kissed his nose and pressed their foreheads together.

"It takes one to know one," he whispered. Luke smiled and kissed him softly as they lost themselves in the moment with Charlene and the others looking on.

"How are you guys enjoying New York?" Seth asked as Angel placed dessert in front of the four of them. Noah stood and pulled out her chair for her and pushed it in, before moving to serve her dessert as well.

"Thank you, Noah," Angel smiled. "You are such a gentleman."

Noah smiled politely and returned to his seat beside Luke. "We've been enjoying New York so far," he responded to his grandfather's question. "We climbed to the top of the Statue of Liberty yesterday."

"We were standing in the crown," Luke added. "It's even better seeing it in person."

"Such an incredible monument," Noah added. "One day I want to film a movie around it, though I will have to figure out how to do it."

"That sounds like a great idea, baby," Charlene beamed.

"I'm sure I can come up with a screenplay," Luke added. "We could do a story about a handsome guy who comes to a small town Illinois to start his life and along the way finds love and family and some pretty awesome friends."

"Who bond on an impromptu trip to New York City," Noah jumped in excitedly.

"And by the end of the trip the friends grow even closer and somewhat reaffirm their friendship."

"And realize how lucky they are to have each other and freedom," Noah smiled. "And we can call it Liberty."

"They are thinking of starting a production company," Charlene explained as Luke and Noah continued to plot out the idea. "They get like this sometimes, so wrapped up in what they are talking about that they forget they aren't alone." She smiled adoringly at her son and her son-in-law. "Aren't they sweet?"

"Yes, incredibly so," Angel smiled.

"They're no different than me," Seth said fondly. "You know how it is sweetie, when I get an idea I start going off on all kinds of tangents. Luke and Noah definitely remind me of myself in terms of creativity."

"I got it," Luke's exclamation drew their attention back to the duo. They turned to the boys who were grinning from ear to ear as Luke spoke animatedly. "Prima can be the sequel to Liberty, all about the friends taking a European holiday together, only this time the bonds are tested when one of them goes missing and the other three friends have to band together to rescue their fallen mate."

"Oooh," Noah said intrigued, "and in the midst of all that another friend falls ill so it's up to the two who don't particularly get along so well to save the day."

"And their friends," Luke nodded. "I like that idea."

Charlene shared a private wink with her parents who smiled as they continued to listen to Luke and Noah barter about plot devices that could work. Every now and again they were drawn into their own conversation, until one of the boys laughed or made an exclamation that caught their attention.

While Charlene spent time with Seth and Angel, the boys descended on Fifth Avenue for a day of shopping and fun. Noah was amazed by everything he saw. Every few minutes he would stop in front of a window to look at the mannequins and the merchandise that was on display. They stopped at Starbucks for Caramel lattes and spent an hour n the Barnes and Nobles looking through DVDS to see if they needed to add any to their collection. They found a gift for Robbie and a Philosophy book for James, and for Maddie they picked up a baby name book. Luke insisted on getting Noah a leather bag for his camera and Noah ordered a new laptop bag for Luke. They stored their purchases back at Seth's and then went to have lunch at a small Italian eatery.

"Let's stop in here," Luke said as they stood in front of Macy's. "You need a new pair of boots."

"And we need new jeans," Noah reminded him as he was pulled through the departments until they reached shoes and boots. "What about those," Noah said looking at a pair of nice looking cowboy boots. "Do you think those will do?"

"Hmmm," Luke said looking them over for a moment before putting them down. "They won't last long enough. If we're going to get riding boots we need to get good riding boots." Noah smiled as he followed his husband around the section looking for the right pair of boots. While Luke searched, Noah found a pair of loafers he liked and he sat down to try them on. He was examining his feet in them when Luke sat down beside him. "Here we go," Luke exclaimed holding up two pairs of identical boots. "I think these would work great. And where did you get those? Are they comfortable?"

Noah just smiled and nodded as he slipped out of the shoes and handed them to Luke. The boots were a good fit and comfortable too. "How about you can get the boots, I'll get us some shoes and then we can go look at jeans and you need new shirts and socks."

"I need a whole new wardrobe," Luke said shaking his head as he examined the shoes Noah had picked out. "But anyway that sounds like a plan to me. Come on."

They paid for their shoes and went to the men's department to check out the selection of jeans. Luke pulled several pairs off the shelf and found some nice shirts before heading into the dressing room. Noah stood watch while Luke tried on the clothes. While he waited a young woman in her mid twenties came toward him and winked seductively at him. Noah smiled politely even as he wondered why she was in the men's dressing room.

"Hey Noah, can you find me another pair of pants like these," Luke asked even as Noah saw a pair of jeans appear over the door.

"Okay, be right back," He said taking the jeans and heading out to the racks. He could feel eyes on him and was startled to see that the girl was in front of him when he turned around. "Uh hi," he said stepping back a few paces.

"Helping your little brother shop?" she said a huge smile on her face.

"Uh, No," Noah started but the girl cut him off.

"That is just so adorable. Try these pants, they are a better fit." She took the pants out of his hands before he could protest and handed him another pair. "And these, I bet they would look good on you too."

"Hmmm I don't think he'd like these," Noah shook his head and placed the jeans back on the rack. "Luke likes to be comfortable. I better get back to him with these," he said trying to make a graceful exit.

"Where's your wife?"

"Excuse me?" Noah said turning to face the girl even as he backed up towards Luke's dressing room.

"You have a ring, so you must be married," The girl pointed out. "Which I might add is a damn shame because you are hot. But anyway where is your wife while you take your brother shopping."

"Hey Baby," Luke called before Noah could answer. "Do you think these make me look fat?" Noah turned and didn't see the look of shock and mortification on the girl's face before she dashed off. His attention was completely focused on his husband who was wearing a navy blue pair of jeans and a nice tight fitting navy shirt to match

"You look good enough to eat," Noah said his voice deep and husky as he pushed Luke back into the dressing room. Luke smiled and wrapped his arms around Noah's neck.

"You really think so?"

Noah kissed him softly at first, exploring Luke's mouth with his tongue, licking and sucking as he pressed his body against his.

Luke sighed contentedly and closed his eyes. He was enjoying Noah's ministrations and wishing they weren't in the dressing room of a department store. "I guess this means I'm buying it," he said breathlessly when Noah pulled away from him.

Noah smiled and pressed his forehead against Luke's, leaning in to kiss him again softly before answering. "You can buy them all and the shirts too. They don't make you look fat at all, they just make me want you every minute of every day."

Luke's knees felt like jelly, but somehow he managed to move so he could lock the dressing room door. Noah watched as he returned to his side and slipped his arms back up around his neck. He wiggled until their bodies were pressed against each other, and Noah felt his need growing almost immediately.

Thirty minutes later the door to the dressing room opened and the boys emerged with satisfied smiles on their faces. They paid no attention to the looks and stares from the other people in the store as they made their purchases. They were oblivious to the whispers and the giggles, and only focused on each other and the packages in their hands.

"You sure I can't persuade you guys to stay a little bit longer?" Angel asked as they prepared to leave Saturday morning.

"We'd love to, Grandma," Noah replied as he played with Luke's scarf. "But we have school to get back to this next week."

"And we have a doctor's appointment on Monday," Luke reminded him. "It has been a lot of fun here in New York though, so I am sure we'll be back again."

"Yes, Momma it has been fun," Charlene added. "And I would love to stay and spend more time with you…and Dad," she said smiling at Seth, "but I have been seriously thinking about going back to work. I'm going to head back to Illinois, and then it's off to Charlotte to see if I can indeed start working again."

"Well then it looks like we may have to make a trip out to Illinois myself," Seth said embracing his daughter.

"Well if you come you definitely have a place to stay," Luke invited. "And I am sure Dad would be thrilled to see you."

"And I know Grandma Emma will be ecstatic," Noah added. "Thank you so much for being so welcoming to us. I really appreciate it."

"You take care of yourself, Noah," Angel said hugging him tightly. "You are a special young man, and I am glad to have met you."

Noah grinned and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

"You take good care of him, you hear me," she said placing her hand on Luke's cheek. "I can tell that what you two have is special, hold on to that for as long as you can."

"I will." Luke said softly as he too gave his aunt a kiss and a hug. "Take care of yourself, Aunt Angel. And you too, Uncle Seth," Luke hugged his uncle close for a minute. He smiled as he pulled away and returned to Noah's side. "Don't forget to come visit. Oakdale is waiting for you. You just have to accept the call."

Angel smiled and hugged them all again before ushering them out the door. It had been a successful visit, but now it was time to get back to their lives. Noah felt good as he wrapped his arm around Luke's shoulder as they headed away from the apartment building. It was nice to know that this was a place where they were welcome to come back, if they so pleased. He had grandparents who wanted him, and a true connection to a family he already loved. He couldn't be happier.

They hadn't been in the house ten minutes before Luke heard the telephone ring. He answered it as he helped Noah put their things away, balancing the phone on his shoulder while unpacking his duffel bag. "Hello?"

"OH so you do know how to answer the phone," James laughed. "Did you enjoy New York?"

"Yes as a matter of fact we did, and I'm sorry I missed your call, James. Did you call a lot? Is something wrong?"

"What are you doing? You sound muffled."

"Unpacking. We're here if you want to come over."

"I guess I should do this in person, I'll be right over."

"What was that about," Noah asked as Luke hung up his phone.

Luke shrugged. "I don't know. James said he called, but I didn't see any missed calls did you?"

Noah took Luke's phone and pushed a few buttons. He handed it back to Luke, and sure enough there were five calls from James, two from his dad and one from his grandma. He groaned. "How did I miss all those calls? Do you think something's wrong?"

"With the phone or with everyone who called?" Noah asked focusing on the bag on the bed.

"Noah." Luke said indignantly. "I'm being serious here."

Noah abandoned the bag and focused on Luke. "The phone was on vibrate, so it's not surprising that you missed the calls. Plus while we were at my grandparents' house there wasn't a lot of reception, and you need to relax. I love you but you worry too much." Noah smiled and kissed him softly. "Stop worrying until there is something to worry about, okay."

"Okay," Luke said taking a deep breath. He hugged Noah close for a long moment, only moving when they heard the doorbell ring. "I'll go let James in, and fix us some coffee."

"Okay, I'll be right out." Noah kissed his forehead and sent him on his way with a smile. He finished putting away their things and joined the others in the living room. Luke was handing James a cup of coffee when he entered and he slipped his arms around his husband. "Are you relaxed?" he asked in Luke's ear.

"For the moment. Do you want coffee?"

"I'll get it." Noah kissed Luke's cheek and went to get them both a cup of coffee. James and Luke were talking softly when he returned to the living room and he handed Luke a cup and took a seat beside him.

"I'm glad that Noah's search for his family worked out so well," James said taking another sip of coffee. "It's wild that they've been right under your nose this whole time."

"Tell me about it," Luke laughed and Noah smiled. "Meeting Aunt Angel and Uncle Seth in New York was incredible. The city is wonderful. You have to go if you have never been there, James."

"Luke and I think that we should take a trip up there with you and Maddie. Maybe sometime after the baby is born," Noah suggested. "I bet Robbie would enjoy it too."

"I'm sure he will. He's been learning all about New York in school. And get this; because he knew you guys were going there he did extra research on his own. I was really impressed."

"A kid after my own heart," Luke said smiling. "Though I never dreamed I'd be able to visit the places I learned about in school."

"Let's just hope he's still reading and learning when he becomes a teenager," Noah laughed.

"Ugh, don't remind me," James groaned. He sighed heavily knowing that the small talk would have to end eventually. There was so much he needed to relate to his brothers, and he wasn't really looking forward to most of it. "In any case," he said growing serious as he took another drink, "I did need to fill you guys in on some things."

"Is something wrong James?" Luke asked frowning. "Is it Maddie and the baby? Did something happen to Robbie?"

"Maddie's fine," James assured him. "And Robbie's as good as he can be, considering we had the hearing about his custody this past week."

"Oh, James I'm sorry," Luke said, all ready to berate himself for not being here."

"Neither of you have anything to be sorry about," James insisted. "It was important for you to be in New York, and I knew that. Robbie did too, and he knows you guys were thinking about him. He told the judge what he needed to, and Maddie and I were able to prove that we would give Robbie a stable home and his parents are allowed to see him if Robbie wants to see them. I have guardianship and he was adamant that he didn't want to see them ever again."

"Do you think he'll change his mind?" Luke asked, knowing what it was like to disown parents completely.

"Who knows," James shrugged. "I don't think it's completely sunk in yet, but when it does, I think we'll learn more about what happened at home."

"Well I definitely know what it's like to have a belligerent father," Noah pointed out. "Whatever I can do to help Robbie, I'm more than happy to oblige."

"Thanks Noah. I appreciate that."

"So…" Luke started after a brief silence, "if it's not Maddie, and it's not Robbie that has you so wound up…what's wrong?"

"Have you talked to your dad at all? Or your sisters?" James asked.

"No, why? Is something wrong with Ethan?"

Noah put a comforting hand on Luke's shoulder and hid his smile. It was no surprise that his godson was in his thoughts. When they left Ethan was still sick, albeit he had been improving steadily.

"Ethan's fine, Luke. He insisted that Robbie was his new friend and celebrated the fact by dumping a bucket of dirt on his head. Trust me my little brother was not amused."

For a moment the room was filled with Luke and Noah's laughter. The image was just too vivid in their minds. They could just see little Ethan dumping a bucket of dirt on to the unsuspecting Robbie. And Luke just bet that he clapped his hands while Robbie shook as much of the dirt off as he could before tickling his attacker. "I hope you got pictures," Noah said with a shake of his head.

"Your Dad took a picture. I just wanted to know how Ethan managed to come up with a bucket of dirt."

Luke shook his head. "Sand and mud are all the same to that little guy, he doesn't care. But if they are okay, why is it important that I talk to my dad? Did something happen to Grandma…either of them?"

You need to call your grandma," James informed him. "She needs to talk to you about something important. And your dad was trying to get a hold of you to tell you about your mother."

"What has she done now," Luke sighed.

"Nothing," James replied. "But then that's just the point."

"What do you mean" Noah wanted to know.

"Lily's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone?" Luke asked crossing his arms.

"I mean she just up and disappeared without an explanation or a word. Lucinda thinks she may have fled the country again, but she's not certain. She just isn't here."

"So she took her boyfriend to Europe again," Luke shrugged. "Big deal."

"Dusty's not with her, Luke. He's still in town…I saw him at Al's just yesterday, and apparently he hasn't seen Lily either."

"That's strange," Noah commented. He watched his husband's expression, trying to read what he was feeling at the moment. "So she just up and left her kids…again, with no explanation."

"Your stepsister is a bitch," Luke snapped, catching Noah and James off guard with his tone. He shook his head and averted his gaze, a sad frown crossing his features. "I'm sorry…I'm not feeling well, I think I'm going to go lie down."

"You sure, baby?" Noah asked, ready to get up too if he needed to.

"No…Noah stay and visit with James. I just want to be alone." He gave Noah a quick kiss before disappearing into their bedroom. The door slammed and Noah sighed as he looked at James.

"I'm sorry, I probably should have broken that news a little better," James said looking towards the bedroom.

"It's not your fault. Lily is a sore subject with him, and I'm just glad that Grandma Angel and Grandpa didn't ask about her, this past week. I can't believe she just up and left though. I would like to have a word with her. It's not fair that even though he disowned her he still has to deal with her nonsense."

"That's what happens when you have siblings," James replied thoughtfully. "The emotional attachment doesn't go away just because we want it to. But I have no doubt that any shreds of respect Luke still has for the woman are disappearing quickly."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Noah agreed. "Where do you think she went? And why would she do that? I mean is she trying to hurt Dad…or does she think she doesn't belong here?"

"You're going to make your head hurt trying to figure it out, Noah. I don't know where she could have gone. Maybe she'll come back soon. Or maybe we're all just overreacting and she is on some business trip."

"But if that were the case then Dusty would know where she was," Noah said pointedly. "Unless they don't have that type of relationship."

"Lucinda isn't even sure what's going on. She wants to throttle Lily quite literally."

"I'd pay to see that," Noah laughed. "So what's wrong with Grandma Lucinda anyway? You said she wants to talk to Luke about something serious?"

"Well she's considering more treatment for her Cancer," James explained. "It's nothing definite, and it's not even something she's deciding on until next month. However, she wanted to talk to Luke about it."

"It's nothing serious right?" Noah asked worriedly.

"She doesn't seem to think so. But you know as well as I do that Luke will worry himself into a fit when he finds out."

"That's what I'm concerned about," Noah sighed. "Especially with this crap with Lily too. This is insane, James. Lily is so not the woman I met the day Luke brought me home for the first time. I mean I just don't get it."

"Unfortunately, Noah this is somewhat normal behavior for her. I mean you are aware of Luke's issues with her right?"

"Yeah," Noah nodded. "I know she's left before, and I saw how cold her eyes looked in court that day last year. I saw how hostile she was towards him at WOAK and I have had my own encounter with her after Luke got out of the hospital remember?"

"Yeah, she wanted to see him and wanted you to talk him into letting it happen. So it's not surprising that she puts herself first, it's just-"

"Not the way it should be," Noah insisted. "Kids are supposed to come first."

"Have you told your Mom that," James asked softly.

Noah opened his mouth to speak but shook his head instead. "You would be the one to pull that on me. I haven't even thought about the underlying feelings there. They are dormant and I am going to keep them at bay for as long as I can. Especially since Luke needs me."

"That's all good and well, Noah. But you know as well as I do that you're a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right match."

"Yeah….I know. Robbie was your match; mine just hasn't been struck yet."

"Who knew 2009 would be the year to deal with our mothers," James marveled.

"Momma's thinking about going back to work," Noah said after a moment's pause. "I don't know when she'll do it, but I know she's thinking about it."

"Does that bother you?"

Noah shrugged. "I don't know. I mean who am I to stop her from working? She had a life before I found her you know?"

"That's part of the problem." James voice was so soft as he said that, and Noah met his gaze head on. He couldn't deny the fact that James had a point. He just really didn't have time to dwell on it just now. He visited with his brother for a little while longer before deciding it was time to check on his husband.

"I don't think Lucinda will mind if Luke doesn't call her for a few days, but you should talk to her too," James answered Noah's question. "Just let her know that Luke's a little…moody."

"I think that's the safe word for it," Noah said, running his hand through his hair. "Catch you tomorrow? Maybe Luke will be in a better mood?"

"Yeah, it's a date," James smiled. "See you later and tell Luke to relax."

Noah closed the door behind his brother and leaned against it for a moment. There was no sound coming from their bedroom, but he was fairly certain that Luke was not asleep. He pushed away from the door and went to the kitchen to fix something quick to eat. He balanced the tray on his hip to open the door, and then closed it back with his foot. Luke was on the bed staring at the ceiling and Noah didn't have to see him to know he had been crying.

He placed the tray on the table and settled down on the bed, pulling Luke into his arms. His husband rested his head against his shoulder and Noah ran his fingers through his hair. "It's alright Luke," he whispered in his husband's ear. "It's going to be alright…no matter what's coming, no matter what happens we'll get through it together. That's a promise." He kissed the top of Luks head before lifting his head to kiss his lips softly. "I love you."

"Hello," Noah said even as he tried to catch his breath. He had rushed into the house and ran straight for the phone, not even bothering to close the front door in his haste.

"Ah so you are alive," his grandmother's voice met his ears. "I was starting to wonder darling. I was starting to wonder, when I haven't heard from you in days and I know you returned from New York on Saturday."

Noah collapsed into a chair and dropped his bag to the floor. He heard Luke enter the house and close the door, but he was focusing on the phone call. "Sorry Grandma, we haven't been ignoring you promise. It's just the first week after spring break is always the toughest. Luke and I have an exam every day this week it's asinine."

"You don't even have classes every day, darling," Lucinda pointed out.

"I know, that's why it's asinine." Noah smiled at the sound of Lucinda's laughter and took a moment to run a hand through his hair. He was only partially telling the truth about not keeping in contact. It was true that they were busy with school, and that they had tests all that week. But what he didn't mention was that he didn't feel that Luke was ready to talk to her…and he wouldn't tell her that. Luke hadn't been acting like himself ever since their return. Now it was Thursday, and Luke actually seemed calm and okay. Noah just wasn't sure how long that would last.

"Where is that grandson of mine, Noah? Is he up for talking, or does he have to study for some big calculus test or some nonsense as that."

"You of all people did not just call calculus nonsense did you," Noah laughed.

"I have my moments darling."

"I'm really sorry we haven't been in touch. How are you feeling?" Noah asked. Luke entered the kitchen and pulled two drinks out of the fridge. He handed one to Noah and took a seat beside him at the table. Noah thanked him with a kiss while waiting for Lucinda to answer him.

"I feel a lot better, dear. Thank you for asking. I just wanted to touch base with you and Luke about a few things. I don't want to make any decisions, any important decisions without discussing it with my boys."

"We appreciate that, Grandma, we really do. Luke's here if you want to talk to him. He's really stressed out about school and what's going on with Lily. But he's begging for the phone so I am going to give it to him."

Luke shot his husband a grateful look and placed the receiver to his ear. "Hi Grandma, he said with all the cheer he could muster.

"My precious boy, I'm sorry to hear that school is keeping you so busy. What with you just going back after spring break you would think they would start off slowly."

Luke laughed. "The end of the school year will be here before we know it, Grandma. Things should calm down in April though."

"Well, then in April I may have something to share with you. Will you be able to hear it then, darling?"

"I think I can make time for you in April, Grandma. I'm sorry about mom."

"Oh you hush, you have nothing to be sorry about. Not a single thing. That daughter of mine is headstrong. She always has been, and she's going to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. Even if it's the wrong thing. Maybe she will surprise us darling, maybe she will come back."

"Hello, Grandma?" Noah said as he watched his husband leave the room. "I'm back…Luke went to get our groceries out of the car. We're cooking tonight."

"Is he alright, Darling," Lucinda asked? The concern was clear in her voice.

"He'll be okay, he's just…"

"Stressed, and worried I imagine," Lucinda cut him off. You take care of him darling. Don't worry about me, I have George to look after me here. Tell your husband he needs to breathe more it will do him some good."

"I will tell him, Grandma. We love you."

"I love you too Noah. I love you both. Have a good evening, Darling."

Luke had returned to the kitchen by the time the phone rang again and he picked it up before Noah grabbed it. "Hello?"

"Do either of you know how to charge your cell phones?" Luke sighed. His father sounded exasperated and it was the last thing he needed at the moment.

"We're sorry dad, it's been a long week…and…I'm sorry, we had to get new chargers and…" he trailed off and bit his lip. Noah watched him closely, ready to step in if he needed to. He silently hoped that Holden would be able to make Luke feel somewhat better.

"Luke, are you okay," Holden's tone changed as he listened closely to his son's pauses in sentence. Something was definitely wrong.

"Yes…I'm okay, just dealing with a lot of stress that's all."

"Are you sure about that?" Holden asked and Luke sighed knowing that he had been caught. It was never easy to hide things from his dad.

"I guess I've just been a little sad this week, Dad. It's nothing to worry about."

"Sorry Son it's my job to worry. What's going on that has you so down?"

"I don't know, Dad…I guess I'm just trying to figure out…why she keeps doing this. Why she just always leaves." His voice was soft and he felt his husband's hand on his shoulder hoping to calm him just a little.

"I wish I had the answer to that son," Holden said with a sigh. "It would make life easier on all of us if we knew that. But you have to understand that your mother doesn't always think through the decisions that she makes and she's never been held accountable for that which is my fault. You are not to blame for her leaving, you never have been and I won't let you blame yourself for this Luke."

"I'm trying not to think this is my fault, Dad. It just makes me so…angry. I don't care so much that she left, it's just the way she did it. Ethan and Nat were very upset that they didn't get see her the last time because she bailed on them. Faith doesn't care anymore, she wants to stay with you and if she could help it she wouldn't see Mom again. But the kids…she did it to me for years, I don't like that she's doing it to them."

"I don't like it either Luke, but it is what it is and Nat and Ethan need us to be strong for them. We have to be their rocks and I know that you are more than capable of that. Faith and I have talked about her feelings toward your mother and she has asked me not to make her see her if and when she returns and Faith is old enough that if that is her choice I will support her in her decision. I'm not going to lie to Ethan and Nat, that's not fair to them, but I won't put Lily down to them either. I know that you are very angry and you have every right to be and I don't blame you, but don't close yourself off Luke. Ethan and Nat need you and Noah. You two are their stability in this situation. I know you Luke, don't let this get the best of you, don't internalize it, let Noah in and let him help you deal with it."

"You're wrong, Dad," Luke sighed. "I don't have a right to be this angry, and that upsets me the most. I know I have to be here for Ethan and Nat, and I will be. I know that they need me and Noah even more than ever but I worry and I can't make it stop."

"We all have a right to be angry," Holden pointed out. "If you think that I am not angry about this then you are wrong. She just up and disappeared and even though we are no longer married, I still care about what happens to her, especially since it affects my kids, you and Noah included, so if I can be angry so can you. Your mother is a very smart lady Luke, she knows how to take care of herself, so while I can't stop you from worrying, I can tell you that you are not alone."

"Is it wrong, Dad," Luke said after a moment's pause, "that I'm not so much worried about her? I'm more concerned with my brother and my sisters, and you and Grandma. And I know you're angry. I didn't mean to make it seem like you shouldn't be. I know she's smart, and I have no doubt she can take care of herself but I want to know when she stopped…when she stopped knowing how to be a mom?"

"It's not wrong Luke, no not at all. Your mother has said and done things to you that I wish I had even an inkling of what she was thinking. I wish I had an answer to your question, but unfortunately the only person with that answer is your mother. Don't worry about me, just knowing that you and Noah are here helps me tremendously. Ethan adores both of you and Nat thinks you two are the best thing since sliced bread, so just knowing that you guys are here helps. You know that if you need me, I am always here. If you want to yell and scream about things come on over, we can yell and scream together, but in the mean time you take care of you and Noah. I love you son, more than you will ever know and nothing will ever change that."

"Thanks Dad," Luke said biting his lip. "I'm…I'm sorry we didn't have our phones charged. But our visit to see your sister was fun. Uncle Seth is cool, and Aunt Angel is a sweet lady."

"Yeah Angel is a sweetheart, and Seth is the best." Luke could tell that his father was smiling. "I miss them very much, and I know Momma does too. Hopefully your visit will get them to come home soon."

"We're hoping so. Dad, Noah wants to talk to you. Thank you for listening to me."

He handed the phone to Noah and gave him a hug before moving to the sink to start on their dinner.

Luke collapsed into his chair with a sigh of relief. His head rested against the back and his eyes were closed as he relaxed for what seemed like the first time in weeks. He felt the chair give beside him and turned his head, his eyes meeting immediately with his husband's sapphire gaze. "Are you as tired as I feel?" He asked.

Noah smiled weakly. "Who knew being a film student could be so grueling. I feel like I haven't even seen you in days."

"Yeah," Luke agreed. "I missed you." Noah laughed as Luke continued. "I know that sounds funny, we're in the same house and we share a bed but I feel like I haven't seen you."

"I've missed you too," Noah smiled. "And I must say it's nice to see you in a good mood, despite being tired."

"I'm sorry I've been in such a funk, Noah. I try to…"

Noah silenced him with a soft kiss and placed a hand on his cheek. "You don't need to apologize to me. I just hope that I help in some way, and this month I'm going to do my best to make sure we see each other more."

Luke smiled. "I'm going to hold you to that, but right now I need to call Grandma. I promised her I would talk to her when things calmed down a bit."

"Are you sure?"

Luke kissed him softly on the lips and reached for the phone. "I love that you worry about me so much. I'm fine…for now." He grinned and dialed the familiar phone number. "Hi Grandma."

"Well, well, well," Lucinda chuckled, "Hello darling. I should have known you would keep your promise. I am glad you returned my call."

"Just like I promised," Luke smiled softly. "How are you doing Grandma?"

"I'm surviving, Darling, just surviving the best I can. I hope you are doing alright? You and Noah both?"

"We're okay…just really eager for the school year to be over. We haven't seen each other as much as I would like, but this month should be better. It will be nice to be completely done though."

"Yes, James has said this semester is rough..."

"Well to hear Maddie tell it, James has seen me more then he's seen her and I've seen Noah so…yeah it's been tough." Luke sighed. "But you needed to talk to me?"

"Yes darling, I have to speak with you about something very serious."

"Is something wrong," Luke asked concerned.

"Not necessarily Darling, I just have some decisions to make. Decisions about my recovery and some things I need to consider."

"Okay…what does that mean? What kind of options."

"Well darling," Lucinda sighed, "I'm thinking about having Reconstruction surgery. It is nothing definite, but it is something I am considering."

"Surgery?" Luke's frown deepened. "Isn't that dangerous? Do you need the surgery? Are you sick again?"

Noah frowned as he listened to his husband's side of the conversation. He knew that Luke was sad, even though he was trying to be supportive of Lucinda. He gave Luke a kiss on her cheek before standing to find them something to drink. Luke was off the phone when he returned, a neutral expression on his face. Noah handed him the bottle of water and reclaimed his seat beside him. He didn't speak, knowing that when he was ready, Luke would open up about what was bothering him.

"I just hate that she has to have surgery again," Luke's voice was soft but it sounded loud in the silken that had fallen. Noah turned to meet his husband's sad eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder, but still he said nothing. "I mean that word, just the word is scary enough, and she's already been through so much."

"It's just something she's thinking about, Luke," Noah reminded him. HE knew that really wasn't any consolation; if Lucinda decided to do it Luke would be frightened. And if she didn't do it, he would still be worried about her being sick. There truly wasn't a good way to spin this tale.

"You were in surgery," Luke said looking down at the water he held in his hand. "You were in surgery for hours and I was so…afraid because I didn't know what had happened or what was happening and I thought you were going to die."

"I know." Noah said, his hand brushing Luke's cheek. He knew the spot his husband was in right now. There was no talking to him, no reasoning with the thoughts he had running through his mind. He just needed to talk it out. His brain was a jumble of memories, most of them scary…all about loss and fear, and Noah knew better than anyone just how awful that could be. He still remembered clearly having to make the decision to let them operate on Luke. Had that been a year ago? It seemed like only yesterday, and it had been one of the hardest decisions he ever had to make.

"And there's always the chance that something could go wrong, and I know that she's only thinking about reconstructive surgery but I just can't…"

Noah knew what Luke was going to say, but he felt like the words were lodged in his throat. If there was anything Noah knew for sure about his husband it was that he was a worrier. He had such a big heart, and he hated to see anyone in pain. That feeling seemed multiplied for the important people in Luke's life. Noah knew he was on the top of that list, right along with Luke's family especially Holden and Lucinda. Even James and Maddie were high up there. Yet even with them being high on the list…there were some who Luke could go on without. He would be able to find a way to survive the loss…but others would kill him just a little…Lucinda was on the other list.

"I already lost my mother, Noah. I don't think I could bear losing Grandma too."

Without a word Noah pulled him into his arms and kissed the top of his head. Luke settled against Noah, his head fitting in the crook of his neck as Noah's fingers begin to run through his hair. He allowed himself to get lost in Noah's gentle touch, and for a little while his world was at peace.


	14. Correspodence

He was alone in the house for the moment, and he wasn't quite sure if he liked the quiet. It was silly really to feel lonely just because Noah was across the way at the farm. He could have gone with him; but someone had to be there for the delivery guy who was delivering their new bed. He didn't know why he felt this way; forlorn, and so lost. He picked up his cell phone and sent a text message Noah's way. It made him feel a little better, to have reached out…he hoped Noah wasn't tired of his moods. He knew he had been a little on edge lately and he wasn't sure how to explain it.

He was still musing over this when the mailman and the delivery guy arrived at the same time. He let the Delivery man into the house and walked out to retrieve the mail. There didn't seem to be much of interest, bills, Noah's latest issue of CINEMA, his latest issues of the Writer's Digest Magazine and a reminder that they needed to refill their prescriptions soon. An envelope caught his eye as he placed the mail on the table, and another fell to the floor. He frowned as he picked up both pieces of mail. They bore his name, but neither had a return address. He thought that was a little odd but didn't have time to dwell on it. The delivery guy returned to the living room to let him know that the new bed was in place and the old one was placed in a spare room. Luke thanked the man, and tipped him before sending him on his way.

Alone again he fixed himself a cup of coffee and settled down at the table with his mail. He picked up one of the envelopes and opened it with the letter opener. Inside was a hand written letter in script that was barely legible. He scanned it momentarily and took a sip of his coffee which he almost choked on when he realized who the letter was from.

His heart beat quickened as he went back to the top and read the letter from the beginning:

_Hi Luke,_

_I'm sure I'm the last person you want to hear from, but I need you to hear me out. First let me say that I miss you, and I think about you a lot. I know we parted ways on bad terms, but I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. The past is the past Luke, and I am willing to forget all you did to me, if you can do the same. _

_The reason for this letter is to ask for your help. We both know that I didn't do anything wrong, despite the evidence you put forth. I am guilty of one thing, and that was loving you too much. I can forgive you though, for putting me in jail if you can help me get out of here._

_Mr. Simpson has been working on my appeal and we need character witnesses to back me up. We have already asked your mother for her help, and my coworkers at WOAK as well. But the one person I need to help me is you Luke. You can make this all better and make this nightmare go away if you just come forward and say that I should be let out of here. I know you have a very kind heart, and a decent soul. You aren't a cold hearted person, even though my lawyer wants to paint you that way._

_I believe that you will do the right thing, and help me to get out of jail. And once I am out we can reclaim what we lost because of this debacle. It's been a year, Luke. It's time to let it go. So what do you say Luke? Can you be a man and help me get free?_

_Eternally yours,_

_Randy_

He resisted the urge to shred the letter into pieces. He was not going to let that man upset him…he had allowed Randy control over him for far too long. This had to stop. He couldn't believe the nerve…did he really expect him to help get him out of jail? Why was the verdict being appealed anyway? That made no sense to him, but…Luke took a deep breath. He wasn't going to do this, he wasn't going to overreact…he wasn't going to make himself sick. He wished Noah was around. He reached once more for his phone, checking for a message from his husband. There were none, and normally that wouldn't faze him but today…at that moment it made him sad.

He put the letter aside and focused on the second one. This one was written in elegant script, it looked familiar but he wasn't certain why. He opened the missive and started to read. There was no doubt who it was from when he read the greeting.

_Dear Luciano,_

_I hope this letter finds you well my son. I have been thinking a lot about you lately, and I wanted to touch base with you. You are always in my thoughts, even if you seek to distance yourself from me. Remember Luciano that you are and will always be a Grimaldi. No matter what you change your name to._

_That being said I wanted to reach out to you to see how you are doing. According to your mother a lot has happened in the years since we last saw each other. I have to admit that I was sorry to hear that you and your mother had a falling out. _

_Your mother loves you, Luciano. You are everything to her, and it saddens me to know that you feel you cannot talk to her about everything that is bothering you. She only has your best interests at heart. I am hoping that maybe you can give her another chance to prove that to you. It would mean a great deal to her, and it would mean a great deal to me too. I am sure whatever you are upset with her about can be worked out if you just talk to each other. Air out your differences and get back to loving each other the way I know you do. You were raised far better than that Luciano. _

_I have news for you that may make the incentive even greater. Your mother and I have reconciled. We are together even as I write this, and we would be delighted if you could join us in Malta for our wedding ceremony. It will be nice to have our little family back together as it should be. Your mother has finally realized that I am who she wants and I hope you come to see that too. I want my son back here with me and I want to be a part of your life. Think about what I said, Luciano. There is an airline ticket with your name on it in the envelope. I hope to see you soon._

_Love always _

_Your father. Damian._

He wasn't even sure which part of that to react to first. It unnerved him that he had heard from this man after so long. It was unsettling to think that his mother had still been in contact with him…that just made no sense. The fact that she was not only in touch but apparently with Damian just made his stomach turn into knots and he couldn't' believe the nerve….he crumpled the letter up in his hand and threw it across the room. His hands covered his face, his fingers in his hair as he tried to collect his feelings about this.

This was not your typical parents getting back together scenario. This was a twisted game of consequence and he didn't like it, not one bit. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised. The fact that his mom once again chose to be with someone other than his Dad shouldn't even be a point at this juncture but it was and it made him angry.

It upset him even more that it was Daman…the man who had done nothing but betray and manipulate him for his own means. And he was supposed to be happy about this? There was no way that he was going to betray the man who raised him…no way that he would or could be happy about Damian and Lily being back together. Just the one time he saw them together a few years back was awkward enough.

The fact that she told him they weren't speaking was the tip of the iceberg. He wondered just what Lily had told him. Did he know why they weren't on good terms? Could Damian even begin to understand how betrayed he was…no of course not since he didn't seem to get it the first time around. It was ironic really to think that these people…the ones who gave him life had both betrayed him in some way shape or form. It wasn't that he thought his dad, Holden was a saint, he knew better than that. But for all intents and purposes, he and he alone had been the steadfast parent. It was Holden who taught him all he needed to know about life. It was Holden who helped guide him through his rebellious teen years and shaped him into who he was today.

The slamming of the door interrupted his thoughts, and he heard Noah call for him, but he didn't answer. He took a sip of his lukewarm coffee and waited for his husband to find him. He heard his husband's footsteps coming closer as he continued to mull over the letter from Damian. He didn't like that she had the audacity to talk about them being on the outs. She probably made it out to be his fault, and that hurt his heart, even more then he thought he could admit.

"There you are," He heard Noah say as he placed a bag down on the table. "Grandma Emma sent over some goodies, and we have Chocolate Chip cookies courtesy of Momma too." Luke watched as he took things out of the bag and placed them on the table. Noah was in such a good mood, and normally sweets from his grandma would cheer him up too, but not today. "Did the delivery guy come?"

"He was here," Luke said taking another sip of his coffee.

"Oh good, I'm excited about our new set. It looked really nice in the store. "Did you see it yet?"

"No."

Noah looked at Luke for what seemed like the first time and frowned. "Are you mad about something?"

"What would give you that idea, Noah?" Luke laughed bitterly. "It couldn't possibly be the fact that you didn't answer any of my texts. No it couldn't be that at all."

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't have my phone. I let Natalie borrow it to play a video game, and in fact…I forgot to get it back. Are you okay?"

"What? Nat couldn't tell you when you had a text message. I'm sure the stupid game wasn't that important, Noah. I needed you."

"Luke, I said I was sorry," Noah said calmly. He wasn't sure what was wrong but he didn't' really want to fight. "I'll go get my phone and I'll get the texts okay."

"Forget the damn phone," Luke slammed his hand on the table causing it to rattle. "That's not the point Noah."

"Then why don't you tell me what the point is, Luke," Noah said crossing his arms in front of him.

"You know what, forget it," Luke said standing to take his coffee mug to the sink. "If you don't get it then I don't know why I should try to explain it to you. I guess I was stupid to think that you cared about being away from me as much as I care about being away from you."

"Luke that's not fair," Noah protested. "You knew I was at the farm."

"I didn't know you didn't have your phone. I don't know why you showed Natalie that stupid game anyway. You know she's addicted to it."

"So what, are you going to be mad at your little sister now?"

"If she's your excuse for not being here when I needed you then yes I'm upset with her."

"What is your problem, Luke?"

"Why is it every time I get upset I have to have a problem," Luke charged. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe just maybe you are the problem Noah?"

Noah opened his mouth to speak, but he stopped when his husband faltered. He reached out to steady him, and led him over to the chair where Luke promptly placed his head in his hands again. Noah went behind him and started to massage his shoulders, he couldn't believe how tense he was.

"I'm sorry, Noah," Luke said after a brief silence. He sounded miserable, and that only concerned Noah more.

"Why don't you just tell me what's really bothering you?" Noah suggested. "And I am truly sorry about the phone, okay? I thought you were going to come to the farm after the delivery guy left, and Natalie was way into the game, so I don't think she realized I got any messages."

"I know, I'm sorry," Luke rested his arms on the table and gave in to the massage. "I just…I shouldn't have taken out my aggression out on you, can you forgive me? I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Tell me what happened," Noah said as he continued to work out the knots in Luke's shoulders and neck.

"I got these letters in the mail today," Luke explained. "Neither of them had a return address on them."

"Who were they from?"

Luke turned causing Noah to lose his grip on his shoulders. "Read this," he said handing him the letter from Randy. He watched as Noah took it and read the words, and he knew the exact moment his husband's expression turned to anger.

"That bastard. What right does he have to ask anything from you?"

"Lily probably wrote a letter on his behalf," Luke said and Noah noted that his voice was a mixture of bitterness and sadness. "That doesn't upset me as much as the other one though."

Luke pointed and Noah looked to see the paper Luke had thrown to the floor. He unwrinkled the pages and read over it, his frown deepening with every line. When he looked back over at his husband he could see that this letter in particular had him on edge. He went over to him and pulled him into an embrace. Luke wrapped his arms around Noah, and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Are we okay?" Noah asked some time later. They had retired to the living room with the cookies Noah's mom sent over. There was comfortable silence between them, but Noah couldn't shake the feeling that Luke was still upset about something.

"Yeah," Luke said smiling as he took another cookie off the plate. "I am sorry, Noah. I didn't mean to take things out on you…it's just, I can't wrap my head around this and its driving me nuts."

"You can't let Randy get to you, Luke."

Luke shook his head. "It's not him…not really. I don't care about him, it's just…"

"Just what?" Noah coaxed, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I can't deal with this," Luke said getting up off the couch. He ran his hands through his hair and went to find his Jacket and his car keys.

"Where are you going?" Noah asked. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"I just need some air," Luke explained. He came over to Noah to wrap his arms around him as he looked into those deep sapphire eyes. "I love you, Noah. Thank you for putting up with me." He kissed him before Noah could say anything in response and he turned to leave. "I'll be back soon."

"Hey if you go into town could you pick up some blueberry bagels?" Noah called after him.

"Yes. See you soon."

Noah waited until Luke's car was safely on the road before turning away from the window. He took the empty plate of cookies into the kitchen and spied the letters sitting on the table. He picked up the one from Damian and read it once again, as if rereading the words would help him to understand why this was so unsettling to Luke. Was it just the fact that his mother yet again chose someone over him…over Holden? Was anything ever that simple? And Randy's letter…he couldn't even begin to comprehend why the man decided that mailing Luke was smart.

Noah took both letters and grabbed his keys. He locked up the house and went next door. He knocked three times and was about to knock a forth when Robbie answered the door.

"Hey, Noah," Robbie said smiling.

"Robbie, hey is your brother here? And Maddie."

"Yeah, come on in. Jimmy, Maddie, Noah's here." he said closing the door once Noah had entered.

James entered from the kitchen a smile on his face as he wiped his hands on a hand towel. "Hey bro, where's your better half? Not used to seeing you here without him."

"Ha, funny," Noah said sighing as he sat down on the couch. "Luke went for a drive…he said he needed some air. So he's going to pick up bagels in town."

"Okay…" James said taking a seat beside him. Robbie excused himself and went to find a video game to play. "So Luke is on a bagel run. What are you doing here?"

Noah shrugged. Can't a guy visit his brother without something being wrong," he asked trying to smile.

"Well yeah, sure," James asserted, "but dude you look like you have something on your mind so why don't you just spill it and we can get to the root of the problem."

"Where's Maddie?"

"She's in the kitchen fixing some god-awful concoction for her pregnancy craving. Man they are getting worse by the day."

"I'm still squirming over the macaroni and cheese smothered in maple syrup," Noah said wrinkling his nose.

"Bro, that's tame in comparison to some of the things she has come up with lately. They are just awful."

"Luke asked her if she was one of the Roswell aliens when she mixed tobacco sauce into her chocolate cake. That was definitely not fun to watch her eat it."

James smiled for a moment but Noah knew that wasn't going to last long. Just as he feared his brother's face clouded over with worry and he placed a hand on his shoulder. "Ok bro, enough with the Maddie food critic routine. What is going on and don't try that end run on me again, I know you to well for that." 

Noah sighed. "Well Luke and I sort of had a fight…but that's not even important." He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "In fact forget I said it. He received these letters in the mail, and they really unsettled him. So I'm a little worried and I wanted to talk to you about it."

"Okay. Let me see the letters, and we can go from there."

Noah handed him the letter from Randy first, and waited as he read over it.

James furrowed his brow as he read the letter, his jaw tightening as he finished and handed the letter back to Noah. "What the hell?" He exclaimed. "Has he completely gone off his rocker? Like Luke would ever agree to this. My god Noah, what on earth was he thinking?"

"I don't know, James, but it gets worse. I think this one unsettled Luke a little…but I think this one takes the cake." He handed over the letter from Damian, once again waiting for his brother to react.

"Oh dear lord. I swear, my mother is horrible, but I am beginning to think that Lily takes the cake in the poor mother department. I know Luke has nothing to do with Damian so I don't understand what she was hoping to solve by going to him. Then topping it off with marrying the man. I am sure Luke is absolutely livid."

"Yeah…he's livid alright," Noah sighed. "She's not even mom or mother anymore. She's Lily or "her" and I don't know he just seem so crushed and I don't know how to help him."

Love and support, Noah that's all you or I can do at this point. Listen when he wants to talk, hold him when he needs to be held, don't get angry when he lashes out at you, because I am sure he will, and for now that's all we can do."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I know you are certainly right about the lashing out bit. I hate it when we have petty fights…but I'm also sick and tired of Lily. I don't know if she understands how much she gets to him. I mean why does she continue to break his heart like this?"

"Well, my friend, I have come to the conclusion that Lily and my mother are cut from the same cloth so to speak. They are more concerned about themselves than about their families and I can tell you from experience that sucks. Try not to get angry with Luke, which I am sure is easier said than done, but it will only make the situation worse."

"I still can't believe that somehow or another we both ended up being somewhat related to him. And I know I have to try not to fight with him. He doesn't make that easy."

"Be strong, you have done it before and this is nothing compared to the last time. Just don't let him push you away like he did before. Stay in his face if you have to."

"And what do we do about the letters in the meantime?" Noah wanted to know. He was just glad that he knew what the problem was this time around. There were no mysteries here…just clear cut issues. "I feel like we have to do something James. Though Luke will probably throttle me for telling you about this."

"Let me talk to Dad and Lucinda and get their opinion before we do anything," James replied. "My guess is Lucinda will put an end to the Randy ordeal before it goes any further. As for Damian, well let's see what they say and then take it from there."

"Okay, that sounds like a plan. I better get back home…to wait for Luke to come back. Thanks for listening to me James."

"No problem bro. That's what I'm here for. Tell my brother he can call me if he needs to. We aren't going anywhere."

"I'll let him know. And tell Maddie that there are brownies at the house if she wants any."

"Did someone mention brownies, I want one," Robbie yelled from his bedroom.

"You can go with Noah if you want a brownie," James laughed. "Is that okay, Noah?"

"Yeah, sure, come on Robbie."

James watched his two brothers leave the house and settled back on the couch with his phone. He pressed the speed dial on his phone and waited patiently as it rang. "Hello, Dad…I needed to get your advice about something. You got a minute?"

Luke had his keys in one hand and a bag of fresh bagels in the other as he headed for the car. He was feeling a little better now that he had driven around a little. He didn't know what to do about either letter yet, but he didn't feel like he would snap at Noah again. He frowned, thinking about his husband; he had really screwed up this afternoon, yelling at him like that. There had to be a way to make it up to him.

He was just about to open his car door when he felt an arm wrap around his neck, pulling him backwards. His keys and the bagels clattered to the ground as he tried to get loose from his attacker, but it was to no avail. Another hand covered his face, causing him to breathe in the disgusting smell…chloroform. His body continued to fight as he was dragged away, but it wasn't long at all before there was just darkness.


	15. The Search

"Hey it's me."

"Hey Noah," James said balancing the phone on his shoulder as he helped Maddie with the dishes. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't know," Noah sighed as he sat back down on the couch. He had just looked out the window for the tenth time in the past hour. "I think I understand how Luke must have felt earlier when I wasn't here. Has he called you?"

"No, I haven't heard from him today at all. I'm surprised he's not home yet."

"Yeah, me too. I don't know where he could be. He was only going to town," Noah said his voice full of concern.

"Maybe those letters affected him more than we thought," James commented. "Hang on and I'll ask Maddie if she has heard from him."

"Thanks James."

James looked at his wife who was glancing his way curiously. "Hey have you heard from Luke today? Hey Noah," he said getting back on the phone as Maddie shook her head. "Maddie hasn't heard from him either. Give it a few more hours; he could just need time to breathe. I'm sure he'll be in touch. He has to know you're worried about him. Did you try his cell?"

"I did, but it went right to voice mail. And Luke has a habit of not charging his phone, so I bet its dead."

"Hmmm," James said thoughtfully. "Did you try Mr. Snyder? Maybe Luke called him or maybe he's over there?"

"Well if he was over there, I'd like to think that he would call me," Noah said sadly. "I mean my cell is still at the farm, but Luke knows the house number it's 2nd on his speed dial."

"You need to go get your phone," James said with a sigh. "For all you know, Luke could have tried to call you or something."

"Maybe. Okay I'm going to try calling Dad. If you hear from Luke…"

"I'll send him your way, promise," James finished. "Talk to you later Noah."

"What was that about?" Maddie asked as she handed James another dish.

"Luke wasn't doing so well this afternoon, and Noah's worried about him," James explained.

"And the letters?" Maddie frowned.

James pulled his wife over to the table and handed her the two letters Noah had left with him. Maddie picked up one of the letters and scanned it quickly. "Oh my god, you've got to be kidding me," she said facing James. Randy seriously wrote this?"

"Yep," James said picking the other letter up.

"And he actually expects Luke to do this? What an asshole."

"I didn't do it," Robbie said surprising Maddie and James with his presence. James looked over at his brother who was standing in the doorway with wide eyes and a horrified face.

"One of these days, Robbie you are going to eavesdrop on the wrong thing," James laughed at him. "But no worries she wasn't talking about you, I promise."

"I take it you know too much about that word huh?" Maddie said even as Robbie came further into the kitchen to place his glass in the sink.

"Yeah, my dad used to call me every name in the book…if he could get away with it." Robbie said sadly. "And I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, honest. But I did hear you say Luke was sad. Is he going to be okay?"

"He's just going through a rough time right now, Robbie."

"Well then tomorrow, after school I'll stop by and cheer him up a bit."

"I'm sure he will like that," Maddie smiled. Now did you finish your homework?"

"It's waiting for Jimmy to check it over. And I wanted another one of those brownies Noah gave me. If that would be alright."

James served up the proffered brownie and set on the table. "Sit, eat, enjoy," he said going to the fridge for some milk. Robbie followed instructions while Maddie looked over the second letter frowning even as she read. She handed the missives back to James and got herself something to eat, and the three of them made idle chatter as they enjoyed their night time snack. Everyone, including Robbie couldn't help but worry about Luke.

"I haven't talked to Luke since this morning, Noah," Holden informed him, a frown settling on his face. "Is something wrong?"

"No, not exactly. It's just that he went out a few hours ago for bagels and he should have been back by now. I was hoping maybe he had said something to you…but okay, I'll try his cell phone again."

"Noah is everything alright?" Holden asked, stopping Noah from leaving the house.

"I'm sure everything is fine, Dad. I just get worried when I'm apart from Luke for too long, that's all. I'm sure it's nothing to be concerned about though."

"You two didn't have a fight did you?" Holden asked even as Noah spotted his mom come down the stairs.

"What's this I hear about a fight," Charlene asked.

"Nothing, Momma. Seriously, Dad it's fine. Luke got some unsettling mail today, and he didn't react well to it. So I'm just concerned. And I really don't want to get into it right now. I'm going to head back home to wait for Luke. Thanks for confiscating my phone from Natalie."

"Baby, do you want any cookies for you and Luke to share later?" Charlene asked as she stepped into the kitchen.

"That's okay, Momma. I'm going to get home. I'll see you guys in the morning for breakfast." Charlene gave her son a hug and Holden told him to let them know if there was anything they could do. Noah bid them farewell and headed back toward his home to wait for Luke. He checked his cell phone and found all the text messages Luke had sent him that afternoon. He made himself comfortable on the couch and read the messages while he waited for his husband to return home.

The sound of the phone startled him, and he reached over blindly to answer it before realizing the sound came from his cell phone which was in his lap. He frowned as he picked up the phone and held it to his ear. "Hello," he asked groggily. His eyes were still closed and he leaned his head back against the pillow.

"Hi baby, it's Momma. Are you and Luke still coming over for breakfast? We have quite a spread over here. Emma fixed enough to feed an army."

"Oh, sorry Momma," Noah said opening his eyes, realizing for the first time that he was in the living room on the couch. "I'm just waking up."

"That's okay, Baby. Did you and Luke have a good night?"

"No," Noah said even as he stood and started to stretch. He looked around the house searching for Luke as he listened to his mother talk.

"Talk to me, Baby. What's wrong?"

"We didn't have a good night, because Luke isn't here," Noah said sadly. "I gotta go…tell everyone I'm sorry about breakfast." Noah hung up the phone and once again tried his husband's cell phone. He was really starting to worry. It wasn't like Luke not to be in contact at all.

"Hey baby, it's me," He said when he heard Luke's voicemail greeting; "You're starting to worry me now. I know the letters you got yesterday were bad…but I can't' help you if you aren't here. Please when you get this message call me." He hung up and sat down on the bed. Neither he nor Luke had gotten a chance to check it out, and now he couldn't enjoy the new smell, not when he was worried about his husband. His elbows were on his knees and he covered his face with his hands as he tried to contemplate what was going on.

"Noah," He heard Holden call his name.

"Baby, are you in here," His mom's voice met his ears.

"Come on bro, don't you go missing too," James added.

"Noah Mayer if you don't get your butt out here right now, I swear," Maddie yelled.

"Sheesh Maddie!" Robbie cringed. "I'll go get him."

Noah flopped down on the bed even as he heard Robbie's footsteps come closer. He saw the younger boy poke his head into the room, looking from side to side as if making sure the coast was clear before coming all the way in. "Are you okay," he asked frowning. "Everyone is pretty worried about you. And where is Luke?"

Noah sat up and sighed. "That's it I want all of you to return your spare keys," He called into the living room before flopping back down."

"Noah they just want to help," Robbie said coming to sit beside him on the bed. Noah turned his head to stare at the kid who reminded him so much of James. "Jimmy and Maddie and I were having breakfast when Jimmy got this phone call saying you needed help. So we all came over with your mom and Luke's dad. Now I know I'm just a kid, but I tend to be a very good listener. If you need a nonjudgmental ear I'd gladly lend mine for the day."

"You're a good kid, you know that?" Noah asked gratefully.

"Well I like having older brothers," Robbie said shrugging his shoulders. "And you and Luke are just as important to me as Jimmy…and I don't want to see you hurting, so will you let us help?"

'I'm not even sure what I need help with," Noah said truthfully as he sat up. "I don't know what's going on, I just know Luke's not here…and it's not like him to be gone like this. Then again, I know he was upset yesterday…so I don't know what to think. He could be hurt, he could just be gone…I really just don't know."

"Well he could just be somewhere where he can't call you," Robbie suggested. Maddie, James, Holden and Charlene were watching as Robbie and Noah talked. After a few minutes Holden ushered them away and instructed each of them to try calling Luke.

"It went straight to voicemail," James said frowning as he flipped his phone closed.

"Same here," Holden said a minute or so later as he left a message for his son. Maddie called next and then suggested that maybe they needed to call Will or Aaron to see if they had seen Luke as well.

"I'll call the hospital," James said, "See if maybe Ali has seen him. It's a stretch but it's worth a try."

"Don't bother," Noah said from the doorway of his bedroom. Robbie was standing beside him and Noah was acutely aware that all eyes were on him. "I just called Will, he hasn't heard from Luke. And neither has Ali, or Aaron. James, your dad and Grandma Lucinda haven't heard from him either. Henry hasn't' seen him since yesterday when he stopped by Al's for a Mocha shake and Casey hasn't talked to Luke in days. He's not answering his phone, and frankly I'm running out of ideas."

"I'm going to give Jack a call," Holden said coming to stand beside his son. "Don't worry Noah, we'll figure out what's going on."

"I don't know if calling Jack will help," Noah sighed. "It's too soon to file a missing person's report. And for all I know he could walk through that door any minute…but I don't know. I know he wouldn't do this to me. He gets freaked out when I'm not here," Noah shook his head and pushed past everyone to head for the kitchen. He put on a pot of coffee and placed his hands on the counter, his head down as he tried to put his fears at bay. He was overreacting…just like Luke had been overreacting yesterday. Except that Luke had been upset…and he was still upset when he left the house. He closed his eyes and felt a soft hand on his back.

He turned to see his mother beside him and he fell into her embrace for a long moment. "I'm just so scared, Momma. What if something bad has happened?"

"Now you hush, baby," Charlene ordered even as she tried to soothe her son. "That husband of yours is a strong one, and he's stubborn too. I'm sure he will turn up, and everything will be fine. Just you relax and let your family be here for you okay?"

"I'll try," Noah sighed.

"That's my boy. Now go have a seat. Maddie, dear I am sure you want something to eat," she continued even as she pushed her son into a chair. "Is there something I can make you while I fix my baby something? We have to keep you fed."

The kitchen was abuzz with noise within minutes. Charlene cooked food as she and Holden made idle chatter. Maddie was sitting at the table talking to Noah, trying to bring him some sense of comfort and, Robbie was helping James make phone calls. They were trying to find out where Luke had been yesterday, as well as trying all the hospitals within a five mile radius to see if maybe something had happened. None of the leads panned out though, and they were back to square one.

Charlene placed a plate in front of Noah and one in front of Maddie. She insisted that everyone else snack on something. They needed to keep themselves occupied, at least until Luke returned to the house. Then she would give him a stern talking to about worrying her baby like that.

By noon there was still no sign of Luke, and Noah was on his fifth cup of coffee…or was it the sixth? He had lost count, but he continued to drink it if it was given to him. He wasn't sure what he was feeling at the moment. His mind was such a mixture of emotions all wrapped up into one big ball of pain. He was angry at Luke for not calling him. He was furious at him for worrying him like this. There really was no excuse for that. He wished Luke were better about charging his phone, then they wouldn't have this problem. He was sad, because he missed Luke. This had to be the longest stretch of time for them to be apart. It was definitely the longest he had gone without hearing something…even a single hi from him. He was frightened that something bad may have happened to his husband. But he was confident that if that were the case he would be called. Luke had his ID with him…wherever he was he could be identified and Noah was listed as emergency contact.

James and Robbie had found no leads at the hospitals, and calls to everyone in town proved useless. It made no sense to Noah at all. It was as if his husband had vanished into thin air. "James do you still have the letters," Noah asked his brother who had just taken a seat across from him.

"They are at the house why?" James asked taking a sip of his coffee.

"The letter from Damian…"

"The ticket is still in the envelope, Noah. And he wouldn't do that to you," James reminded him softly. Noah put his head down in shame for even thinking like that. He knew it was farfetched but this was really getting frustrating.

"What's this about a letter from Damian?" Holden asked.

"Luke received two letters yesterday, Mr. Snyder," James answered. Noah looked at him gratefully before focusing on his coffee once more. "One of the letters was from Damian, and he was asking Luke to come to Malta."

"For what," Holden asked narrowing his eyes.

"He's marrying Lily, Dad," Noah sighed as he looked at his father-in-law. "He was pleading Lily's case with Luke, and dropped that bomb on him as well. It threw Luke for a loop and there was a ticket in the envelope."

"Which I still have," James reminded them. "I don't think Luke just left. Something has to have happened…I just don't know what."

"That's the same feeling I have," Noah agreed. "I think it might be time to call Jack. At least he can put a trace out on Luke's car…see where it is, and I had Luke stop to get bagels yesterday…we could check to see if he made it to the store. It's somewhere to start, right?"

"That's right, baby," Charlene piped up.

"Don't worry, Noah we'll find him," Maddie tried to cheer her friend up even though she was growing worried too. They all were.

"Jack, hey, I have a favor to ask of you. Can you spare a minute?"

"Of course…do you need your cousin, the best friend or the cop?"

"I'm thinking all three right now," Holden sighed. "I need you to put a trace on Luke's car."

"Is something wrong Holden?" Jack asked frowning even as he grabbed paper and a pen to get the license plate number.

"Luke hasn't been home since late yesterday afternoon," Holden sighed. "Noah said that Luke left the house around four because he needed some air…and Noah is certain that he probably stopped to pick up bagels." 

"Don't forget the Milkshake," Robbie reminded him.

"And Henry saw him yesterday for a milk shake," Holden repeated, mouthing thank you to James' little brother. "But he never came home and I'm growing a little concerned."

"Hmmmm," Jack said jotting down notes as Holden spoke. "Okay, let me have his license plate number. And have you tried calling him?" He asked once he had that info written down."

"Yes, all of us have several times. We believe the phone is either dead or off. I swear someone needs to buy him a car charger for his birthday."

"I'll see what I can do, Holden. Is there any reason why Luke would just up and disappear?"

"No…from what Noah tells me he was a little upset yesterday. But even that wouldn't be a reason for him to just vanish. He would have found a way to call. You've seen how close he and Noah have been since they got back from Italy. Luke wouldn't just leave without a trace."

"Okay, I'll get a trace out for Luke's car right after I hang up with you, then I'll be out there to ask questions. See you soon, Holden, and tell Noah and the rest of them to hang in there. We'll find Luke."

"Thanks, Jack you're a lifesaver."

"What do we do now?" Charlene asked wringing her hands as Holden hung up the phone.

Holden held her gaze for a moment before letting his eyes trail around to all the people who were assembled to wait for news. Finally his eyes returned to Charlene, as he placed his hand on Noah's shoulder. "We wait."

The sound of the phone was loud in the quiet room, and the scene played out like a movie. James stopped, his finger on a black checker, Robbie looked away from the board where he had been waiting for his brother to make a move. Charlene froze, with the oven partially open as she had been ready to check on dinner. Maddie held a spoon suspended in air and Holden's eyes widened as he placed his coffee cup on the table. All eyes were on Noah who picked up the phone on the third ring.

"Hello…Jack?"

"Yes, Noah it's me. We checked out the bakery and it turns out that Luke did go there yesterday."

"Well that's good news," Noah said frowning. "Right?"

"The bagels were found in the street, Noah." Jack said trying to stay professional.

"Oh my god," Noah gasped. "And the car?"

"We found his car…yes. His cell phone was inside…it's dead."

Noah swallowed, and tried to keep the tears from his eyes. "Okay." He said softly. He continued to listen to Jack, trying to not to react to what he was being told. They were going to file the missing person's report on Luke. They would need a picture of him…and they needed to know everything that may have led up to his disappearance. "I can do that…yes Jack…What?" he exclaimed causing everyone in the room to jump. He heard the oven door slam shut but he wasn't affected by that noise. His heart was suddenly beating fast as he listened to what Jack was saying. He couldn't believe what he was hearing…not at all.

"Are you serious?" he asked hoping against hope that he had heard Jack incorrectly. "Okay…okay…thanks Jack…yeah." He hung up the phone and tried once again not to let his tears fall. It wasn't too hard of a task…he was angry, very angry and sad at the same time. And he was scared…his husband was missing and even worse…

"Noah."

"Baby."

"What did Jack say?"

Three voices, he heard his dad, his mom and James all wanting to know the same thing and he didn't know how to tell them what he had just learned. He swallowed and looked straight at Robbie who was frowning at the checker board. He shook his head, deciding against sending him away. He was old enough to understand what was going on…and he loved Luke too…they all did.

"They found Luke's car," he said finally, placing his hand on the table to steady himself. Luke's cell phone was inside. The car was hotwired, and it was left…god I don't even remember what Jack said, but it was just abandoned…but they didn't steal anything…his phone was there and it's dead."

"Noah," Holden said calmly. "What else did Jack say?"

"His keys and the bagels were in a puddle outside the bakery. It seems that Luke may have been kidnapped."

Silence followed that revelation and Maddie put her spoon down and covered her face. Robbie moved to give her a hug, while James kept his eyes on Noah. "There's more," he said perceptively. "What aren't you saying Noah?"

Noah swallowed and put his head down. "You're right, James," Noah said raising his eyes to meet those of his brother. "There was a break out in the prison yesterday."

"Oh no," James said softly as the news sank in. "You don't mean…"

Noah nodded solemnly. "That's exactly what I mean. Randy escaped."


	16. Kidnapped

It was dark.

That was the first thing he realized as he strained to open his eyes. He was surrounded by darkness and he felt like his head was stuffed with cotton. He tried to move, but that was futile, it was as if his hands and his legs were being held down by lead weights. He was caught, and there was nothing he could do about it. He hated the dark…hated what it represented and he didn't want any part of it. It was cold and dank…empty and too quiet. He allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkness, and he wished that he had stayed asleep. The smell of rotten fish hit his nostrils full force causing him to scrunch up his face in disgust. His stomach turned and he turned his head just in time vomiting in the space beside him.

"Help," he gasped, trying to regain control of his equilibrium. "Please, somebody help me."

His pleas were met with silence, and he closed his eyes tight, trying to block out everything. He wanted to go to sleep, to disappear into the world of dreams where everything was okay. He didn't want to be here, he wanted to be home with Noah, trying out their new bed…he would rather be anywhere then pinned to the cold hard floor beneath him.

He opened his eyes again, forcing himself to look around, trying to figure out where he was. it looked like he was in a big open space. If he squinted just enough he could make out the paneling…wood? Stone? Maybe a little of both. He wanted to cry. He couldn't understand why he was here, or who was doing this to him.

"Help," he tried again, straining against the bonds that held him. "Somebody please, help me. I don't want to be here. I don't like the dark." He heard a noise, and it made his heart skip a beat. "Is someone there?" He called out into the black. "Can you hear me? Let me out of here! Please, I just want to go home."

Home…Noah…he just wanted to go back to Noah, and thinking about that brought fear to his heart. IT made him sad to think about what this might be doing to his husband. How long had he been gone? A few hours, a few days? Would Noah worry? Did he believe he had left of his own volition? No, surely Noah would know something was wrong. Noah would figure it out and come searching for him. Maybe…just maybe he needed to relax, he needed to wait it out…wait for the moment Noah came to save him. Noah wouldn't let him stay gone for long.

That thought calmed him a little and he allowed his eyes to close. The smell of fish was getting to him, and he needed to escape it. He could see Noah's blue eyes clearly in his mind and he focused on them, allowing them to soothe and comfort him as only Noah could do. He didn't know where he was but for the first time since he woke up he felt a sense of hope.

He felt a sharp searing pain in his side and his eyes opened as he moaned in agony. A dark figure stood over him poised to aim another kick at his kidney. He howled again, before clamping his teeth down on his lip, drawing blood. He was determined not to give this person the satisfaction of seeing him hurting. He needed to be strong…no matter how much he wanted to bawl.

"That's enough," a booming voice said causing Luke and the dark figure to jump. Luke looked around, but there didn't appear to be anyone in the room besides him and the shadow. "You don't want to hurt the prisoner too much, we've only just begun."

The shadow backed off, but Luke could feel eyes on him and he shuddered. He didn't like this one bit. "Who…who are you," He said yelling into the emptiness. Why have you brought me here?"

"Patience young man, you don't have enough of that," The booming voice responded. "You are here to learn a lesson about honor and respect, and you will learn to obey if you value your life."

"Who are you," Luke asked again. Why are you doing this to me?"

"I will ask the questions," His captor barked. "You will just do as you are told, or pay the consequences for your insolence."

"You can't make me do anything," Luke yelled."

"If that is the way you want to play it, then my colleague will have to change your mind."

Even as he spoke the shadowed figure came close to Luke again and stomped on his stomach causing Luke to cry out again. He endured two kicks to the ribs before the shadow let him be and he tried to gasp for air.

"Put him to sleep. Perhaps when he awakens he will be more agreeable." Before Luke could protest he felt a cloth on his face and though he tried to fight it he succumbed to the chloroform.

"Wake up you worthless piece of shit."

Luke grimaced as the shadow's foot made contact with his side again. he opened his eyes and tried to focus. The shadow was leering at him and he swallowed. He refused to show fear. "You can kick me all you want, but it won't make me listen to you," he said defiantly.

A wad of spit hit him square in the face and he reflexively moved his hand wanting to wipe it off. The knots on his bonds seemed to tighten when he moved and he could feel the rope burning his skin. "You will listen, Luke, you will listen to everything you are told, and you will act accordingly If you want to get out of here alive then you must obey."

"Why can't you just let me go?"

"What for? It's not like anyone wants you out there. You only hurt everyone you touch. You aren't worthy of the affection and attention you crave. You deserve nothing."

"That's not true," Luke said through clenched teeth. "You don't know anything about me."

"I know all I need to know. You are a sorry excuse for a human being and no one wants you. Poor Luke, your own lover doesn't even care about you."

"Don't you dare talk that way about him. Who are you?"

He wasn't expecting the stinging slap, nor did he anticipate his hair being yanked. "I will talk about whomever I damn well please," he said before letting Luke's head hit the ground hard. Luke tried to resist the urge to close his eyes, but the pain in his skull was too great, and he succumbed to darkness yet again.

"Luke?"

His eyes opened at the sound of the familiar voice and he looked around widely. "Noah," he yelled. "Noah, I'm here."

"Luke?" the voice came again. "Luke where are you?"

"Noah," he screamed louder. "Noah please I'm here you have to help me.

"Luke…where are you Luke. LUKE, god…don't do this to me Luke, please don't do this."

"I'm not doing anything…Noah, why can't you see me."

"Let me go, Luke. Stop doing this and just let me go."

"Noah, no," he cried as the shadowed figure came into view. Luke's eyes were wide and he was breathing fast. "What did you do to him?" he asked. "What did you do to Noah?"

"You mean what did you do to him," the cloaked figure responded. "You're making him miserable, and this isn't the life he wants. Only you can make it right."

Luke wasn't sure he understood what he was being told. He frowned and tried to clear his mind, but it wasn't easy. He felt sick from the fish and his own vomit. "You're wrong, I…I can't let him go. I don't want to let him go. You have to let me go to him. Where is he?"

"He's where you can't touch him," the booming voice responded catching Luke and the shadow off guard again. Luke really hated that voice. "The only way you can help is to let him go like he asked. And that is what we are here for; we're going to help you forget about Noah. Respect and Honor are what you need to learn…and God's way. Get him out of those ropes for his first lesson."

The phone sounded loud in his ears and he reached out blindly, wanting to stop the ringing before it woke his mother. His hand hit nothing but air and he stretched his arm out further, knowing he had left the phone on the coffee table. He wasn't sure how he over estimated but he reached out again and soon found himself face down on the carpet. He groaned and let his head hit the floor, and the phone stopped ringing as he lay there.

"Hello?" he heard his mom say from somewhere nearby. "Hi Holden, I hope you were able to get some sleep. Yes I know you are worried about Luke, I must admit I am growing concerned. My baby still won't sleep in his bed. He stays on the couch and it's all I can do to stay here and comfort him if he lets me."

Noah lifted himself off the floor and rubbed at his eyes, a yawn escaping his lips as he stretched out his sore muscles. Sleeping on the couch was rather uncomfortable but he refused to sleep in the bedroom without Luke. He had done that before…and he didn't like it. Their new bid was waiting for them, and until Luke was there to share it, he would not sleep in it. A week had passed since Luke disappeared, and there wasn't a moment when Noah didn't check his phone or look out the window hoping for some sign of his husband. A week ago, Luke had walked out that door and Noah missed him terribly…he just wanted him back.

"I'm not sure if he's awake yet, but I can have him…Oh mornin' baby," Charlene said as Noah entered the kitchen. "I have coffee brewin for you, just how you like it. Your father wants to talk to you, sweetie."

He frowned as he took the phone wondering why his Momma was talking to the Colonel. "He…hello?" he asked cautiously.

"Noah, hey, did you get any sleep."

"Dad?" Noah asked registering that this wasn't the Colonel but Holden. He rubbed his temples and tried to clear his head. "Oh…I'm…I slept okay I guess. Any news on Luke?"

"I'm afraid not, Son. Look Noah you need to take better care of yourself. We can't have you getting sick. And Luke wouldn't want that either."

"I can't help it, Dad. I just miss him so much. I want him to come home."

"I know son," Holden said sadly. The girls and Ethan miss him as well. And so do I. Jack's doing all he can to find him…but there have been no leads thus far. And believe me, I've asked. I think Jack is getting irritated with me…and Margo too. I've snapped at every cop in the department."

"That's not good enough," Noah snapped. "It's not like Luke went missing yesterday. He's been gone a week. He's not sick, he's not mad at me, and he's not in a coma, he's just gone and I don't know where he is. And I'm sick and tired of everyone telling me it's going to be okay because it's NOT OKAY."

Charlene gently took the phone out of her son's hand and guided him to the chair "Holden…yes, don't worry I will take care of him. I'll see you when you come over. Bye for now." She hung up the phone and focused on her son. "Baby snapping at Holden isn't going to bring Luke home. Why don't' you go take a shower and then when Holden gets here we'll have breakfast."

"I'm not hungry," Noah replied getting up to pour himself a cup of coffee.

"Baby, please, you have to eat. Luke wouldn't want you making yourself sick because of him. You know that in your heart, I know you do. I know you are hurting and scared, we all are, it hurts me to see my baby hurting so much. Please, baby, go take a shower and put on some clean clothes and when Holden gets here we will come up with a plan. We will think of something, I promise."

"Stop making promises you can't keep," Noah exclaimed. "And stop coddling me and leave me alone. I don't want to eat. I don't care about food. And DON"T pretend to know what Luke is thinking and feeling right now because you have no idea." He focused once more on the coffee pot not daring to touch it with his shaking hands. "He's cared…I know he is, and he is probably wondering why I haven't come to him yet. I…I wonder if they have him in a dark place or if there's light. He doesn't like the dark…it scares him. God he must be so afraid and there's nothing I can do about it. I just want to find him Momma, I have to help him."

"I know Baby, I know. But to find him you have to be at the top of your game. You can't think straight if you don't keep your strength up and yelling at me isn't going to make me go away so let's not even go there. I have tried not to be too pushy because I know what we have is very fragile and you could tell me tomorrow to go away if I hurt you, but I need for you to see that we are all trying to help you. So you just go ahead and vent and rail, but you aren't running me off with your attitude."

"Fine, whatever." Noah said pushing away from the counter. He left the kitchen and went to his bedroom to take a shower. In the bathroom his medications sat in a neat row on the shelf, with Luke's right beside them. He picked up one of the bottles and let his fingers trace the label that held his husband's name. Luke was going without his medication…that couldn't be a very good thing. He needed those meds to stay alive… Noah let that thought trial off and placed the bottle back on the shelf. He turned on the water and stood beneath it, allowing the hot water to beat down on his skin.

He reentered the kitchen even as he pulled one of Luke's t-shirts over his head. it was a little tight but he didn't care, he wanted to feel close to him. The soft cotton was cool to his skin and he could smell Luke's scent and that made him feel a little better. His mother had prepared breakfast and Holden was sitting at the table as well, drinking a cup of coffee. He settled down at the table, acknowledging his father-in-law's presence with a nod. He was afraid if he spoke at the moment, he would say all the wrong things. He was doing that more often than not, and it got worse for every day Luke continued to be missing.

Charlene placed a plate in front of Noah and instructed him to eat up. She placed another plate in front of Holden and finally sat down in her seat ready to take a bite of her eggs. It was too quiet in the room, and Noah picked at the food on his plate. Not really interested in eating it, but knowing he had to.

"Thanks for breakfast, Charlene. I haven't been much in a cooking mood, though I try for the girls and Ethan. I just wish I knew something more we could do."

"Maybe we need to take a step back and look at this from another angle Holden. I just know that we are overlooking something that can give us a clue."

"Okay," Holden agreed. "What angle do we need to look at it from? We aren't really certain who could have taken him. No one is stepping forward and saying they saw anything, which is ridiculous if you ask me."

"Well it was dark," Noah said. "It could have easily been dark…"

Holden frowned. "We don't know precisely what time he disappeared, but it was still light outside when he left here right?"

"It was just about 4," Noah said putting his head down.

"Baby," Charlene said placing a hand on his shoulder, "I know you said the letters upset him terribly. Do you think maybe he went to confront Randy about the letter?"

Noah shook his head. "Luke and I had talked about him going to see Randy at some point to gt closure, but he decided he didn't want to do that. And he would have told me if he changed his mind."

"It just seems odd to me that the same day Luke goes missing, that creep escapes from jail. There has to be a connection there somewhere. Was there anyone else who testified at the trial that might want revenge on Luke?"

"You mean besides Winston?" Noah said running his hand through his hair as he looked pointedly at his mother.

"Winston? He testified against Luke at the trial? That dirty rotten bastard. Have you seen or talked to him other than to get the information you used to find me?"

"He tried to paint Luke as a bad person," Noah sighed. "But no we haven't seen him or heard from him since January which is more than fine with me."

"The boys disowned him pretty much," Holden explained. "Twice." Noah looked at his dad for a moment and managed a smile as he looked at the twinkle in the other man's eye. He was proud of them, and that to Noah was like a glimmer of light, no matter how small.

"I know Randy being out of Jail is creepy enough," Noah continued, "And he better hope we don't cross paths because if I see that man again…I swear I will kill him. It scares me that he's out there though…because I don't want him to get a hold of Luke."

"I don't like this Baby. Winston is a very vindictive man. If he thinks that Luke is the reason you cut him out of your life, I wouldn't put it past him to try and get Luke out of the way thinking you will come crawling back to him. Maybe we should talk to the old bastard and see what his story is."

"You think he had something to do with Luke disappearing," Noah asked getting scared. "He wouldn't do something like that…would he?"

Holden frowned and looked down at his coffee cup. Noah covered his face with his hands and listened as Holden and Charlene continued to converse about the possibility that Winston was behind this somehow. Just thinking about it made him sick to his stomach. That just couldn't be the case…there was no way he would just take Luke away. What good could that do? It wouldn't make him crawl back at all. If anything it would make him hate the man more…

"NO," he said his voice catching as the tears started to fall. He wiped at his eyes and the tears continued to fall. He didn't want to think about his father somehow harming Luke. That was an image he just didn't want to consider, but yet he couldn't get it out of his head. "He's not coming back," Noah managed to say between sobs. "I want my husband back"

Charlene was watching her baby sleep when the phone rang. She answered it quickly, not wanting to wake him. He wasn't sleeping well as it was, and she had just convinced him to close his eyes. She pulled the clip out of her hair and allowed it to cascade around her shoulders as she spoke into the phone, hoping against hope that maybe it was a lead on her son-in-law. "Hello?"

"Charlene? I didn't realize you were staying with Luke and Noah."

"Daddy," Charlene exclaimed as she realized who was on the phone. "Hi…um hold on." She quickly went into another room so she wouldn't disturb Noah and focused on the phone call. "It's good to hear from you. I've been staying with Noah for a while, just trying to help out before I go back to work."

"What do you mean staying with Noah to help out? Where is Luke?"

Charlene sighed, realizing too late her mistake. She didn't want to worry her father but that seemed inevitable now. "Well, Daddy that's the problem actually. We don't know where Luke is."

"Wait?" Seth said as he settled down with Angel on their couch. "What? Let's start at the beginning because honey I feel like I am missing something. What do you mean you don't know where Luke is?"

"Luke disappeared a little over a week ago," Charlene explained sadly.. "He left the house around 4pm and well no one has seen him sense. Noah is beside himself with worry."

"Oh god, poor Noah. What can I do? Where is my brother? He must be sick with worry too."

"Yes, Holden is very upset about this, Daddy. He's still trying to figure out what happened and why. We really have no clues…Luke is just gone, and Noah…he won't even sleep in his own bed. He refuses to sleep in that room without Luke. I just got him to sleep on the couch, and I don't know what you could do. I'm sure Holden could use a phone call from his big brother. And you can pray for Luke. We all miss him terribly."

Seth relayed the information to Angel as he kept Charlene on the line. While Seth continued to talk to Charlene Angel opened her laptop and continued to listen as she waited for it to boot up. "I can't believe Luke is just gone, he wouldn't do that to Noah. Not the way those two were when they were here, just not possible. I will be praying for Luke, but I'm not calling Holden, Angel's online now booking a flight to Oakdale. We will be there one way or another by morning. My brother and my family need me more than anything going on here in NY."

"Oh, Daddy, bless you. It will be good to see you, and I am sure it will help Noah and Holden out a lot…and it will help me too."

"I need you to do something for me," Seth instructed. "I need you to get Lucinda on the phone and see if she can have a car meet usme at the airport to get usme to the farm. Can you do that for me and let me know as soon as possible? I will call you back shortly with the flight information."

"Okay, Daddy, I will do that and wait for your call."

"I'll call you back on your cell so we don't wake Noah. If he is resting then let's not take any chance on waking him up."

"Thanks Daddy." Charlene said clicking the phone off. She quickly called Lucinda to ask about getting a car to pick Seth and Angel up at the airport. She was ready with the information when Angel called back to tell her what time their flight would be in. "Okay, I'll see you when you get here…Noah will be so surprised, and Holden too. Will you be stopping to see him first?"

"No, I'm coming straight to Noah. Knowing Lucinda, my brother will know the moment the plane lands and will be to the house before I can get there. Hang in there baby, Angel and I will be there in the morning and we'll help Noah and Holden as best we can and we will do everything we can to find Luke."

"Okay, Daddy. See you tomorrow. And thank you."

"No need to thank me, honey. See you tomorrow."

True to his word, Seth and Angel were on a plane to Oakdale the next morning. They knew when they left that they probably wouldn't be going back to New York anytime soon. There was no way they could do that when the family needed them. They had been away from them for long enough. As they sat in the car heading towards Noah's home they were already making plans to have their belongings packed and shipped to Oakdale for now and then they could settle somewhere in between Oakdale and Chicago once everything was settled with Luke and Noah.

Charlene had mentioned that Noah and Luke lived just down the road from the farm. Still it took them by surprise that they were living at Cal's place. Seth mused that he shouldn't be surprised since Cal was Luke's great-grandfather and it made sense that Luke would want to be close to the farm and his siblings with Lily gone. The look on Angel's face reflected what he was sure she was seeing on his. They had been gone far too long.

Noah opened the door when Angel knocked and she found herself immediately swept into a hug. She hugged him back and led him into the house as Seth closed the door behind them. She frowned as she looked at her grandson, he certainly looked a lot paler then he had when she saw him weeks ago. It hadn't been that long had it? Luke's disappearance was definitely taking its toll if the change was this drastic. She shot a look to Seth that conveyed how glad she was that they had come. Seth could see Charlene trying to keep her composure as she watched the scene unfold in front of her. He crossed the room to her and enveloped her in a warm embrace that he hoped would let her know that he was there for her.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, Grandma, Grandpa…but what are you doing here?" Noah asked tiredly.

"You and your momma," Seth explained, " not to mention my brother, need me here far worse than anyone in New York needs me, so here I am. I will do whatever I can, hand out flyers, make appeals on tv and radio shows, you name it and I am here to do it."

"Thanks, Grandpa," Noah said trying to smile. "I don't know what can be done though. We have no leads, and I just don't understand what could have happened. Jack gave me his cell phone…it had died, but I charged it…and his car is here and it's like no one saw him, he just vanished."

"Jack?" Angel questioned. "Seth's Cousin Jack?" She waited for Noah's acknowledging nod before continuing. "Well at least I know that the police are doing what they can. Jack and Holden are more than cousins, they are best friends. We'll find Luke, honey, he didn't leave you of his own choice, of that I am very sure. You have to be strong and don't lose faith in the love you two share. From what I saw in New York, what you two have is something very very special and if Luke were truly gone forever you would know it in your heart. So let's go in here and find something to eat and then I am going to send Seth off to find hismy brother and we'll put the collective Snyder power into action."

"I'm not really hungry, Grandma. But I can fix you something to eat if you want." Noah stood and gestured for her to follow him into the kitchen. "What would you like to eat? I think we have some leftovers in here…I haven't felt much like cooking, it's something I usually do with Luke."

"Come now honey, I don't expect you to cook for me, I am more than capable of doing that, but you need to eat something, even if its a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If Luke were to walk through that door right now he would not be very happy with you, and I think you know that as well as I do. So what do you say, could you humor your old grandma here and have a PB&J and a glass of milk with me?"

"Okay," Noah said managing a lopsided smile. "I can do that much."

"Good, now let's get to it."

"Yes Ma'am," Noah smirked as he pulled down the peanut butter and the bread. He took the strawberry jam out of the refrigerator and his grandma helped by getting the milk and pulling down glasses. It wasn't long before they were sitting at the table with their sandwiches and milk, and Angel was ordering him to eat. He obliged by taking a bite of his sandwich. The peanut butter was tasteless and the jam tasted just as bad, but he knew that was just because his taste buds were shot. He ate the sandwich anyway not wanting to disappoint his grandmother.

"Noah?" Holden called as he entered the house.

"In here, Dad," Noah called from the kitchen. Holden smiled and walked that way, ready to comment on the fact that Noah was eating. When he entered the kitchen though, it wasn't Noah that he saw first.

"Angel," he said amazed as the woman stood. "God, Angel it's so good to see you," he came forward and held her close."

"Hello Holden," she said when they pulled apart, "I came as soon as I found out Luke was missing. How are you holding up? How are the girls and Momma?"

"Everyone is holding up as best as they can, Angel," Holden said with a sigh. Momma's trying to keep the girls and Ethan occupied. Noah helps with that when he can. Where's Seth?"

"Right behind you little brother. We came as soon as we found out Luke was missing. You should have called me sooner." Seth scolded gently. "I called Ellie from the cab on the way to the airport and she is clearing her desk today and taking a leave of absence from work. She should be here tomorrow or the day after."

"Dad's going a little stir crazy," Noah explained to Angel as he avoided his sandwich.. "He tries to hold it together for everyone else, and doesn't think about himself. He needs you more than I do, Grandma."

"Where's Lily? Why isn't she taking care of the kids? What am I missing here guys? I feel so out of the loop, someone get me up to date on what the hell is going on."

Holden and Noah exchanged a look and Noah started picking at his sandwich. Holden sighed and straddled a chair leaning his chin on his hands as he looked at his brother and sister-in-law. "You've missed quite a bit actually, and I am not even sure where to start telling you everything."

"Should we start with the fact that Lily is a cold-hearted bitch?" Noah mumbled just loud enough to be heard.

"Noah!" Angel exclaimed.

"What? It's the truth!"

"Ok, I got that Noah is rather pissed at his mother-in-law so now will someone tell us why that is?"

Holden hid his smile and focused on his sister-in-law. "Hmmm that's a loaded story all in itself. Long story short…Lily and I are divorced. And Noah is pissed at her for his own reasons; most have to do with how she treated Luke."

""Why is it that I have a sneaking suspicion I am going to want to have a knock down drag out with my niece when I see her? Ok, so where is Lily? I can understand the divorce, but her treating Luke poorly, what in the world is she thinking. He's her son, she should be putting finding him at the top of her agenda and everything else should be on the backburner. Where is she Holden? I am going to go talk some sense into that girl right now." Seth exploded.

"Good luck with that," Noah laughed. "it's kinda hard to get on someone's case when they aren't even in the country. And I don't even think she knows that Luke is missing…she is too busy gallivanting around Europe with her new husband."

"What?" AngelEllie exclaimed. "A stern talking to is going to be too good for her when I get my hands on her. I can't believe that she left the country, leaving you with all 3 kids and has remarried and doesn't even care enough about her family to call and check in."

"This isn't the first time she has just up and left with no warning," Holden explained. We only just found out this past week where she was. She disappeared while the guys were in New York visiting you."

"She wasn't even in the country last Christmas," Noah pointed out. "IF that tells you anything. I'm waiting for her to call here looking for Luke, so I can give her a piece of my mind."

Holden looked at his son-in-law with a sympathetic look before facing his brother and sister-in-law once more. "It seems like just yesterday I was telling Luke that Lily and I were getting a divorce. There was so much going on for him then, and I just added to it with that news. And to make matters worse I had to tell him that Lily was having an affair…with Dusty."

Seth felt like he had entered the twilight zone. Between what his grandson was telling him and his brother, he was beginning to wonder if anything made sense anymore. "Wait," Angel said picking up her glass of milk. "Lily and Dusty? Is that who she is in Europe with right now?"

"No," Holden shook his head. Apparently she and Dusty had a falling out, he was looking for her as well a few weeks back."

"I would assume that she went to Malta to get Luke's dad to talk some sense into Luke," Noah said massaging his temple.

"Damian? Has she lost her mind completely? That man is nothing but trouble and that's all he ever has been. I can't believe she would go to Damian for help with Luke, especially knowing how much he has hurt Luke in the past."

"Well, Lily's done her fair share of that too," Holden said sighing. "And Luke pretty much wrote her off in January, so I bet you are correct, Noah. That's where she went, and now she's marrying the guy. But that's not even the point…Luke's gone and I'm sure sooner or later Lily will call wanting to know why we're keeping Luke away from her."

"Yeah, because its everyone else's fault but hers," Noah grumbled.

"I don't know what to say. I am just completely blown away by what I am hearing. Well, ok, then we'll deal with Lily if and when she decides to be a mother, but until then we have to focus on finding Luke and not falling apart at the seams. So where should we start?"

"I don't know if there is much that can be done," Holden shook his head. The police are doing everything they can to find him, and all we can do is wait."

"Has there been any luck in finding Randy," Noah asked. The last time he had spoken with Jack they were still looking.

"No news yet, Noah. It seems like he just disappeared too, but we don't know if there's a connection between his breaking out of Jail and Luke's disappearance."

"Who's Randy and why would he have any connection to Luke's disappearance," Seth asked puzzled.

"Randy was a former coworker of ours at WOAK," Noah explained. "He was infatuated with Luke, and one night he forced himself on Luke."

"Then he hit Noah with his car on Christmas night," Holden added. "Basically Luke pressed charges last February. The case went to trial and Randy was sent to jail."

"And Luke disappeared the same day that Randy escaped from Jail. We're sure its just a coincidence but I would feel a whole lot better if we knew where that jerk was."

"Call me jaded from life in the big city for so long but I don't believe in coincidences, especially not when my nephew is missing and someone he put behind bars is roaming the streets. Who else might have had a reason to want to make Luke disappear?"

"Luke doesn't have many enemies Grandpa. I mean this is Luke, he's the sweetest most generous guy you'd ever meet. And he'd never hurt a fly."

"Except when it comes to you," Holden pointed out. "I seem to recall he was about ready to throttle your dad."

Noah grimaced. "Yeah…I don't even want to think about that man. And I'm tired of thinking about this."

"Honey, I know you are tired and frustrated," Angel said placing a hand on his arm, "but we have to consider all the possibilities and if your father might have something to do with Luke going missing then we need to follow up on that."

"NO," Noah said shaking his head. He pulled his arm away from his grandmother's grasp and stood to take his glass over to the sink. "There is no way my dad had anything to do with this. I know he doesn't like Luke much, but he claims to love me and I can't believe that he would do that to me."

"Honey, please, I am not trying to upset you, I want to do everything I can to help find Luke. Is there anyone else you can think of that might have wanted Luke to disappear? I know you said he doesn't have enemies, but think hard honey it might be our best chance of finding him and bringing him home to you."

Noah stayed over by the sink and lowered his head. He knew his grandmother was right, but he was just so tired of this. He missed Luke terribly and he just wanted him back. The tears came to his eyes before he could stop them and his shoulders slumped.

"Honey we are going to find him," Angel stood and went over to the sink, pressing her hands against Noah's back. She turned him around and pulled him into her arms. "None of us are going to give up until we do. He loves you; any one with two eyes could take one look at the two of you together and know that. I am sure that wherever he is his thoughts are of you and getting home to you. Don't give up on him, he wouldn't give up on you and in your heart you know I'm right. It's ok to cry and yell and scream and if you want to throw things then do it, but don't keep it all in let it out and let us help you."

Holden watched from his seat as Noah buried his head in his grandmother's neck. He still found it hard to believe that Noah was a true part of his family…his great nephew, but he couldn't be happier about it. He was glad to have Seth and Angel back with them, and he hoped that their presence would help Noah cope. He was taking Luke's disappearance harder than anyone, and Holden wasn't even sure how much more he could take. He just hoped that wherever his son was that he was trying to fight his way back.

He had lost track of the days. They all seemed to run together, like one long drawn out nightmare that he couldn't wake up from. Part of him wished this was just some messed up dream…that any minute now he would wake up beside Noah in their warm bed. He wanted to be safe…but at the moment he was anything but. Even sleep didn't offer any comfort anymore. He could no longer see Noah's eyes when he closed his own. The sapphire blue gems were no longer visible to him. they were locked behind a fortress he couldn't penetrate. He was starting to think he would never get out of this.

His body betrayed him often, and he paid the price for it each time. It seemed to him he was always in a state of pain. His Kidney was in agony, his ribs screamed at him and he didn't even want to think about the bruises he was sure covered his body from head to toe. He distanced himself from it. his body was like the shadow's playground. It no longer belonged to him. it was how he had to think about it, otherwise it would hurt too much and he didn't think his soul could take it.;

He needed to figure out how to get out of there. The last time he had been locked in a dark place him and his dad had figured out ways to escape. He didn't have his father there with him but he still had his wits. He could figure something out…he wasn't nine anymore; he was a lot stronger then this shadow and the booming voice gave him credit for. He had given up on yelling, moaning and crying. He gritted his teeth when he was kicked, and bit down on his lip when he was punched. He listened to his captor telling him that he could get out of this if he just gave up Noah. Each and every time he was told to nod or shake his head. He never nodded. Getting out of there was important…but he refused to give in to the demand. He could not and would not desert Noah; no amount of pain could make him do that.

"Noah doesn't love you anymore." The shadow's words. He said the same thing every day now, but Luke didn't listen anymore. He closed out the voice, even as he felt hands and other things he wanted to block out. The man, whoever he was could violate him all he wanted to…Luke would not let it affect him. Words were just words, empty threats meant to make him beg for freedom. Luke wasn't biting, no matter how much it hurt to hear them. "He especially won't want you once he finds out how broken you are, and how dirty."

"Who are you," Luke asked through gritted teeth. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"My job is to make you crack," the shadow explained as he pounded into him. "Eventually you will break, eventually you will give up and then I can claim you for good."

He was too tired to fight, too lightheaded to do anything but lay there and take the abuse. His mind was fuzzy, he just wanted to sleep, he just wanted to disappear. "I'm…not…giving up…on…Noah. I won't…I…" he cried out in agony, and tried hard not to cry as something foreign forced its way into his anus. He almost preferred when he was tied up and left alone. He would take darkness any day.

"All the pain can end, Luke, if you will just do what I asked. Let Noah go."

"That is not an option," Luke gasped before the blackness claimed him yet again.

Noah was sitting silently on the couch, with Ethan asleep on his lap. Faith was beside him on one side, staring blankly at the TV screen. Natalie was to his left, her head resting against his shoulder as she tried to blink away the tears that had been falling all day. The adults were meeting nearby, a strategy session was what Grandma Lucinda had called it. Noah didn't think he could sit through another one of those, so he had offered to watch the kids. Robbie was on the floor, his nose deep in a book that Luke had given him.

He could hear the conversation clearly, even though everyone was trying to be quiet for the kids in the room. James was being logical, and practical which Noah loved him for. Lucinda was taking charge, which was something he admired in her. She was never one to sit still and let things happen. He was glad she was in on this. There were already so many people out looking for Luke, and if need be she would hire more. There was no expense too small when it came to her grandson. Luke was her heart. Maddie and Dr. McPherson offered up large doses of optimism. Maddie was trying to see the bright side, and right now Noah needed that. He didn't even have the heart to tell her that peanut butter and tuna fish was inherently gross. His father-in-law was trying to keep it together, but Noah knew better. He was well aware of the relationship Holden had with Luke. This was killing him, as much as it was killing Noah. He wished there was something he could do or say to make it all better. At the moment all he could do was keep from breaking down in front of the children. Faith and Robbie he wasn't worried about…he knew they understood, but Nat and Ethan, he didn't want to make them think they would never see their brother again. Even if Noah was beginning to wonder if that was a real fear.

Seven weeks was a long time…and Noah was trying really hard to keep the faith. He still slept on the couch, even though his momma often insisted that he needed to be in bed. HE barely went into the bedroom anymore unless he had to. And even mundane things like cleaning and cooking eluded him while Luke was gone. He just didn't feel like doing anything. But he would watch the kids…he knew his husband wouldn't want them to suffer. He just hoped wherever he was, that Luke wasn't suffering too much either.

It was Maddie's turn to stay with him. After a month it had been decided that Charlene shouldn't have to be with him every day, even if she didn't mind. She was tired, and Noah knew it. He wasn't the easiest person to get along with these days. He snapped at everyone, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep and he was just all around cranky. His Momma and his grandma put up with it, Holden understood it, as did Lucinda and Dr. McPherson. James was slightly annoyed, but then Noah was good at bringing that out in his brother. And besides he knew James was just as upset, just as worried as he was. He loved Luke too…they all did.

Maddie tried hard to be optimistic, and Noah appreciated that most times. She was his best friend…she was the one who had tried to help him cope before. She would sit on his couch crocheting a blanket or eating something that made him wrinkle his nose; and she would talk about anything and everything. She explained Robbie's efforts at school to help look for Luke. The little guy had decided that he needed to rally troops, getting the parents of his new friends to help put up fliers and ask around. Luke couldn't have just disappeared, that was what everyone kept saying, but the truth was that was exactly what had happened.

"I don't think he's coming back." He said the words sticking in his throat as heeh tried to get them out. Seven weeks was a long time. And despite himself he was starring to lose hope. He had to resign himself to the fact that Luke would be lost to him forever.

"Don't say that," Maddie exclaimed, pointing the crochet needle at him. "You aren't allowed to give up on him, Noah. He wouldn't do that to you, so don't you dare start." Noah crosses his arms and looked away from her. He was growing tired of her telling him what he could and could not do. "Luke is going to come back, you'll see. I'm sure wherever he is he is thinking about you and wanting to get back to you and to the rest of us."

"Don't you ever get tired of being optimistic?" he turned on her, causing her to gasp with surprise. "This is not some stupid movie where the hero returns in the end unharmed. It's time to just face it Maddie, He's gone."

"You don't mean that," Maddie said softly. "You're just upset which is understandable. I know it's been a long time, Noah but you can't give up, Luke wouldn't,"

"Stop pretending like you know what Luke would have wanted," Noah raged. "You don't know a thing about anything, and I'm getting sick and tired of listening to you telling me what to think and feel."

"That's not what I'm doing," Maddie said, anger flashing in her dark eyes. "You aren't the only one who cares about Luke, Noah. I love him too." Maddie stood up then and quickly grabbed at her stomach a moan escaping her lips.

"OH god, Maddie, are you okay," Noah asked standing to help lower her back to the chair.

"I don't know," she said moaning as another pain hit her. Noah called James who rushed over to check on his wife.

"What did you do," James asked frantically as he went to Maddie's side, rubbing her back.

"Nothing, we were just talking and she stood up and then doubled over," Noah tried to explain.

"It's alright, Maddie, I'm going to get you to the hospital, come on."

"I'll come with you," Noah said following them to the door.

"NO," James said sharply. "I think you've already done enough for right now."

His eyes closed as he heard the door slam and it felt like a stab in the heart. He knew he had no one to blame but himself. If anything happened to Maddie or the baby because of him, he would never be able to forgive himself. He knew that Luke wouldn't forgive him either, and that hurt just as much as hearing the anger in James' voice. He walked over to the chair and sat down, lowering his head into his hands. He really needed to stop this…acting out, and insulting his friends was not helping any of them. They were supposed to stick together at a time like this; all for one and one for all. Somehow over the last seven weeks they had lost sight of that though, and he was the worst culprit of all.

Maddie had said once that Luke was like the glue that held them all together. He had thought that was a funny notion at the time…but now he saw that she was right. They were all at their best when Luke was there to guide them. Even when Luke was having his own mini freak outs he had managed to keep them all somewhat sane. He knew how to make things seem simple, and Noah missed that about him the most. He missed his laugher, his habit of leaving papers and books strewn across the table, and he even missed seeing Luke's laundry on the floor.

It was hours later when the phone rang waking him up from a dreamless sleep. He reached for it blindly and could just make out Robbie's voice on the other end.

"I just wanted to let you know that Maddie is okay," Robbie whispered once he was sure Noah was listening. He was making this call despite the fact that James had instructed him not to. he figured his brother was being stubborn, and he knew that Noah needed to know what was going on.

"Oh thank god," Noah said relieved. "So she's not in labor?"

"No…it shouldn't be long though before the baby comes. She needs to stay away from stress though. And Jimmy didn't really want me to call you…but I figured you would want to know. I knew you didn't mean to hurt her."

"Thanks Robbie. I better let you go though…I don't want you to get in trouble with your brother. Keep me posted if you can okay?"

"I gotta go, but I will. Bye Noah…and don't' worry, Luke will come back soon."

The phone went dead before Noah could respond and he hung it up with a sigh. James and Maddie were mad at him, his mom and his father-in-law were exhausted and he felt so drained physically and mentally it was a wonder he was still functioning. And at the end of the day, the same question still remained no matter what any of them did.

Where is Luke?


	17. PRegnant Pause

James paced the hallway as he waited for someone to answer the phone. Maddie was in the delivery room, refusing to deliver their baby without Noah there. James was trying to get in touch with his brother, even though he hasn't spoken to him for a week. Things had been a bit strained since the argument between Noah and Maddie, but now he was putting that aside. Both of them were supposed to be there for the birth…Luke was still missing but Noah…

"Hello?" he heard his brother's voice and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey, Noah, it's me."

"James, is something wrong?" Noah asked clearly concerned.

"It's Maddie. She's in labor…and she's asking for you."

"I'm on my way."

James hung up the phone and ran a hand through his hair. He had called his dad and Lucinda, as well, to let them know about the impending birth. They were in the waiting room with Robbie, and James went to be by his wife's side.

"Did you get a hold of Noah?" Maddie asked when she spotted him in the doorway. James came over to place a cool cloth on her face, wiping away some of the sweat as he took her hand into his.

"He's coming, Baby. Are you doing okay?" Maddie nodded even as she squeezed James hand to deal with another contraction. They were coming quicker now, but she didn't want to give birth without Noah being there. She wanted one of her best friends to be present.

"James," she called as she squeezed his hand even tighter.

"I'm right here, Maddie." He wiped her hair out of her face with his free hand and tried not to show how much she was hurting him.

It was thirty minutes before Noah arrived at the hospital just in time to hear Maddie crying through another contraction. "OH My god James I don't think I can do this."

"Yes you can," James soothed as Noah entered and slipped by the obstetrician to be by Maddie's side. "It's about time you showed up," James said meeting Noah's gaze head on.

"Noah," Maddie exclaimed reaching for his hand and holding tight as yet another contraction took over. "I'm glad you're here," she gasped.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world," Noah said softly, trying not to grimace from the pain. He was used to this by now, Luke had done enough damage for all the times he was nervous or frightened. "I'm sorry about last week," Noah said as he took a turn smoothing back her hair.

"Don't….worry….about it," Maddie said as she was instructed to push. "I know…you were…" her words were cut short by the doctor who instructed her to push. Noah and James helped her breathe after each push and James heard the doctor say she could see the head. Maddie gave one more push and soon the room was filled with the high pitched wail of a baby.

"It's a boy," The doctor announced as Maddie collapsed on the pillow, with her husband and her best friend by her side.

"Did you hear that baby, it's a boy," James said as he let go of her hand to cut the umbilical cord. Moments later he was holding the squirming baby, his son, in his arms and he smiled. "Hey there little guy, welcome to the world. I'm your daddy."

He brought the baby over to the bed, still talking to him as he looked down at his now sleeping wife. Noah was still holding her hand and he looked up to meet eyes with James.

"She went to sleep almost as soon as you left her side," Noah explained. "Though I'm not sure how she managed that with the little guy wailing like that."

"I think he likes me," James whispered as a smile crossed his lips. The Baby had quieted down and he was looking up at his father with such awe.

"That's not hard to believe," Noah said softly. "You're an easy person to like, and your son is very lucky to have both you and Maddie as parents."

James was silent for a moment before he looked up at his brother. "Do you want to hold him," He asked even as he moved to stand beside Noah.

"I don't know," Noah said nervously.

"Come on," James insisted. "It's time for him to meet his uncle Noah. And I need to go tell my dad he's a grandfather."

Noah smiled and carefully took the baby into his arms. James made sure he was holding the little guy right, and kissed his son on the forehead letting him know he would be right back. Noah watched James leave the room before focusing on the squirmy little baby in his arms.

"Hey, I'm your uncle Noah, and I'm going to tell you I don't really know what I'm doing. In fact, you're really my first experience with a newborn…so you'll have to help me out okay? I've never been an uncle before. And I'm sorry your uncle Luke couldn't be here to see you come into the world…but you'll meet him soon, and I know you're going to like him."

"That's what we were thinking of naming him," a soft voice alerted Noah to the fact that Maddie was now awake. He looked over to see her smiling and holding out her arms for her baby.

"Hey, looks like your mommy is awake. Do you want to go to Mommy," Noah asked even as he placed the baby into Maddie's waiting arms. The baby gurgled and settled into Maddie's embrace. Noah smiled and focused back on his best friend. "Are you serious? About the name I mean. You want to name the baby after Luke?"

"That was the plan," Maddie replied as she looked down at her son. "Where did James go?"

"I'm right here," James said returning with his father and Robbie. Lucinda stood in the doorway as well, a smile on her face as she looked at Maddie. "I called Henry and Vienna too, they are on their way. Did you have a nice nap?"

Maddie smiled up at her husband as James leaned down to give her a kiss. "I'm still exhausted but yes. Isn't he beautiful?"

"I must say I haven't seen a more beautiful baby in a long time," Dr. McPherson said as he came closer to the bed.

"Hi dad," Maddie said with a smile. "Come on in Lucinda, Meet your new grandson."

Noah watched as everyone cooed over the new edition. He caught sight of Robbie out of the corner of his eye and went to place his arm around him. "You're his uncle too you know, get over there."

"I just don't' want to be in the way." Robbie said frowning.

Noah walked him over and James smiled at his little brother. "Robbie, meet your nephew, Lucas Henry McPherson."

"Would you like to hold him, Robbie?" Maddie asked.

"Can I," Robbie asked his green eyes shining.

"Sure just get up on the bed with Maddie and I'll pass him to you," James told him.

It was a picture Noah wanted to commit to memory for Luke. The sight of Robbie sitting with his nephew held carefully in his lap. Little Lucas was passed around to all the adults before a nurse finally came and took him to the nursery. Robbie went home with Dr. McPherson and Lucinda, while Noah and James stayed with Maddie for the duration of the night.

"I'm sorry," Noah said breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen. "For how I've been acting the past few weeks. I didn't mean to snap at you last week Maddie…and I am so glad you wanted me here for this."

"You and Luke both were supposed to be here," Maddie reminded him. "And no apologies, I know you're really worried about Luke."

"That's no excuse," Noah said shaking his head. "And I know Luke would reprimand me if he knew. So I'm doing it myself. You both mean so much to me…I can't even begin to explain."

"We all miss Luke, Noah," James reminded him softly. "This has been a crazy two months and I know it seems even worse because we're not all together on our anniversary."

"And he missed his birthday," Noah sighed. "I'm trying not to dwell on that…I can't do it alone though. I need my brother and my best friend."

'Well you have us," Maddie smiled. "And baby Luke too."

"And Robbie," James added. "We're all here for you, Noah, and we're sorry too."

Noah smiled and reached out to take one of James' hands and one of Maddie's. "I love you guys, and we have to be strong for Luke, while he's not here. Wherever he is, he is going to need us a lot when he gets back…so it's going to be our turn, and I think we can do it."

"Of course we can," James agreed.

"Someone's asking for Mommy," the nurse announced interrupting the conversation.

"Awwww," Maddie cooed as the baby was brought to her. "Come here, are you hungry? Awwww well we have to fix that," she said setting the baby up by her breast." James gestured for Noah to follow him and they went outside while Maddie fed the little one.

"He's a beautiful baby," Noah said smiling. "And I can't believe you really named him after Luke."

"Maddie and I decided that he should be named after our brothers, and with Luke being gone we wanted to honor him too."

"He's going to really like that…I really appreciate it."

"Well, we have another something we needed to ask you actually," James said running his fingers through his hair.

"I am not changing diapers," Noah joked.

"You may have to," James laughed. "But no…this is more serious then diapers and babysitting. Maddie and I want you and Luke to be little Luke's godfathers."

"You're serious," Noah asked surprised.

"Of course," James said smiling. "We always knew that was going to be the case…we want you two to be permanent parts of his life, as well as his brothers and sisters if we have any more kids. I can't think of anyone better than you two for the job."

"Wow, James…I'm honored and I'm sure Luke would be thrilled. He's Ethan's godfather already, and I know he will jump at the chance to be Luke's. I just hope he comes home soon so you can ask him yourself."

"Me too, Noah. Me too."

It was late when Noah finally left the hospital, promising James and Maddie he would be back the next day. He stopped in on James' dad and Lucinda, and ended up taking Robbie home with him. The younger boy was quiet for most of the ride home. Noah wasn't sure how to ask him what was wrong. He never claimed to be the best at dispensing advice. That was Luke's cup of tea, or James'. Though there had been times when Luke even liked listening to what he had to say.

"Are you okay?" he asked once he and Robbie were in the house.

"Yeah," Robbie said as he took a seat on the chair. "Just tired I guess."

"You want to talk about it?" Noah asked him. "I can get us some milk and Oreos and we can talk okay?"

"Okay," Robbie said a slight smile crossing his lips as he followed Noah into the kitchen. Minutes later they were sitting at the table dunking cookies into large glasses of milk. Robbie mimicked Noah's movements as he dunked the cookie into milk, took a bite and then twisted the top to lick the remainder of the cream.

"So," Noah said as he dunked his fourth Oreo. Do you want to tell me what you're thinking about?"

"I'm just worried, I guess," Robbie admitted. He took a sip of his milk and reached for another cookie. Noah raised an eyebrow, but he didn't stop him from taking the proffered treat.

"Worried about what?"

Robbie shrugged. "I don't know how to be an uncle," He explained. "And I want to be able to help Jimmy and Maddie. But what if they forget about me and they spend more time with the baby and think I don't need them anymore."

"I don't think that's going to happen."

"How do you know," Robbie insisted.

"James has a big heart," Noah explained. "And he adores you…he would never abandon you. His heart is big enough for you and for little Luke. He's going to do everything in his power to make sure you don't feel left out, and you know what you can do?"

"Stay out of his way?"

"No," Noah said taking another bite of cookie. "Just be the best little brother and the best uncle you can be. I know you can do it."

"But I've never been an uncle before."

Noah smiled. "Neither have I, and neither has Luke. I've never been a godfather either, so I am definitely going to be getting tips from Luke on that one when he gets back. But we can learn the uncle thing together. Sound good?"

"Yeah that sounds great," Robbie said lowering his head as he dunked another cookie.

"Okay what's wrong?"

"I'm twelve today, but no one remembered." Robbie sighed.

Noah smiled. "I'll tell you a secret. They did remember. Little Luke just decided he couldn't wait to make an entrance. There is a cake at Grandma Emma's with your name on it. We can celebrate your birthday tomorrow."

"Really? "

"Yep. I told you your brother isn't going to let you down. None of us will. I just wish Luke was here too."

"Yeah," Robbie agreed. "I miss him."

"So do I Robbie…but you did just remind me of something."

"What?"

"One sec." Noah stood and went to the closet in the hall returning with two packages for Robbie. "Luke and I planned your birthday present way in advance, once we realized how fascinated you were with books and movies. So these are for you."

"Oh wow, thank you, Noah? " He exclaimed as he pulled out the boxed set of books and the boxed DVD set to match. "This is so cool. Luke has to come back soon so we can critique."

Noah laughed. "Well I do hope he comes back soon, but I am glad you're here with me now. Thank you for checking up on me."

"Brothers have to look out for each other right?"

"Yeah," Noah said softly. "Yeah they do."

"I didn't want to be alone either. So thank you, Noah, for everything."

Noah pulled Robbie into a hug, and held him there before sending him off to bed. James called right before Robbie was ready to drift off. Noah took him the phone, and knew from the smile that crossed the little guy's face that James had told him Happy Birthday. Noah returned to his spot on the couch and curled up into a comfortable position. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, thinking about his husband, and the little baby that now bore his name.


	18. The Christening

Noah was a bundle of nerves and he wasn't even really sure why. Today was going to run smoothly, it had to. It was Little Luke's christening, and the day he would be officially made the godfather. Two weeks had passed since the little guy had been born, and Maddie had worked hard to get this all set up. Everything would go according to plan. The ceremony would take place soon, and Luke would be formally christened…and then everyone would head out to the house for a small celebration. Quick, easy…nothing to worry about.

Everyone was dressed in their Sunday best, gathered together to celebrate the life of the newest member of the extended family. Despite his grumbling, even Robbie was dressed in a suit and tie. Noah didn't blame him for complaining. It was a hot day, the hottest day of the summer so far, and when that was the case dark suits were no fun. The women wore nice flowing dresses…pastel colors left over from the Easter season. Everyone was there. Lucinda and George looking like proud grandparents sat in the front pew. Holden, Faith, and Natalie sat beside them waiting for the ceremony to begin. Little Ethan was with Noah; nowadays he never left Noah's side when he could help it. Noah's mom wasn't able to make it, she had started up with her job again, and at that moment was likely flying over Chicago. He missed her, but he knew she had to make a living somehow.

Will and Gwen were in town for the Christening. Maddie had asked Gwen and Ali to act as godmothers for baby Luke. It had been nice to see them, but the reunion was bittersweet. Everyone asked about Luke…his husband was the only one who wasn't there.

"I miss him too," Maddie said coming up behind him. He turned slightly and smiled at his friend who was trying to tame Robbie's hair. "I wish he was here with us."

"But he is," Noah said pulling his friend into a hug. "Luke's spirit is here, and that has to be enough for now. So don't cry," he continued as he wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Luke would want us to be happy, and if you cry Little Luke will cry too, and we can't have that now can we."

Maddie smiled through her tears and reached up to kiss Noah on the cheek before going to speak with her brother who had just arrived with Vienna. It was almost time to start, everything was set up beautifully and the church was shrouded in candlelight. Noah watched as Robbie led Ethan down the aisle. They took their seats at the front. It was almost time to start. In just mere minutes Noah would be a godfather. That scared him, but he just knew he would love that little boy as much as if he were his own son.

"Are you ready to become a godfather?" James asked, placing a hand on Noah's shoulder. Little Luke was cradled in James' arms; he had just spent the last few minutes getting him to settle down.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Noah smiled. "Just a little nervous."

"Yeah me too," James admitted. "This parent thing is not easy, and I feel weird doing this without Luke."

"We'll just do it all again when he gets here," Noah assured him. "For now I can stand in on his behalf. The four musketeers right?"

"That's right," James replied softly, moving to give Noah a hug which caused little Luke to laugh with glee. James and Noah stared down at the little guy and they laughed too. "Alright little guy, let's get you christened."

Noah smiled as his brother walked away and he looked up at the stain-glass windows of the church. "We miss you Luke," he whispered, "And we're thinking about you." The minister took his place at the altar as Noah walked up the aisle. The ceremony was about to begin.

He couldn't believe how nervous he was. As he listened to the sermon his hands suddenly became sweaty and he found himself wiping them against his pants leg. His stomach was churning, and all he had to do was to vow to be there for Little Luke if anything happened to James and Maddie. That wasn't too hard. Yet he was about to make himself responsible for another human being. He was honored that James thought he and Luke were capable of doing this. Luke would make a great godfather, he was already doing so well with Little Ethan. Then there wasn't anything his husband couldn't do.

"Now if the godparents could step forward please," the minister interrupted his thoughts. He stayed where he was and watched as Ali and then Gwen vowed to be there to watch over Lucas Henry McPherson and to guide him anyway they could. He begin to relax, he could do this. He could promise that for him and Luke. In three strides he was standing in front of the altar with Maddie and James beside him. James was holding little Luke and he was just about to place him in Noah's arms when there was a loud bang in the back of the church.

All heads turned, shielding their eyes from the sudden bright light. A lone figure stepped into the doorway, walking slowly as if every step pained him. Noah locked eyes with the figure, and immediately walked away from James and Maddie. He walked quickly but it didn't seem fast enough somehow. He felt like he was moving slowly and so was the man who looked tattered and dirty, unrecognizable to anyone else who was looking in shock as he continued his trek.

His movements were almost robotic, like a machine with a specific task he moved until he reached Noah's arms, and then he stopped…and he collapsed. Noah held him, trying to catch his breath as he wiped dirty hair out of the man's eyes and let the tears run down his cheeks.

"Someone call 911 he said when he was able to find his voice. "Hurry."

Noah was numb. It was about the only way to describe what he was feeling at the moment. He was empty, void of any emotion…he wasn't even feeling fear or anger. He was just numb. Not for the first time his husband was lying in a hospital bed. He was hooked up to machines that for the moment were helping to keep him alive. The Heart monitor beat was weak, the IV was doing its steady drip, trying to get as much fluid as it could into the overly dehydrated body. There was another line pumping blood and then there was something Noah still didn't understand. It was all to help, all to make him better…and Noah prayed to god that it would work. Two months was long enough to be without his partner…he didn't want to think about an eternity without him. That was just not an option.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there. Time stood still while he waited for Luke to open his eyes. Everyone had questions. Where had he been? How did he get to the church? How did he even know they were there? What happened to him? Will he be okay? So many questions, but not so many answers. The only one who knew was Luke, and he was fighting for his life. His kidney had been damaged, but Doctor Bob was sure they could repair it. Before they could try Luke needed to be stable…right now he wasn't even close. Noah didn't understand why they couldn't help him now…they had to if it would save his life. He just didn't get why they had to wait…he hated waiting.

He wanted to talk to him, but he didn't know what to say. He didn't know where to start. He knew what he needed to say, and he knew he had to do it from his heart but how could he when his heart was broken?

He forced himself to reach out, taking Luke's limp hand into his own. He caressed it idly with his thumb and brought it up to his lips to kiss it. "God, Luke," he started, swallowing back his tears for the moment. "I can't even begin to tell you how much I missed you, and how glad I am that you're here. You have to be okay, I can't live without you, Luke, I just can't. You can't leave me, please…don't leave me."

He took a deep breath, knowing this was not the way to go. He needed to be stronger than this. He needed to talk to him about mundane things…everyday life things. That was the only way to make this work. He needed to bring Luke back, draw him out…let him know that he was important…needed. They all needed him, but none more than him. HE needed Luke. His life just wasn't complete without his husband.

"This has been the longest nine weeks of my life, Luciano," he said starting again. "I've been trying to keep myself busy, trying to work out the kinks in our plans. We should be able to start our company soon. Nuke productions…how does that sound? I think we'll be famous…with you writing the screenplays and me directing. We make a really good team…and I can't wait to get started. Working on that helped fill some of the void. Which I'm not blaming you for, so don't think that okay? In fact, you haven't done anything wrong…you did everything right and …I don't know how you did it," He said switching gears with his words. "How did you manage to sit here by my side for two whole months? You talked to me, and loved me without complaint, and I am already starting to crack under the pressure because I don't know what happened to you, and you aren't awake so you can tell me. And that scares me Luciano."

He wiped at his tears, knowing it would do no good. Now that the floodgates were open, he wasn't sure if he would ever stop crying. "I am so scared right now, and so angry…but not at you. Never at Luciano. I'm upset with the people who did this to you, whoever they are. I know I'm being very presumptuous thinking there was more than one, but I just have a feeling. The doctors won't tell me what is wrong…they say you are too weak for surgery and they need to do that to save your kidney…the kidney I gave you Luciano. I want you to be able to keep it, so you have to get better, so the doctors can save your life. Please, do that for me. I love you, let that be your guide, and come back to me…even if you are as scared as I am right now. Just come back."

He lowered his head to Luke's bed as the tears continued to fall. They were hot, searing tears that stung his eyes but he didn't know how to stop them. It hurt a lot to be here like this, with Luke so broken and him not knowing how to fix him. He wanted to be strong, but for the moment he just needed to let it all out. He clung tightly to Luke's hand, closing his eyes as he cried himself to sleep.

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and woke with a start. He looked up to find Grandma Lucinda by his side. He looked back at his sleeping husband for a moment before focusing on the formidable Mrs. McPherson.

"Hi, Grandma," he said rubbing his eyes. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough, darling," Lucinda said gravely. She pressed her hand against Noah's cheek and allowed her thumb to wipe away the stray tears. "You must take better care of yourself dear; you know it is what Luke would want. He's going to need you, darling. He's going to need you a lot."

"I just want him to be okay," he said swallowing the new wave of tears that was threatening to overpower him.

"I know, baby, I know. So do I…and he will be. Whatever you said yesterday must have worked. He's stable enough for surgery. Bob is just waiting for you to wake up so you can sign off on it."

"Oh thank god," Noah said getting up to hug Lucinda close. "That's the best news. You hear that Luke," He said turning back to his husband. "They can do the surgery now…you're going to be okay." He leaned down to kiss Luke softly on the forehead. "I'm going to be here when you get out of surgery, and everything is going to be okay."

He hugged his grandmother once more before going with her to find Dr. Hughes. He wanted to sign off on the surgery immediately. Once the paper was signed Luke was prepped and taken to the O.R, and Noah collapsed in a chair, prepared for the long wait, and for the first time in days he was optimistic that things would be alright.

James frowned as he looked at his little brother who was sleeping against his shoulder. He had explained to Robbie that they didn't know how long they would be waiting, and he hadn't cared. He wanted to be there for Luke too…and waiting at home wasn't going to be fun. James didn't have the heart to tell him no. He knew they were all worried for Luke. Faith had insisted on coming to the hospital too. They were all there; his father and Lucinda, Maddie, Henry, Vienna, Holden, Aaron and All. Will and Gwen were there as well, everyone there to support Noah as they waited for word on Luke.

"Noah," Faith whispered as she shook Noah's shoulder gently. "Wake up. Dr. Hughes is coming." Noah opened his eyes and stood as Bob approached him. He didn't have to look back to know that everyone else was standing too, all of them waiting to hear what the doctor had to say.

"How is he?" Noah asked immediately. "When can I see him?"

"The surgery was a success," Bob explained, "But Luke isn't out of the woods yet. He's still in a coma, but we have fixed him up the best we could. The rest is up to him."

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong with him, sir," Noah asked growing exasperated.

"Physically Luke is going to be fine, Noah. He had some broken ribs but we have mended those. The kidney has been saved, and Luke will live a relatively normal life if he takes care of himself. He has bruises and scars that will heal, but I think you will have to help him with the emotional ones. He's going to need you, Noah. He's going to need everyone, but you especially. Make sure Luke knows how much you love him."

"I can do that," Noah sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was relieved to know that Luke was out of the woods, but it saddened him to think that his husband had gone through so much trauma. It just didn't seem fair. "Can I see him?"

"Yes Noah, we're moving Luke into the recovery room, and you'll be able to see him. He is allowed visitors, but I'll leave that up to your discretion. "

"Dr. Hughes says you are going to live a relatively normal life. I think that's kinda funny, because I don't think our lives have ever been normal…but that being said I am glad you're going to be healthy." Noah allowed his thumb to graze Luke's hand as he spoke, his other hand idly pushing the blond hair off his forehead. "He also said you have a mild concussion but he is confident that you will be fine once you wake up…and you know you have to wake up, Luke. There are a whole bunch of people out there who are rooting for you, and they all want a chance to talk. Faith is here, she wouldn't let Dad leave her at home. I'm going to leave your side for a while, but just know that I love you…and I'll be back." He kissed Luke softly on the lips and gave his hand a squeeze. I'll be back in a bit.

"Hey buddy, it's your dad. Your sister's here with me. She insisted on coming to see you and I am sure she has something to say." He looked proudly at his daughter and squeezed her hand as she looked at her brother in the hospital bed. "But before I give her a chance I wanted you to hear my voice. I've missed you, Luke, and I've noticed that things are just not the same without you around. We've all tried to deal with you being gone. Ethan has attached himself to Noah, he insists on sticking to Noah's side whenever they are together. I think partly it's because he doesn't want to lose his connection to you. It's been good for Noah to have him around though. He's so lost, Luke and as much as I try, I can't help him the way you can. No pressure, but you are Noah's lifeline. He needs you."

"Daddy won't say it, but he needs you too," Faith interjected. "And I need my big brother back. Noah is cool, and I adore him, but he's not you, Luke. I try to make Noah happy, but I can see the sadness in his eyes. He was so worried about you. And he won't sleep in the bedroom because he can't sleep without you there. I asked him about it once and he explained it to me. I am glad you're back, big brother, and I'm sorry that you were hurt. I hope you wake up soon, for Noah and for Daddy."

"And your sisters," Holden added pulling his daughter into his arms. "We love you, son, and we miss you. Just come back to us."

"My darling grandson," Lucinda said as she rested a hand on Luke's cheek. "It makes me so sad to see you lying here like this, so sad. But I have faith that you are going to pull through. You are strong. Very strong, and you are my grandson. A lot of people are pulling for you, myself and George included. We've been doing our best to look after everyone, especially Noah and James, but I fear no one can do that better than you can. Even young Robbie misses you…he talks about you all the time."

"And he loves the books you got him for his birthday," George added. "I don't know if I have ever told you how proud I am to know you, Luke. You are a fine young man, and the influence you have had on my boy is just more than I could ever have hoped for. I've enjoyed having you in my life, Luke, and I'm not done getting to know you yet."

"And we'll have plenty of time for you to do that," Lucinda assured him. "I just know Luke will be alright. You hear that, Luke, you will be okay. There is no other option."

"Maddie wanted me to remind you that you are our center," James said taking a seat by his brother's side. "She wanted me to tell you that she misses you, and she's sorry she couldn't be here to talk to you herself. Your grandma Emma called her back to the farm. Little Luke is fussy today, so she went to be with him. He's the most adorable baby, Luke and I can't wait for you to meet him. I still can't believe I have a son. I'm responsible for another human being and he's so tiny, Luke. He has my eyes and Maddie's nose, and I think he prefers me to her." James laughed. "Sometimes at home, he'll be crying and all I have to do is pick him up and he goes quiet again. Maddie keeps asking me how do I do that and I think it makes her cross sometimes. But truthfully we love that little guy and we love you too, Bro. Don't think I'm going to let you off the hook that quickly. You and I are like a perfect philosophical pair. You are my twin that way and I refuse to lose you."

"I only have a minute before I have to rush back out," Charlene said as she gently stroked Luke's hair. "But I had to come see for myself that you were alive. You gave everyone quite a scare, Luke. Especially my baby. He was so worried about you. He gets so angry when he worries about you, so you have to come back for him, you hear? He needs you, and I reckon that everyone else has told you they need you too. You never left my thoughts while I was on the plane serving the rich folk their drinks. I hated leaving my baby alone when he needed me the most, but best assured Luke I came right here the moment we touched the ground. I have to get goin' to another flight but I wanted to let you in on another secret. I'm not sure what your mother's problem is, or why you aren't speaking with her, but I love you just as much as I love my baby. And I am proud to have you for a son-in-law." She kissed Luke's forehead and allowed her hand to touch his cheek before she departed. Outside the room she shared a hug with her son before heading off to the airport.

"I'm going to be selfish for a moment," Angel said as she and Seth stood by their nephew's bed side. "I only just met you, Luke, but I have to tell you that the week I spent with you, Noah and Charlene was by far the best week I have ever spent. That's why this isn't fair, you lying in the bed like this…so broken. You have to wake up so that your uncle and I will have a chance to get to know you. We picked up and moved back for our family and our daughter, but especially for you and Noah. Our grandson needs you Luke…and so do we. So please…come back." She kissed Luke's forehead and stepped away, and was momentarily startled to see her grandson standing in the doorway. Noah hugged his grandparents and they shared a quiet moment while Robbie took his turn in Luke's room.

"Noah said it would be okay if I came in to talk to you by myself," he said pulling his chair as close to Luke's bed as he could get it. "He's going to come in after me, but I'm glad he let me have a chance to talk, even though I don't know exactly what to say. I mean, I know I have actually known all of you for such a short time…but I really feel like you and Noah and Jimmy have been in my life forever. It's like I came here and you automatically accepted me without question, and you don't judge. Noah lets me come over to the house to have Oreo's and milk. He calls it our late night snack, and I learned how to dip the cookies in the milk before taking a bite and then twisting off the cookie. If I ever played with my food like that back home,…well let's just say I couldn't do that. I like it here though, and you are a big part of why," Robbie admitted.

He placed his hands on the guard rail and frowned. There was a lot he wanted to say to his brother. Jimmy had told him that all he needed to do was talk, he just wondered if it was really working. "I can tell that you really care about me. It's just this natural thing, and that makes me happy," He admitted. "I feel like I can be me without fear that for some reason you are going to scream at me, and tell me to stop doing something. You don't judge, you just try to guide and that is why I like you best. I liked that we got to read and talk about the books versus the movies. I miss that. I started reading the Dickens novels and I find myself wanting to ask you questions about Oliver Twist. I just read how Oliver was kicked out of the orphanage because he asked for more and it got me to thinking. You know, Oliver just wanted to be accepted. He wanted to be loved and he felt like he was so alone. I can totally understand why he went to ask for more gruel…it was like he wanted to be liked by these boys. He was hungry too, but it was more about that acceptance. Don't you think so? I mean we all want to be accepted and loved. And Oliver wants to be good at something, he wants to be needed which is probably why he is so easily taken by the band of thieves. His perception of right and wrong is skewed anyway, or perhaps it's never been taught to him. There are so many questions, and yet he remains innocent in a lot of ways. It's like the bad stuff doesn't always touch him."

Robbie rested his chin on his hands and continued to look at the still figure in the bed. It was really sad to see Luke lying there, and Robbie wished he was just sleeping. Comas were no fun. "I miss being able to discuss things like that with you, Luke. You are good to talk books and Noah is good to talk movies. And it was great to hear the two of you get into why the book is so much better than the movie. I must tell you that I agree with you. The movies are awesome, don't get me wrong…but there is nothing like reading the words and getting sucked into the story. Like as good as The Lord of the Rings series was, the books were way better. So you have to wake up so we can watch those and have Oreos and milk. And you can take care of your godson…well I guess you have two godsons. And besides that, Noah and Jimmy need you. They miss you a lot. So you have to come back, especially for them."

"What about for you?"

Robbie's eyes widened and he looked at Luke who appeared to still be sleeping. He frowned, had he imagined that. "Luke?" he questioned softly.

"Can you turn down the lights Robbie, please? And then answer my question."

Robbie jumped up to do what Luke asked, dimming the lights just enough. "I don't know why they always make it so bright," he said as he returned to the seat he had vacated. Luke tried to move but winced and rested his head against the pillow again. "You shouldn't try to move," Robbie told him. "You have a lot of broken bones, and the doctor said you had a concussion too."

"So are you going to answer my question," Luke asked, his voice sounding scratchy to his own ears."

Robbie smiled. "I need you too. I can't believe you're awake. I have to go tell everyone you're awake."

"Is everyone really here? Noah?"

"Yes, they're all sitting outside. He's going to be so happy, he missed you."

Luke closed his eyes for a moment and Robbie frowned. He wondered if he should go get the doctor, or Noah. It didn't seem like Luke should be talking so much either, but he was certain that Luke had a lot to say. "You were right about Oliver, Robbie," he said attempting to swallow. Robbie reached over for a cup of water and brought the straw to Luke's mouth. "Thank you," Luke said gratefully. "Oliver just wanted to be taken care of…he wanted someone to care for him. He just wanted a family, and that's really the story there."

"You heard me," Robbie said amazed. "Now I really have to get Noah. I'll be right back, try to stay awake okay?"

"Okay."

Robbie almost knocked the chair over in his rush to get out of the room. His grin was a mile long as he burst into the waiting from where Noah stood talking to the doctor. "Noah," he said running toward him. "Noah, he's awake, Luke's awake," He announced as he flew into Noah's arms. "He woke up."

Noah hugged Robbie close and tried not to burst into tears. Those words were like music to his ears. "You're sure," he asked pulling Robbie away so he could look at him.

"Yeah," Robbie said his green eyes sparkling. "He is awake and he was trying to talk. And he remembered what I was talking to him about. He heard me, Noah. He really heard me. You have to go see him."

Noah hugged Robbie close and thanked him before moving to do just that. As he headed toward the room he heard James talking to Robbie. "Well done, little brother, well done."

"Hey," Luke's face lit up when he saw Noah enter the room. He wanted to get out of bed and run to him, but he knew that was impossible at the moment. "Come here, please…I need to know you're really there and not some figment of my imagination because, I don't think I could take it if you weren't real."

"You should preserve your voice," Noah said coming closer. "I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am to see those beautiful brown eyes of yours." He bypassed the chair and sat on the bed with his husband, pulling him into his arms. He was certain he didn't imagine the click as Luke settled against him. Finally he was whole once more. "How are you feeling baby?" he asked as he begin stroking Luke's hair.

"It doesn't hurt so much with you here," Luke whispered. "I missed you so much, Noah."

"I missed you too. We have all been so lost without you here, and worried beyond anything we could have ever imagined. But I didn't give up, I knew you were out there trying to get back to me, and I am so thankful to be able to sit here and hold you in my arms again." 

"It was so awful," Luke recounted, wincing each time he let out a breath. "It was dark…and cold. It was like being trapped in that cave again. God I hate the dark," he said clinging to Noah's warm body, trying to ward off the bad thoughts.

"I'm here baby," Noah soothed. "I'm here. I won't let them hurt you anymore. Do you have any idea who did this to you?"

"It was the Shadow and the Booming Voice," Luke explained, his own voice seeming to get scratchier with every word. "They said you didn't want me anymore, but I wouldn't believe them. And…and they wanted me to let you go, but I can't do that either." He turned his head to the side burying it into Noah's shirt as if he needed to smell Noah's scent. He had missed that scent…Mountain breeze Tide, to Luke it was like heaven.

"I am so glad you didn't believe them," Noah said holding Luke closer. It made him sad to think that someone had told Luke these things. "I love you more than anything in this world, and when I find the bastards that did this to you we will make sure that they are put away for a very long time. Did anything about either of them strike you as familiar in any way?"

Luke frowned and looked up at his husband, there was nothing but concern in those sapphire gems, but Luke wondered what he would think if he knew everything. "I don't know," He said frowning as he tried to think about it. "I…I think I know who it was, but thinking about that makes me sick. I'm sorry. Don't hate me okay?"

"Hate you? Luke, honey I would never hate you no matter what. I know these monsters have hurt you so badly physically, and I don't even want to imagine what they have done to you mentally, but I will never ever hate you. You believe me don't you?"

"Yeah," Luke replied. "I just wanted to go home. I wanted to get home, back to you but they wouldn't let me go, Noah. They wouldn't let me, and it made me sick and I couldn't take care of myself and…I feel like I need to…to talk and my voice is going away but I don't want to stop, and I don't even know what day this is or how long I was gone and I missed you so much and…" He cut himself off as a shudder went through him. He didn't know what was wrong with him; he just couldn't get control of his emotions they were all out of whack.

"Calm down honey, please, it's ok, you are here now and that is all that matters. You are home and safe and we can catch you up on all the things that have happened while you were missing." Noah continued to hold him as he ran his fingers through the matted blond locks. "The most important thing though is for you to rest. You were in really bad shape when we got you here and the kidney is going to need some time to heal because of the time without your meds, but it is going to be ok and so are we. Together we are stronger, remember that?"

"Together we are stronger," Luke repeated, his eye lids growing heavy from Noah's ministrations. "I remember that. I love you, Noah."

"I love you too, Luke. Rest baby, just rest. I will be here when you wake up; I promise I am not going anywhere."

He was still a little groggy when he opened his eyes, and he could have sworn he heard a baby crying. He blinked to adjust to the light and was a little surprised when he heard a soft voice humming. "Shhhh" the voice cooed. "You don't want to wake up your uncle Luke."

"I think it's already too late," Noah said as he rested his hand on Luke's cheek. Luke smiled up at his husband and smiled, happy that Noah had kept his promise. "How are you doing, baby?"

"Better now that you are here," Luke replied. "Did I hear Maddie and a baby? She had it?" Luke frowned. "Was I gone that long?"

"You were gone for just over two months, sweetie," Noah replied caressing his cheek softly. "Yes Maddie is here and so is James. He's on the other side of you. Maddie brought someone for you to meet."

"Who?" Luke asked confused.

"This little guy," James said taking the baby from Maddie's arms so he could present him to Luke. "It's your Godson, Lucas Henry."

"Awwww you named him after me," Luke asked, clearly touched by the gesture. And Henry. Hey there little fella" he said as he took the baby into his arms. "I'm your uncle Luke, and I promise I am going to be a good uncle…and a good godfather, not like the one in the movie. You'll find out about that I'm sure. Your Uncle Noah has a lot of movies and I have all the books to share with you. Awww James he has your eyes."

"Yeah he does," James smiled. "Handsome Little devil ain't he?"

"Yeah," Luke said softly as he leaned in to kiss the baby's forehead. Little Luke wiggled around and grabbed at his namesake's nose. Luke chuckled and blew raspberries in his face. Noah, James and Maddie watched as Luke entertained the baby. James snapped a couple of pictures and smiled at his brother and his wife. It was good to see Luke in good spirits. The friends didn't lose sight of what Dr. Hughes had said though. Luke was going to have good days and bad days as he dealt with the trauma of what happened. For now though, it was just nice to see him somewhat content…even if it didn't last.


	19. Healing

Luke remained in the hospital for another week before he was released into Noah's care. Noah had asked Jack if they could hold off on any questions until Luke was settled and back home. He knew his husband would have a hard time talking about the events that transpired, and right now he was very fragile.

Noah didn't realize how true that was until they had been home for a couple of days. They were relaxing on the couch; Luke was resting in his arms when there was a knock at the door. The simple sound of the knock made Luke jump a mile and Noah frowned. His husband was shivering and trying to catch his breath. Noah ignored the door and went to the kitchen to get something for Luke to drink. "Drink this, Baby," he told him pressing the glass into his hands as he finally went to deal with whoever was at the door.

"Robbie, hey," he said opening the door wide for their little brother to enter.

"You sound really surprised to see me," Robbie commented as he came further into the house. "Is it a bad time?"

"No…never at all, I just wasn't expecting you."

"Hey Robbie," Luke called from the couch. "Did you bring the book you wanted to discuss?"

"Yeah, I just finished it," Robbie said coming over to sit beside Luke. Noah closed the door and went to the kitchen to grab them all a snack. For the next hour or so he listened to Luke and Robbie talk about the merits of the story of Oliver Twist. He joined in the conversation when they started to talk about the different versions of the movie adaptations. Noah was grateful to Robbie for coming over. He was a great distraction for Luke, even if it was only for a few hours.

Luke wouldn't go to sleep with the light off. The past two nights had been very telling. Luke would retire to the bedroom first, while Noah cleaned up the kitchen or tidied up their living room. Noah would find his husband wrapped up in the sheet with his eyes closed tight, and the lights on over his head. And even with that bit of comfort he would shiver. It made Noah sad to see him like this, so scared of something, yet not knowing what. He was waiting for the nightmares he knew would come. It was just a matter of time.

Now that he knew what to look for, Noah made even more of an effort to be there for Luke when and if he needed him. He didn't go anywhere without his husband, which suited both of them. On the rare opportunities when he did need to leave Luke, he would leave someone with him, mainly James or Maddie. Luke still wasn't ready to talk about what happened in his prison, but his actions spoke volumes to Noah. Noah wasn't sure if Luke even realized what he was doing, but he was pulling away. That made Noah sad, but not because Luke pulled away…he was upset for the reasons why Luke was pulling away. Just thinking that Luke could have been harmed that way again made him sick and he wanted to cry.

Just as he predicted the nightmares started a week after Luke was released. It was just after 2 in the morning when Noah was awakened suddenly by whimpering. At first he thought it might be coming from Ethan, who was sleeping between them yet again. Ethan was sound asleep and Noah scooped him up to carry him in the other room. If Luke was whimpering, it wasn't something Little Ethan needed to hear.

"Just leave me alone please," He heard Luke say as he returned to their bedroom. "No…don't come any closer." Noah cautiously walked over to the bed knowing that he needed to speak before he tried to touch his husband.

"Luke, it's me, it's Noah. Listen to my voice."

"N…Noah, help me," Luke cried as his body moved over to Noah's side. "Noah please make it stop."

"Luke, I'm going to touch you," Noah started but an anguished cry from Luke cut him off.

"No, don't…don't touch me, just make it stop…I want it to stop."

He closed his eyes and silently cursed himself for saying the wrong thing. "Luke," he said touching his shoulder to stop him from moving. "Listen to me…you are safe. You're home in our bed and no one is going to hurt you. I'm here…understand."

"I want to go home."

"You are home, Luke. Open your eyes and see me. See the love, Luke…come on you can do it. Just open your eyes with me here." He took a chance and captured Luke's face in his hands, gently pulling him into the seated position as he caressed his face. "You are very brave my love, but I need you to wake up now. You are here with me and no one is going to get you. I promise you that." He kissed Luke's lips softy and was relieved when his husband responded and opened his eyes. Luke's arms quickly went around Noah and he collapsed against the taller man and started to weep.

Noah positioned them both so that they were lying down again and he held Luke to him, his fingers in the thick blond hair as he lulled him back to sleep with the soft soothing tones of his voice. When Luke was breathing easy again, Noah continued to watch him until he too went to sleep.

This became the routine for the next few days. Luke would wake in the morning with a start, only to realize that he was tangled up in Noah's arms. He would pull away gingerly, allowing Noah to sleep a little longer. Noah needed the sleep, Luke knew he was keeping his husband awake, and that wasn't fair. Each morning he stood in the bathroom and splash cold water on his face. He would stare at his reflection in the mirror and it made him sad to see the scared young man staring back at him. He knew he needed to get his act together, for Noah's sake as well as for his own. He was trying, but the events of the nine weeks he was gone kept haunting him and he couldn't make them go away. Jack asked every day if he was ready to talk, and his answer was always no. He didn't know what he could tell his cousin, he couldn't talk about something he was only vaguely aware of.

He always felt better when he had a cup of coffee in front of him. He sat at the breakfast table, sipping on his third cup when Noah entered the kitchen, rubbing his eyes as he walked toward the coffee pot. "Good morning," he would say as he poured a cup and joined Luke at the table.

"Hi, love," he answered as he sipped on his coffee and reached over to tousle Noah's already messy head. "Did you sleep okay?"

Noah took Luke's hand into his and kissed it briefly before intertwining their fingers together. "I slept fine, baby. I'm more concerned for you. You know if you don't feel up to it, I can tell Momma that it's not a good night for her to come for dinner."

"No, don't do that," Luke told him smiling. "We've been looking forward to her coming home, since we see her so infrequently now. Let's show her how good we are in the kitchen."

Everything seemed to be going smoothly. Charlene had arrived at five, immediately fussing over Noah and insisting that she wanted to help them with dinner. Luke told her she was their guest for the evening, and they wanted to serve her. This seemed to please her, but she still wanted to help so Luke asked her to set the table. They had roasted pork loin for dinner, with green beans and Fresh Mashed potatoes with butter and salt. They had made a cake for dessert and Luke generously spread chocolate frosting over it, before placing it under a cake plate in the middle of the table.

"Everything looks so scrumptious," Charlene said as they placed a plate in front of her. Noah pulled out Luke's chair and then took his seat across from him. Luke picked up his fork and started cutting his food before taking a bite of his meat.

"I'm glad you like it," he told Charlene as he reached for his glass to take a drink of water. "Noah had this marinade he wanted to try and I think we'll be buying it again. It's really good."

"This marinade is incredible, Baby, I am so glad you boys are getting back into your routine of cooking together."

"It was Luke's idea," Noah said pointing his knife in his husband's direction, "He was the one who thought of sautéing everything, and it turned out really great."

"Baby, I think you and Luke make a great team in the kitchen. I don't think I have ever seen two people from such different backgrounds come together the way you two have in every area of your lives"

Luke felt numb. He could hear his mother-in-law speaking but his eyes were focused straight ahead looking at his husband, but he wasn't seeing him. In his place he saw The Shadow waving that knife in his hand, moving toward him. His fork hit the table as he moved his chair back and covered his face with his hands. "Stay away from me," He said as he started to shake.

"Luke," he heard his name being called and felt a hand on his shoulder and that made him jump. "Stay away from me," he screamed just leave me alone."

"Baby, let me try and help," Charlene said standing from her seat to place a hand on Noah's arm. "Please."

Noah reluctantly moved away from his husband, concern clear in his eyes. He didn't know what was wrong but he hoped his Momma could help somehow. It pained him to know that there was nothing he could do for him at this moment.

"Luke, honey," Charlene said kneeling down in front of her son-in-law, "its Charlene. I am not going to hurt you honey, please try and calm down for me. You are really scaring Noah here, honey. I'm here Luke, let me help you, hold my hand and let me help you."

"I don't want to do it again, please." Luke cried. "Please no…no more knives."

"No, honey, no knives. Noah put it away and there are no more knives here. You don't have to do anything that you don't want to honey. You are safe here; honey, Noah and I won't let anyone hurt you again. We will keep you safe. You are ok, Luke, come now, honey sit here with Momma and let me hold you tight. It's all gonna be just fine."

As she spoke, Noah removed the knives from the table and took them into the kitchen. He leaned against the counter and put his head down, deciding it would be best to let his Momma take care of Luke. Seeing him like that was making Noah want to cry.

Luke tried to focus on the gentle touch and he tried to catch his breath. He heard the gentle words, and he wanted to believe them, needed to…for Noah's sake, and his own as well. He focused his complete attention on Noah's mom and ever so slowly started to regain his control.

"Talk to me honey," Charlene's hand continued to stroke his cheek. "Tell Momma what's going on in that head of yours. I can see you are scared to death, but there is no one here that is gonna hurt you. Noah wouldn't let that happen and neither would I. We want to help you, honey. It's gonna be alright. Noah is just in the other room, I can see you looking for him, he didn't leave, I promise."

Luke tried to stop looking, but it was reflexive. When he couldn't see Noah it scared him to death. He let Charlene's words comfort him…he needed them right then; he needed a mother's touch…it was very comforting. He wrapped his arms around his mother-in-law's neck and buried his head in her shoulder, and before he could say anything his body shook with sobs.

"There, there, honey," Charlene soothed, "it's gonna be alright. Momma's here. Just let it out, honey, I gotcha and I won't let anything hurt you. Noah, baby can you bring me a warm washcloth?" She moved only to pull Luke away so that he was looking at her. She continued to caress his face, wiping away his tears until Noah brought the proffered cloth. "Luke, honey, I'm going to wash your face now," she explained as she begin to dab at his cheeks with the warm washcloth. "And see if we can get you calmed down a little bit so you can talk to me."

The warm rag felt good against his skin and he did feel a little bit better after that. He was back in control and he knew where he was. He knew Noah was close by and he felt that his mother-in-law really cared about him. That made him feel good and he wiped away the stray tears and tried to breathe deep. "I don't know what to do," he confessed after a moment's pause. "I don't know what to do."

"Easy honey. What don't you know what to do? You are one of the smartest people I know and I know you can do whatever it is that you need to do. Noah and I and all your family, Holden, James, Maddie, Robbie, Baby Luke, we are all here to help you with whatever you need. You just have to tell us how we can help. We love you so much. I owe you so much for all that you have given me, so you just tell Momma what you need and I will do everything in my power to take care of it"

"I don't like the dark," Luke said knowing he had to start somewhere. "And…and fire scares me…and candles even though I used to love candles. But The Shadow put the wax on me," he felt his voice cracking and he took another deep breath. He needed to say all of this because if he didn't he wouldn't have the nerve again. "I hated being in that…that space with the smelly fish. I can't stand the smell of fish, it turns my stomach. And kn…knives, he used those to cut me, but he slipped up one day. I got the knife from him. And I told him that I wouldn't let him touch me again. it's just hard…The Shadow liked to touch…and do other things, and he said he would stop if I listened to The Booming Voice, but God…I didn't' want to let Noah go. I don't want to let him go, Momma, I can't."

Luke closed his eyes tight and tried to stay the tears that wanted to fall. He hated feeling like such an emotional wreck. He was supposed to be stronger than this.

"Let it out honey. It's better to get it all out. You don't have to be strong for me or Noah. It's ok to cry and to be scared and upset, and those people did awful things that you aren't going to just forget about. But honey there is nothing wrong with getting it out and letting the tears cleanse your soul. I'm gonna get Noah to write down what you told me about those people and what they did to you. Matter of fact I would be willing to bet that my baby is already doing that, because I know him, and he isn't gonna be very far from you even if you can't let him be in the same place at the moment. Is there anything else you can tell Momma about these awful people honey? Anything that can help us find them so they can be punished for taking you away from your family and hurting you so much?"

"I was tied up," Luke explained trying to keep his cool. "And sometimes The Shadow would kick me, and that hurt because he kept kicking me here," Luke pointed at his side where his Kidney was. "And he stepped on me because I wouldn't listen to The Booming Voice." He frowned and shook his head sadly. "He spit on me too, and I felt dirty, I couldn't even wipe it off. I kept thinking about Noah, and I just wanted to get back to him…but he…they tried to make me think that Noah was leaving me. They made it sound like Noah's voice was in there and he wanted me to let him go. That scared me so much, but I didn't believe him. I couldn't, I just knew that Noah wouldn't say that…he wouldn't think I left him, but that's what The Booming Voice wanted me to believe."

"Honey, Noah wouldn't ever leave you. He was so worried when we couldn't find you. He slept here on the couch every night because he wouldn't sleep in that bed without you. Those people were awful, just awful, and I shudder to think what is gonna happen to them when they are found, because there will be a line to give them some of the pain they put you through. Was there anything familiar about either person honey? Anything that you can think of to help us find these creatures?"

Luke looked once more for his husband and saw him sitting at the table with a pad of paper. His dark head was lowered as he wrote, and Luke could just imagine the look on his face. As if he realized he was being stared at, Noah lifted his head and they locked gazes for a moment. Luke could see so much love in that gaze and it gave him the courage to answer the question Charlene had put forth.

"The Shadow…he was taller than me…I didn't recognize the voice, but I don't know. He seemed familiar somehow but I don't know. I felt like I knew him, but I'm not sure why."

"Was he by any chance Randy's height?" Noah asked looking up again from his paper. Luke frowned at his husband and tried to think about what he was asking him. He covered his mouth when he remembered what happened almost two years ago, and compared it with what he just recently went through. Charlene and Noah were both startled when Luke jumped out of his chair and ran toward the bathroom where the sound of vomiting met their ears. Noah exchanged a sad look with his mother and shook his head. "This isn't going well Momma."

"Oh God Baby, you aren't thinking what I think you are thinking are you? That would be just too horrible for words. Baby, go check on him, while I make some tea to try and settle his stomach."

"I don't want to think it," Noah said getting up from the table to check on his husband. "His reaction says so much though, it's scary." He cringed at the sound of more vomiting and let out a sigh as his Mother got up to begin the preparations for tea. "I'll be back," he said heading off to the bathroom.

He found his husband kneeling on the floor, his head down over the toilet seat. Noah placed a comforting hand on Luke's back, and kneeled down beside him. Luke looked up from the toilet with a sad expression on his face. "It couldn't' be him," He whispered, his voice barely audible to his own ears. "He was in jail, wasn't he?"

"He escaped right before you disappeared," Noah admitted. "It's highly possible that he had something to do with this."

Luke turned away and Noah rubbed his back as he emptied his stomach of its contents. When he was done, Noah wiped his mouth and helped him to his feet. Silently he led him out of the bathroom and back to the kitchen where Charlene was setting the tea on the table.

"Luke, honey I made you some tea to help settle your stomach. Try some of this, I think it's what Maddie uses, I know she recommended it."

"Thanks, Momma," Luke said as Noah helped him sit down. He looked at his mother-in-law for a moment as his fingers traced the top of the cup of hot tea. "You don't mind if I call you that do you?"

"Mind? Honey, I don't mind not one little bit. It makes me happy that you like me well enough to call me Momma. My babies, we are going to get through this ugliness together, one day at a time. Now drink up that tea and let's try and put together the pieces of this puzzle."

Noah smiled and exchanged a look with his husband before preparing his own cup of tea. Luke sipped on his tea, breathing in the aroma of peppermint. He didn't think it was going to help his stomach, but he was willing to give it a try. He just wanted this to be over with.

"I think we should call Jack," Noah took his seat at the table and took out his cell phone. "I don't want you to have to tell this story too many times Luke. If Jack is here, you can explain it to him and they can find this place where you were held captive."

"I don't know if that's a good idea Noah," Luke shook his head. "What if I get in trouble?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think I did something wrong," Luke admitted, when I tried to escape."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Noah asserted as he dialed Jack's number. "Hello, Jack, its Noah…do you have a minute?"

Luke was pacing the floor when Jack arrived. Charlene let him in, and they all took seats in the living room. Luke was sandwiched between Charlene and Noah, while Jack took a seat in the arm chair. He leaned forward, his attention focused on his young cousin, his eyes full of worry and concern.

"Okay, Noah said you have a story to tell me, Luke?"

"I don't really know how much help I can be, Jack. I didn't get a good look at anything or anyone for that matter."

"Honey," Charlene squeezed his hand, "just tell Jack what you told me earlier and then we can go from there."

"Okay," Luke agreed softly. "I don't know exactly where I was, but I know what it smelled like. It was dark, constantly. Except when this light came from somewhere and then this voice boomed as if it were coming through speakers. And it smelled like rotten fish, and um later it started to smell like me." Noah placed a hand on his husband's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He knew this was hard for him, and he was glad he could be here to help him through it.

"Honey you are doing great. Tell Jack what triggered all this tonight. Maybe his police instincts will have a better feel for it than what we have."

"What happened tonight, Luke?" Jack asked curiously.

"We were having dinner," Luke explained, "And Noah was talking and waving a knife at me and I just snapped."

"A Knife?"

"Yes, we were talking and he always does that, we'll talk to each other and point…but I saw the knife and I stopped seeing Noah. I was seeing The Shadow instead, and he was coming at me with the knife."

"And what happened then, Luke?" Jack asked as Noah and Charlene continued to cloak Luke in support.

"Most times he was able to hurt me with it," Luke said, his voice grave and soft. "But the last time, I got it from him, and I wouldn't let him hurt me again."

"Okay, Luke, this is important. What did you do?"

Luke closed his eyes for a moment, his mind replaying the terrible scene…the last thing he remembered before escaping. He had wrestled with the shadow, mustering up strength and every ounce of determination he could manage to get that knife from him. "I stabbed him," he said finally his eyes downcast. "I stabbed him, knocked him down and then I ran as fast as I could."

It took him a moment to realize that silence had fallen. Charlene looked sad, and Noah looked like he was going to be sick. Jack's expression was grim, but no one dared say a word, and that scared Luke more than anything else. 'Say something, please," he asked looking at his husband, to his cousin, and finally at his mother-in-law. Noah shifted as if waking from a trance and pulled Luke into his arms. Luke welcomed the hug, gladly resting his head against the crook of Noah's neck.

"It's alright, honey," Charlene soothed as her hand settled on the small of Luke's back. "Even if you hurt this person badly, you were just protecting yourself from further harm, right Jack."

"Charlene's right, Luke," Jack agreed. "This is clearly a case of self defense. We need to figure out where you were though, so we can find this guy, and his accomplice. You said you couldn't recognize the other voice?"

Luke sat up, pulling away from Noah just enough to look at his cousin. "I only remembered the knife thing today. Did he really escape from jail?"

Jack didn't have to think twice about who Luke was talking about. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to work out the sudden tension he found there. "He escaped and he hasn't been seen since. Don't worry Luke; we have the best detectives out looking for him. He won't hurt you again."

"It might be too late for that," Luke said sadly.

"What do you mean by that, Luke?"

Luke took a deep breath and chewed on his lip for a moment. He only wanted to say this once, and then he didn't want to think about it anymore. He could sense his husband's body tensing, and he was sure that even Charlene knew what he was about to say. "I was raped again," he confessed, pausing to take a deep breath, "and if I'm right about the familiar feeling, and he escaped…"

Luke trailed off and Noah picked up the thread for Jack who was grim faced once again. "It's possible that Randy was the one who kidnapped him, though Luke never saw his face. He was just The Shadow."

Jack filed that piece of information away and reached out to touch his cousin's knee. "Don't worry, Luke, we'll figure this out. You need to take care of yourself. Your father would have my head if anything happened to you, and I don't think he's the only one." He threw a meaningful look Noah's way before the frown settled across his face. "I need you to tell me more about this place where you were. It was cold and dark, and smelled like fish, right?"

"Yea…and the walls were made of stone and wood. I could hear noises, doors opening and closing, gunshots and other noises."

"Sounds like you may have been on the other side of town," Jack pointed out. "When you got out of there, Luke, when you finally saw daylight did you notice any signs or landmarks…anything that could help us locate this place?"

"I can't think of anything," Luke said shaking his head. "I just got out of there and I ran until I saw cars at the church, and I went inside and that's all I remember, Jack. Honest."

"That should at least give us a general area, right Jack?" Noah asked seriously.

'It will have to be," Jack said closing his notebook and pulling out his cell. "I'm going to get cops on this right now. You did good Luke. I think I have a good idea where you were held. I'm going to go check it out, and I will keep you posted. If you figure anything else out, call me."

Charlene talked Jack into staying for a piece of cake. They sat at the table talking, trying to lighten the dark mood that had fallen over everyone. Jack complimented Luke and Noah on the sweet treat, but not even the praise could lift their spirits at the moment. When Jack and Charlene finally left, they cleaned up the kitchen together, until Luke dropped a glass. Noah stopped him from kneeling to pick it up and assured him he would handle it. "How about you go get ready for bed, I'll be in when I finish okay?" he advised. Luke nodded and turned to leave, but Noah pulled him back. "Hey, I love you," he said his hand touching Luke's face. "I mean that."

There were tears in Luke's eyes as he turned away and Noah sighed. He reached for the boom and the dustpan and cleaned up the broken glass, dumping it into the trash can. He finished up the dishes and put the rest of the cake away before turning the lights out and heading for the bedroom. Luke was already lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Silently Noah prepared for bed and slipped into bed beside him.

"Are you upset with me?" Luke asked as Noah turned off the light.

"Are you serious?" Noah asked turning on his side. He could see his husband clearly in the moonlight and he knew the answer to his question. There was fear and sadness in Luke's gaze and Noah just wanted to gather him into his arms and tell him things would be okay. "Luke I have no reason to be upset with you," He said as they simultaneously propped their shoulders on their pillows, their heads resting on their hands so they were staring at each other.

"That doesn't really mean you're not," Luke pointed out. HE felt somewhat comfortable in the dark with Noah by his side. The darkness had always been their safe haven…the only darkness Luke truly enjoyed. "I know what I told you made you sad. I can see it in your eyes."

"I am sad," Noah admitted. "I'm also angry, but not at you. I'm upset that you had to go through that again, Luke. It hurts me to know that you were suffering for nine weeks. And it makes me sick to think that Randy…that he got to you again."

"If it was him," Luke reminded softly. "That scares me so much Noah. He…the shadow said some really nasty things about you and me too. He seemed really convinced that you wouldn't want me and he said I was worthless and he said I only hurt people. Do you think that's true?"

They inched closer to each other and Noah reached out to touch his husband's cheek. "Never in a million years would I believe that you are a hurtful person. You are too sweet, too compassionate and very passionate my love. You are by far one of the strongest men I know and I couldn't love you anymore then I do right now."

"You can say that knowing what you know?" Luke asked hopefully.

"I love you, Luciano Snyder Mayer," Noah whispered closing the distance between them. "For now and forever, even when you are in a pissy mood, or having a drama queen moment." Luke attempted a smile and ducked his head. "I love your smile," Noah continued, lifting Luke's chin so he was looking at him again. "And those beautiful brown eyes that have just a hint of green. YOU are beautiful to me, Luke inside and out and I would be a fool if I ever let you go."

"I wouldn't blame you…"

"Shhh," Noah placed a finger on his lips. "I want you to forget whatever those bullies told you. I want you to listen to me, let my voice comfort you and remember why we fell in love in the first place."

"My calm thing," Luke smiled shyly at his husband, letting his caress warm him from head to toe.

"Yes that," Noah said leaning in for a kiss.

Things were pretty quiet for the next few days. Noah watched his husband closely for any signs of distress, and he was glad to see that Luke seemed to be settling into a regular routine. He knew the fight was far from over, but it was grateful for the small reprieve.

"Thank you," Luke said as Noah placed a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him. "Do you think he will call today?"

"I'm sure Jack is doing everything he can," Noah replied, slipping into his seat beside Luke. "I know you are getting anxious love, and believe me I hope he finds out soon too. I want to know so we can completely deal with it."

"I don't know if it will be that simple, Noah." Luke said seriously as he picked at his food.

"Yeah well…we can try. Eat your eggs, you need to keep up your strength…and I promised that I would take good care of you."

"You do take care of me," Luke said taking a bite of eggs. "I missed you and I really thought that I would never see you again."

"I know," Noah's voice was soft as he looked at his husband, his fork poised to pierce an egg. "I was pretty scared too. Everyone was, even Robbie. And before I realized what was going on, I even wondered if you had gone to Malta."

"I didn't mean to scare you."

"I know that Luke…I'm just-" the phone interrupted his train of thought and he put his fork down to reach into his pocket. "Hello?"

"Noah, Good morning. I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time."

"No," Noah said looking at Luke pointedly. "Not at all. What's going on, Jack?"

"I wanted to let you know that we found where Luke was being kept. The warehouse on Mariner Street."

"The old fish market?" Noah asked frowning. "That place has been abandoned for years right?"

"Exactly. It fits Luke's description though, and it definitely smells like rotten fish. That wasn't the only stench we found though."

"What do you mean?" Noah asked. Luke had stopped eating, and kept his eyes concentrated on his husband.

"We found a body," Jack explained. "I'm going to need Luke to come down here and identify it, but he's been dead for over two weeks."

"I don't think that's such a hot idea, Jack," Noah said warily. He wanted to avoid anything that would cause Luke undue stress. "I don't think Luke should have to see him."

Luke frowned as tears sprang to his eyes. His fork clattered to the table and he sat trying to breathe regular while he listened to Noah's part of the conversation. He could tell his husband was really trying to plead his case, but it didn't seem like Jack was going to budge. With shaky hands he reached for his glass of orange juice and cursed when he knocked it over instead.

"Jack let me call you back okay?" Noah said hanging up the phone before Jack could respond. "Just leave it, Luke," He said gently sitting his husband back in the chair while he got a rag to wipe up the spilled juice. He poured Luke a fresh glass and sat it on the table before pulling his chair closer, taking a seat and cupping his husband's face in his hands. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Noah."

"Jack said he found the body," Noah said as he caressed Luke's cheek trying to soothe him just a little. "He wants you to come down and identify him."

"But what am I going to identify," Luke wanted to know. "All I saw was the shadow."

"I know, Luke. They found him all in black, mask and all. He thinks that it would be good for you to find out if this was Randy. That way you can see for yourself that he's not roaming the streets."

"Do you think I should do it?"

Noah bit his lip and pressed his forehead against Luke's momentarily as he thought about that. On one hand he wanted to shield Luke from this whole ordeal. He didn't want him to face things he shouldn't have to face. On the other hand, they needed to get past this…and in order for them to do that, Luke needed to face his demons. And if he did this, then there would be no looking over his shoulder because the threat would be gone.

"I think we both should," he stated a softly. "I won't let you go through this alone, Luke. You'll never have to go through anything alone as long as I'm here. We can go down to the police station to check this out, and if we are right…then that means we've faced Randy together and we've won…okay?"

Luke wrapped his arms around his husband and hugged him tight, resting his head against Noah's shoulder. He wasn't sure about this, but he knew he had to try.

They entered the morgue hand in hand, following behind Jack who led them over to where the body bag lay untouched. Luke swallowed hard and squeezed Noah's hand as they looked at the body they were about to identify. Luke hoped he never had to do this for someone he actually cared about. It was nerve wracking enough having to do it now. Just standing there in the morgue was enough to creep him out, but with Noah beside him he knew he could do it. Either way, no matter who this person was…The Shadow would be captured. And that was the important thing…right?

"Are you ready," Noah asked squeezing his hand.

"Yeah," he said taking a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm ready."

Jack motioned for the coroner to unzip the bag slowly. Luke's eyes were on the zipper as it moved downward, causing the teeth to move apart, releasing a stench that made Luke want to wretch. He covered his mouth and moved closer, his left hand still attached to Noah who was right behind him.

"Oh my god," He said turning to bury his head in Noah's neck. Noah hugged him close, feeling just a little green himself as he looked at the still figure before him.

"Is it him?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Noah said feeling a sick sense of pleasure as he comforted his husband. "That's Randy."

"Thanks for letting Luke take the kids," Noah sighed as Maddie placed a mug of coffee in front of him. "I think he needs a few minutes to forget about the world. And I know he adores Robbie and Little Luke."

"They adore him too," Maddie said taking her seat as well. "And James and I can always use a break. You two are always welcome to babysit."

"Besides it's pretty obvious that you need to talk," James commented as his finger traced the rim of his mug. "Is something on your mind that you didn't want Luke to hear?"

Noah was silent for a moment, his eyes downcast as he thought about the events of the morning. The past few days had been interesting to say the least. And he hadn't had a chance to fill Maddie and James in on the latest events. With keeping an eye on Luke and everything, he didn't feel like he had a free moment. Not that he minded at all, but it was nice to have a second to breathe.

"Luke has been having nightmares," he related, his eyes still trained on the mug. "And besides that he has had a few panic attacks triggered by different things, and uh…it's just been really hard."

"Noah…you know you didn't have to do it alone," James said softly.

"But I had to try, James," Noah insisted, lifting his head to look at his brother. "He's my husband, and it's my responsibility to help him first, and I thought I was."

"What happened," Maddie asked curiously.

Noah took a sip of coffee and tried to figure out the best way to start. "We had dinner with Momma," he said finally, "and we were just talking like we do at dinner all the time. But this time, I waved the knife at Luke and…" he shook his head ashamed at himself for causing Luke pain that night.

"It triggered something?" James prodded gently.

"Yeah. He was so freaked out, Momma had to calm him down and he told us what The Shadow did to him in that "prison."

"How bad?" James wanted to know. He was frowning, just knowing that his brother had been hurt at all made him sad.

"He cut him with the knife," Noah responded, his voice sounding hollow. And that's when he wasn't beating him or pouring wax on him…and…."

"Oh Noah, no," Maddie gasped as she read the look in Noah's eyes. "Please tell me you aren't saying what I think you are saying."

"It doesn't even matter," Noah replied. "He told Jack the story a few days ago, and revealed everything. He's afraid of the dark and every sound…it makes him jump. I'm just glad the kids seem to calm him. He's great with Robbie, Ethan, and Luke, plus the girls."

"Yeah, he's going to make a great father someday." James agreed. "But let's get back to what happened for a minute. You said he told Jack, did he investigate?"

"The old fish market on Mariner Street," Noah nodded. "That's where he was. Sometimes he was tied up, and other times they just tortured him, trying to get him to let me go."

"He told you that?" James asked frowning.

"Yeah, he was totally freaked out James. But anyway they found a body there."

"What?" Maddie gasped. "I don't understand?"

"Luke escaped from his captor," Noah explained. "He knocked him out, stabbed him and then ran as fast as he could to get away. Luke was afraid he would get in trouble for doing something wrong." He paused for a moment and took a sip of his coffee. "Jack wanted him to come down to the station to identify the body."

"But I thought Luke never saw his face," Maddie said confused.

"He didn't."

"But you had a feeling who it was," James said slowly catching on.

"Let's just say he's lucky he's dead. Because if I had gotten my hands on him, I would have killed him myself."

Silence met that last statement as James exchanged a look with his wife. There was no doubt in their minds who Noah was speaking of. The look of quiet anger on his face said it all.

"James, do you think Luke will be okay?" Maddie asked later when they were cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. Luke had returned with the kids, and he and Noah stayed over for dinner with the McPhersons. Maddie had tried to act as normal as possible around Luke, but she was still blown away by what had happened. She just couldn't believe it.

"Of course he'll be okay. He has us, and he has Noah. We're going to help him through this just like we've helped him through everything else. I think now that Randy is dead, he can really start getting over everything."

"Yeah…I guess it's good to know that Randy really can't hurt him anymore now. But even that just makes me crazy. He escaped from jail, with help from someone and kidnapped Luke…" Maddie shook her head and handed James the last dish as Little Luke started to cry.

"I've got him," Robbie called from the other room.

Maddie smiled gratefully and placed her hands on the counter. Her heart hurt for her friend, he had suffered so much.

""I know you're worried about him hon," James said placing his hands on her shoulders. "I am too; this can't be easy for him. He has to live with the fact that he killed someone, let alone the fact that it was Randy."

"But what I don't get," Maddie said shaking her head, "is that this was a person who claimed to care about Luke. I mean it shouldn't surprise me so much that he did something like this…but it's really sick and twisted and god James," she turned and wrapped her arms around her husband's waist. "He lied on the stand, trying to convince everyone that he loved Luke, and that letter….I just don't get how it got this bad. When did Randy turn into such a monster?"

"The moment he took advantage of Luke's vulnerable state," James said solemnly as he held his wife close. "But even at his lowest point I didn't think Randy was capable of this. I'm not even sure I want to know who put him up to it."

"Maddie," Robbie called, ending the conversation as Maddie moved forward to take the baby from her brother-in-law. "He's hungry, and I just changed his diaper."

"Thanks Robbie," Maddie said gratefully. "Are you hungry, little man," she asked as the baby squirmed in her arms. She settled down in the chair as she continued to talk to her son who greedily sucked on the offered nipple.

James smiled and turned to his little brother. "Did you have a good visit with Luke today?"

"Yeah. I think I'm going to go over there to see him tomorrow too. He seems so sad. I got him to laugh today though."

"You did?" James asked amused. "How did you manage that?"

"He was telling funny stories about Noah. I think talking about Noah really helps him relax."

"Yeah," James agreed. "I've come to realize that too. He did seem a lot more at ease at dinner. So you did good."

Robbie smiled but then frowned as he turned serious. "Luke told me what happened, about what he went through and what he did," He confided in his big brother.

"And what did you think about that?" James asked a frown crossing his features as well.

"Well, I think it's horrible that Luke had to go through something like that. Especially since he had just gotten over it happening the last time. And I think it's great that he was able to defend himself to get out of there. I'm glad he escaped and I don't blame him for killing the guy. He thought I wouldn't look up to him anymore, but I told him he's the bravest guy I know next to you."

James laughed and pulled his brother into a hug. "I'm so glad you found me," he said with a sigh.

"Just remember that when I become a teenage terror," Robbie laughed as he hugged his brother back. "I'm going to go get started on the book Luke gave me to read. I want to talk to him about it tomorrow."

James stared at the door for a moment before turning to watch his wife who was now burping the baby. "Let me," He said coming over to take the little guy out of her arms. He placed the baby on his shoulder and started lightly patting his back as he leaned down to kiss his wife. He couldn't help but feel incredibly lucky at the moment, and despite all the traumas that his brothers had faced in recent moments he knew they were lucky as well. He had no doubt that their little family would be just fine.


	20. Come Undone

He couldn't stop shaking. He was surrounded by darkness and walls that he couldn't get out of. He never would have called himself claustrophobic but that was how he felt. He couldn't breathe, and what was worse he felt like the walls were closing in on him. Every time he moved the walls grew closer and when he stayed still he felt so lost and alone and all he wanted to do was get out.

He wanted the light, he wanted air…he just wanted to be free, and there was no one to help him get there. He wriggled around again, trying hard to fight against the walls that threatened to overtake him. He took a deep breath and pushed as hard as he could, using his fists to hit at the walls even as he begged to be set free from his prison.

"Let me go, please, just leave me alone. I'll do whatever you want me to do just let me out of here." Instead of getting further away the walls closed in more and he really started to panic. His hands pounded on the walls hard, even as he moved, until he broke free. The walls moved back and he started to look for the way out, there had to be a way; he needed to get out of the dark, but before he could find it he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder and he screamed. "No, please don't hurt me…please don't put me back in there."

"Luke?"

He heard his name being called and someone was shaking him. The voice didn't sound mean but he was still trembling and whimpering, wishing the hand would let go.

"Luke, come on, baby you have to wake up…okay please wake up and see me. It's just me."

"N…Noah? Are you there?"

"Yes baby, I'm here. You have to open your eyes…your starting to scare me."

"But I can't get out," Luke cried…"They won't let me out."

Noah took Luke's face into his hands and pressed their foreheads together. He could feel his husband's heavy breathing, but he also knew if he didn't do something fast Luke would have a full fledged panic attack. "Listen to me, sweetie. You are not trapped; you are at home, with me. We're in our room; it's just you and me Luke. There is no one here to harm you. Just open your eyes for me, okay" He kissed Luke's forehead and his cheeks before kissing him softly on the lips. "It's just me, baby, just me and I am going to keep you safe."

He couldn't pinpoint the exact second, but he was relieved when his husband collapsed against him. Those dark eyes never opened, but the tears leaked and spilled down his cheeks as he sobbed and Noah just held him. He rocked him back and forth, trying to soothe him, letting him know that everything was alright.

In no time, Luke was asleep again, and Noah continued to hold him. His fingers stroked his hair, and he whispered soothing words of comfort in his ears. He didn't go back to sleep that night…he couldn't. He needed to look out for Luke. Luckily his husband slept through the night.

Luke was still sleeping when Noah climbed out of bed and stretched. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and yawned as he made his way to the bathroom. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked exhausted. Coffee would help with that. He splashed some water on his face and winced as his hand touched tender skin. A closer look revealed a bruise he hadn't noticed before. He squinted as he tried to figure out where it could have come from. A frown crossed his features when he realized Luke must've gotten him with his elbow last night while in the throes of his nightmare.

Something needed to be done about this. Luke was having nightmares…bad ones and if Noah knew his husband well enough, he was sure that he would feel terrible if he knew that in his struggle to get out he was inflicting pain. Noah examined his eye again and cursed under his breath before heading out into the kitchen. He put on a pot of coffee and grabbed his phone, dialing as he sat down. He knew it was early but he really needed to talk. "Hey, I know it's only after 7," He said when James answered the phone, "But I think we have a problem and I need to talk to you about it."

"Ok. What's going on?" James asked as he got up to check on the baby. "I assume this has something to do with Luke, am I right?"

"Yes," Noah replied. "He's still sleeping, so I have a minute to talk." He tried to stifle a yawn but that didn't happen. "I'm just really worried about him."

"Is he having nightmares, Noah?"

"Yeah. Pretty bad ones."

"Is he saying anything in the nightmares?"

Noah poured himself a coffee and sat back at the table before answering James' question. "He was trying to get out, and begging to be let free," he explained. "And the thing is James that when he was trying to get out, he was using his fists and wriggling around trying to get loose like his life depended on it. And he kept saying don't put me back in there. I was so scared for him, and I needed to wake him up before he went into full panic attack mode."

"Did he hurt you Noah?" James asked after a moment of silence.

Noah sighed. He should have realized that his brother would ask that, and he knew he couldn't very well lie…not to James. "He didn't mean to, James. Luke would never hurt me on purpose."

"I know that, Noah," James' tone was gentle as he spoke. "Often times when someone is experiencing nightmares they strike out the ones closest to them and thus my question. How badly are you hurt?"

"He got me in the eye," Noah said with a heavy sigh. "And there are small bruises on my arms; I know if he sees them he is going to get upset."

"I'm sure he will be," James agreed. Noah could hear Little Luke in the background as James picked him up out of his crib. "You have to make him understand though that he didn't do it on purpose, and you don't hold it against him. See if you can convince him to talk to me or to my Dad. He needs to get the things in his subconscious out in the open so he can start to move on and get better. Do you want me to come over there and try and talk to him with you?"

Noah frowned. He knew James was right, but would Luke understand? Or would he see it as some kind of betrayal. Surely he knew that they only wanted to help right? "I don't know James, I don't want Luke to be mad at me…but I want to help him. And I don't think I can do that by myself this time." That was hard for him to admit, but he knew it was the truth. As much as he wanted Luke to be able to rely on him, he wouldn't be doing his husband any good if he was tired all the time from lack of sleep. He needed help.

"You don't have to do it by yourself, Noah. Sometimes admitting that you need help is the hardest part. Maddie and I were just talking the other night about how Luke seems to have withdrawn into himself. We can't let that happen again, Noah, the last time he did that it wasn't pretty and I think you and I both know what I'm talking about." Noah bit his lip as James' words sunk in. He knew exactly what his brother was referring to. The last time Luke had withdrawn…he had turned to alcohol. "How about I come over and try and convince Luke to go horseback riding with me and Robbie, and that will give you a chance to get some sleep and then when we get back we can all sit down together and see what our best course of action is to help Luke get well on the inside."

"I don't want to take you away from the baby, James."

"Maddie can handle the baby for the day without me; she would want me to do what needs to be done to help Luke. If you want me to ask her I will, but I know the answer already."

"Okay…some sleep would be great. And if we can help Luke, I'm all for it."

"Ok, call me when he gets up and Robbie and I will be right over. If there is anyone that can get Luke talking its Robbie."

"Okay, Thanks James. I'll see you in a little bit."

"See you then."

Noah hung up the phone and sipped on his coffee. He felt a little better after talking to James, but he was still worried. He hated that his husband was having nightmares again. He hoped that James was right, and that somehow they would be able to help him. Horseback riding was just what Luke needed today. Maybe a ride on Ariel would help clear his head a little. Noah could only hope.

He was on his second cup of coffee when a disheveled Luke made his way into the kitchen. He smiled welcomingly at his husband and immediately stood to pour him a cup of coffee. "Good morning sleepyhead," he greeted as Luke sat down at the table. "What can I get you for breakfast?"

"Just coffee this morning, Noah. I'm not really feeling much like eating."

Noah frowned and set a mug of coffee in front of him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah…thanks for letting me sleep in. I hope I didn't keep you up with my tossing and turning."

Noah frowned and ran his hands through Luke's hair. "I love you, Luke."

"I love you too, babe," Luke said smiling that smile that Noah loved. He leaned in to give Luke a kiss and then mumbled something about going to take a shower. He was sure he heard Luke say okay, before he disappeared into the living room. He called James and let him know that Luke was awake, and then true to his word he went to get ready for the day.

He heard his brothers' voices when he ventured out of the bedroom. Even better was the sound of laughter…coming from his husband. That made him smile. It meant that Luke was in a good mood, and if that was the case then it was possible to get him to go have some fun. At least Noah hoped so.

"What's so funny in here?" he asked as he entered the kitchen.

"Hi Noah," Robbie greeted with a smile. "We were just telling Luke what the baby did this morning. It was pretty funny."

Luke smiled up at Noah and gestured for him to take a seat. Noah obliged and kissed his husband on the cheek. He loved it when Luke was happy. He just wished it happened more often these days. "Baby Luke decided that the perfect time to go was while daddy changed his diaper," He explained as he pointed at James. "And then once the clean diaper was in place, he pooed."

"We went through three diapers before the little guy was done," James said shaking his head."

Noah laughed along with the others, and wondered once more what kind of stories he and Luke would have to tell when they had kids someday. The conversation shifted from babies and diapers to horses so swiftly that Noah started to wonder if Robbie wasn't a relative of Luke's somehow. Luke was the only other person he knew who could switch topics at the drop of a hat.

"Can I meet Ariel now?" Robbie asked growing excited at the prospect of meeting Luke's prize horse.

"I don't know…" Luke started but Robbie interrupted.

"Please Luke; I really want to meet her. And you said you'd take me riding when the weather warmed up and believe me it's definitely warm outside."

Noah smiled and Luke laughed as James looked on. "I did say that didn't I?" Luke said shaking his head. "Well I guess we could go to the farm today and I can saddle you up with one of the horses. I think we have boots you can wear too."

"We'll have to get you a pair," James said as he traced the rim of his coffee mug. "If you will be riding horses a lot."

"I have a lot to learn first," Robbie said getting excited."

"Luke's a very good teacher," Noah commented, placing his arm around his husband. "You'll be an experienced rider by the end of the day."

"Noah," Luke said bashfully.

"It's true," Noah insisted. "He's the best."

"And you aren't biased at all," James teased.

Noah stuck out his tongue even as Luke stood and kissed Noah on the cheek. "I better go get ready. Are you going to come with us baby?"

"I think I'm going to pass this time, Love. You go have a good day with our brothers here and I'll be waiting for you when you get back."

"Okay…only if you're sure." Luke frowned momentarily.

Noah reached up to stroke his cheek. "I'm positive. Give Ariel a kiss for me okay? And Misty too."

Luke smiled and kissed his husband before going off to get ready. When he was out of earshot Noah turned to Robbie and James gratefully.

"Thank you, both of you for making him laugh. I think he needed that."

"No need to thank us, Noah," James replied softly. "We want him to be happy too."

"Is Luke going to be alright, Noah?" Robbie asked a worried expression on his face.

"Yes, he's going to be fine…because we're going to make sure of that. You just have a good time today with Ariel and the other horses. And watch Luke ride."

"Do you want me to keep an eye on him?"

"Well, you can, but I'm not worried about him around the horses," Noah explained. "Luke is at home around animals and when he's with Ariel it's like there's no one else around. I want you to keep an eye on him so you can see what a good horseman he is. Believe me he's fun to watch."

"He's that good?" Robbie seemed impressed and James chuckled.

"He's amazing, Noah said proudly as he stifled a yawn. "Simply amazing."

It was a beautiful day for horseback riding. Luke enjoyed having the sun on his back, as he walked Ariel along the trail. He was keeping a close eye on Robbie who was ahead of them, making sure he didn't have any trouble with the horse he was riding. Sometimes Storm could live up to his name, but today he was being pretty tame…and what was better he seemed to Like Robbie. Luke was glad of that; he certainly didn't want anything to happen to his little brother.

He heard James ride up beside him, before he turned to see those expressive green eyes. He tried his best to smile, though he knew if anyone could see through that, James could. Even though he was out here doing what he loved best, he couldn't help but feel discontent. He had a lot weighing on his mind, and most of it had to do with Noah. He didn't' want to burden his husband with what he was feeling. Noah was already doing so much for him; Luke didn't feel right adding to the list. He was certain that Noah hadn't slept the night before, and that was all his fault. Just as it had been his fault for the past few nights. The past few weeks, he amended with a sigh.

Luke knew his brother well enough to know that he wasn't going to say anything. James was good at keeping quiet until he was ready to talk; it was part of why he was so easy to talk to. He looked straight ahead for a moment to focus on Robbie. He was holding his own on the horse, doing exactly what Luke had taught him earlier. Once he was certain that Storm wouldn't harm Robbie or himself for that matter, he turned his attention back to James.

"Do you think I'm going crazy?"

"Crazy?" James asked, "No. I think you have shut us out of what happened because you don't want to hurt us, so in turn you're keeping it all bottled up and now you are losing sleep over it."

Luke frowned and faced forward again allowing James' words to sink in. "I don't know if it's that simple, James," he replied moments later. "I mean I'm not pushing anyone away…am I?"

"I don't think you are intentionally pushing us away, no," James clarified. "My guess is that you think that you are protecting us from the horrors that you endured, and in the process you aren't giving yourself an outlet to get rid of the demons. You know none of us are going to judge you for anything that happened while you were gone right?"

"You say that," Luke replied his expression thoughtful, "But how can you not? I mean…I certainly judge myself and I just feel so…bad. Like maybe they were right, James. Maybe just maybe I did do something that caused all of this, and everything that happened was my fault and I de…" he bit his lip and tried to swallow the sob that was stuck in his throat. He couldn't believe he was going to say this out loud.

"Luke, stop. The only person judging you is you. You and I both know that you have always been far harder on yourself than any of us are to you. You didn't do anything to provoke what happened to you, and anything that you did while trying to get away is exempt from judgment."

"I wish I could believe that," Luke said softly. "It's just so hard to get back to normal. I know everyone's watching me, wanting to make sure I'm okay. And I want to be okay, I want to get past this but I just…I can't, James. I can't do it. The nightmares are frequent, and I know they scare Noah. They scare me. Sometimes…he's a part of them, sometimes Randy's a part of them, and sometimes…" he stopped walking the horse and reached out to stop Bastien from moving forward. He could still see Robbie off in the distance, and he knew he was okay. "I feel like the world is closing in on me, and no matter how much I try to be happy I can't be because something always happens to ruin it. I just…I feel like I am coming undone and I don't know what to do about it."

James paused a moment, trying to pick his words carefully. "Maybe what needs to happen is you and I need to go back to what worked for you before. Meeting at Dad's office and talking things out helped with the nightmares last time. If you don't feel comfortable talking to me about it, I'm sure Dad would be happy to take over. I think the important thing here for you is that you need to get it out Luke; the more you bottle it up, and hide it the worse it is going to get. Noah loves you, Maddie and I love you, Robbie loves you, your dad and grandma and your brother and sisters; they love you too, let us help you push those walls away so they aren't closing in on you."

"I didn't tell them about Randy, James…and they don't know what happened and I don't even know everything."

"I know you don't know everything, but those nightmares hold the answers to the rest of the questions, and we need to get to the bottom of them before you hurt yourself or Noah. Randy is gone, good riddance, but you are here and you are strong and you have to remember our motto, together we are stronger. Don't push us out because you think we can't handle it. What we can't handle is watching you slip away from us little by little, because it's eating you alive from the inside out."

"Will you be honest with me?" Luke asked after a moment's pause.

"Of course I will."

"Does Noah have bruises that he doesn't want me to know about?" He held his breath as he waited for James to answer him. He was worried that he already knew the answer and that made him feel sick.

"Yes, Luke, he does. I think you already knew the answer to that before you asked. Noah loves you and he knows that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt him in any way. I think he sees those bruises as a testament to his love for you. I'm sure they hurt, but they are nothing compared to what you went through, and he would take all your pain on himself if it would help you. Don't pull yourself away from him; that will only hurt him more."

He was silent for a long time after that; at least it seemed that way to James. When Luke looked back his way his eyes were downcast and his face was set with a frown. James waited to hear what he had to say. "You wouldn't be mad," Luke started taking a deep breath before he continued. "If I talked to your dad some….or maybe I should talk to my dad and you, and figure it out that way. I don't know anymore, James; I just know I need to do something. I can't keep hurting Noah…I just can't."

"I won't be mad at all if you want to talk to my dad. I'm sure he is far more qualified to help you than I am and this time I think you would be better off talking to him instead of me. But I hope you know that if you need to talk, and you can't get Dad, you can always talk to me. I am here for you and Noah and I am not going anywhere. Besides who could I get to hang out with Robbie and little Luke if you weren't around, so don't think you are running me off."

A genuine smile crossed Luke's lips and he ducked his head. "So that's how it is," He teased. "I'm just a glorified baby-sitter huh?"

"James laughed. "You know you are far more than a baby-sitter to me, but the baby-sitting thing is a definite perk."

"Thanks James."

"You're welcome Luke. Anytime you need me I'm here, all you have to do is call, or come knock on the front door day or night."

Luke leaned in and gave his brother a hug. He felt really lucky to have James in his life. And he knew he was lucky to have Noah too. "And you're sure I won't let anyone down?" He frowned when he and James pulled apart.

"I'm sure. You aren't letting any of us down in any way."

"Okay," Luke said his frown deepening. "I'll believe you...just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it."

"I'll talk to Dad when we get back and then we'll go from there. In the meantime, try and relax, which I know is easier said than done, but the more you relax the less the nightmares will happen."

"Right…I'll try. Let's get your brother and head back now. I hope Noah was able to get some sleep."

"You know Luke, why don't you plan on coming by the house for a little while each day to hang out with Maddie and the baby," James suggested. "That way if Noah needs to catch a nap he can do it."

"I don't like being away from him though," Luke frowned again. "Am I keeping him up that much? Does he want to get rid of me?"

"No," James said quickly realizing how upset Luke looked. "He doesn't want to get rid of you, silly. He loves you, and he doesn't want to be away from you either, but we are talking next door for a couple of hours and Maddie would definitely love to have an adult to talk to. She loves Robbie and little Luke, but I'm sure she would love to have you anytime."

"Okay, I think I can do that. I better get back though…I guess I have a lot of explaining to do."

"Hang in there Luke. We are all here for you."

"That's what I'm counting on," Luke said with a smile. He nudged Ariel gently with his boot and set her to a gallop. James followed suit and they rushed to catch up with Robbie. It wasn't long before they headed back to the barn to put the horses in their stalls, and Luke let Robbie help fill the feed bins and feed the horses' sugar cubes before they headed back to Luke's home and to Noah.

The sound of the phone was jarring in the quiet house and it startled Noah. He jumped up out of bed, frantically looking for where he had left his cell. Many a scenario was running through his brain as he answered it. Was something wrong with Luke? Or Maddie? The baby? Did something happen to James and Robbie while they were riding. Too many things could have happened, and it had to be one of those because everyone knew he was trying to take a nap and they wouldn't call unless…

"He…hello?"

"Hello, Noah."

His panic quickly evaporated into anger and annoyance as he settled back down on the bed. "What do you want?"

"Is that anyway to talk to your mother-in-law? I thought you had better manners than that, Noah. I'm shocked."

"Considering I haven't talked to you since you hurt Luke in January, Lily, I don't think your first concern should be how rude you think I am. What do you want?"

"I want to talk to my son. I'm sick and tired of you keeping him from me, Noah. He's my son. Would you appreciate it if Luke kept your father away from you?"

"Actually yes I would," Noah snapped. He took a deep breath, realizing he really needed to calm down. Snapping at Lily was giving him a headache. "And that's the second time you have thrown my family in my face, and I would appreciate it if you would stop that. My life has nothing to do with yours, and for the record I don't need to keep Luke away from you. Your son wants nothing to do with you and as I recall that is all your fault."

"His father and I sent him a ticket in April. It's now July. You will not convince me that he just dismissed that ticket. Luke wouldn't do that."

"His father," Noah clarified, "has been right here, in Oakdale, worried sick about him because of the damage you have wrought. And it's laughable that you are calling close to four months after you disappeared to find out where your son is. And while I'm on the topic, what kind of mother are you to just leave without telling someone where you are going. Luke didn't appreciate getting a letter from Damian telling him where you were."

"I didn't call to get parenting advice from you, Noah." Lily said sighing heavily. "I want to talk to Luke. Will you give him the phone please?"

"He's not here," Noah said tiredly. "He went out for the day with James and I doubt he really wants to hear from you."

"Don't pretend to know what my son wants and doesn't want. Who do you think you are?"

"I'm his husband," Noah said emphasizing every word, "and I happen to love him, very much, and I care about his well being, and his mental state. Which is more than I can say for you. Now if you don't have anything constructive to say I am going to hang up now."

"Just tell me why you haven't let Luke talk to me for the past four months. Why didn't you persuade him to contact me if you love him so much?"

"Because I actually care what he wants," Noah said keeping his voice controlled. "Because your husband's letter and the letter he received from your friend Randy disturbed him so much that he left this house one afternoon in April and only just returned last month." Somehow he managed to keep the emotion out of his voice. His head was pounding, and his hand was shaking but he would not let Lily know that.

"So he left you again."

"No, you bitch. He didn't leave me, though I'm sure you would like that. He was kidnapped. He was taken from behind, and held in a cold dark place for nine weeks. And you never called, not even once to find out about him. You didn't give a damn about some stupid ticket to Malta during that nine weeks and I refuse to subject him to you now."

"You can't be seriously blaming me for something…"

"Yes I am, Lily. I hold you responsible just as much as I hold those who held him captive responsible. He still has scars Lily, all from you and the way you abandoned him time and time again. He hasn't healed from the heartache that you caused, and I will not let you hurt him again. So I'm going to hang up this phone, and I want you to forget that you ever knew this number. Don't call, and don't write and certainly don't come back here. You aren't welcome here."

"Noah, wait, you're being unreasonable. Let's talk about this like adults and come to some kind of compromise."

"Unreasonable?" Noah laughed. "Was it unreasonable to think that you would have been on your son's side when he revealed that Randy raped him? Was it unreasonable to want you to be at the hospital with him when as far as he knew I was dying? And is it too much to ask that you would understand when your son is hurting to the core? Think about the answers to those questions and then tell me who's being unreasonable, Lily. You didn't see him during those times. You weren't there when he cried himself to sleep every single night. You weren't there to see the sad looks, and the confused broken eyes. You didn't sit by his side after the second transplant…"

"I wasn't allowed to…" Lily protested.

:"You weren't interested in being his mother, Lily. And that is the point. You can't pick and chose when to be a parent. It's a full time job, and quite frankly the only real parent Luke has had all his life is Holden."

Silence followed this outburst and for a moment Noah thought she had hung up. He was just about to do the same when he heard her breathing and waited impatiently to see if she was going to say something. "Tell Luke to call me when he gets back. I have nothing more to say to you."

"I hate you," He said even as he heard the distinct sound of her hanging up. He closed his phone and threw it, letting out a frustrated yell as he hurled it across the room. He saw Luke and James at the door just as the phone hurdled in that general direction. Luke caught it in his hands and James steered Robbie away from the doorway. Luke for his credit was trying not to look scared and Noah's heart sank.

"I'm going to take a guess," Luke said somehow managing to keep his voice soft and calm, "that I'm not the one you hate and not the target of the flying phone."

"Oh God, Luke, are you ok? I'm sorry, no you're definitely not the target of the flying phone and of course I don't hate you."

Luke could see the genuine fear in Noah's eyes and it made him sad. "No," He said honestly…I'm not okay. But neither are you, and that is what concerns me right now. What happened?"

"I'm just tired, Luke." Noah sighed. "I was trying to take a nap while you were out with James and Robbie and the stupid phone woke me up."

"It's more than that," Luke countered as he came further into the room. "You're upset. I can see it in your eyes and…you were so angry a minute ago, its scary Noah. What made you that angry?"

Noah sighed knowing that he couldn't get out of this without telling the truth. "It was your mother on the phone Luke, accusing me of keeping you from her. She just pisses me off, and then to throw that kind of accusation out there when she hasn't even attempted to check on you or the kids in months was just more than I could take today. I don't want her to hurt you again; she has done more than enough of that for two lifetimes."

Luke stepped up to Noah and placed a hand on his cheek. He didn't know what to think about the fact that his mother had called. Six months after he disowned her, and just four months after she decided she was going to disappear. He did not like to see Noah this upset. "What did she say to you?"

"She basically accused me of keeping you from her, and it's apparently all my fault that you didn't use the plane ticket to go to Malta," he sighed. "I'm sorry Luke, I lost it, she just pushed the wrong button today and I lost it with her."

"Don't be sorry," Luke said softly. "I'm sorry Noah." He moved his hand away from Noah's cheek and ran it through his hair. "I'm sorry she called you and upset you like this. She didn't say anything else did she? What did she want?"

"That's pretty much it, Luke. She just keeps going over the same things and it's always someone else's fault, and she doesn't ever take blame and it just makes me so angry that she keeps doing this to you."

"I wish she would just leave me alone," Luke sighed. "And it's not your fault Noah. I'm sorry she interrupted your sleep. I'll…I'll take care of it though…and I'm sorry."

"You have no reason to be sorry, you didn't do it. You haven't done anything wrong here."

"But I have Noah. I'm the reason you can't sleep, and I…I hit you…don't deny it I know I did. And you are so sweet and good to me, wanting to protect me, and help me like you do."

"Losing a little sleep and taking some elbows is nothing compared to what you went through, and if I could take the nightmares away I would. I do want to protect you, Luke, she has hurt you so much, not to mention Dad and the kids, I just don't want that to happen again."

Luke closed his eyes for a moment and bit his lip as he collected his thoughts. He needed to explain things, and for once he wasn't really sure how. He hated that his mother had called, he hated that it upset Noah so much that he had to throw the phone. He hated that all of this was happening at all.

He opened his eyes and moved over to take Noah's hand leading him over to the bed so they could sit down. "I need help, Noah. I…I need your help to get through this and I have to tell Dad all these awful things and I don't want to do it by myself…I can't. I can't do this by myself."

"You won't ever have to do anything by yourself. I won't let you, we will talk to Dad together and we will face the things that come together."

"And you won't think less of me if I get counseling? And I know that's a dumb question," he said quickly, "But just understand I just feel like the world is closing in on me and I can't stop it. I'm in this really dark place…this hole and I can't get out no matter how hard I try to. And then he's there and he won't let me out…and that voice the one I can't remember…" Luke closed his eyes tight and went silent. He truly hated feeling like this, he wanted his control back.

"I would never think less of you for getting counseling," Noah said wrapping his arms around his husband. "Maybe we should do it together, so that I will know better how to cope with the nightmares and how I can best help you when you have them. I don't want you in this dark place Luke, I love you. We will do whatever it takes to help you get well."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Absolutely I would do that for you. I would do anything for you."

"Thank you," Luke said resting his forehead against Noah's.

"No thanks necessary," Noah said softly. "I love you."

Luke wrapped his arms around Noah and buried his head in his neck. "I love you too, Noah."

"Noah darling, what's going on?" Lucinda asked as Noah handed her a cup of tea. Everyone was settled in the living room, Lucinda, George, Maddie, James, Seth, Angel, and Holden. They were all waiting for Luke to come out of the bedroom. Everyone was there because Luke didn't want to have to tell this story more than once, which was fine with Noah because he didn't want that either.

"Luke has something he needs to talk to you about," he explained even as his husband came into the living room.

"Is there something wrong Luke?" Holden asked his son, concern clear on his face. He had sensed that something was wrong when he saw him earlier that day. Now he was certain of it, even though Luke had covered it well that morning."

"Let's give Luke a chance to talk to us," George suggested. "Are you nervous about what you have to tell us, son?" Luke nodded and stayed where he was. At the moment he felt like a small child about to be reprimanded by his parents. "Well no one here is going to pass judgment on you Luke. We're here to listen," George continued. "Take as long as you need to, and come closer. We all love you."

"Dad's right, Luke," James added calmly. "We just want to listen."

Noah walked over to him and placed an arm around him. "It's going to be okay, baby. Cry if you need to, scream, go slowly…no one here is going to hurt you."

Luke allowed his husband to guide him over to the couch where they took their seats. Noah still had his arms around him, and he reveled in that for a moment before pulling away. His eyes asked Noah to understand that he needed to be somewhat on his own to do this. Noah seemed to understand, and settled for holding Luke's hand. He took comfort in that as he looked around at all the assembled faces. Everyone was waiting for him, not one of them looked put off or perturbed…they just looked worried. He took a deep breath and he began his story.

He started by talking about the letters he had received that day. He explained how the letter from Randy had made him feel angry and sick, but he had tried to keep those emotions at bay. He had learned over time not to let Randy defeat him, and he wasn't about to start. Noah squeezed his hand tighter as he started talking about the second letter, and how it hurt to know that Lily had gone to Malta to be with another man who had betrayed him. It just made no sense to Luke that she deliberately seemed to trust those who hurt him.

Holden frowned as his son continued his story. He had never thought to think about it that way, but that did seem to be the case. First Lily trusted Randy, who had harmed Luke in the worst possible way, and then she went to Damian, who was also guilty of hurting Luke while he was vulnerable. It hurt his heart to know that his son had felt so dejected and abandoned when he left the house that afternoon. One look at Noah told Holden all he needed to know. His son-in-law hadn't been aware of just how upset Luke had been either.

Everyone remained silent as Luke describes what he could about his ordeal with The Shadow. He explained how he had woken up in the dark and had cried for help. Noah could almost smell the rotten fish and he squeezed Luke's hand tighter as the story went on. The Shadow had drugged him again with Chloroform and then kicked him in his side to wake him up. Just listening made Noah's side hurt for his husband. He wanted to cry but he wouldn't; Luke needed him not to cry.

Tears streaked Luke's face as he spoke about the shadow, and the Booming Voice ordering all the bad stuff that happened. The beatings, the tortures…the invasions. He could barely speak as he revealed the rape and he went silent for long moments after that with Noah holding him close as he caught his breath. Noah asked him if he wanted to continue…and he nodded, he wanted to get this over with…he wanted the story out so he could get help…he needed to do this.

So he talked about the knife, and how he eventually able to get away from the shadow. There was a sick pride in his gut as he talked about hiding the knife and waiting for the right time to use it. He just couldn't let him hurt him again…not again.

Angel was simply in awe of her nephew as he talked about overcoming his attacker and running…running as quickly as his legs would allow, to get away. She shuddered as she thought of how awful it must have been for him to see the sunlight again, but not really be able to enjoy it because he had to flee. She realized as she continued to listen, that she was very proud of him for getting away, for having the strength to fight after nine weeks captivity. She had no doubt that part of his will was because of his love for her grandson, and that made the tale all the more touching to her. She squeezed Seth's hand as they continued to listen, and wasn't surprised to see the emotion flittering across her husband's face.

"We went to the police station to identify the body," Luke said, his voice sounded hollow even to his own ears. He had somehow managed to distance himself from the story…that was the way it needed to be for this part. "And that was scary because I almost wished that it could have been anyone else, because the reality was just too…too real."

Noah noted that everyone in the room wore the same expression. They were grimfaced and Maddie looked like she wanted to cry. Lucinda's face was set, those eyes cold and hard…yet he could see the glimmer of compassion behind the gaze. She ached for her grandson, just as they all did. Holden wasn't showing any emotion at all and James…he was looking straight at Luke, willing him to continue the tale.

George's expression intrigued Noah. He, like James was showing no emotion, yet he was listening and thinking all at the same time. His jaw was set, his head tilted, and his brow was furrowed. It was in that moment that Noah realized how great Dr. McPherson was at his job. He hoped that the man would be able to help Luke.

"I killed him," Luke choked out, pulling Noah's attention back to what was important. "I killed Randy."

"My word," Lucinda gasped.

George remained quiet, continuing to observe and listen. Almost instinctively his arm wrapped around his wife and Noah was momentarily surprised that Lucinda accepted the embrace. He hadn't thought there was much that could shake Lucinda Walsh McPherson, though it seemed he had underestimated her love for Luke.

Noah pressed Luke's face to his chest and stroked his hair. Luke wasn't speaking now…he had said all he could, or all he was willing to. The rest, he hoped would come out with time, therapy and love. Holden stood from his seat and left the room. Noah knew that his dad was trying to get his thoughts together, he had grown used to those quiet moments…he knew the man would return. Maddie and James were both looking in his direction, their eyes showing pain and sadness along with a fierce protectiveness for Luke. There was no doubt in Noah's mind that they loved Luke almost as much as he did. They would help him through this…they had to.

Angel had watched her brother-in-law leave the room, and she waited a few minutes before slipping away from Seth to follow him. He didn't need to be alone right now…not after what they had just heard.

She found him outside, just standing on the porch staring off into the distance. "Holden?" She came up and placed a hand on his shoulder and waited for him to look at her.

"Are you ok? I know you must be devastated by what you just heard, talk to me please how can I help you?"

Holden shook his head and looked back out into the clearing. He wasn't truly sure how to answer that question. What could she do…what could he do. How could he have missed….that? It seemed like something so huge, so significant and he had missed it, disregarded it like one of Luke's moods. He was supposed to be a better father than that.

"I don't even know where to start," He remarked finally. "I'm really a bad father."

"That's not true Holden Snyder," Angel insisted, even as Seth joined them on the porch. "And you know that. You are one of the best fathers I know. You do more for your kids than most and you have never ever treated Luke as anything other than your son."

"That's the point though, Angel. I'm his father; I'm supposed to take care of him. I'm supposed to watch over him, and know when he's…when he's hurting and somehow I didn't catch this. I didn't catch just how bad his hurt was, or how much he was suffering because of Lily and I feel like I let him down."

"Holden, you are not superman, you can only do so much," Seth chimed in. "Luke didn't want to be a burden to you, so he hid his hurt."

"And from Lucinda's reaction in there," Angel pointed out, "I'm going to assume that this was news to her as well and let me tell you, there is no one on earth more astute than Lucinda Walsh. That woman misses nothing, especially when it comes to those she loves, so don't beat yourself up. Luke wouldn't want that."

"I know," Holden sighed. "You're both right. "It's just hard, you know? I love that kid, I love him so much and I hate seeing him hurting like this. And I want to help him. I want to hold him and I want to throttle his mother. I had no idea, none that his feelings ran that deep. I knew he was upset with her but I didn't even think about the similarities there."

"I doubt anyone did. You aren't Lily; you are here, standing by his side, fighting for him just like you always have. Where are his biological parents? Who knows? No one can fault you Holden, no one. You were dealing with your own demons with Lily and I am sure Luke doesn't blame you in any way."

"She's right, Dad," Noah said coming to stand on the porch," Luke doesn't blame you for any of this…but I understand how you feel. I feel like I should have seen it too, and maybe I shouldn't have let him leave the house that day. I should have tried harder."

"Stop, both of you, just stop," Angel interrupted. Seth placed a protective arm around her shoulder to steady her. "We are going to come together as a family and help Luke get through this. There is no blame here, except for those who hurt him so don't you two go taking blame or feeling bad about things neither of you had any control over."

Noah knew his grandmother was right, but he just couldn't help feeling responsible somehow. He sighed and tried to push those feelings away. Luke needed him more than ever. He needed all of them. "How do we help him, Grandma? That's what this was about, figuring…he wanted to tell everyone because he knows he needs help. The question is how do we do that?"

"We do whatever he needs for us to do," Angel replied. "If he needs us to listen while he talks then we do that. If he needs us to hold him when he cries then that's what we do. If he needs us to jump on a horse and go for a ride, then we'll jump on a horse and go for a ride. Dr. McPherson is the professional here so I am going to defer to him for the professional stuff, but at home, we will shore up the forces and be whatever he needs for us to be."

"Just as long as we don't appear to be waiting for him to fall," Holden added. Noah was nodding, knowing exactly what Holden was getting at. "We will help, but we won't smother him. He wouldn't like it if we did and we want him to know that we're proud of him."

"You are?" No one had seen Luke standing in the doorway, but they parted now for him to come outside. "You aren't mad at me?"

"Honey, there is not a soul in this house that is mad at you. We love you. We are here for you whatever you need."

"I love you even more now than I did ten minutes ago, Luke," Noah said softly. It was a sentiment that brought a sad smile to Luke's lips.

"Dad?" he asked cautiously, his eyes meeting the tired ones of the man he had always looked up to. The one he needed to believe in him at this moment."

"There isn't anything in the world that could make me feel anything but love for you, Luke. I'm proud of what you did in there, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you're my son."

Noah could only smile at his grandparents as Luke went forward allowing his dad to embrace him completely. It was a touching moment and Angel wrapped her arm around her grandson's waist, hugging him close as Holden comforted his son.


	21. The Worst Nightmares

Dr. McPherson was looking over some notes when Luke arrived at his office door. For a minute he stood and watched the man closely, giving himself a pep talk, reminding himself that he could do this. It wasn't as if he were going to talk to a stranger here. He was talking to someone he knew, his step-grandfather no less. He adored James' dad, and actually enjoyed having a grandfather. He never had the opportunity to know any of his before now. And it was nice having someone in the family who could help him deal with his messed up psyche…and he wouldn't judge. Luke knew that his step-grandfather had nothing but the utmost respect for him, and he genuinely cared…just like James cared. There was no reason why he couldn't feel comfortable with him.

So why was he so nervous?

"Luke come on in and have a seat," his voice drew Luke out of his thoughts and he realized that he was being stared at. Dr. McPherson's eyes were kind and gentle and Luke latched on to that as he entered the room and took a seat across from the desk. He had used this seat many times, while talking to James about seemingly everything. And now he was back to talk to the one who taught James all he knew. That seemed fitting somehow and Luke really hoped it would help. He wanted…needed to get better.

He sat with his hands folded, not really knowing how to begin. He knew he should probably say something; ask a question…just to break the silence. It was too quiet in the room, and he didn't like that. There needed to be noise of some kind. He started tapping his foot on the floor, his leg moving nervously as he tried to breathe. He was certain James' dad must think he was just a little on the crazy side.

"Why are you so nervous, Luke?"

"I just don't know what to say," he admitted honestly. "I know I need to talk, but I don't know where to start. And it's too quiet in here."

"Does silence bother you?"

"No…yes…sometimes." Luke frowned. "It depends on the silence."

"Can you explain that to me?" Dr. McPherson asked curiously.

Luke's expression was thoughtful as he pondered that question. "Darkness and silence is scary. If it's dark and too quiet…then I don't know what's out there, and I don't know if it's trying to get me. There is too much…unknown. I don't like the dark."

"Have you had a lot of bad experiences with the dark, Luke?"

"Yeah."

"Can you tell me the worst one?"

Luke bit his lip. That was a hard one…he hadn't been a fan of the dark since he was a kid…but it wasn't all the dark and when he wasn't alone he could tolerate it…most times.

"Don't think about it too hard Luke," George cautioned. "Just relax your mind and let it go. The answer will be there, I fear that you are just afraid of it. Don't let it win, we are going to try to face all your fears and that way we can help you overcome them."

He nodded and tried to focus, taking a deep breath as he relaxed. "I didn't like waking up alone in the dark," he said moments later. "It was cold and smelly and I couldn't move my legs, they felt so…heavy and there was no one there. I was so alone, and so afraid…and I just didn't want to be there."

"When was this, Luke?"

"In April," Luke said swallowing back his emotions."

"You said that your fear of the dark goes back to when you were younger," George reminded gently. "Can you tell me a little about that so I have some kind of idea of where some of this started?"

"I was kidnapped…when I was nine. My dad was with me," Luke frowned. "It was scary in the dark cave…there was light…sunlight for a few hours but it was very dark. Dad helped me be less scared."

"Alright, I'm with you now. So the darkness that you felt in April, did it remind you of the time you were kidnapped?"

"Yes."

"Your nightmares, that you were telling us about the other night, can you tell me a little more about them? Are they always the same or are they different every time?"

"The only similarity is that it always feels like the walls are closing in when I try to get out," Luke explained. "No matter what I do, or how I move I can't get away…I'm just trapped in the dark and it keeps getting darker. Sometimes the shadow…Randy is there and he's trying to hurt me. And that booming voice is so loud…always giving orders. And I try…I try to get out to get to Noah…but the darkness always wins."

"But now that you know Randy is no longer able to hurt you has that removed that element from the dreams, or is he still there?"

"He's still there. I can't get rid of him…he keeps wanting to hurt me and I try," He said looking up at James' dad. "I try to beat at the walls and I try to get away and get out. It never works. Do you think…something's wrong with me?"

"No, son, there is nothing wrong with you. Your sub-conscious hasn't let go of what happened to you during the months that you were gone, and hopefully we can get to the bottom of that and help you get some rest. It's not going to happen overnight and it isn't going to be an easy task, but I think that with all of us working together we can get rid of these nightmares."

"I hope so," Luke frowned sadly. "I keep hitting Noah in my sleep. I don't like hurting him, and I know he doesn't sleep because of me."

"I understand your concern for Noah, Luke, and I know, from spending time with him while you were missing, that no matter what you may do to him while you are asleep; he is going to be standing right beside you helping you fight these demons that are plaguing you. Noah is a tough cookie and with your family supporting the both of you I see no reason to believe that we won't be able to find a solution."

"Thanks Dr. McPherson. Just…just tell me what I need to do and I will do it. I want to get better, and I want to remember everything so I can let it go."

"Well to start with I would like for you to keep a journal of how frequently these nightmares are happening and try and recall in as much detail as possible what they are about. By doing this we can address each item that is causing the distress and hopefully eliminate it."

"Okay, I think I can do that. Are we done for the day?"

"I think that's plenty for today. I would like for Noah to come with you to some of these sessions so let's plan for him to come with you next time if possible ok."

"Okay," Luke said smiling. "He said he wanted to come. Thank you so much, Dr. McPherson. I'm glad you're my grandfather."

"Thank you Luke," George was touched by his statement. "I love your Grandmother very much and I consider myself very lucky to have you and Noah in my life as well."

"That's what James always says," Luke smiled as he stood to leave. "I think I'm very lucky. I'll see you next time."

"See you soon, Luke. And if something comes up that you want to talk to me about don't hesitate to call even in the evenings ok?"

"Okay…but you might change your mind if I call you after midnight."

He could hear Dr. McPherson chuckling as he left the office, and for the first time in a long time Luke felt happy. Talking to his step-grandfather had helped. He knew the road ahead was long, but he was confident that with everyone's help he could do this. Right now he just wanted to get home back to Noah.

Noah was lounging on the couch when Luke opened the door, and he smiled when those blue eyes turned his way.

"Hey," Noah exclaimed as he stood to greet his husband properly. "How did your session with Dr. McPherson go? Are you okay?"

Luke leaned in for another kiss and wrapped his arms around Noah for a long moment before pulling away to look at him. "I'm good, Noah. I'm good. And I missed you."

"Missed you too," Noah said placing his hands on Luke's hips. "And I missed your smile and that dimple…it's nice to see you happy. Can you tell me about the appointment?"

Luke pulled him back over to the couch where he slipped out of his shoes and tucked his feet up beneath him as he cuddled close to Noah. "He said you can come to the next session…he wants you to be there."

"Do you want me there?" Noah asked softly.

Luke looked up at him lovingly and smiled. "Yes, Noah. I want you there…if you can handle it."

"If you need me, I will be there."

"I always need you."

"Then I will be there." Noah kissed him softly and pulled him closer, his head resting on top of Luke's soft blond hair. Luke sighed contentedly; it was good to be home.

Luke woke up in a cold sweat and tried hard to catch his breath. Noah was still sleeping and he wanted it to stay that way. He needed to gain some semblance of control over these dreams. And he had to do it without waking up his husband every single time he had one. With a sigh he slipped out of the bed and picked his journal up off the night stand. He went over to the desk and sat down, pen in hand as he opened up to a clean sheet of paper.

_The walls are closing in on me. I can feel their tightness, even when I try to struggle…they just continue to get tighter. It's like something is holding me there, not wanting me to leave…and if I try it makes matters worse. I feel like I will suffocate if I stay, but I'll die if I try to go. _

_Somehow Randy is with me. He advances when I stop trying to struggle. Either way I feel like I am going to lose. I try hard to get out, beating at the walls until they are squeezing me. Then I feel Randy's hand encircling my neck…squeezing tightly to prevent me from screaming. I knew the walls would close in more if I moved, but I had to try…I had to get away from him. And that was when I woke up."_

He closed the journal without reading over what he had written. He had learned after the first two times that this was the best approach. Otherwise he would be tempted to rip it out and not share it with the doctor like he was supposed to. Now he let Dr. McPherson read it as it was, raw, straight from his mind to the page. He put the pen down and returned the book to its spot on the night stand. He slipped back into bed and fell instantly into Noah's waiting arms. He wasn't sure if it was the journal writing or Noah's comforting embrace that did it, but he was asleep in an instant, and there were no more bad dreams that night.

He held Noah's hand as they sat in Dr. McPherson's office. Noah had been to every session since the first one, and Luke was grateful for that. He knew it had to be hard for Noah to hear some of what he heard, but he was selfishly glad that his husband was there. And when they got home, he always made sure that Noah was okay…because the moment he even thought he wasn't he would ask him not to come. He felt Noah squeeze his hand as James' dad looked up from the journal. Luke had allowed him to read it and now it was time to start their session.

"So, Luke, are you finding that writing these journal entries seems to be helping with your ability to get more restful sleep?"

"Yes, sir. After I write the entries I am usually able to crawl back into bed and fall asleep with no nightmares. I am sure Noah has a little to do with that, but I know writing it down is helping."

"Noah, are you finding that Luke's sleep patterns seem to have stabilized some since he started writing in the journal?"

Noah looked at Luke for a moment before focusing on Dr. McPherson again. "Yes he does seem to sleep through the night a little bit more. He isn't as restless as he used to be. And when he does wake because of a nightmare, I don't feel the need to stay awake to watch over him as much. I know he is going to be okay."

"That is excellent progress. So, do you want to discuss this latest entry with me, tell me how you are feeling now that you've had a little time to reflect on it?"

"I think," Luke started slowly, his mind processing what he needed to say, "I think that a part of me is not connecting what happened with the fact that Randy is gone. That's why he is able to still enter my dreams, right? I feel like…like somehow he wants revenge for what I did."

Noah frowned at that admission and squeezed Luke's hand a little more. He was just going to listen unless Dr. McPherson asked him anything. He waited to see what the man would say to Luke's statement.

"I would say yes that your subconscious is not letting you process that Randy is gone." Dr. McPherson agreed. "Don't think of it as revenge though, think of it as him still trying to take you away from Noah, and that Noah isn't going to let that happen. No matter how hard he tries it won't work. What he did to you was horrible, but he didn't act alone, so let's see if we can try and focus your energy more on the piece of the puzzle that is still out there. When Randy enters your dream state I want you to try and shove him into a closet and lock the door so that your mind can focus elsewhere. Do you think you can try that for me? You are much stronger than you were when we started and I really think you can do this Luke."

"I think I can do that," Luke replied, his expression thoughtful. "I'll try tonight."

"What should I do, Dr. McPherson?" Noah asked frowning.

"Just be there, doing what you have been doing since Luke came home. Let him try and battle it out himself until you think he can't handle any more. You can't take the dreams away and we have talked about that, but just knowing you are there to pull him through will get him through this."

"Okay, I can do that," Noah said wrapping his arm around Luke. It was the same answer Dr. McPherson gave him every time. Sometimes he just liked hearing it…he liked knowing he was doing something right for Luke.

"Do you think, Dr. McPherson, if I can remember who else was involved I can start to get past it? I mean I can remember everything else…I don't know why I can't remember this one last thing?"

"I think that is the key, Luke, to you being able to put all of this behind you and be able to move forward with your life. I am hoping this exercise will be the key to unlocking that door in your mind if you aren't battling Randy then you can focus on this other puzzle piece."

"Maybe when you push him into the closet you can scream that he can't hurt you anymore," Noah suggested. "I mean a subliminal message could help your subconscious realize that that is true. He's not here, and he can't get to you. Right?" He said looking at Dr. McPherson for confirmation.

"I think that is an excellent idea Noah. Why don't you give that a shot and let me know how that works."

Luke smiled at his husband gratefully and kissed his hand. "Thank you Noah. And thank you Dr. McPherson. I will try that…I'll try just about anything."

"I love you, Noah," He murmured as he settled into his husband's comforting embrace. Noah's arms wrapped around him tightly, and he felt Noah's breath as a kiss was placed on his forehead.

"I love you too, Luciano. Sleep tight."

Luke smiled; it had been a while since Noah had used his pet name for him. That was his last thought as he succumbed to sleep and the world of dreams. The darkness swallowed him and he felt like he was going to suffocate. There were solid walls around him and they were slowly closing in on him. He tried to focus, tried to stay calm as he allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkness. The walls…they were feeding off his fear. He realized that now. If he wasn't scared, if he showed strength then the walls would stop moving…even for a minute…long enough for him to be able to think.

"I'm not scared, I'm not scared, I'm not scared," he let that mantra run through his mind and it worked until he saw Randy standing in front of him. The man was moving towards him and Luke backed away. The walls begin to shift again and he looked frantically for something…a closet he needed to find a closet. "You don't scare me," he said not sounding the least bit convincing. Randy advanced and those walls seemed to come closer. "I'm not scared, I'm not scared I'm not," he gasped as Randy's hand circled around his neck and he closed his eyes, trying to muster up the strength he needed to fight this.

"NO," he said as he pushed at the man who held him captive. He shoved Randy away from him and tried to regain his composure. Randy came at him again and he grabbed him and shoved him into the closet and locked the door. "You can't hurt me anymore," He screamed. "You can't hurt me."

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he jumped. Scrambling away so fast that he fell into darkness.

"Luke?" he heard his name being called, but he didn't answer as he tried to figure out where he was. "Luke are you okay honey?"

"Noah," He said his voice sounding muffled. He felt a hand on his shoulder, a gentle hand that helped him up and soon he found himself wrapped in a warm embrace. He clung to those arms and he started to cry.

"Let it out, baby, just let it out," Noah soothed.

"He can't hurt me anymore, Noah." Luke wept.

"I know," Noah said kissing the top of his head. "I'm so proud of you baby. You did it you beat him."

Luke continued to cling and eventually he relaxed. His eyes closed as he rested against Noah and for the first time in too long he didn't see Randy behind his eyes. There was just love, and just Noah.

Luke continued his sessions with Dr. McPherson, and he seemed to be getting better as time went on. His dreams didn't plague him as much and Noah felt like things were beginning to get back to normal. Everything wasn't 100% okay, but Noah felt optimistic for the first time since Luke returned home in June. Only one memory plagued him still and that was the identity of the booming voice. Luke didn't think he would ever recognize it, and truthfully he didn't want to focus on it anymore.

Robbie was at the house often. All the kids came over when they could but Robbie and Little Luke were the most frequent visitors. Luke was always a little happier when he got to spend time with the kids. He doted on his sisters and Ethan a lot. Robbie was a little chatter box, which was good because Luke didn't really enjoy the silence anymore. And Little Luke couldn't have been in better hands. Luke adored that little boy as if he were his own flesh and blood. Noah felt sometimes that Luke was trying to make up for not being there when the little guy was born. He didn't think he needed to call Luke out on it though. It was nice having the kids around the house, and seeing Luke smile was probably the best reward of all.

When September rolled around, Luke decided he wasn't ready to go back to school. Instead he enrolled in online courses, and decided to focus on the production company he and Noah wanted to open. Not wanting to leave Luke home alone, Noah opted to take online classes as well. Maddie's Maternity leave was over, but she decided not to return to WOAK. James, Luke and Noah talked her into continuing with her courses and the guys jumped at the chance to watch their godson on a regular basis.

Robbie stayed with them after school, while waiting for James and Maddie to come home. It was a pretty good arrangement to Noah. They would wake up in the morning, after a good night sleep. They would have an hour to themselves for breakfast before Maddie or James brought the baby over. While Little Luke took his morning nap, Noah and Luke worked on whatever assignments they had due for their classes and then they would discuss business decisions. They were usually relaxing by the time Robbie came home to tell them about his day in school.

Robbie confided in them that he didn't really like the seventh grade. He didn't want James to know, and Luke and Noah both promised not to say anything, even as they encouraged him to share that information with his brother. Noah asked if it was the school he didn't like, or was it just seventh grade in general. Robbie explained that he just didn't feel like he fit in somehow. He would go to his classes, but they bored him because he knew everything they were teaching. He finished his work quickly, and he was sure other kids didn't like him because he was always called on by teachers to give the answers. The teachers praised him, but most students resented him and he even found he couldn't enjoy English class and that was his favorite subject.

"You should really talk to James about this," Noah said to him one day. They were sitting on the couch, while Luke moved around tidying up the living room. Maddie had stopped by to pick up Little Luke, and Robbie had asked if he could stay for a while. "It could be that you don't feel challenged enough in class, and maybe you need to be moved into a higher grade."

"I don't want to let Jimmy down though," Robbie frowned.

"I don't see how this would upset him." Noah stated thoughtfully.

"If anything, it means you are even smarter than we thought," Luke pointed out. "You could graduate a year early and James would be proud."

"He would think I was complaining," Robbie countered, "I just don't want to burden him with my problems because they are so small...and I should be able to deal with them. I have to act like a man."

Noah winced. "That's your father talking."

Robbie grew silent and crossed his arms as Luke came to sit on the arm of the chair. He exchanged a look with Noah who was frowning at their little brother.

"This isn't the first time you've had these type of issues at school is it?" Noah inquired.

"It doesn't really matter, Noah."

"Robbie tell me."

Robbie sighed. "I've always been the smart kid, and no this isn't the first time I've had issues at school. I'm just different and weird so I get picked on easily. I don't let that bother me though."

"But it does bother you," Luke said softly. Robbie looked at him, green eyes matching brown for a moment and he nodded.

"It's not fun being different."

"Yeah…I know that feeling," Noah said even as his husband nodded. "The thing is that we're all different and you shouldn't be afraid to be so. You're smart, and you're a good kid."

"And no one should be teased in school," Luke finished Noah's statement.

"Dad said I complain too much," Robbie admitted. "I didn't think talking about my days at school was complaining. I was just telling him what I didn't like. I mean I know we're supposed to respect our elders and learn honor and all that but I don't know it just seems to me it should work both ways."

"My dad used to say things like that too," Noah informed him. "I couldn't tell you how often he said Honor and Respect are what you need to learn. It got to the point I would cringe when I heard those words."

Neither Robbie nor Noah noticed the strange look that came over Luke's face as he listened to them talk. Quietly he stood and lowered his head as he walked towards the bedroom. Noah looked up when he heard the door close but his attention was focused on Robbie who was explaining what it was like to live at home with his father.

"James isn't anything like your father," Noah pointed out when Robbie was done his tale. "He won't think you are a coward and he certainly won't think that you're making your own trouble. If anything he will be sad that you felt you couldn't talk to him about it."

"But he has so much else to worry about, Noah. With Maddie and the baby, and Luke…"

"And you're his brother too," Noah reminded him. "He wanted to be your guardian, Robbie. Let him take care of you. James loves you, and he just wants you to be happy…and right now you aren't happy. And it's obvious that this crap you grew up with still bothers you."

"Does it bother you?" Robbie asked.

The question caught Noah off guard and he frowned as he looked around for his husband. "Where's Luke?" he asked deflecting the question for now.

Robbie shook his head. He hadn't realized that Luke wasn't there until Noah said something. "He was just sitting here a minute ago wasn't he?"

"I'm going to go check on him. We'll finish this conversation another day, okay? I really think you should talk to James though, it's still early enough that you could test into the eighth grade with no problem."

"Okay, Noah…I'll see you later. I hope Luke's okay. And thanks," Robbie added as he grabbed his jacket and his backpack.

"That's what big brothers are for," Noah smiled as Robbie left the house. The smile faltered as soon as the front door closed and he headed for the bedroom. It was dark, which was strange in itself. Even with therapy, Luke still preferred not to be in the dark unless Noah was right there with him. His frown deepened as he moved closer to the bed. He could just make out Luke's body on the bed, he was huddled into a ball and he was completely under the blanket.

He dared not speak as he drew closer, and he thought better about sitting on the bed, deciding instead to kneel on the floor. Ever so carefully he pulled the blanket away and found scared brown eyes staring back at him. It frightened him to see Luke so terrified. He couldn't figure out what could have happened…he had been fine just minutes before. Had it just been minutes since he heard the door close? Noah frowned and reached out his hand slowly. He wanted to touch his husband; he needed to comfort him somehow.

Luke's hand darted out and grabbed his, and it unnerved Noah even more that Luke was shaking. "Keep him away, Noah."

"Who…Luke what are you talking about?"

"The voice, Noah…the booming voice. You have to keep him away."

"Luke I don't understand."

Luke had tears running down his cheeks, and his eyes looked sad. He took a deep breath, he only wanted to say this once and he knew without a doubt that it would break Noah's heart. "He wanted to teach me a lesson about Honor and Respect. He's going to try to take me away from you."

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask Luke again what he meant, but then it dawned on him loud and clear, and for the moment he felt like all the air had been knocked out of him. It was only a moment, for he needed to be calm…for Luke he needed to flip that switch.

"Noah," Luke said and Noah immediately reached out to touch his cheek. "I'm sorry."

He kissed him soft, tender, sincere trying to give him as much comfort as he could. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He hoped his voice didn't sound shaky. On the outside he was cool as a cucumber but on the inside he was heartbroken, enraged…he felt like crying, but he didn't. "It's going to be alright, Luke…he's not going to hurt you ever again, understand? He is not going to hurt you; he can't because I won't let him."

Luke heard the words, but he was beyond worrying about himself; he was more concerned with what the news was doing to Noah. He wished he wasn't so terrified by the memory…he wanted to be there for Noah. He nodded in response to Noah's promise and tried hard to relax. Noah moved, standing in the darkness and he walked away. Luke lay there for a moment trying to breathe before pulling the blanket over his head and crying himself to sleep.

Noah's movements were mechanical as he made his way to the farm. It was raining, but he didn't even notice as he stepped onto the porch and made his way to the door that would lead to the kitchen. He could see his grandmother working in the kitchen and he was glad she was alone. He knocked on the door before realizing he could just walk in. He stood in the doorway, dripping water onto the kitchen floor as if he had no clue what to do next…and at the moment he truly didn't.

"Noah?" Angel said when she noticed her grandson standing there. "Honey, what's wrong? You look like you have seen a ghost."

Noah opened his mouth to speak, but there weren't words to say what he was feeling at the moment. He shook his head and looked down at the floor where water puddled around him.

"Is it Luke?" Angel tried to guess. "Noah you are starting to scare me."

"My dad," Noah said looking up to face his grandmother.

"What about your Dad? Noah, do I need to get Holden?"

"He…he hurt Luke."

"What? How? When? Noah come here and sit down, you aren't making sense. I'm going to call Holden and get him in here. I have a feeling I'm not going to like where this is going."

Noah took a seat, and kept his head down with his hands resting in his lap. He waited while his grandmother called his father-in-law and he knew the exact moment when the man entered the kitchen full of concern.

"What's going on?" Holden asked as he spied his disheveled son-in-law.

"I don't know Holden. Noah showed up here a few minutes ago soaking wet and saying something about his dad hurting Luke. Hopefully you can make more sense of this than I have been able to."

"Did Luke remember something son?" Holden asked focusing on Noah once more. The look on Noah's face when he looked up almost broke Holden's heart. He was sure he wasn't going to like this.

"My dad did it, sir. I'm sorry, my dad hurt Luke."

"Oh God, Noah," Angel gasped. "Honey are you sure?"

Noah lowered his head and forced his emotions to shut off. He waited a moment, allowing the void to settle in. He needed to talk, he couldn't react and he wouldn't. Now was not the time for tears…it was a time for action. "He told Luke that he was going to learn lessons about Honor and Respect." He repeated the exact phrase that my dad always said to me. He was trying to get Luke to let me go, and Luke is afraid that he is…" The words got stuck in his throat and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't continue. He fell silent again, once more trying to block out what he was feeling.

Holden was frowning as he figured out what Noah was trying to say. He was beyond angry for once again this man had harmed both of his boys and he wouldn't stand for it.

"The booming voice Luke's been talking about." Angel gasped as she realized what Noah meant. "Oh God, Holden. Noah, where is Luke? Is he ok?"

"He's at home…hiding. He may be sleep now…I don't know."

Holden pulled out his cell phone and called James. He wanted someone to check on Luke just in case. It was more than obvious that Noah wasn't dealing with this very well.

"Honey," Angel said placing a hand on Noah's shoulder, "Luke is safe, no one can hurt him. You have kept him safe and given him the love he needed to become whole again. This is not your fault and I won't let you take the blame for something your father did. I'm calling Charlene, she needs to know what's going on."

"No," Noah said surprising himself with how loud he sounded. "Don't call her. Just...just leave me alone." He stood and brushed past his father-in-law and left the house. Jack was on his way inside and he bumped into Noah as the younger man went out.

"Whoa, Noah what's the rush?"

Noah turned and looked straight into his cousin's eyes. "I want you to go to the Lakeview, and arrest my father for kidnapping." He spun on his heels and left, leaving Jack just a little bit bewildered. He entered the farm. Angel and Holden were talking softly and they looked up when he entered.

"Someone want to tell me why Noah just rushed out of here? And what's this about his father and kidnapping?"

Luke finally remembered the booming voice," Angel explained with a sigh. "It was Noah's dad. He is absolutely devastated, and I don't know what to do. I have no experience here, Holden; obviously I just made matters worse."

"It's not your fault Angel," Holden tried to comfort her.

"Sonofabitch," Jack mumbled under his breath. "Noah's father did this to Luke? How did Noah come to that conclusion and where is Luke?"

"My guess is Noah was talking about his dad today, and a phrase triggered it," Holden explained. "Luke's at the house…is there anything you can do Jack?"

"Holden, we need to go and check on Luke and make sure Noah's okay," Angel insisted."

"I'll go to the Lakeview and see if Noah's father is still there," Jack said turning to leave. Holden placed his arm around his sister-in-law's shoulder and squeezed her close.

"Come on; let's go check on the guys."

"Luke," James called as he entered his brother's home.

"I'm in here, James," Luke answered from the bedroom. James frowned and walked in that direction. He opened the bedroom door and peeked inside. "Can you turn on the lights please," Luke asked as he sat up in bed.

James obliged and realized immediately that Luke had been crying. His eyes were red and splotchy, and there were still tear tracks on his face. "What's wrong, Luke? Why are you crying alone in the dark?"

Luke sighed and shook his head. "I have to find Noah," he said as he moved to get up. "He needs me."

"Wait," James said pulling him back down to the bed. "Noah's fine for the moment, he's with your dad and his grandmother. You need to tell me what happened here. Why is Noah so upset, and why have you been crying?"

"Noah's upset because I just broke his heart, James."

"What are you talking about Luke?"

"Noah was talking to Robbie today," Luke explained. "I don't know if Robbie talked to you, so I can't tell you specifically what was said, but Noah started talking about his dad and he said something that reminded me of something that was said when I wasn't here and all of a sudden I remembered."

"Wait," James said trying to digest all Luke had said. "Your memory was triggered by something that Noah said about his father?"

"Well, it was something he said his father used to tell him all the time," Luke explained. "When he said it, I could hear it in my head, and it just clicked."

"Noah's father kidnapped you."

"I think Randy did the kidnapping…but Noah's dad is the one who put him up to it. They wanted me away from Noah…god James how am I supposed to help him. This is so messed up."

"You're right, this is messed up, but I want to know how you are first. Mr. Snyder said Noah was pretty worried about you."

"I'm fine. I just don't want Noah to be mad at me."

"He won't be. And I think you know that. You're just worried about him, and I can understand that."

"His dad has hurt him so much, James. And this last thing, it's just so huge, and I only made it worse."

"His dad hurt you too, Luke. That's the point you need to get. The fact that that man did this to you is what is pushing Noah over the edge. So you being okay will help. It will help a lot."

"Luke," Noah called as he entered the house. James stood and Luke scrambled off the bed and rushed out of the room.

"Noah," He said as he moved quickly towards him. James stood in the doorway and watched as the two men embraced. Luke's arms slipped around Noah's neck and Noah's arms slipped around Luke's waist and he pulled him closer as their heads touched. "This is not your fault, Noah. Do you hear me…this is not your fault."

"I want you to be okay," Noah said as Luke pulled back to cup his cheeks. "I'm sorry about this."

"No apologies Noah. I'm fine, see look at me." As Luke spoke, James could see the front door open again, and Mr. Snyder and his sister-in-law stood in the doorway. He smiled at them before focusing again on his brothers who were still talking.

"I thought he said he loved me Luke," Noah was saying now. "Even after I let him go I thought…I'm so stupid."

"No you aren't," Luke said fiercely. He pulled Noah to him and held him tight, rubbing his back up and down as he whispered soothing words to him.

"I think they'll be okay," Holden whispered even as he pulled Angel out of the house. James discreetly made his exit as well. He made eye contact with Luke and mouthed the words "I will call" before slipping away. He made sure the door was secure before slipping back over to his own home.

Luke guided Noah into their bedroom and helped him to slip out of h is clothes. Once they were both ready he tucked Noah into their bed then climbed in beside him, once more taking him into his embrace.


	22. Enough is Enough

Luke jumped at the sound of the phone and he looked around confused for a minute about where he was. Noah shifted beside him but didn't wake up. Luke frowned and reached for the phone which was on its fourth ring. "Hello," he said rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake up.

"Good morning, Luke. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Just waking up," Luke said through a yawn. "Can you ask me after I've had my coffee?"

"I'm sorry. Is Noah still sleeping?"

"Yes…he'd sleep through an earthquake if he is exhausted enough."

"Yeah I imagine yesterday wasn't the best for either of you. Look, I didn't mean to call so early, but I need you to come down to the station."

"What, why." Luke rubbed his eyes again and wished he could block out the world.

"Colonel Mayer was brought in last night, and we're holding him for questioning," Jack explained. "Thing is he is denying that he had anything to do with what happened to you. So we need you to come in and identify his voice."

"Do I have to?" Luke asked knowing the answer before the words even left his mouth.

"I'm afraid so," Jack confirmed. "You know I would make this easier for you if I could."

"I don't really want to leave Noah, Jack. He's going to wake up and realize yesterday was not just a dream, and I have to be here for him."

"Are you babysitting for your godson today as well?"

"Crap," Luke said slipping out of bed. "It's a weekday isn't it? Little Luke will be over in an hour, and Noah and I are behind. Hold on." He turned his attention to his husband and gently shook him awake. "Noah, Baby its time to get up."

"Just a few more minutes?"

"I'd love to give you a few more, but we've already overslept. The baby will be here in an hour."

"Who's on the phone," Noah asked his eyes only partially open as he looked at his husband.

"It's Jack," Luke frowned.

Noah held his hand out for the phone and sat up as Luke handed it to him. "Hi Jack."

"Good morning, Noah. Are you feeling any better today?"

"It's too early to tell," Noah said running a hand through his tousled head. He slipped out of bed and walked towards the bathroom, all the while continuing to talk to his cousin. Luke slipped out of bed too, his mind heavy with thoughts about what Jack wanted from him. He didn't really want to go down to the police station, but he didn't think he could avoid it. Hearing that voice again was certain to make his blood run cold and his stomach curdle. Yet he wasn't so much worried about himself. He was concerned for Noah. He knew his husband well enough to know that he was going to pretend this didn't affect him. Noah would push all his feelings aside and move on to the next order of business, all the while internalizing his pain. Luke knew his husband well…because he was the same way.

He couldn't allow Noah to do that this time, anymore than he could do it himself. This was bigger than both of them, and if there was any chance that they were going to get through it then they had to do it together.

"Are you okay," Noah's voice pulled Luke out of his thoughts. His husband was looking at him with concern clear in his blue eyes. Luke stood and immediately slipped into Noah's embrace and placed his head on his shoulder. He felt Noah's arms tighten around him, and was grateful that his partner always just knew what he needed. It was small things like this that gave him hope that it would be alright in the end.

"I don't want to go down to the station," Luke admitted when they broke apart a minute later. "I don't want to put you through that, Noah." Noah's hand touched Luke's cheek, and his finger grazed his lip as he looked at him lovingly.

"You don't need to worry about that right now."

"But Noah, he wants me to…"

Noah's lips replaced his finger, silencing him once more with a soft but firm kiss. His eyes were still partly closed when Noah pulled away and lifted up his chin so their gazes locked. "I've already taken care of it, Luke. I convinced Jack that it would be better if you just stayed here and listened to the voices over the phone. Since the voice was what you heard…there's no need for you to go to the station."

Luke heard his words, but also paid attention to what Noah wasn't saying. This made things easier for Luke, but it would also be easier for Noah as well. His husband wasn't ready to face the truth and Luke wondered if he ever would be. He really had to figure out how to help Nah.

"We have to get ready," Luke reminded him," his tone soft as he pulled Noah towards the bathroom. They showered in silence, both of them lost in thoughts they weren't ready to share with each other. Luke knew that they would have to talk about it at some point…and they would. As soon as he figured out how to broach the subject without upsetting Noah.

Noah watched Luke as they prepared for the day. It made him sad to think about all his husband had been through. It made him even sadder to know that these things had happened because of one Colonel Winston Mayer. Noah felt sick to his stomach, and he was scared. Today, when Jack called to let Luke hear that voice, it would be confirmed and Noah had to face once and for all just how much of a monster his father really was. He wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to do that…but he didn't have much choice.

The doorbell rang just as Noah pulled his shirt over his head. "I'll get it," Luke said towel drying his hair as he headed to the living room. Noah ran his fingers through his own hair and headed for the kitchen. He could hear Luke speaking softly with James in the entryway, the baby choosing that exact moment to scream at the top of his lungs.

"Someone needs his diaper changed again," James laughed as Luke scooped the baby out of his daddy's arms. "You sure you don't want me to change him before I go?"

"That's okay," Luke said motioning for James to follow him. He took the baby's blanket and laid it on the couch before placing Little Luke down. "I think Lucas likes when I change his diaper, don'tcha little guy? Yes you do," Luke said, rubbing the baby's belly before focusing on the diaper.

A soft smile crossed James' lips as he watched Luke change the baby's diaper. It was nice to see Luke in a good mood, even though he wondered if there was something lurking beneath the surface. "So how are you this morning?" he asked even as he looked at his watch to make sure he had time to talk before he needed to be in class.

"Everyone seems to be asking me that today," Luke sighed. He finished with Little Luke's diaper and allowed the baby to grab a hold of his finger as he looked up into his brother's concerned face. "I'm not so much worried about myself right now, James."

"I know," James said thoughtfully. "That's why I asked about you. You're worried about Noah, so someone has to be concerned about you, Luke."

"I have to identify the booming voice today," he admitted after a moment's pause.

"Isn't that a good thing?" James inquired gently.

"In theory." Luke picked up the baby and cradled him in his arms as he looked at James seriously. "I want this to be over with…but I know that if I identify Noah's father today, it's going to break his heart."

"That's why he has you," James said looking towards the kitchen as if he knew Noah was in there. "You'll be able to keep him from pushing people away, Luke. And you know Maddie and I are going to be here every step of the way as well."

"How's Robbie?" Luke asked changing the subject. He felt rather than saw Noah's approach and turned to smile at him when he felt his hand on his shoulder.

"Robbie's okay. I am going to go talk to his principal this afternoon to see what needs to be done about moving him up a grade."

"He told you," Noah said proudly. "I'm glad; we told him you wouldn't be mad at him."

"I'm very proud of him actually. And I'm glad he has you guys when he can't talk to me."

"That's what brothers are for," Noah admitted softly. Luke smiled up at him and James took out his camera to snap a picture. He smiled when Luke looked at him as slipped his phone back into his pocket.

"Have you decided to change careers," Luke teased. "All of a sudden you are taking pictures left and right."

I can just about guarantee you'll be the same way when you have kids," James laughed. "I have to go." He kissed his son on the forehead and waved good-bye to Luke and Noah. "I'll check on you guys later"

"Bye, James," Luke and Noah said in unison. Little Luke added in his own version of good bye which was a mixture between a laugh and a cry. Luke and Noah looked at each other and laughed outright.

"I'm going to finish getting our coffee," Noah said when the laughter died down. "Are you going to be okay with him?"

"We'll be fine, won't we Lucas?" The baby gurgled his reply and Luke turned to his husband and puckered up his lips for a kiss. Noah obliged and rustled his husband's hair and headed into the kitchen. Luke watched Noah leave the room before turning his attention to his godson. "Looks like it's just you and me, Kiddo," he sighed as Lucas wiggled in his arms. "Today is already shaping up to be an interesting day, Lucas. Your uncle Jack already called, and I have something important to do. So you have to be a good baby for me and your uncle Noah today. Do you think you can do that?"

The baby gurgled and Luke bent his head as if he were trying to catch what Lucas was saying.

"What was that, Lucas? You think Uncle Noah should relax? I want him to, but it's pretty hard with so much going on."

Noah stood in the doorway and watched his husband carry on a conversation with their godson. It had to be the cutest thing he had ever seen. Luke was talking and Lucas would gurgle or laugh in response.

For what it was worth, Little Luke had no idea what his namesake was talking about, but Noah did. He knew his husband was worried about him, and honestly he didn't know how to alleviate it this time. It was sad really, he felt like he should be concerned for Luke. After all, it was Luke who went through the trauma. Yet true to Luke's nature, he was putting Noah's feelings first. Noah sighed and ran a hand through his hair; sometimes he really wondered how he ever got so lucky.

"Coffee's ready," he said coming further into the living room. He took a seat on the couch and held his arms out for baby Lucas. "Hey there, little guy," he said when Luke handed him the baby. "Is your uncle Luke telling you stories about me again?"

Luke smiled and stood to retrieve their coffee mugs from the kitchen. When he returned Noah was still engaged in a conversation with Little Luke who was now resting on the couch as Noah lightly rubbed his belly. Luke placed Noah's mug on the table and reclaimed his seat. He loved watching Noah with the baby. He was good with kids, and Luke often wondered what it would be like to have their own.

He didn't think they were ready for that yet…but he knew he wanted to have kids with Noah. It was definitely something he wanted to talk about, when things settled down. AT the moment life was far too chaotic for them to even think about bringing a child into it.

The ringing of the phone startled them and Luke looked at Noah apprehensively before reaching to answer it. Noah held on to baby Lucas, trying not to look as frightened as he felt. The phone rang again and again before Luke took a deep breath and turned it on.

"Hello?" he asked chancing a glance at Noah once again.

"Luke, its Jack. Are you ready for this?"

"I think so," Luke said even as his stomach began to do flip-flops.

"Okay, just take a deep breath and relax. I'm going to play a series of tapes, and I need you to tell me which sounds like the one you heard okay?"

It sounded easy enough and Luke nodded before he realized that Jack couldn't see him. "I'm ready," he said, instinctively reaching out for Noah's hand. He felt his husband's hand encircle his and he breathed a little easier.

"Okay, I'm going to just play them in no particular order. There are six tapes, six different voices. Let me know when you hear him."

"Okay, Jack," Luke said steeling himself for what was to come. He squeezed Noah's hand tightly and vaguely heard his godson laugh as he focused on the first recorded voice.

"You will learn to honor and respect your elders."

"Okay," Jack's voice replaced the recorded one. "Here comes voice number two, Luke. Are you ready?"

'Yes sir."

Jack played the second recording and then the third one back to back. Luke's breath caught in his throat and he started to shiver despite the warmth emitting from Noah's hand.

"That's it," he said as Jack announced that he was going to play the last two voices. "That's him…that's the…the one. Oh god."

Noah put the baby down on the sofa so he could focus completely on his husband. He pulled him deep into his embrace and somehow managed to pry the phone away from him, even as Jack was trying to get his attention.

"Jack…it's me, Noah," he said stating the obvious.

"Noah, is Luke okay?"

"He will be," Noah replied as he held Luke even closer.

"Yes, Noah."

"Huh?" Noah asked taken aback by Jack's words.

"It was a positive ID," Jack explained. "Luke recognized your father's voice."

He was silent after that admission, the words sunk in and he lowered his head as he continued to hang on to Luke. "Thanks sir." He said reverting back to his childhood in that instance. Jack could tell that Noah was not dealing with this well, and he wished there was something he could do for his cousin.

"Noah, you know if you ever need someone to talk to…I'm here for you."

"Okay," Noah said his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm…I'm going to go now." He hung up the phone before Jack could respond and tightened his grip around his husband, burying his face into soft blond hair.

"Yes, Noah. It was a positive id." Those phrases kept reverberating in his mind as he sat on the couch aimlessly twirling a pen. He was supposed to be working. HE needed to come up with a concept, and jot down some ideas before Luke returned to the living room. His husband was putting the baby down for a nap so they could work and at least appear to be productive.

He couldn't stop thinking about Jack's words and their implications. He was readily willing to admit that a part of him had been hoping Luke was wrong. For both of their sakes, he wanted the voice not to be his father. Yet he knew that his husband wouldn't make up something like that. He knew that voice had scared Luke, and it had provided just as much torture as Randy had. Noah grimaced as he thought of all Luke had to endure while he was in that warehouse. He was burnt, kicked, beaten and raped. And that didn't even include the torture and the mind games. Noah cringed just thinking about it, and the fact that it was his father who did these horrible things just made him feel sick.

The sad thing was that he knew what his father was capable of. He could remember now all too clearly hiding in the closet when his father was angry, or the spankings whenever he was caught doing something that in his mind hadn't been particularly bad. His father always screamed at him, taunting and belittling him. Coming to Oakdale had been his chance to start over, to prove that he could be a man worthy of everything; love, pride, respect. He found all of that with Luke, his wonderful husband who gave him more than he thought he deserved.

"_You are nothing but a coward, Noah," his father often said that to him whenever he would hover in a corner shielding his face from the blows. "You're worthless, useless; I can't believe you're my son. We have to teach you honor and respect." For years he had put up with it, believing that somehow it was his punishment for his mom being gone. That was his fault, he had been told that often enough, and when he would hide away from the tirades he almost believed that he had done something terrible._

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned expecting to see Luke standing beside him. He moved abruptly when he realized it wasn't Luke. His eyes grew cold and he stood backing away from the figure in front of him.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"This is your fault," he said, swallowing in an attempt to make his voice sound less shaky. "What are you doing here? I told them not to call you."

"Noah, you're scaring me, sweetie. What's wrong? Angel called, and I got here as quickly as I could."

"Don't," he said putting his hands out to prevent her from coming closer. "Don't you dare come near me. My god, this is all your fault, Mother. It's all your fault and I hate you."

"You don't mean that," Charlene said her face falling as she moved closer to Noah. Neither saw Luke reenter the room as they continued their conversation. "Come on, baby please let's talk about this."

"I do mean it," Noah yelled, and the sound about broke Luke's heart. He was certain that Charlene was crying inside as well. "You left me. I thought you were dead, and I thought it was my fault. He told me that I caused your death, but you weren't really dead. You just left me there with him, and you let him hurt me. How could you do that? Why did you leave me there?"

"Baby, please let me explain," Charlene said as she inched even closer. She reached out to touch Noah who once again put his hands out in front of him to ward her off.

"DON"T touch me!" he screamed even as another pair of arms encircled his waist and pulled him backwards. "Don't ever touch me, I don't want to talk to you or see you ever again. I hate you; this is all your fault, Mother."

"Shhh," Luke said as Noah finally gave in to the embrace and crumpled against him. "It's okay, baby. It's alright. Just let it go."

"Luke?"

He looked away from Noah long enough to see the tears in Charlene's eyes. His heart went out to her. He knew that Noah didn't mean all the hateful things that he said, and he would regret them later. When later would be was yet to be seen. "I think you should go, Mom." He whispered.

"But Noah…" she said once again trying to reach out for her son. Noah reflexively moved closer to Luke who continued to soothe him the best he could.

"I've got him. Just go, I'll come find you when he's settled. I promise," he said when Charlene opened her mouth to speak again. "I'll take care of him, but you need to leave."

Charlene nodded and turned to leave the house. Luke watched until he heard the door close before turning his attention back to his broken husband who was clinging to him like a small child. He allowed his fingers to run through Noah's dark hair and rained kisses over his face. He had known the day would come when the newness of Charlene's arrival would wear off. There was a lot of water under that bridge, and a lot of things that Noah hadn't yet allowed himself to deal with. Now it seemed like the time had come and Luke knew he'd have to help his husband through this somehow. He just hoped he could be okay enough to get through it himself.

"What's wrong with Noah," Robbie asked upon entering the house. Noah was resting on the couch while Luke held baby Lucas over his shoulder, patting his back as he waited for him to burp.

"It's a long story," Luke sighed. He handed Robbie his nephew and beckoned for him to follow him into the kitchen. Robbie took one more glance at Noah before following behind Luke. He settled down at the kitchen table and continued to pat the baby until Lucas let out a burp.

"Wow that was a big one," Robbie laughed as pulled his nephew away to nuzzle his nose. "You're getting to be such a big boy already. I can't believe he was born all those months ago," he said turning his attention back to Luke.

"Time flies doesn't it?" Luke smiled as he poured a glass of milk for Robbie and placed it in front of him with a brownie. "Before we know it Lucas won't be a baby anymore. We won't tell your sister-in-law though. I'm sure she's not looking forward to him growing up just yet."

"He's got it easy," Robbie said as he sat the baby in his lap. Lucas looked around with bright green eyes as if he was trying to memorize where he was. "All he needs is food, and diapers and love. No worries and no problems to deal with…it's a good life."

"And you are wise beyond your years," Luke rustled Robbie's hair and joined him at the table. "I wonder if we can make life good for him, you know? I mean I want Lucas to have everything he could possibly want out of life. Does that seem strange?"

Robbie shook his head. "It sounds like what every parent should want to me. I think Jimmy and Maddie are off to a great start with him. But he's still so small."

"I remember When Ethan was that tiny," Luke reflected. "He was so small he could fit in the palm of your hand. And now he's a bundle of endless energy. He's going to be your age before too long."

"You've still got a few years," Robbie laughed. "Jimmy said he's not looking forward to my next birthday because I'll be a teenager then. He's not ready to raise a teenager yet."

"A teenager in high school," Luke pointed out. "James told me he's going to talk to the principal about letting you skip the year. "

"Yeah, he was more excited about it then me I think. I am glad he wasn't upset with me."

"James is a good guy," Luke said as he allowed his eyes to move towards the living room. His brow was furrowed and Robbie could sense that what he really wanted to do was get up and check in on Noah.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he asked getting Luke's attention again. Baby Lucas held up his arms, and indication that he wanted his godfather to take him. Luke relieved Robbie of the squirmy baby and watched as he focused completely on the brownie that sat untouched up until this point.

"Snack and homework first, then we talk. I don't want what I have to say to distract you from school."

"Sure thing, Luke," Robbie agreed, his mouth full of brownie. Luke smiled and excused himself talking to Lucas as he left the room.

"Someone needs a diaper change doesn't he? Come on, we're going to check on your uncle Noah and get you a fresh diaper."

Noah was still sleeping when Robbie finished his homework. Luke was making dinner, and little Luke was cuddling with his uncle on the couch. Robbie put his books away and turned to watch Luke cut potatoes for diner. "Now will you talk to me?" he asked trying his best not to sound whiney. He liked that Luke didn't' think of him as a kid, and he hoped that wouldn't change.

"Remember the conversation you and Noah had about your fathers?"

"Yeah…you disappeared and Noah went to look for you. Wasn't that just yesterday?" Robbie asked frowning as he thought about it.

"Something Noah said to you triggered my memory," Luke explained. "I know who kidnapped me."

"Oh," Robbie said his mouth opened wide as he realized what Luke was getting at. "Wait, did Noah's dad do that to you? Oh wow," he continued when Luke nodded. "That's really messed up. Is Noah going to be okay?"

"In time," Luke said once again allowing his eyes to look towards the living room. "I'm going to do my best to help him through it."

"What about you, Luke?"

"What?" Luke asked turning his attention back to his little brother.

"How are you doing with all of this? I mean I know you are worried about Noah, and I am sure he appreciates it. But if I have figured out anything else in the last few months it's that Noah's worried about you too. You were the one who was kidnapped and held against your will. How are you feeling, Luke?"

It was on the tip of his tongue to make something up. He was certain Robbie would believe anything he said, and that was the reason why he decided against it. Those green eyes reminded him so much of James…and he just couldn't lie to those eyes.

"Honesty I'm not dealing with this as well as I should be. I don't think I've let myself really deal with it, you know? I just…there's so much going on Robbie. I can't really focus on it. Everyone needs me to be-"

"We need you to be okay, Luke," Robbie said cutting Luke off midsentence. "You know you're my favorite next to Jimmy. I mean I adore Noah and Maddie too, but I like you best because you read books with me. And I'm going to need you in high school."

"Oh I see how it works," Luke teased. "You need me to help you with your homework."

"Well, yes there is that," Robbie laughed, his green eyes twinkling for a minute before he turned serious. "But seriously I just want you to be okay because I don't like seeing you sad, and neither does Jimmy, or Maddie and your dad, and especially Noah. Noah will be okay if you're okay. We all will be okay as long as you are, Luke. You're like our center or something very poetic like that."

"ARE you hungry?" Luke asked as he focused on the food he was fixing. "I should just get Maddie and James to come over for dinner too. Maybe that will make Noah feel better."

"Did I overstep, Luke?" Robbie asked looking sad as he watched Luke closely. Luke put the spatula down and placed his hands down on the counter. Robbie stood when he saw Luke's head go down and he immediately went over to give Luke a hug.

Robbie insisted that Luke sit down to rest, and allow him to finish up with the food. He ushered him out of the kitchen, and wasn't surprised to find him cuddled up to Noah in the living room. Baby Lucas was between them, and if it hadn't been so sad Robbie would have thought it was a really nice picture. He made sure the food was finished before taking the cordless phone and slipping out on to the porch.

"Hey, Jimmy, it's me," He said when he heard his brother's voice on the other end. "No, I'm okay. It's just; well I think you should come home now. Luke and Noah aren't doing so well, and I'm doing what I can but I think they need you. Okay, I'll see you when you get here. Luke was going to invite us over for dinner so that will be waiting for you and Maddie too. Don't worry I will watch them until you get here."

The first thing James noticed when he arrived at the house was his little brother sitting dejected on the porch. He stood there for a moment just watching him, waiting to see if Robbie would notice that he was there. When it didn't seem like it, he settled down beside him and rested his elbows on his knees. "I don't suppose you want to tell me why you look so sad?"

"Oh, Hi Jimmy," Robbie said looking up to meet his brother's gaze before peeking his head into the house as if he were looking for someone.

"What's wrong?" James asked quizzically.

"Nothing really. Noah's in there still resting. I don't know how to wake him up, it's like he's in one of those deep coma like sleeps. And I only know he's sleeping because he's still breathing. He's not unconscious or anything and Luke wouldn't…" he bit his lip to stop his flow of words, but that didn't deter his brother.

"Luke wouldn't what?" James asked raising his eyebrow.

"Luke's not here," Robbie said with a sigh. "I don't know where h could have gone, but he's not here I didn't mean to lose him."

"I'm sure you did all you could, Robbie. And I'm certain Luke isn't lost. He couldn't have gone far and he wouldn't just leave you without letting you know where he was going. Where's Lucas?"

As if on cue the baby started to cry and Robbie pointed just inside to where Lucas had been sleeping in his basinet.

"Hey little guy," James said picking up his son. "Did you miss daddy as much as daddy missed you huh?" He tickled the baby for a few minutes before placing him back in the basinet and focusing on his little brother. "Come on let's go set the table for dinner, and you can tell me what's going on, okay?"

Robbie nodded and allowed James to steer him into the kitchen. He filled James in on what he knew about the situation, and with every word James grew more concerned. By the time his little brother was done talking, there was no sign of Luke, but James found a hastily scribbled note that Robbie had overlooked.

"He's at the farm," he explained to his little brother. "He'll be back shortly. See no worries, you did good."

Robbie smiled at his big brother who wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. He knew Robbie was worried, he was too. Their brothers were going to need them and James just hoped they were up to the challenge.

"Luke, how's Noah?" It was the first thing out of her mouth, a fact that wasn't lost on Luke as he passed by her into the farmhouse. He shrugged out of his jacket and ran a hand through his hair before gesturing for her to take a seat.

"He's…not doing very well," he responded meekly. For the second time that day he chose not to sugarcoat. This situation was too big and far too serious. "I don't know how much Aunt Angel told you about what happened but basically I remembered the booming voice, and that realization impacts Noah in the worst possible way. And I'm afraid it's triggered some things…you know he didn't mean what he said to you today right?"

"Oh Luke, thank you for saying that…but I think he did mean them on some level. He blames me for what happened with his father…I honestly don't even know what that means, Luke. I don't understand. How are the two things connected?"

"The kidnapping was Colonel Mayer's idea."

"Oh my god," Charlene gasped, her hand covering her mouth as what Luke said sunk in. "The booming voice? That was Winston?"

"Needless to say Noah's not taking that news very well," Luke replied softly.

"Oh my poor baby. I have to go to him, Luke."

"No," Luke said sounding harsher and louder than he intended. "I'm sorry," he sighed and placed a hand on his mother-in-law's shoulder. The last thing Noah needs right now is you over his shoulder or even near him. I know that sounds crazy and I don't want to hurt you, but right now your presence can only hurt him."

"But why?" Charlene asked with tears in her voice. Luke hated that he was about to make her cry, but his whole sole purpose needed to be Noah. Noah's well-being came before all else.

"Because you abandoned him," Luke explained keeping his voice calm as he spoke to his mother-in-law. "You left him in the worst possible situation. And I'm sure you have reasons, legitimate ones, but when all is said and done the end result is the same. All the excuses in the world don't erase the fact that at one point you were a bad mom. And I know that's not fair," he spoke before she could defend herself, "but I'm telling you how Noah feels. You left him to fend for himself and he didn't even realize you were alive. He thought he killed you, and the Colonel put him through hell."

"I'm sorry, Luke," Charlene said lowering her head. "I know I let my baby down."

"He loves you," Luke said drying her tears away with his fingers. "He's just really really angry right now, and the best thing for you to do is to just leave him alone. Let him come to you. If he needs to lash out, let him. If he needs answers, give them to him. Show him that those words aren't just words…that's what you need to do, when he's ready for you."

"I'll do whatever I have to, Luke. I don't want to hurt him. That was never my intent."

"And I'm sure Noah knows that deep down. But when we're hurt by those who are supposed to love us the most, the pain runs deep. And when its repressed like it has been for Noah, I mean he only realized you were truly alive within the last six months, and then everything happened so fast..." he trailed off for a moment, biting his lip to keep his own emotions in check. "Just…give him time."

When Noah opened his eyes the last thing he expected to see was warm green eyes staring at him. Those eyes were full of worry and heartfelt concern. What he didn't see was pity or even disappointment, and somehow that comforted him the most. The last thing he wanted or needed was judgment from his brother.

"Hi," he said sitting up so he could stretch out his muscles. "When did you get here?"

"Not too long ago," James replied a light smile crossing his lips. "Robbie was a little worried about you and Luke, so I got here as fast as I could."

"Robbie's here?" Noah said looking around for his little brother. "I didn't realize I slept so long. "Where's Luke? And where's the baby?"

"Little Luke is in the kitchen with his uncle, and his namesake hasn't come back yet."

"Luke's not here," Noah asked the fear in his voice evident.

"He's at the farm," James said calmly.

"Oh, okay," Noah said trying valiantly to calm his heartbeat. "It's just so awful, James. I'm so scared out of my mind right now and…it hurts because I feel like it's my fault."

"Why?"

"Such a simple question, and it sounds so matter-of-fact coming from you," Noah said admirably. "I wish I could give you an answer that doesn't make me sound irrational but, I just can't help it. I feel like my father has done nothing but make my life miserable and I dragged Luke into this and now he's gotten hurt so much."

"Okay, just wait a minute," James interrupted him before he could say anymore. "You didn't drag Luke into anything, Noah. He loves you, and he wants to be here for you and with you. And you know I'm right. You guys will get through this. You've survived much worse than this, and are likely to face even more in the future. But I have no doubt that you'll be able to do it, and neither should you."

"I just don't understand why my father did this?" Noah said shaking his head dejectedly. "I don't get it, James. All Luke ever did was love me. Is that so wrong? Is that reason enough to be subjected to weeks of endless torture and pain?"

"I'm sorry," Noah, I wish I had the answers for you. But it boggles my mind just as much as it boggles yours. I can't even begin to understand why your father does the things he does."

"You're right, James," Noah said after a lengthy silence. "You don't have the answers, I don't have the answers and god knows Luke doesn't. The only person who does is my Dad."

"Noah what are you doing?" James asked even as Noah stood and went to look for his jacket.

"Can you keep an eye on Luke until I get back?" Noah asked. He checked his pockets in search of the car keys finally finding them on the desk in the entryway.

"Yes. Sure, of course. But where are you going?" James asked again, a frown settling on his lips.

"I'm going to get answers. I'll be back."

He felt uneasy the moment he entered his home and saw his brothers, his best friend and his godson sitting in the living room. James looked worried, Robbie's eyes kept darting between the door and the clock and Maddie was trying to look preoccupied. But he wasn't fooled, he could tell they were concerned about something and their behavior did nothing to quiet his growing fear.

"What's going on guys?" he asked tentatively as he moved further into the room. Little Luke held out his little baby arms in an attempt to grab for him which made Luke smile. "Hey there little guy, did you miss me," he asked as he took his godson into his arms.

"I think he agrees with me about you being the favorite," Robbie chimed in, the pride clear in his voice. Luke looked at his little brother before focusing on Maddie who seemed to be doing her best not to look at him. They were all there, his little family, his brothers, a best friend whom he loved like a sister and his little godson, the newest addition to the family. All of them were assembled in the living room except for one, and he just didn't understand why.

"Where's Noah?" he asked, his eyes focusing on the one person he knew wouldn't sugarcoat with him. "He was still sleeping when I left? Where is he, James. Where did he go?"

James met his brother's gaze head on, and tried to convey calm as he spoke. He knew he didn't have to be specific. Luke would understand immediately. His goal at the moment as to make sure Luke didn't panic. "He went to get answers."

Part of him wished he hadn't been so hasty in his actions. He wanted to turn back around, back to Luke and he wanted to talk about things. He wanted to get a feel for where his husband was at before he confronted the man that was responsible for so much. Part of him wanted to look away…but that wasn't the part of him who won.

He was driven by a well of courage he didn't realize existed, but he tapped into it as he walked into the room. The man who sat before him was a stranger to him. He realized that now just as sure as he knew his own name. He didn't know this man; yet he had lived with him for the first eighteen years of his life. He had spent a long time trying to gain approval from him, and acceptance. He was a stranger, and after today Noah never wanted to see him again.

He moved closer to the table, placing his hands flat on the surface so he could lean forward and stare. He no longer trembled when he looked into those eyes. There was no room for fear, not this time. His heart was filled with pain and rage. He ached for his husband who had suffered at the hands of this man. He cried for the little boy who never had a childhood, and the teenager forced to hide his true identity. He felt for all of them, and their pain gave him strength to do what needed to be done.

"Okay, Dad…I'm here. Let's talk."


	23. Need

Identical emerald gazes watched helplessly as Luke paced the floor back and forth. They had learned over the past few months especially that there was no use in trying to reason with the man when he was like this. Ever since his return, and even before that to a degree, Luke didn't like having Noah out of his sights for too long. He needed to know where he was at all times, or at least be able to communicate with him on some level and now he couldn't.

The green eyes were worried too, as were the brown ones that were now focused on the baby sleeping in their owner's arms. Luke's pacing was putting everyone on edge, and it was up to James to try to diffuse the situation, even if just a little bit.

"Luke," he said, breaking the silence that had fallen after Luke was told that Noah was gone. "You don't want to wear a hole in the floor."

Luke halted his steps and looked down, suddenly appearing like a statue cast in marble. Robbie likened him to one of the Greek statues he had learned about in his history class. He wished there was something he could do to make his big brother less sad.

"Come sit down, Luke," James said keeping his voice soft as he spoke. "I know you're worried about Noah, and believe me if I could have stopped him from going I would have. You know that."

"I know," Luke said from his spot on the floor.

"And you know he wouldn't have done this if he didn't' think it was necessary right?" James continued.

"He shouldn't have to face him alone, James. What if-"

"His dad can't hurt him, Luke. Not anymore. He just wanted answers…I think you can understand that, can't you?"

"I'm just…" Luke trailed off, his foot tapping on the floor, impatient to begin the pacing yet again.

"I know you're scared, and it has more to do with his driving than anything else right?" Luke visibly cringed and James stood to go to his brother's side. "The weather's very nice right now, Luke. There's no inclement weather, and Noah has been driving again ever since Little Luke was born. He'll be fine, I promise you that. He's going to come home to you, okay?"

Luke nodded and turned to bury his face in James' shoulder. James held on to him tightly and rested his chin in his hair. He allowed his hand to run soothingly up and down Luke's back as he prayed silently that he was right.

The room was cold, and he was certain that had nothing to do with the room. It was nice outside, but in this room there was only ice and bitter cold. His hands felt like they were glued to the table as he stood there, his jaw tight as he stared at the man sitting across from him. He felt nothing for this man, and he wondered if he ever had. The father he once thought he knew seemed like a figment of his overly nostalgic imagination, and he wished to god he could distance himself from this monster once and for all.

"I mean it, Winston," he said the name sounding foreign on his lips but he didn't care. "I want to know why you do all these terrible things when you claim to love me."

"All I've ever done is out of love for you, son," Winston said gravely. All I have ever done is try to shape you into a man who can hold his head up high. And you can still do it, Noah. I have faith in you."

Noah laughed bitterly and moved away from the table, his hand running through his hair as he looked at the monster who sat before him. "Are you kidding me?" he asked, his fists clenched as he tried to fight the urge to laugh again. "You have no idea how much I have wanted to hear those words from you. You couldn't even begin to understand all that I have done to try to win your approval. I worked hard, and did everything you ever wanted me to do, but nothing ever worked."

His hands hit the table so hard his father jumped, but Noah didn't even flinch. The pain he felt in his wrists was nothing compared to what he was feeling in his heart. He was angry, beyond hurt and completely disgusted and even under all of that pent up aggression there was a little bit of fear; just enough to send a shudder up his spine

"You were always disappointed in me, and you lied to me."

"I never lied to you, Noah."

"You told me my mother was dead," Noah snapped. "And you let me think that was my fault."

"That was for your own good, Noah. You were much better off without her influence."

"How could you possibly think that telling me I was responsible for my mother's death would be for my own good? How could you even begin to believe that teaching me to be aloof and frozen was a good thing? And what in god's name made you decide that it would be a good idea to torture my husband to get me to do your bidding? Did it ever occur to you at all that everything you were doing was guaranteed to push me further away from you? Did that cross your mind at all?"

This isn't you talking, Noah. It's that boy. He has been nothing but a bad influence on you, but there is still time. We can make you into the man you were meant to be. You just have to let me guide you. You aren't weak Noah, but he makes you a coward."

"I AM THE MAN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE," Noah raised his voice as he once again moved away from the table. "I AM strong because of Luke. He makes me feel good about me, and he is proud of me. He LOVES me and you are not allowed to talk about him like he's some piece of gum on the bottom of my shoe. He is the man I love and he loves me, Winston. Which is something, I realize, that you never did."

"You are an ungrateful sonofabitch," Winston said as he stood up from the table. Noah moved back as the man tried to move towards him. He was stopped by the chain that held him in place, and Noah stood his ground, confident the man couldn't touch him. "All I have ever done is love you, despite the fact that you have disgraced me time and time again. You are the worse kind of son."

"Why? Because I'm obedient and smart? Because I don't want to conform to rules that I don't want to follow? Is that the problem, Dad?" he spat the word as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. "Did you hate that I was smarter than you, and that I was kinder, and nicer and people actually like me. You may have commandeered respect, sir, but I don't think you were liked. You may have been a respected Colonel at one point, but you are cold, and you are mean, and you don't have a heart. The capacity to Love does not exist in you. It took me a long time to realize that, and a lot of years to realize that I don't need your approval. I don't need you, and I don't want you. Do you hear me, Winston? Do you understand? I DON"T WANT YOU. And I hope you rot in hell."

"You'll be sorry, Noah," he heard the man say even as he knocked on the door for the guard to let him out. "You'll wish you never spoke to me in that manner. That deviant won't make you happy. Mark my words."

Noah didn't look back. He wouldn't give the man the satisfaction of knowing those words stung. He steeled his spine and walked out of the room back into the warmth the Oakdale police station provided. He noticed Jack leaning against his desk, and he smiled weakly acknowledging his presence.

"How did it go, Noah?" Jack asked coming to stand by his cousin's side.

"I didn't get any answers," Noah said finally allowing himself to look back towards the room. "I realized I didn't really need them. We're going to throw the book at him right?" Noah asked facing Jack once more. "He has to pay for what he did to Luke."

"And what he did to you," Jack added squeezing Noah's shoulder. "Don't worry; I think your father is going to go away for a very long time."

"No thinking," Noah said pulling away from Jack's grasp. "He has to pay, Jack. I do not want him to get his hands on Luke again. I couldn't take it. I want Luke to be safe, okay? Okay?" he repeated when his cousin took too long to respond.

Jack could read the look in his cousin's eyes; it was the hard look of determination complete with a slice of Snyder stubbornness. He had seen that look too many times not to recognize it. "You have my word Noah, he will pay. I love Luke too you know."

Noah nodded and impulsively gave the elder Snyder a quick hug before heading out the station. He needed to get back to Luke.

With every passing moment Luke grew more anxious. He knew it was irrational, he knew that he was being overly cautious, but the truth of the matter was that the last two times Noah was away from him and he didn't know where he was something bad happened. James told him he was overreacting, and he was sure his brother was right but he couldn't help it.

December would mark two years since the car accident that almost took Noah away from him. And tie that in with the fact that Noah had gone to see the man responsible for separating them once again…Luke didn't know how much more his nerves could take. He knew in theory that his husband could take care of himself…and he knew that Noah would be safe with the car, and it wasn't raining or snowing outside. He just needed to breathe. He needed to relax. James had already threatened to strap him down if he didn't. The last thing Noah needed was for Luke to end up in the hospital because of a panic attack.

That was why he was in the kitchen cleaning dishes. He figured if he kept himself busy he would be less likely to freak out. So far his plan was working out for the best. He had sent James home with his family in tow. And now he wished that he had asked them to stay. He didn't really want to be alone…he didn't want to worry about Noah.

"Luke," He heard his name being called and he dropped the dishtowel he was holding, not even bothering to turn off the water as he ran into the living room. "Hey, whoa," Noah said as Luke barreled into his arms almost making him fall. He frowned as he realized his husband was trembling and his hand immediately set about trying to soothe him. "It's alright, baby. I'm here. It's okay. Shhhhh," he said as he felt wetness against his shirt. Don't cry, baby. I'm okay…I'm here. See," he pulled away to cup Luke's face in his hands, forcing him to look at him. "I'm here, baby. Right here."

As he spoke he continued to stroke Luke's cheeks, whipping away the tears that slid down freely from the soft brown gaze. He allowed their foreheads to touch, and he was relieved when Luke's shaking lessened and their lips met in a warm, needy kiss. He deepened the embrace immediately, realizing that he needed it just as much as his husband did. Their lips danced, their tongues touched and their breath was taken away as they attempted to devour each other needing to feel as close as possible.

Luke pulled away from the embrace first, his hands pressing against Noah's chest as he tried to catch his breath. He could feel Noah's gentle gaze on him, and he just knew that he was worried that he had done something wrong.

"Don't you ever feel bad for kissing me, Noah," he said reaching up his hand to touch his husband's cheek. "I was so worried about you. I didn't know what to think when you weren't here. And when James said you went to talk to your dad…and I remember the car…and you were driving and I didn't…"

Noah silenced him with a finger and a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I didn't mean to worry you, Luke. I went to see my dad, because I needed answers. I needed to know why he did this to you."

Luke took Noah's hand and led him over to the couch where they settled down with Noah curling his legs up on the couch, his head resting in his husband's lap. Luke allowed his fingers to run through Noah's thick hair and listened as he recounted the events that occurred when he saw the colonel.

By the time Noah finished talking Luke was convinced that the colonel deserved a special place in hell. He could hardly believe the words the man had slung at his own son. Then he realized that it was just what he would do. It was more than evident that the colonel didn't love Noah, not the way a father was supposed to love his son. He sought to control, and when he didn't get his way he tried to go after the people Noah held dear. He shuddered as thoughts of his captivity invaded his thoughts for the first time in weeks.

He needed to make an appointment with James' dad, or talk to James, one of them. He needed to talk to someone about this…because as much as he wanted to talk to his husband he wasn't sure if he could. His fingers continued to comb through Noah's hair as he looked down at him. Noah had grown silent, his breathing the only indication that he wasn't necessarily sleeping just deep in thought.

"I'm very proud of you, Noah," he said smiling down at him. I know it couldn't have been easy for you to do what you did."

Noah turned slightly so he could look up at his husband and tried to smile. "I'm not brave, Luke."

"Yes you are," Luke countered easily. "You are brave, and stronger than anyone has ever given you credit for."

"If I was so strong I would have protected you better."

"Couldn't I say the same thing?"

"No," Noah said as he sat up to face his husband head on. "You have done nothing but protect me, Luke. From the very start you have been someone I can depend on and I wouldn't trade you in for anything. You, Luke, are the strongest bravest person I have ever known and it's because of you that I am who I am today. You are the reason I was able to stand up to that man. I don't want to be associated with him anymore, Luke. I just don't want to."

"Then we won't be," Luke said allowing his hands to cup Noah's cheeks. "We can drop the Mayer from our name completely, and we'll just be the Snyders. Okay? "

Noah's hands touched Luke's cheeks bringing their foreheads together as Luke's hands moved to rest on his shoulders. "I love you," he whispered softly. Their lips met in a brief but tender kiss before Luke wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a hug.

"Thanks for seeing me on such short notice."

"My door is always open for you, Luke. You know that." George took a seat behind his desk and focused his attention on his step-grandson. "How are you doing?"

"I've been better," Luke said running a hand through his hair. "I…I kinda wanted to talk about the booming voice a little."

"Were you able to figure out who it was?"

"It was Noah's father," Luke said so softly he wasn't sure if James' dad had heard him.

"Noah's father is responsible for everything you went through?"

Luke almost smiled at the anger he heard in James' father's voice. He had grown rather fond of the elder McPherson. "Yeah I guess when you boil it down that's what you come up with."

"How horrid."

"I think you've been spending way too much time with my Grandma," Luke kidded.

"She's worried about you."

"I know," Luke said sighing. "I know it seems like I've been ignoring her, but it's not…it's not that. I mean no one loves Grandma more than I do…"

"You're just afraid," George guessed.

"Yes. Though I don't really know why."

"I can tell you why, Luke. The answer is actually quite simple."

"It is?"

"You don't want to give her more to worry about. You're afraid that burdening her with your issues and your presence would somehow be detrimental to her recovery. Am I right?"

"Now I see where James gets it from," Luke said admiration clear in his tone. He bit his lip and looked down suddenly finding his hands more interesting for the moment. "I just feel like what I'm going through is so small," he admitted moments later. "I mean compared to cancer and the surgeries…what I went through is a walk in the park. And I don't need to focus on it, you know? I need to focus on Noah, and I need to focus on the family, Grandma included."

"We're family Luke. You aren't expected to be strong all the time. Let someone take care of you for a change."

"Noah and James have said that to me at one time or another. I just don't really know how to do it."

'Well," George said leaning forward on his desk, "Start by telling me what you're feeling. Not what you think others are feeling, or what they want you to feel. Tell me how Luke is."

"I don't know what I am?" Luke said honestly. "I think I've let all those feelings sit dormant for so long that I am not sure how to bring them out. And that's crazy…I know, I mean I have access to my emotions. It's just like I can't tap into them right now, you know? I think I'm almost afraid to."

"Well, close your eyes and relax," George instructed. He waited until Luke's eyes were closed before continuing. "Now breathe in and out slowly. Think of something pleasant, and clear your mind okay?"

"Yes sir," Luke leaned back against the chair and breathed as he was instructed. Ever so slowly he felt himself relax; his mind focused on the one person that made all of this worth it; the one person he knew he couldn't live without.

"Once your mind is clear, Luke I want you to share the first thought that comes to you okay?"

"I'm afraid," Luke responded easily. "I'm angry, and hurt and scared."

"Can you tell me what you're scared of?"

Failure."

"You don't want to let anyone down?" George inquired.

"Everyone counts on me. I have to be strong for everyone…I'm the glue."

"Even glue doesn't work very well if it's not properly taken care of, Luke," George said wisely. "And quite frankly your true friends and family, they don't' expect you to be the glue all the time."

"Do you think I'm cursed, Dr. McPherson?"

The question caught George off guard and he raised an eyebrow, waiting for Luke to elaborate. Of course he didn't think the young man was cursed at all. Luke was by far one of the good guys and he reminded him so much of James. The two of them really could have been brothers.

"I mean, it's like all this bad stuff happens to the people I love the most. Noah got hurt, and then James got hurt. Gram got sick again, my parents broke up and it just seems like this whole vicious cycle. I feel like I was meant to be punished. And I know that's crazy. I know that everyone tells me it's insane to think that way but I can't stop. I broke Noah's heart when I told him that his father did this, and I don't know how to fix it."

"You are far too hard on yourself, Luke," George replied his expression thoughtful. "I also think that you know deep down none of those things are your fault. For example, you were in Vegas when you got the call about your grandmother right?" he waited for Luke's confirmation before continuing. "You had no way of knowing that she was ill or was going to become ill. The last time you saw her she was fine. And I gather your mother's affair is the cause of her marriage falling apart right?"

"Yeah." Luke frowned.

"And you felt abandoned by her yet again, plus you were sick yourself when you came home. You don't blame your grandmother for your kidney infection do you? I mean after all it was the stress that caused it right?"

"No, that wasn't her fault," Luke insisted. "She couldn't have known that I would get sick."

"Exactly," George said a twinkle in his eyes.

"Thanks, Dr. McPherson," Luke sighed. "I guess I just don't like everyone around me getting hurt."

"Your friends and your family feel the same way, son. We don't like seeing you in pain anymore than you like seeing us in it. I know for a fact that my James would face off with anyone who dare try to hurt you or Noah. And I have no doubt that you would do the same. That's what love is all about."

"I'd protect any of them in a heartbeat," Luke agreed solemnly. "They are my family, just as much as my brothers and sisters and my dad."

"I know that…and they know it too, Luke. They may say things about you being the glue and being better when you are around, but I can about guarantee you that none of them expect more than you are able to give. They just want you to be you, they want you to be okay…and I want the same thing."

"And what if I'm not sure what that means anymore? What if…what if I'm lost?"

"Let me ask you something. Who do you trust most?"

"Noah, my dad, James and Grandmother."

'There's your answer," George said smiling as he folded his hands on his desk. "When you feel like the world's closing in on you call on your trust system. They are your anchors Luke…use them, they are meant to hold you steady. And trust me, they won't mind."

Luke felt a lot better when he left Dr. McPherson's office. After talking about everything and admitting just how frightened he had been of Noah's father, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. James' father thought it would be a good idea to talk to Noah about what he was feeling. There could be no secrets between the two of them, and Luke knew that was the truth. Secrets had almost destroyed them before…he couldn't let that happen again. He and Noah had to help each other…it was the only way to get through the crisis.

The house was quiet when he made it home, and he was grateful for the quiet. He settled down on the couch and picked up his phone to dial a familiar number. Three rings resounded in his ear before the other line was picked up and he heard a familiar voice.

"HI," he said smiling bashfully even though the person on the other line couldn't see him. "Remember me?"

"As if I could ever forget my favorite grandson, how are you darling?"

"I'm living," Luke replied realizing that he couldn't lie to his grandmother even if he wanted to. "I'm sorry I haven't been in touch…we haven't really talked much and that's totally my fault. Are you doing okay?"

"You don't have to worry about me, Darling. I'm more concerned about you. You went through such a horrid ordeal. Just horrid. How are you holding up? Did you ever figure out who helped that horrible man hold you captive?"

Luke sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was rather surprised that his grandmother didn't know this news already. He was certain it would have been spread around by now. "I remembered the voice, Gram. It was Noah's…" he sighed and started over, "It was the Colonel."

"My word," he heard his grandmother gasp. "Is our boy alright, Luke?"

"He snapped at his momma, but I saw that one coming. I knew it was only a matter of time. And he's trying to deal with it, but I think he's trying to be strong for me."

"Darling, you need to be strong for each other. Remember what your vows said? You have to remember."

Luke nodded even though he knew his grandmother couldn't see the gesture. "I know, Grandmother…I know. "We're stronger together through thick and thin and good times and bad times."

"Yes, in sickness and in health. I know you can do it. You and Noah are perfect together, just perfect."

"Thanks Grandma. That means a lot that you believe in us."

"OF course I do. Hey, you know you are my favorite grandson. And you remember our pact hmmm? You and me against the world, Luke. Don't forget, we're survivors."

"Right and it will take more than the likes of the two C's to get us down."

His grandmother's laughter was almost musical, and he had to smile. He had missed the sound of her happiness and he was glad to hear it. "You just remember that, Darling," she said when her laughter had died down. "Everything is going to be alright, for all of us. Noah will heal if you are there with him and vice versa. Let him help you while you help him. Okay? Can you promise me, promise me that you will do that?"

"Yes, Grandmother. I promise. I love you."

"I love you too, Luke. Thank you for calling."

There was something almost magical about watching him sleep. His perfect eyelashes fanned across the top of his cheeks, and his full lips were curled into a content smile. His body was curled up into a tight ball and his head rested on the armrest of the couch. He was almost reluctant to wake him, but he wanted to talk to him, he wanted to hear his voice, and more than anything he wanted to kiss him breathless. Noah missed Luke so much, and just this once he wanted to be selfish.

He quietly made his way over to the couch and settled down beside his husband, reaching out a hand to smooth back some of the blond hair that had fallen in his eyes. His fingers caressed his cheek ever so gently enjoying the feel of stubble beneath his skin. His hand fell down to Luke's arm as the other man stirred and Noah smiled as he watched those eyes flutter open to look at him.

"You're home," Luke said happily as he reached out a hand to his husband. Noah pulled Luke into his arms and placed his hand on his cheek again taking a moment to lose himself in those chocolate brown eyes he loved so much. "I missed you," Luke whispered, their faces so close he could smell the spaghetti sauce Noah had eaten for lunch.

Noah guided their mouths together and gently licked Luke's lips with his tongue asking for permission to enter which he was duly granted. Luke wrapped his arms around Noah's neck and gave into the sweetness of the kiss. His tongue tangoed with Noah's as their lips fought to devour and deplete their breath.

They pulled apart when breathing became necessary and Luke pressed his forehead to Noah's, a shudder running down his spine as his mouth hung up, lips swollen yet hungering for more. He had missed this. While it was true that the intimacy hadn't completely stopped since he had been home, he was well aware of where things usually stopped. It had been a long time since Noah had kissed him with such passionate fire.

"I missed you too," Noah's voice drew his attention and he felt the other man's hand in his hair, grabbing the strands firmly before letting it go again. "I love you, Luke, and I'm not going to let anyone stop me from doing that…okay?"

Luke could only nod as he moved closer to Noah, their bodies touching everywhere they could with their positioning. He didn't know if he was ready for sex with Noah, but he wanted to be as close to him as possible, he needed to feel him, to be surrounded by his warmth.

"We're going to get through this," He said his fingers moving to cup Noah's cheeks, even as Noah's fingers slid down his face, tracing his jaw down to his neck before wrapping tightly around his waist. "You and me, Noah…somehow we will make it through because we are stronger than he is. We're stronger than anything we have faced so far and as long as we have each other I think we'll be okay."

Noah smiled and kissed him softly one last time before shifting so that they were both on the couch, their knees touching as he took Luke's hand into his. "I know I've been hell to live with the past couple of days-"

"Don't even," Luke cut him off. "I've been pretty crazy the past few months…and you had every right to be a little insane."

"And so did you," Noah assured him, squeezing his hands before bringing them to his lips. "I don't want to let you out of my sight. I mean I know that's impossible, but I want to be wherever you are because that way I know you're safe."

"You'd get tired of me pretty fast that way," Luke replied softly. "Though I am definitely crazy about that idea, since I like being where you are."

Noah smiled and played with Luke's fingers as he thought about something else he wanted to discuss with his husband. Luke had mentioned it before when they first identified the Colonel…but they hadn't brought it up sense. "Did you mean it, Luke?" he asked breaking the comforting silence that had fallen between them. "When you said we can change our last name. We can just be the Snyders?"

Luke nodded and pulled one of his hands from Noah's grasp to gently cup his cheek. "I can get Tom to draw up whatever paperwork we need tomorrow. "By the time that man sees us in court we'll be Luke and Noah Snyder. I kinda like the sound of that."

"Thank you," Noah whispered. "Thank you for loving me."

Luke allowed their lips to touch for a breath moment before allowing his vulnerability to show on his face. Noah immediately pulled the man into his embrace knowing exactly what he needed at that moment. Luke's head rested in the nook between Noah's neck and his shoulder and he quietly sank into the warmth his husband provided. There were no more words to be spoken, not today. For the moment Luke just wanted…needed to be held, and Noah was more than willing to oblige.


	24. Parenthood

Luke blindly reached out for the phone managing to knock the receiver off the table in his haste to answer it. "He sighed and closed his eyes tighter as he answered. "This better be good."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Luke. Did I wake you up?"

"Robbie?" Luke asked suddenly opening his eyes as he sat up in bed. "What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"Jimmy asked me to call because I need a ride to take my test today, and I know you and Noah are supposed to go into town right? I'm sorry if I woke you up. I can call back."

"No…no that's okay, Robbie. Is James okay?"

"No…he has a fever and he wanted me to ask if you could watch the baby too. He doesn't' want Lucas to get sick. Maddie doesn't want him to get sick either, so it's either leave him with you, which we do anyway on weekdays, or take him to Henry's house.

"What about Grandma and Dr. McPherson?" Luke asked stretching as he tried to get the kinks out of his neck.

"She has that appointment today, remember?"

"OH yeah…that's right," Luke said remembering the conversation he had had with his Grandmother just the day before. It was November now, and along with the changing season came changes in their little family. Lucinda was going to have surgery, Robbie was about to test into the eighth grade and Luke and Noah were going to officially have their name changed. Thanksgiving was fast approaching but before that they had another trial to endure. Luke wondered when this had turned into such a chaotic year.

"Are you okay, Luke? I really can just call back."

Luke sighed. "I'm sorry Little brother I don't mean to worry you. I'm fine…just realizing how much stuff we have going on in the next few weeks. I will gladly take you to take your test, and Noah and I can watch Lucas for as long as Maddie needs us to. I hope James gets better. I was hoping he could come with us today."

"He wanted to," Robbie explained. "He was so excited about taking me to take my test too but his fever is pretty high and he got sick so he has to stay in bed. Maddie's rules."

"Okay…well you get ready and bring Lucas over. Noah and I will be up and ready when you get here okay?"

"Thanks, Luke."

"You're welcome. And no more apologizing for waking me up. It's fine," he yawned and hung up the phone, turning his attention to his husband who was surprisingly still asleep. He smiled lovingly at the lean man who slept beside him every night. It was hard to believe that two years ago he had married this man…the first time. They had gone through so much, and the hard timed didn't seem like they wanted to end, but truthfully there wasn't much Luke would changed. He still loved Noah more than anything else in the world, and on this the anniversary of their first wedding, Luke felt incredibly close to him.

He kissed him softly on the lips, deciding to let him sleep for just a little longer before they had to begin their day. He slipped out of bed and made his way to the bathroom to splash water on his face. Things had been relatively quiet since Noah's visit with his father. Noah was withdrawn, and Luke didn't press him to open up. Honestly he was secretly glad that Noah was preoccupied because he was too. They were both dealing with their own problems, and Luke discussed his every week with his therapist. He knew that wasn't healthy, nor was it a very good thing but he couldn't help it.

Today he was hoping that would change. It was their anniversary after all, and he wanted to make it a good day for him and for Noah. Getting their name legally changed to just Snyder was part of step one. After their appointment they would be Luke and Noah Snyder, and he rather liked the sound of that. It seemed fitting since Noah was a Snyder by blood anyway. It was only right that he carry the name too.

He slipped out of his pajamas and turned on the shower, welcoming the warm spray against his skin. He lathered up quickly trying not to look at the fading bruises that still marred his skin. He didn't think the marks would ever go away. They were an ever present reminder of the nine weeks he was missing and he wished he could forget.

Sometimes he tried to scrub real hard, as if that would make the marks go away; but instead he only managed to make his skin feel raw and tender. Once he even made himself bleed and he made up a story about cutting himself with a razor to ease Noah's concern.

He knew it was stupid, he knew that Noah wouldn't care about his marks…but he cared and that alone stopped him from allowing his husband access to his body. That wasn't even including the intimacy issue. He didn't know how long he could keep denying Noah what he deserved. Noah never asked, but Luke knew his husband missed that part of their relationship. Not being together physically was killing him too; he just didn't know how to get past it. IT was so different from the last time. He felt so violated and used. Yet at the same time he wanted to feel close to Noah again. He wanted his husband to scare away the bad memories…he just didn't know how to accomplish it, and right now he didn't have time to think about it.

Noah was already up and moving about when he returned to their room and Luke found himself wrapped in a warm embrace he couldn't resist. His arms wrapped around Noah's neck and he kissed him greedily. Noah's fingers combed through his hair and he sighed contentedly as he rested his forehead against Noah's.

"Are you okay," Noah asked pulling away to look at him. "You've been crying." Gentle fingers reached up to wipe away the moisture and Luke blink. He hadn't realized that he had shed any tears. "What's wrong, Luciano?"

"I just miss you," Luke replied softly. "I miss us, and I don't know how to get us back."

"I miss us too," Noah said as his fingers traced Luke's cheeks. "I know that this has been very difficult for you and I am just glad that you haven't shut me out completely. I don't think I could have handled that again. We're going to get through this, Luke. Isn't that what you keep telling me every day?"

"I want to believe that, Noah. I do. I mean, I love you so much, and I can remember two years ago when you surprised me with the wedding. We were so happy that day."

"Breakfast in bed and a soda fight," Noah recalled fondly.

"And don't forget the hot tub."

"When our kids ask us what we did on our honeymoon which will we share?" Noah asked wrapping Luke in his arms once again. "The fantabulous trip to Italy or the impromptu soda fight we had in our hotel.

"We could tell them about the soda fight and then show them the video of our trip to Europe," Luke smiled and kissed Noah's nose. "Thank you for making me feel better, Noah. I love you."

"I love you too," Noah said stealing a kiss before he let Luke go completely. "Happy Anniversary."

"Happy Anniversary, Mr. Snyder," Luke smiled.

Noah smiled too and kissed Luke's hand before heading towards the bathroom. "I better get ready; we have enough time for a quick breakfast before we had to drop Robbie off."

Luke shook his head and watched Noah disappear into the bathroom. It didn't surprise him at all that Noah had heard his conversation with Robbie about his test. He had learned long before that when it came to him Noah was a very light sleeper, and when it came to Noah he was the same way.

He ran a hand through his still damp hair and headed for the kitchen to make breakfast. The bacon was frying and the eggs were scrambled by the time Robbie knocked on the door. Luke quickly answered it and saved his little brother who had somehow managed to balance baby and baby supplies along with his backpack.

"Thank you," he said when he was relieved of his burden. "Little Luke is not a light baby."

"He's going to be big and strong like his daddy, aren't you little guy?" Luke asked his godson who seemed to be taking in the scene around him. "Are you ready for your test, Robbie?"

"Just a little nervous, but I think I will do okay."

"I'm sure you'll do fine. Come on I was just making breakfast. You want some?"

"Just some toast, I'm not really hungry."

"Well you can have eggs, bacon and toast. I don't want James saying I don't feed you," he teased as he served up breakfast for Robbie and put on a pot of coffee for him and Noah. He poured his little brother some orange juice and pulled down two mugs for the coffee. Just as he set them on the counter Little Luke let it be known that he wanted some attention too.

"Can you watch the coffee for me," Luke asked even as he lifted the baby out of the basinet.

"Okay," Robbie said watching Luke disappear before turning back to his breakfast. He was almost done when Noah entered the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Hi Noah," Robbie said watching his big brother drink the brew before wrinkling his nose. Robbie watched amused as he pulled cream and an obscene amount of sugar into the concoction and swirled it around a few times before sipping it again. It wasn't the first time that he had seen Noah partake in his coffee ritual, but for some reason today it made him smile. "Are you ready for talking yet?"

Noah looked up and raised his cup of coffee to him before taking another deep gulp of the hot liquid. "Hi Robbie. Are you ready for your test?"

"I'm a little nervous, but I am sure I'll do okay. What happened to Luke?"

"Your nephew decided that Luke was the diaper, so he's changing."

Robbie couldn't help but laugh, and he covered his mouth and looked at Noah who had an amused smirk on his face. "Oh my god I know that's not funny. Especially since you guys had something to do today. Poor Luke."

"Yeah he was not amused, but he is an old pro at this diaper changing thing so I think he's used to it."

"There you go Lucas now we're both nice and dry," Luke said as he reentered the kitchen with the baby. Robbie and Noah exchanged a look with each other before looking at Luke who was placing the baby back in the basinet. "What?" he asked as he stood and ran a hand through his hair. "Is my fly unzipped or something."

"No," Robbie laughed again. "I love coming over here. You guys are too funny."

"I'm glad we can amuse you squirt," Luke said rustling Robbie's hair before moving to give Noah a kiss.

"Are you going to call me squirt if I make it to the eighth grade?" Robbie asked curiously as he watched his brothers share the cup of coffee.

"My dad has been calling me squirt since I was four," Luke laughed."

"Or kiddo," Noah added, "and he calls you buddy too, or Bud depending on the situation."

"So I will take that as a yes," Robbie smiled as Luke swatted at Noah. He thought it was great to see them being so carefree. There had been so much bad stuff going on and everyone had been so serious. A little playfulness was warranted.

"Finish your breakfast," Noah said a few minutes later. "And you need to eat too he said turning his attention once more to Luke who took another drink of coffee and shook his head.

"I'm too nervous for food."

"You wouldn't let me get away with that one," Robbie pointed out. Luke stuck out his tongue at his little brother even as Noah pulled him over to the table and kissed him on the cheek.

"I'll fix us both something quick and then we'll get going."

Luke stole a kiss before preoccupying himself with the baby while Noah fixe them breakfast. Soon everyone was full and ready to start their day. Luke called James to check on him before they left the house. His brother sounded miserable, though he did manage to laugh at Little Luke's "perfect aim." Luke promised that when they returned from the courthouse they would stop by for a visit, and after that they were off, ready to start what promised to be a whirlwind of a day.

"Mr. Snyder-Mayer do you understand everything we have gone over today," the judge asked as he placed papers in front of Luke and Noah to sign. "You are making a huge change here. Changing your name for marriage is one thing, but to completely dissolve your birthright…that is another situation entirely."

"I don't want any association with the Mayer name, Judge Newcomb. I have thought about this a lot, especially in the past few weeks and it's the best decision for both of us." Noah looked over at Luke and took his hand. Luke smiled at him and turned his attention back to the judge.

"We know that on one hand it's just a name, sir, and that it is the person who makes it something special," he said repeating what Judge Newcomb had said when their conversation started. "And I originally insisted that Noah keep the Mayer name because it is a part of who he is. But circumstances beyond our imaginings have made it necessary for us to take this step. I don't think either of us wants our kids to be associated with that name at all."

The judge nodded grimly. He completely understood what they were speaking about. He would be seeing them again in court next week, when the man they were referring to would be on trial for kidnapping and torture. Judge Newcomb had a lot of respect for Luke and Noah; they were a true testament of strength, dealing with things that would cause anyone to stumble and give up.

"Okay, gentlemen, I do understand your position, and I gladly grant you your wish to change the names on your marriage license. Just sign those papers for me." He handed Noah a pen and watched as he read it over carefully before putting his signature to the document. Noah then handed the pen to Luke who did the same thing before signing and dating it.

"Thank you, Your Honor, we appreciate this." Luke said handing the papers back to Judge Newcomb. The judge smiled before excusing himself for a few minutes. Luke kissed Noah's hand and gave it a squeeze s the waited for the judge to return. The process had been easier then they h ad expected, and they were just glad to have it over with.

Ten minutes later they exited the courthouse hand in hand with their new Marriage license safely tucked away in their portfolio with all the other important documents. Little Luke, who surprisingly had been silent while they were in the courthouse, decided it was time to make his presence known. He let out a wail that signified that he was hungry. Luke picked up the baby as they reached their car and talked to him soothingly as he buckled him into the car seat.

"You just hang on for a little bit okay, your uncle Luke is going to take care of you. You just have to let me and Uncle Noah pick your Uncle Robbie up from his test and then we'll go home. Does that sound like a plan?" Luke smiled as the baby gurgled and he pressed a kiss on the top of his forehead. "Thank you Lucas. "

Noah watched as Luke settled into the car and buckled his seatbelt. It never ceased to amaze him when he watched Luke with kids. He couldn't wait until they had their own. Luke leaned over and kissed him, startling him out of his thoughts and he smiled. "Are you ready, Mr. Snyder?"

"Always," Mr. Snyder," Noah replied his grin widening as he looked into Luke's intense gaze. Luke returned his smile before turning his attention back to the road, glad to leave the courthouse behind them for the moment.

The distinct sound of retching met their ears when they entered James and Maddie's house forty five minutes later. Robbie frowned as Luke handed him the baby and headed towards the bathroom with Noah followed close behind. Robbie took his nephew over to the couch and went to the kitchen to get a bottle warmed up for him; all the while his thoughts were with Jimmy. He worried that his brother was sick and he hoped it was just the flu.

James felt a hand on his back and looked up to see Luke kneeling beside him. Noah was there too, at the sink wetting a paper towel which James promptly felt on his feverish skin. He allowed the boys to lift him up to escort him back to his bedroom where he was promptly tucked into bed. Dart, who had been resting at the foot of the bed hopped up determined to sleep dear his master.

"Thanks guys," James said weakly as his head hit the pillow. "How did it go today?"

"Robbie passed his test, not that this is a surprise," Noah said smiling as he settled down on the bed. "But we're more concerned about you. How are you feeling? Do we need to take you to the doctor's?"

"No don't worry about me. I'll be okay…I'm sure it's just the flu. I'll be fine by next week so I can be in court with you guys."

"Listen to you, worrying about us when you're sick," Luke said fondly. "Is there anything you need? Soup? Tea? A breath mint?"

"Shut up," James laughed. "I'm not keeping anything down so I don't know how much good soup will do. You two don't have to take care of me though…you have an anniversary to celebrate don't you?"

"I'm going to make you some peppermint tea, and check on Robbie and the baby. I'll be back," Noah said as he got off the bed. Luke watched his husband leave the room before returning his attention to James.

"He isn't very subtle is he," James asked slightly amused by his brother's sudden exit.

"Noah doesn't do subtle," Luke replied, a smile playing on his lips. "I think he sensed that I needed to talk to you, even before I realized it."

"Well…I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere so talk."

Luke sighed. "James you do not have time to worry about my problems."

"Says the guy who woke from a coma and gave each of us advice," James pointed out. "I love you, Luke. I want to help, so let me okay? You'll be helping me by keeping my mind positive so talk to me."

"I miss Noah."

"Well since he's right in the other room, I take it you mean you miss being intimate with him."

"Yeah," Luke admitted looking down at his fingers. "IT's just everything you know? It's like I love being held by him, and he's so patient with me, but I can't handle anything else."

"What is it you're afraid of exactly?" James asked as he shifted to make himself more comfortable. "You know Noah loves you, and he's aware of what you went through."

"But he hasn't seen me," Luke admitted softly. He met his brother's gaze head on and frowned. "I'm already in bed most times when Noah comes in, and I wear long sleeves and dress when he's not around. I've totally cut myself off from him. And the thing is I know it's not fair, and I know that I can trust Noah it's just…"

"You're scared?" James said finishing Luke's thought. "And that's understandable. I think you need to talk to Noah about it though. And I'm sure you already know this, but letting your fear control what you and Noah do is like giving the colonel and Randy what they want."

Luke closed his eyes and let what James was saying sink in. He hadn't even thought about it that way, but James was right. Noah's father sought to ruin their relationship and Randy wanted to break his spirit. That had been the point of his abduction, and at the moment they were succeeding and he was the only one who could stop that from happening.

"I have tea," Noah's voice broke the silence that had fallen in the room and Luke stood to help his husband bring over the cups. He had a mug for each of them, and somehow he had managed not to spill any of the hot liquid. "Is everything okay in here?"

"Yeah," Luke said as he handed James one of the cups. "Everything's good."

"Thanks for the tea, Noah," James said blowing on the liquid before taking a sip. "How did closing the door on your past today?"

"I don't think that door will be completely closed until next week," Noah pointed out as he blew on his own tea. "But I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It just seems right, you know? Being completely finished with the Mayer name."

"We'll have to fix that on our check books though," Luke reminded him.

"And our driver's licenses and the credit cards, I think we'll be okay though." Noah laughed. "Who knew such a step was so complicated."

"You two are a mess," James said his voice sounding much softer then it had a few minutes ago.

"I think someone's getting sleepy," Luke observed. "Finish your tea, and get some rest. Do you want us to take Robbie with us? We don't mind watching him and Little Luke until Maddie gets home."

"Can you guys stay?" James asked as he took another sip of the tea. Noah took the cup from him and placed it on the bedside table.

"We'll stay for awhile. You rest and Luke will make some of Grandma's famous chicken noodle soup."

"Guaranteed to make you feel better in no time," Luke added softly. They simultaneously bent down to kiss their brother on the cheek before Noah grabbed the half-empty teacup and they slipped out of the room.

Robbie looked up when they entered the living room a frown on his face as he rubbed circles on Little Luke's back. "Is Jimmy okay?"

"He's resting," Luke explained, "And we're going to keep him company until Maddie gets home."

"I hope it's just the flu and he gets better soon," Robbie said as Noah returned from the kitchen.

"Do you want a snack Robbie, or will you hold out for the soup Luke's about to start on?"

"I can wait. I want to get some reading done. Do you think we could discuss a book later, Luke?"

"We'll see. Maddie may need your help tonight."

"Okay, I'll help out any way I can." Robbie said handing the baby over to Noah. "I'm going to get my book and sit in the room with Jimmy so he's not lonely."

"Just don't wake him up okay?"

"I won't." Robbie bounced off to his room and Luke turned to Noah who looked like he was having a very serious conversation with the baby. He took out his cell phone to snap a picture and smiled when Noah focused that blue gaze on him.

"I couldn't resist," he said slipping the phone back in his pocket. "Now if you are done having a conversation with our godson, do you think you could give me a hand in the kitchen?"

"What do you think Luke? Do you think we can help your uncle in the kitchen?" Noah asked the smiling baby. Little Luke clapped his hands together and moved his mouth as if he really was speaking and Luke just smiled. "It's our cooking night isn't it?" Noah asked focusing once again on his husband.

Luke nodded and found the swing for little Luke and beckoned Noah to follow him into the kitchen. It didn't take long for them to get the baby situated in his swing, and Luke started rummaging through the cabinets for the ingredients needed to make Emma's special chicken noodle soup. Noah started cutting up the vegetables while Luke boiled the noodles and started on the broth. They cooked in silence, both of them every now and again glancing at the baby as they prepared the soup for their meal. Little Luke was quiet for the most part, but every now and again he would start babbling in the quiet, which usually brought a smile to both his godfathers' faces.

"I miss this," Luke said as he passed Noah a clean dish. They had finished preparations for soup and whipped up pudding for dessert. Now they were cleaning up their mess while waiting for Maddie to come home.

"I do too," Noah admitted. He dried the bowl and placed it in the drainer and leaned against the sink while he waited for Luke to hand him something else. "I miss you, Luke. And I don't just mean the cooking. I mean we haven't really stopped doing it."

"It just feels different," Luke said softly. He focused on the sink that was now empty of dishes and he absently reached his hand in to take out the stopper. "Sometimes I feel so close to you, Noah…it's like we're still in the newlywed stages. But then-"

"It feels like we're so far apart," Noah finished the thought. "I feel it too, and I don't want to be that way. I love you. You know that right?" He stood up straight and placed his hands on Luke's arms, rubbing up and down in a soothing motion as he looked into his husband's eyes.

"I know you love me," Luke said taking Noah's hands into his own. "I have never doubted that, Noah. It's just…so much has happened and I don't really know how to explain it."

Noah pulled his husband over to the table where they could sit down and still keep an eye on the baby. He pushed the swing a couple of times before focusing on Luke again as the baby's giggles filled the air. "Okay, talk to me. I think we've been through enough for you to know that no matter what you say I'm not going to judge you. And you could tell me that you don't think you'll ever be able to have sex with me again and it wouldn't faze me, Luke. Because I learned a long time ago that I love being with you in any and every way that I can. We've traveled this road before, remember."

"I don't want to stop having sex with you," Luke said his voice husky from the tears he was trying to keep at bay. "Though I think that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me. I don't want you to make that sacrifice, Noah. You shouldn't have to. I want to be complete with you, and I know you want me…but you haven't seen me in months."

Noah was silent as it dawned on him what Luke was referring to. Honestly, he hadn't even thought about it. Luke wore long sleeves all the time, and they were never in the same room when they dressed anymore. And he couldn't think of the last time he and Luke had showered together. He took Luke's hand into his and kissed it, his eyes locking with the golden ones he adored, wanting Luke to understand what he was about to say.

"DO you remember that conversation we had about bookshelves and perfection?" HE waited for Luke to nod before continuing. "I don't care about the scrapes, the bruises or the discolorations that may exist beneath this fabric," he said allowing his free hand to finger Luke's sweater. "You're still Luke, and I love you, and you're always going to be perfect to me."

At that moment the baby laughed, reminding them that they were sitting in their best friends' kitchen. Luke got up to check on dinner while Noah fussed with the baby. Maddie, who had just arrived home, stood in the doorway watching the scene unfold. It made her smile to see her friends so domesticated. Noah was tickling Little Luke while the Elder Luke was stirring something that smelled really good.

"Hey guys," she greeted as she moved forward to relieve Noah of baby duty. "Hi there little guy. How's my precious boy today huh? Were you a good boy for your uncles and your daddy, hmmm?"

"Welcome home Maddie," Luke said even as he looked through the cabinets for bowls. "You're just in time. We made soup, specifically for James, but there's enough for everyone here."

"How is he doing?" Maddie asked frowning. "I called a few times this morning, he sounded so sick. And the last time he had to go to the bathroom."

"We found him in the bathroom," Noah explained. "He's resting now. Robbie is in the room with him and we're just here keeping things in order."

"I see. You guys are very good at that. And Little Luke was no trouble?"

"He's a complete angel," Luke said as he wrapped an arm around Noah's waist. "Robbie passed his test, and Noah and I are officially Snyders."

"And that is as it should be," Maddie smiled and kissed her son's forehead. "Did Lucas eat?"

"Robbie fed him earlier…but I'm sure by the time you've had dinner and checked on your husband the little guy will be wanting food again."

"We strained some carrots for him," Noah said pointing to the orange mush on the counter.

"Thank you. You two just don't know how bit a help you really are." Maddie kissed them both on the cheek and started a conversation with her son who was babbling again.

Luke pulled out his camera once again to snap a picture of Maddie with her son. She was really good at the mothering thing, though he remembered how scared she had been.

"Luke, Noah," Robbie called as he came into the kitchen. "Oh hi, Maddie you're here too."

"Is something wrong, Robbie?" Luke asked concerned.

"Jimmy got sick again. And he's burning up."

"I'll take care of him," Maddie said handing the baby to Luke before rushing to be by her husband's side. Luke looked at Noah and frowned. They followed Robbie into the living room where they could just make out the sounds of James saying hello to the toilet. When Maddie returned to the living room she looked worn out as she ran a hand through her hair. "His temperature is 101. I'm going to let him sleep a little, and then give him some of the soup you guys made."

"Do you want us to stay?" Noah asked concerned.

"No…you guys have already been here all day. And it's your anniversary…go spend it together. James will be okay, and I'll let you know if we need to make a trip to the emergency room."

"You're sure Maddie?"

"Yes I'm positive. Go, celebrate the name change and let me know if I need to not bring Lucas over tomorrow." She winked at her friends and laughed at the expressions that crossed their faces.

"See you guys tomorrow," Robbie's voice broke them out of their daze and they hugged their little brother tight congratulating him again on his success. After poking their heads in on James once last time, and kissing both Little Lucas and his mother, they left and made their way to their own home.

"Would you cook with me?" Noah asked when they settled down on the couch.

"Is that what you want?" Luke asked biting his lip as he looked at his husband.

Noah lifted Luke's chin and kissed him softly at first before adding more pressure to the kiss. "That's what I want right now," he whispered in response to Luke's question.

Luke bit his lip again as he waited for his head to stop spinning. Noah had always been able to make him slightly dizzy. "Okay," he said shyly allowing himself to be pulled off the chair and led into the kitchen.

Cooking with Noah was like an intricate dance that they both knew the steps to. They moved around their kitchen easily, handing each other ingredients and cutting up meat and vegetables with such ease. It was effortless really, the time they spent together just crafting their meal. No words were needed for them to communicate and Luke didn't think it was possible to love their cooking days more than he already did.

Once the kitchen smelled like garlic and spices they faced each other, each with a hand resting on the island, their eyes locked in a heated gaze. Like magnets they moved closer embracing each other as if they had been apart for more than just minutes. Luke looked up and Noah dipped his head to capture those full lips into a kiss guaranteed to take both their breaths away.

"Hi," he said pressing their foreheads together. "You're shivering."

"IT's not from the cold," Luke whispered as he pressed his hands against Noah's chest." He could feel Noah's heartbeat and he knew without question that it was beating in rhythm with his.

The stove timer chose that moment to ding breaking the spell that had been cast over them. They moved apart and Luke pulled down a plate from the cupboard as Noah moved to get glasses. Luke served up food for them to share and Noah poured the juice. Soon they were sitting with the plate between them feeding each other the food they had prepared.

After dinner Luke retired to their bedroom while Noah cleaned. He was shivering as he prepared for bed, trying not to second guess the decision he was making. He wanted to do this…for himself and for Noah

Noah made sure everything was in its place before leaving the kitchen. He tidied up the living room a little and double checked the locks before heading for their bedroom. He had been thinking a lot about Luke and what they had talked about earlier. He hoped his husband knew that he had meant every word. Luke was the most important thing in his world, and there wasn't anything Noah wouldn't do to prove that to him.

He stopped short when he reached their bedroom, his mouth open wide as he looked at the sight before him. Brown eyes looked up at him, and Noah was sure he saw a flash of uncertainty in that gaze. Luke bit his lip as Noah closed the door and ventured further into the room. Luke was sitting on the bed wearing one of the lounging robes they had purchased in Venice. It covered his entire body from head to toe, and the enormity of the gesture was not lost on Noah.

He approached the bed slowly and pulled Luke to his feet, allowing his eyes to roam over him lovingly as his hands rested on his arms. Luke was shivering but he didn't make a move to pull away, a fact that Noah duly noted. He tilted Luke's chin and kissed him softly, allowing his teeth to nibble on Luke's lower lip causing him to moan contentedly.

He continued to kiss him as his hands slowly caressed his covered skin, moving up and down the fabric as his mouth slowly reacquainted itself with Luke's. He felt Luke's arms moving, wanting to encircle his waist and he pulled away, kissing Luke once more before taking his hands into his. "I want to make love to you tonight, Luciano. This is all about you.

The gasp that escaped Luke's lips was all the answer he needed and he kissed him again, allowing his hands to find the sash that held the robe together. He undid it and pressed his hands flat against Luke's chest, gliding across the skin as he pushed the robe off of his shoulders. He heard Luke's breath catch and he pulled back to drink in the sight before him.

Somehow he found the strength not to flinch at the beautiful skin now marred by marks that someday would be faded reminders. These were battle scars; badges of honor that showed his strength and Noah loved each and every one of them. He kissed Luke's forehead and his eyes, his nose and both cheeks before pressing their lips together briefly. Luke relaxed visibly as Noah's lips continued to move downward. Contented sighs escaped him as he realized how much he had missed this.

He held his breath as Noah lowered him to the bed and continued his descent, kissing every inch of him, caressing and massaging with his fingers. Tears sprung to his eyes as Noah kissed every scar, and every mark lovingly making his entire body tingle. It felt good to have Noah's lips on him and he gladly lost himself in the feeling for a little while.

Noah was very careful as he made love to Luke's body with his mouth. Every scar was touched by his lips. Every puckered piece of skin was caressed, and every mark was lavished with attention. He wasn't sure how long he spent just reacquainting himself with his husband's body. He had missed him, and the sounds escaping Luke's lips said that he had missed this too.

Purposely he left Luke's thighs and his crotch for last. When his hands touched the tender skin he looked at his husband to gauge his reaction. Luke was breathing heavily and his expression was a mixture of fear and longing. The longing seemed to be winning, but still Noah went slowly. His fingers massaged deep, kneading the skin that surrounded the one thing he wanted to touch the most. He knew the moment that Luke was ready, and he didn't have to wait for Luke's permission but he did. His fingertips brushed the shaft and Luke bit his lip to keep from gasping.

Noah was encouraged by this reaction and he took Luke into his hand and squeezed gently, allowing his hand to move up and down from the shaft to the tip. "Noah," Luke gasped as he tried to keep some semblance of control.

"Yes, Luciano?"

"Will you," He managed to say before he felt the pressure of Noah's finger in his entrance. He gasped and closed his eyes momentarily to steady himself. The feeling felt so foreign yet so right, it was as if Noah had the magic touch.

"Will I what?" Noah asked as he worked on loosening Luke up with one hand and made sure they were prepared with the other.

"Make love to me please, Noah. Show," He gasped again and moaned as Noah's mouth found his once more. The kiss was intense, passionate and full of lust and love. Luke felt nothing but bliss as his husband entered him slowly. With every inch Luke shed a tear, and he wrapped his legs around Noah as the other man begin to move slowly at first, each thrust a gentle reminder that he was loved.

He was lost in the sea of ecstasy when he felt Noah's hand take hold of his shaft. Soon the rhythm of pumping and thrusting filled his ears and he writhed with the sheer joy of it all. Being with Noah like this again was better than anything he had ever experienced before. He let out a scream as he exploded, his breath coming fast as he rode the waves of his orgasm. Noah exploded soon after and kissed Luke despite his need to breathe. Air wasn't important at the moment. All that mattered was that he was completely in love with the man beneath him and he needed him to know it.

"I love you, Noah," Luke said when he regained his voice. "I love you."

Noah pulled his blond closer and held him tight. They were complete once more and this time Noah planned to keep it that way. He wiped Luke's hair out of his eyes and kissed him. He couldn't get enough of him, his love. He decided that if he could he would kiss Luke all the time, and stay inside him too. That was nice. "I love you too, Luciano"

"Promise not to let me go," Luke said getting as close to his husband as he possibly could.

Noah kissed the top of Luke's forehead and ran his fingers through his hair. "I promise."

He sighed contentedly as he felt arms encircle his waist and lips feathering him with hisses. He turned slightly and smiled as those lips pressed against his and he quickly lost himself in Noah all over again. Noah's touch, Noah's kiss, and Noah moving inside him replacing all the bad memories with good ones. After they made love again he curled up to Noah and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep as Noah's lips continued to rain his face with kisses.

The next time he opened his eyes he was alone in the bed, and his eyes immediately sought out his husband. He found him moments later in the kitchen brewing a pot of coffee. He stood in the doorway for a moment just watching the perfect lean body clad in just a pair of boxer shorts. Noah moved around the kitchen with ease, pulling down mugs, and plates for food.

"Good morning, Luke," He said without turning around as he placed the mugs on the table.

Luke smiled and came forward to wrap his arms around Noah, resting his head against his smooth back. "Hey you."

"Did you sleep well," Noah asked turning so that Luke was now resting against his bare chest.

"I did until I realized you weren't there anymore."

Noah smiled and kissed his generously before pulling away completely. "I wanted to surprise you with breakfast. We have some time before Maddie brings the baby over. She's going to take James to the doctor's today."

"Has he gotten worse," Luke asked accepting the cup of coffee Noah offered him.

"His fever was pretty high this morning," Noah explained. "Robbie's in school and James' appointment is at 11:00."

"Poor James. I hope he's okay," Luke said the concern clear in his tone. He tightened his hold on Noah who buried his face in the thick blond hair and sighed contentedly.

"Luke," Maddie called from the living room as she closed the door and shifted the baby in her arms. "Where are you?"

"In the kitchen," Luke replied even as he moved towards the living room. "Hi there," He said immediately reaching for the baby who was holding out his arms to his favorite uncle. "How's my favorite little guy today? Huh? How are you little man?"

"He's fine, and so is his mommy," Maddie stated as she watched Luke with her son. She had always known her best friend was good with children. There was something extra special about watching him now with Little Luke. She could only imagine what it would be like when the baby was his own son.

"How's James?" Luke asked pulling her out of her thoughts. He kissed her cheek just as Noah came in to wrap his arms around Luke.

"Hey Maddie," He greeted before focusing on Little Luke. "Hey Little man. Have you learned how to talk yet? Can you say Nowah? Huh?" Lucas made a sound that was indistinguishable as he patted Noah's face, all the while standing up in Luke's arms.

"Okay that's the cutest picture ever," Maddie said pulling out her camera to take the shot. "I have to show this to James. It will make him smile.

"How is he?" Luke asked again."

"He feels awful," Maddie said sighing. "I'm going to get him to the doctor's. I'm sure it's just the flu, but I don't like his fever. It's 104."

"Well, let us know how the appointment goes," Luke requested before turning his attention back to his godson. "Just what do you think you're doing little man?"

Maddie shook her head. "I'll just see myself out. You boys behave," she said kissing her son on the forehead. "Bye sweetie, Mommy's going to take care of Daddy now."

"Wave bye to mommy," Luke instructed as little Luke started waving his hands. When Maddie was gone they placed the baby in his swing and went about beginning their day. At Noon Luke called his grandmother to check on her. With everything going on yesterday he had forgotten to check on her after her surgery.

"I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday," He said as he settled down with a glass of milk. "Did everything go alright, Grandma?"

"Oh darling, it's alright. I knew you had a good reason for not calling. A very good reason, you're still my favorite grandson, Darling."

"Why are you avoiding the question?" Luke asked amusement clear in his voice.

"I'm not avoiding, just making an observation. Everything is fine, Luke. It is just fine. The surgery went well. It went well, and I feel much better."

"I'm glad to hear it, Grandma."

"I hear poor James is sick," Lucinda said changing the subject. "You will give him a kiss for me won't you?"

"I'll see what I can do," Luke laughed. "Will you be in court next week, Grandma?" He asked after a moment's pause.

"If you want me there, darling I will be there."

"You mean you're giving me a choice?" Luke teased.

"Oh you hush," Lucinda laughed and Luke couldn't help but smile as well. "Look, Darling this is horrible what you have been through. Just horrible and I would totally understand if you thought I couldn't handle it. OF course I know you know that your grandmother is one tough cookie. I can handle anything."

"I know Grandma. And I know that even if I told you I didn't want you there you'd still come. And you know the story…so Noah and I could really use your support."

"Then you shall have it. I will be there with George. You know we are both rooting for you darling. It is a crime, a crime I tell you that Noah has to be related to that man."

"Well Noah's a Snyder now, Grandma. So next week we can put the final nail in the coffin, so to speak, and hopefully have a great thanksgiving?"

"That would be lovely, Darling. I am glad you will be around for the holiday this year."

"Yeah…I've missed the last few Thanksgivings haven't I? Don't worry Grandma, I'll be there. I love you."

"Love you too, Darling. Give Noah a kiss for me."

"Kisses for James and Noah, got it. Bye Grandma."

"What's this about kisses?" Noah asked as he joined him on the couch. Little Luke was taking a nap, which meant for the moment the boys had some peace and quiet.

Luke cupped his husband's cheeks in his and kissed him softly. The kiss quickly escalated as Noah pulled him into his arms and Luke moaned as his hands slid down to wrap around Noah's neck. He had just slipped his tongue into Noah's mouth when a high pitched wail met their ears. He smiled against Noah's lips before pulling away.

"Duty calls," he said standing to check on Little Luke. Noah stopped him for a moment to steal another kiss and Luke chuckled. "I think this is great practice for when we have our own little one."

"As if Ethan, Faith, and Natalie aren't practice enough?" Noah asked raising his eyebrows.

Luke swatted at him and went to get the baby. He returned a few minutes later with Little Luke and set the baby on the floor so he could crawl around. They watched him move along the floor, stopping every few minutes to look around before deciding he wanted to move in a different direction. Noah smiled and wrapped his arm around Luke who rested his head on his shoulder. Before too long Lucas tired of crawling around and tried to climb up his uncle Noah's long legs. Luke and Noah both reached out a hand to help the little guy up and soon he was resting comfortably in Luke's lap, with his small head touching Noah's leg.

James was confined to bed until the weekend having somehow managed to catch pneumonia. Luke and Noah kept Lucas with them so that Maddie could focus solely on taking care of James. Robbie split his time between school, Luke and Noah's house, and home, where he sat as close to James as he dared. His brother didn't want him to get sick, but he felt it comforting to just be nearby. Truthfully James loved the company. It was next to normal for Maddie to find Robbie and Dart curled up by James' side

By Sunday James was better, Robbie was getting nervous about starting the eighth grade and Luke and Noah were growing anxious about what they had to do the next day. Tomorrow they would come face to face once more with the man who had caused them nothing but grief. Noah hoped this would be the last time they came face to face with the colonel. He never wanted to see the man again, and if he could help it this process would go smoothly and quickly so Luke didn't have to deal with too much.

Luke was concerned about Noah being in court with him, but he was being selfish. He needed Noah, wanted him there with him because it was the only way he was going to get through it. He would go into the courtroom, and he would listen to the case, and the man Noah once knew as his father would go to jail…case closed. At least he hoped so.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay home to watch the baby?" Robbie's voice broke the silence around the dinner table. Luke and Noah had come over for dinner, and at some point during the meal everyone had been drawn into their own thoughts. Robbie looked at his brothers and his sister-in-law as they exchanged looks between them.

"You need to go to school," James reasoned with him. "I know you're nervous about the 8th grade but you'll be fine. I think you'll finally start liking school now."

"We got to read the Outsiders in the Eighth Grade," Luke pointed out as he cut into the pie he and Noah had brought over for dessert.

"I've seen the movie," Robbie said with a sigh."

"And in this case I can say the book is much better," Noah said reaching over to tousle the younger boy's hair."

"We need you to be cooperative tomorrow, okay, Robbie?" Luke spoke up again, looking straight into his little brother's green eyes. Robbie could tell that Luke meant what he was saying. Tomorrow was going to be a pretty tough day, and he didn't want to make it worse.

"You're sure it will be okay?" he asked tentatively.

"Pinky swear," Luke said holding up his pinky. Robbie hooked his pinkie around Luke's and pulled, sealing their pact. "Now eat your pie."

Robbie smiled and quickly complied. He thought the caramel apple pie with pecans was delicious. He loved it when his brothers baked. Their treats were almost as good as Ms. Emma's. Almost.

"Are you sure y our grandmother doesn't mind watching Little Luke," James asked directing his question at Noah. The plan was to let Angel look after the kids while everyone was in court.

"She's looking forward to it," Noah assured him. "She said it will be practice for the great-grandchildren."

"She keeps hinting at that," Luke smiled as he sipped his milk. "She watched Noah and I take care of Lucas one day and she's all 'Oh my god, you guys will make great parents.'" Noah kissed Luke on the cheek and chuckled as his accurate mimicking of Grandma Angel.

"Dad keeps hinting at it too though," He pointed out waving his fork in the air. "He's just more subtle about it."

"I think you'd make great parents," Maddie chimed in.

"Yeah but it's still a little too soon to be thinking about it. We're happy just being uncles and of course Ethan and the girls and squirt over there."

"I am not a kid," Robbie protested, though his eyes told a different story. There was a gleam in them that gave away the fact that he loved being included in the mix."

"You're always going to be my kid brother," James said pulling him in for a hug. "And you need to finish up so you can get ready for bed. We've been sitting here chattering, and we have long days tomorrow."

"That's our cue to get on home," Luke said standing from the table, wiping his mouth as he did so. "Are we still carpooling?" He directed his question at James.

"Yeah, we'll meet at your place first thing in the morning. Take Little Luke to Angel and Seth's and get Robbie to school, and then we'll head to the courthouse."

"Thank god for minivans," Noah laughed as he kissed Maddie on the cheek. The boys hugged Robbie and James and kissed the baby who was sleeping in the bassinette, before heading out the door to their own home.

"We should do Thanksgiving here," Noah said as they prepared for bed. He slipped his t-shirt over his head and turned to face his husband who was running his fingers through his hair.

"You think so?" Luke asked curiously.

"Yeah…I think we need to."

There was a lot of meaning behind those words, and Luke was sure no one else would get it but them. For the past two years they had missed Thanksgiving, for different reasons. The holiday was tarnished by events that Luke wanted to purge…maybe Noah was right. Maybe they did need this.

"I think we can do that," he said thoughtfully. "We could do it Wednesday night, maybe just the four of us and Robbie? Well and Little Luke. Then Thursday we can have dinner with the family at the farm. Are you going to be okay with Momma being there?"

Noah frowned and chewed on his lip. He didn't really know the answer to that. Of course she was going to be there…it would be her first Thanksgiving with the Snyders. Actually it would be Noah's too; he was really looking forward to it. "I think I can do just about anything as long as you're with me, Luke."

Luke turned off the lights and they slipped beneath the sheets immediately seeking the comfort of each other's arms. Luke touched Noah's cheek with his finger, lightly tracing the contours of his jaw as he stared at him. "Same here," He whispered as he cuddled as close to his husband as possible. Noah smiled and kissed the top of his head as he tightened his hold. He was well aware of the sentiment behind those words. Tomorrow was going to be a long day for them both, but they were going to get through it…as long as they had each other.

Robbie took a deep breath before walking into the classroom. He knew he was late, and that was his own stupid fault. This day was already starting off wrong, but he couldn't help it. He was concerned about Luke and Noah. He had overheard enough conversations to know that what they were about to face wasn't good. It wasn't that he didn't think they could take care of themselves. And it wasn't like they were alone; Jimmy was there, and so was Maddie. Luke's grandmother was going to be there, and Doc, who he thought of as a surrogate dad. There were going to be plenty of people there just to make sure they were okay…it just didn't stop him from worrying.

"Welcome to honors English, Mr. Warren," the teacher's pleasant voice met his ears. "You can come forward, I promise we won't bite." Some of the students laughed, and he blushed as he moved forward. His gaze paused on a student who was staring at him. He had to fight to keep his mouth from falling open as he looked at him. He had never seen a guy with violet eyes before. The eyes were almost as expressive as his brother's, and the expression on the boy's face was curious, almost playful. "You can take a seat next to Laurie," the teacher's voice interrupted his thoughts again. He smiled as she gestured at the boy with the violet eyes.

"Thank you ma'am he said as he slipped into his seat. The teacher looked down at the book she'd been reading from and continued with the lesson. Robbie pulled out his notebook and started taking notes, making a mental note to check with his teacher later to see what he missed. He was wondering if he needed to apologize for being late when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up to see the violet-eyed boy staring at him with a smirk on his face. "Did I do something wrong?" Robbie asked suddenly feeling self-conscious under the gaze.

"No," The boy laughed. "I just wanted to say hi. How old are you?"

"Um….twelve," Robbie said holding his breath. It was supposed to be better in here…he wouldn't be ridiculed would he?

"You must be pretty smart then," the kid said in a lowered voice. I'm Laurie," he said holding out his hand.

"Like the guy in Little Women," Robbie blurted out before he could stop himself. He wanted to sink lower into his chair, or better yet disappear into the floor. He was certain he had just screwed up.

"Yeah," Laurie laughed. "That's exactly where it came from. My mother named me after her favorite character in Little Women. My full name is Laurence Matthew Gibson, Laurie for short."

"You've read it?" Robbie asked amazed.

"I had to find out about the character," Laurie laughed again. "I don't tell people I read it though; I have a reputation to uphold."

"Oh…okay," Robbie laughed trying to ease some of the tension. Their conversation was interrupted when the teacher cleared her throat. They turned their attention back to the front of the room and class continued. Laurie passed Robbie a note under his desk, and when the teacher wasn't looking he ducked his head to read it.

**What's your name? Middle name included since I gave you mine.**

Robbie smiled and scribbled down the information before passing the note back to Laurie.

**Robert James Warren.**

Laurie passed him another note and Robbie smiled. Luke was right; this wasn't going to be so bad after all.

**I think I'll call you RJ. I think we're going to be great friends.** He looked over at Laurie who smiled at him before turning to face the front of the room again. Robbie sat back in his chair and focused completely on the teacher. The day wasn't so bad after all.

His palms were sweaty and he found himself every few minutes letting go of Luke's hand so he could wipe his own against the leg of his pants. He had no idea why he was so nervous. There was no need to be. This was going to be simple. They were going to go in there; Tom would state the case and Luke would testify. Then the case would be decided. This was an open and shut case; it would be a piece of cake.

Except that it wasn't. The colonel looked smug as he entered the courtroom with his lawyer by his side. Noah wished he could wipe that smug look right off the man's face, but he settled for glaring in his general direction as he sat behind the prosecution desk with Tom and Luke.

"Everyone please rise," The bailiff ordered as Judge Newcomb approached the bench. "Court is now in session the honorable Judge Newcomb presiding." Judge Newcomb ordered everyone to sit down, and for a moment Noah felt a sense of déjà vu. He squeezed Luke's hand as they took their seats and waited for the things to begin. "This is the case of the State vs. Colonel Winston Mayer," The bailiff continued. "There is also a civil suit; Luke and Noah Snyder vs. Colonel Winston Mayer."

"Thank you Zach," Judge Newcomb said before turning his attention to the gallery. "How does the defendant plead?"

"Not guilty."

Noah bit his lip and squeezed Luke's hand. He was not going to react to that. He would not give the man the satisfaction, and he wouldn't let Luke do it either. He looked to Tom who squeezed his shoulder before getting up to start his case. Through testimony and evidence they hoped to prove without a shadow of a doubt that Winston Mayer was guilty of kidnapping Luke and trying to brainwash him into giving up on Noah. There were doctor's reports as well as a psychiatric report from Dr. McPherson that would be more than enough proof; besides that Noah knew if he needed to he would use the recording no one knew he had. He was hoping it wouldn't come to that.

Winston's lawyer spoke next, painting Luke as the resentful son-in-law who refused to let a father be near his son. Luke wanted to laugh it was so ridiculous and when he saw the look on Noah's face he immediately pulled his husband into a hug. He wanted this to be over even though it had only just begun.

"The prosecution calls Dr. George McPherson to the stand."

Luke and Noah watched as James' dad made his way to the front and placed his hand on the bible. "You swear to tell the truth, nothing but the truth so help you God?"

"I swear."

"Please be seated." George sat down and waited for Tom to start his questioning. They had spoken briefly about what to expect. His role as Luke's Dr. would come into play here, since he could vouch for his state of mind.

"Could you please state your name for the court," Tom asked as he approached the bench.

"Dr. George McPherson."

"And how long have you known the plaintiff?"

"I've known Luke for almost two years now. He and his husband are good friends with my son."

"When did you start seeing Luke as a patient?"

"In July of this year. Almost a month after Luke was released from the hospital."

"And what, if anything, can you tell us about Luke's mental state?"

"Luke was suffering from nightmares," George explained. And he was having trouble remembering exactly what happened to him in the nine weeks he was away. I had Luke keep a journal of his nightmares to get an idea of what we needed to do."

"Has Luke continued to see you?"

"Off and on, yes."

"And would you say that he is of the right frame of mind now?" Tom inquired.

"Yes, Luke is very aware, and very sharp. He has all his wits about him. "We just had a session two weeks ago. Luke was concerned about the effect this trial would have on his husband."

"Why did that concern him," Tom asked curiously.

"Because the defendant is Noah's father."

"Thank you Doctor McPherson for your cooperation. No further questions your honor."

"You're married to the plaintiff's grandmother is that correct," Winston's Lawyer started before Tom even took his seat.

George wasn't sure what that question had to do with anything but he remained calm as he replied. "Yes as a matter of fact I am."

"Isn't there a rule against treating your family members?"

"Objection your honor." Tom said standing.

"Your Honor, seriously you can't think this man's testimony is anything but biased."

"Bastard," Luke heard James grumble behind him. He turned and reached out his free hand to squeeze James' before turning back to the front, just in time to hear what Dr. McPherson was saying.

"I have been working in this field for many years, and I can assure you that there is nothing biased about my opinion. I suggest you try to state your case Mr. Franklin instead of trying to undermine me because I assure you, you will not win in that."

Luke just knew without looking that Noah's expression, as well as those of Lucinda, James, Maddie and Holden mirrored his own. He really loved James' dad.

Tom's objection was sustained and Mr. Franklin was forced to rethink his plan of action. It was actually interesting to watch him flounder with questions. "When did you learn that MR. Snyder believed my client was the booming voice he heard in those nine weeks?"

"A few weeks after Luke identified the voice," George explained. "The memory was triggered a conversation he was having in his home. "As always Luke was more concerned with how his husband would deal with the news. I have worked with both of them to deal with this matter."

"No further questions your honor," Mr. Franklin said returning to his seat.

"Thank you Doctor McPherson, you may step down" Judge Newcomb stated. "Mr. Hughes, call your next witness.

Noah was called to the stand next, and Luke watched as his husband recounted what happened that day. It made him sad to know that his disappearance had caused Noah so much pain. Noah talked about the incident that triggered the memories of Randy and then talked about the day when they had been discussing fathers with Robbie. Luke remembered that day too. He remembered how they held on to each other that night, and the next morning when he identified the voice.

His ears perked up when he heard Winston's lawyer ask Noah when he had last spoken to his father. "Just a few weeks ago," Noah responded, and Luke could tell that Noah was trying to keep a reign on his emotions.

"And before that?"

"I spoke to him in January when I went to ask questions about my mother."

"Were you hostile towards him?" Mr. Franklin asked.

"Yes, I was harsh with him because I needed answers. But I tell you Mr. Franklin if you are trying to justify that man's actions then I implore you to stop. Nothing will ever justify what he did to my husband. Nothing."

A few minutes later Noah was allowed to move off the stand. Luke stood and pulled his husband to him immediately and just held on for the longest of moments to steady him.

A short recess was called and Luke pulled Noah out into the hallway to get some air. Noah leaned against the wall and Luke reached up a hand to touch his cheek. "Are you okay?" he asked frowning. "You were brilliant in there you know."

"You should be ashamed of yourself," Charlene's voice met their ears and they turned to see her standing in front of the colonel. Noah frowned and looked at Luke who was frowning also. They hadn't even realized that she was there. "You have done some awful things in the past Winston, but this has to take the cake. How could you do something so awful to the son you claim to love."

"You're a fine one to talk," the Colonel scoffed. "You left the boy when he was three. That doesn't exactly make you mother of the year. In fact I dare say it makes you the worst mother on the planet. How do you feel about yourself now you useless tramp? You left him and now you stand there and dare judge me for trying to teach him how to be a man."

"You didn't teach him how to be a man," Charlene raged. "You only scared him. That's certainly not how to be a parent."

"You dare stand there and dictate to me how to take care of a child you left. Noah was better off without you Charlene you should just go crawl back into your hole and die like you did years ago."

"That's enough," Noah's voice sounded loud in the usually silent hallway. Luke placed a hand on his husband's arm to steady him; he knew that was all he could do. Noah was not going to calm down. "The nerve of both of you just astonishes me. Neither of you deserve the title of parent of the year, and I'm everything I am today because I somehow survived the damage you wrought."

"See what I told you," The Colonel said smugly. "He hates you."

"Shut up, Winston." The bite in Noah's voice surprised even Luke who stood back watching Noah proudly as he faced down his parents. "You don't have a right to tell her anything, and I won't let you insult her. She's my mother, and because of you she was out of my life for sixteen years. Do not think I have forgotten that you were the one who sent her away and that you're the one who lied to me about her death. I haven't forgotten, and I hate you. When we go back in that courtroom I hope Mr. Hughes buries you and takes you for every penny you have that hasn't been frozen."

"Why you little-"

"HEY!" Luke said stepping in front of Noah so he could glare at the man. "You're already on trial for kidnapping with intent to harm. Do you want to add assault charges, I mean really?" Mr. Franklin came over just then and tried to pull Winston away but Luke held out a hand to stop him. "NO, don't pull him away now. I have something to say. I don't know what your problem is, Winston, but this ends here, right here, today. I am sick and tired of allowing you to ruin our lives and I'm not going to take it. I love Noah, and he loves me and if you can't accept that then it's too damned bad. I don't care anymore. I am through with you and after today I don't ever have to see your sorry face again. And if you happen to get out of jail for good behavior, you best not knock on my door. And that's not a threat, it's a promise."

Before Winston could utter a retort Luke spun around and walked away telling Noah that he was going to the men's room. Charlene rested a hand on Noah's shoulder urging him to leave Luke be for a minute. Noah stared after his husband before shrugging his mother's hand off his shoulder, turning to her as he wrapped his arms around her. "Are you okay?" He asked sadly.

"I'm fine, baby. Thank you for defending me. I've been really miserable the last few weeks…though I'm trying to be patient just like Luke said I should be."

"I can't do this with you right now, Momma. I just…I can't okay," Noah said swallowing back his tears. "I'm glad you're here, and that you have a family you can turn to, but I just can't do this."

"Noah wait," Luke's voice met his ears but he didn't stop until he felt Luke's hand on his arm. Momentarily he wondered how his husband had caught up with him so fast, but all thoughts and questions rushed out of his head when Luke pulled him into a hug and Noah buried his head in the crook in his neck.

Holden hugged them both before they settled back in their seats. And James squeezed their shoulders while Maddie mouthed I love you, offering her silent support as she sat beside Lucinda and George in the gallery. They were confident that the case would be over by the end of the afternoon, and they hoped that the jury wouldn't have to deliberate for long. Surely this had to be an open and shut case.

Luke was the last witness called to the stand and he swore to tell the truth and nothing but the truth so help him. It wasn't easy for him to answer the questions put forth, but he did it diligently. He explained about the voice, and all the different things that were told to him. He talked about the words; honor and respect, and how he was told his freedom would come if he gave up on Noah. "I couldn't do it," he said looking straight ahead, and he wondered if anyone could tell that his leg was jumping. "I couldn't give up on Noah, no matter what he said to me. I would die first."

A single tear slipped down Noah's face as he locked eyes with his husband. He had no doubt that Luke was speaking the truth. For him it was the same way; he would die before ever giving up on Luke.

"Can you tell us what triggered your memory, Luke," Tom asked drawing Noah's attention back to the case.

"Noah and Robbie were talking about their fathers," Luke explained. "Noah was explaining that his father used to tell him that Honor and Respect were the things he needed to learn. And it was just the way it was phrased and the way he spoke it in the perfect immolation of his father that stuck in my head, and it just clicked and almost immediately I hid."

"Why did you hide?"

"I heard the booming voice in my head and I needed to get away from it. It just…the voice wouldn't go away, and when Noah came and found me I told him to make him go away, because I didn't want to hurt anymore."

"Did you tell Noah it was his father?"

Luke shook his head. "No. I said he's going to teach me a lesson about Honor and Respect. He's going to take me away from you. And Noah put two and two together on his own. And the next day Jack called and I identified Winston's voice."

"That must have been scary for you," Tom said sympathetically.

"It was," Luke nodded. "I was just glad Jack didn't make me come to the station to do it. I don't think I could have handled that. It was all too fresh."

"You aren't afraid of him now," Tom commented and Luke was certain he heard pride in his voice.

"No, sir. I don't fear Winston Mayer anymore. I pity him because he'll never know how great a man his son really is."

"Thank you Luke. I just have one more question for you. You've filed a suit against Colonel Mayer citing emotional direst and personal injury. Can you tell us a little about that?"

"My family tells me I was missing for nine weeks. That's nine weeks without sunlight, without food or water, and without my kidney medication. I was beaten, kicked, burned and…" he stopped and bit his lip seeking out Noah's eyes for encouragement. He took comfort in the gentle gaze and continued. "I was sexually assaulted more times than I care to remember, and I was abused verbally and mentally. Winston may not have laid a hand on me himself, but he is the one who set all of this in motion. Because of him I cannot sleep alone with the lights off and I don't know if I'll ever be completely me again."

Silence fell over the courtroom as everyone digested Luke's last statement. Noah noticed that even Tom and Judge Newcomb seemed moved by his husband's words. Noah kept his gaze locked on Luke's and mouthed "I love you" to him. A soft smile crossed his lips when Luke mouthed it back.

"No further questions Your Honor," Tom's voice drew everyone back into the situation at hand and the case continued. Mr. Franklin had a few choice questions for Luke, but Noah was pleased to see that his husband was not easily intimidated by this man.

"Do you have any children, Mr. Snyder?"

"I have two god sons," Luke replied not really sure where this line of questioning was going.

"That's nice. Would it be suffice to say that you would do anything for them?"

"Of course I would. I'm always going to be there when they need me. And I'd do anything to protect them."

"Then perhaps you do understand where the defendant's need to protect his son."

"Noah didn't need to be protected," Luke countered. "He's always been safe with me. And if he knew anything about his son at all, he never would have done what he did."

"What you allege that he did," Mr. Franklin corrected. "You have no solid proof that it was him. This is just some twisted war with the in-laws isn't it? You don't like him, he doesn't like you'"

"IF you are implying that I would deliberately fabricate something that would cause my husband pain, Mr. Franklin I suggest you stop now," Luke said narrowing his eyes at the man even as he tried to keep his cool. "You are correct. I don't like Winston, but my love for Noah, coupled with the respect I learned from MY dad allowed me to give Winston a chance because he was Noah's father. My dislike doesn't stem from the fact that he doesn't like me, I could care less. I do however care that it hurts my husband when Winston disrespects me, and belittles him. It does bother me when he sets out to deliberately hurt Noah. Can I pose a question to you, Mr. Franklin?"

"Well that is highly irregular…"

"Do you have a son?" Luke asked crossing his arms in front of him.

"Yes, I do."

"And you want him to be happy?"

"Of course."

"Then why are you defending a man whose only motivation is to destroy his son's happiness? Does that sound like love to you?"

"No further questions, Your Honor?" Mr. Franklin said after a brief pause.

"The Prosecution rests," Your Honor," Tom announced as Luke moved back towards his seat. Noah stood and hugged Luke close, his lips resting so close to his ear that Luke could feel his breathing.

"Oh my god, I love you," Noah whispered. "I'm very, very proud

For his credit Mr. Franklin was a very thorough defense attorney. Noah marveled at his ability to paint the colonel as a man of honor and great integrity. It wasn't that difficult; as a soldier the man had been brilliant, and he was well respected by his men. But Noah knew all too well that respect didn't necessarily equal affection. Noah was willing to bet that if he spoke with any of the soldiers who had trained under Winston Mayer, and asked them for their honest opinion, most of them would label him a grade A asshole.

He was more than relieved when Mr. Franklin rested his case without calling any witnesses. He wondered if that had been a decision made before hand. If Winston didn't get up on the stand, he couldn't perjure himself, and maybe just maybe Mr. Franklin did know that the man was wrong.

The defense rested and closing arguments were given. The case was handed over to the jury for deliberation and Noah took a hold of Luke's hands to keep him from biting his nails. He knew his husband was nervous, as was he, and he decided that the best thing they could do was go for a walk. James would call them when the verdict came in…if it came in. He hoped they didn't have to wait another day, he didn't think he could take it if the jury decided they needed more time.

They welcomed the cool breeze against their skin as they left the courthouse. It had been an extremely long day already, and it was just after two in the afternoon. They spoke no words as they walked, both of them lost in their own thoughts about the day's proceedings. Noah just hoped that after today he could finally get past this. He had already lost any respect he had left for the man who had raised him. He didn't want to know him anymore, and he didn't care to be in the same room with him either. He almost wished Mr. Franklin had put the man on the stand, but in the end he was very glad he didn't.

Luke had similar thoughts as he held on tight to Noah's hand. He wanted the day to be over; he wanted Winston Mayer out of their lives for good. He felt better having said things out loud, and he was confident that the jury would understand…they just needed to understand. Luke needed the closure; he needed to eradicate this last demon. Then, and only then he would be free.

"That Franklin guy is very brave," Luke mused, breaking the comfortable silence as they continued their walk.

Noah looked at him and nodded. "I think Defense attorneys have to be brave. They have to defend even if the person is guilty. That is not an easy job, and I can at least respect him for that much."

"He tried," Luke said thoughtfully. "He just didn't know who he was dealing with."

"Obviously not," Noah laughed and turned so he could pull Luke into his arms. "Are you okay, Baby?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Luke asked trying to smile.

"I asked first."

"I'm not the one who's about to lose a father."

Luke's voice was soft and Noah nodded and hugged Luke close, his head resting in the soft blond hair. "I lost him a long time ago, Luke. And I don't really care. I mean," He pulled back so he could look at Luke, his expression serious, "I don't need him. I wanted him, I wanted my father and I talked myself into believing that I had him as long as I followed his rulebook. But, you showed me that that is not the way to live. I have Dad now, and grandpa, and grandma…all three of them. And I have James, and Maddie and You, especially you, and that really is all I need Luke."

Luke touched Noah's cheek lovingly, and would have kissed him if not for the phone ringing at that very second. He shook his head as the interruption reminded him too much of their first kiss, and answered quickly. "Hello?" He said stealing a kiss as he heard James saying something. "Wait what?"

"The verdict's in," James repeated, "And your mother and some guy I'm guessing is your bio-dad just showed up."

"Wow, um okay…we're on our way." Luke hung up the phone and took a hold of Noah's hand again and headed in the direction of the courthouse.

"Luke?" Noah asked questioningly.

"We have to get back for the verdict," Luke said not even stopping to take a breath.

"Wait," Noah said pausing just outside the courthouse. "What else?"

Luke looked towards the door and squeezed Noah's hand tightly. "My mom and Damian are in there. I know I have to deal with them, but not today, Noah. Not today.

Noah allowed the shock to wash over his face, but he pushed it aside and focused completely on his husband. He wrestled his hand away so that he could wrap his arm around Luke's shoulders. "Come on, we'll get the verdict and then we have to be home in time to get Robbie. "

The bailiff called court to order just as they entered and slid behind the prosecution desk beside Tom. Judge Newcomb entered and asked for everyone to be seated. "Madam Foreperson," he said addressing the jury "Has the Jury reached a verdict?"

"Yes Your Honor," The head juror spoke and handed a piece of paper to the bailiff who in turn gave it to Judge Newcomb.

Luke and Noah held their breaths along with the rest of the court as the judge read the verdict and asked the defendant to rise. Winston Mayer and his lawyer stood and Judge Newcomb spoke to the jury again. "What say ye?"

"We the jury find the Defendant, Colonel Winston Mayer, guilty of all charges. We agreed unanimously that the Defendant beyond a shadow of a doubt is responsible for the stress and mental anguished suffered by the plaintiff. We unanimously find him guilty of kidnapping with intent to harm and believe he should be punished to the fullest extent of the law…."

The juror droned on for a minute but Luke had ceased listening when Winston was found guilty. He held on to Noah tightly as they both attempted to keep their tears at bay. It was at best a bittersweet ending to a very exhausting chapter. Luke was glad it was over, but sad for his husband who though he would try to hide it, would be hurt deeply by this. The nightmare was over but the after effects would stay with them for a very long time.


	25. Looks Like We Made It

"Noah-"

"I know, I know," Noah laughed as he held his hands up in surrender. "I have to take off my shoes. See doing it right now." Even as he spoke he wriggled his feet out of his shoes which were caked with mud from outside. He placed the offending footwear on the mat specifically used for such purposes and made his way into the house where he proceeded in wrapping his husband into a tight embrace. "See I do follow the rules."

Luke kissed his husband's nose before pulling out of the embrace to retrieve the bags Noah had left at the door. It was the day before Thanksgiving, exactly a week after Noah's dad had been officially sent to prison. They were throwing a dinner party for their friends, and to Luke it almost felt like déjà vu. There was heavy rain, and it was expected to be a very dreary night. Luke had thought about cancelling the evening, but Noah and James talked him into going on with his plans. Robbie was excited about Thanksgiving, and truthfully Luke was looking forward to enjoying the holiday.

"Driving wasn't too bad was it?" Luke asked as he set the items on the counter. Noah was leaning on the island watching him a thoughtful expression on his face.

"It wasn't raining this hard when I left," he admitted. "But it was really bad when I came out the market. I was soaked, and I cranked up the heat just to dry off a little."

"Sorry," Luke said distracted by the ingredients in front of him.

"Don't be," Noah came up behind him and placed his hands on Luke's waist. "You need to relax," he whispered into his husband's ear. "Tonight is going to go perfectly okay?"

Luke tried to do as Noah instructed. He wanted to relax. This was the first calm day they had had in a long time and he wanted to enjoy it. He couldn't help but be anxious though. No matter how carefully he planned things something always seemed to go wrong. It was inevitable really. As if he wasn't meant to have a holiday free of peril.

"I want to believe you," he said turning in Noah's arms. "I want everything to be good tonight."

"It will," Noah insisted leaning in to kiss Luke softly. "Dinner is delicious, and you are happy and healthy and we're together. That alone makes this a great night."

Luke held Noah close and tried to relax. He knew his husband was right…and worrying himself to death was not going to help at all. He shared one last kiss with Noah before turning his attention back on the food. Noah went to take a shower, letting Luke know that he would be back to help in thirty minutes tops.

He could hear his husband faintly singing in their bedroom, and he just knew that he was laying out his clothes before disappearing into the bathroom. Luke focused on the food making sure everything was just right and ready for their guests. He turned the burners down low and slipped out of the kitchen. He could hear Noah singing in the bathroom, trying to make himself heard over the spray of water that was surely hitting his face. Luke smiled as he slipped out of his own clothes. He missed listening to Noah sing, and there was something else he missed even more.

Quietly he slipped into the bathroom and closed the door taking a moment to watch Noah's silhouette behind the shower curtain. His husband was beautiful and he couldn't believe he had deprived himself for so long.

Noah Felt arms encircle his waist as a body pressed against him, one hand reaching down to grasp his cock in nimble fingers. He moaned as Luke's wet hand moved up and down the shaft, reveling in the feel of Luke's body pressed against his. "I didn't know you were going to join me," he gasped as Luke used his free hand to cup his butt cheeks, his fingers sliding between the crack until he found what he craved. "You're trying to kill me," Noah moaned as a digit entered him. He had forgotten how good Luke was at turning him into jelly.

"I don't want to kill you, Noah," Luke said his voice husky as he continued to pump. I just want to love you."

"We don't have time for that," Noah argued weakly. "Our guests will be here…" his words were lost as he felt Luke replace the fingers. He forgot all about their guests, and it certainly didn't bother either of them that the water was slowly losing warmth. The only thing that mattered in that moment was each other and the passion that always loomed between them. There was always time for that.

Luke ran his hand through his still damp hair one last time before turning away from the mirror. Noah was in the kitchen checking on dinner and their guests would be arriving any minute now. He still had a satisfied smile on his face and he was sure that by the end of the evening everyone would know what he and Noah had been up to. He was far too happy to care.

The doorbell rang just as he entered the living room and he smiled when he saw his little brother standing at the door with baby Lucas in his arms. The baby was wearing a bright yellow rain slicker, while Robbie had the hood of his sweatshirt covering his head. Luke stepped aside to allow his brother to enter, stopping him on the mat so he could remove his shoes. "Let me take him," he said reaching out to take the squirming baby.

"I got a call from my mom today," Robbie said as he relinquished his hold on his nephew.

"Oh yeah?" Luke gestured for Robbie to follow him into the living room. "How did that go?"

"I didn't really want to talk to her," Robbie admitted. "I am not even sure why she called or what she thought I would say. Do you think it was rude of me not to say much? I mean I really don't want anything to do with her anymore. That doesn't make me bad does it?"

"Not at all," Luke shook his head as they settled down on the couch. He made quick work of Lucas's raincoat and allowed him to crawl around on the floor while he focused on Robbie. "I can tell that your mother's actions hurt you a lot, just as they hurt James. And I am sure your feelings for your father are no better. You should never be ashamed of how you feel little brother. Did she try to make you feel guilty for not talking to her?"

"Yeah."

"Do you trust me when I tell you that you shouldn't feel bad?"

Robbie nodded, but Luke could tell that whatever his mother had said to him it really rattled him a bit. He placed an arm around his little brother and gave him a hug which you younger boy gladly accepted. They were just pulling out of the embrace when Noah entered the room and saved Little Luke from his attempt to go under inn table.

"Just where do you think you're going little guy?" He said as he blew raspberries at the baby who laughed with glee.

"The little man thinks he can crawl into small spaces without anyone noticing," Luke chuckled as he watched his husband toss their godson up in the air

"He couldn't wait to see you, Noah," Robbie piped up managing a smile as he too looked on. Noah blew one last raspberry before cuddling Lucas in his embrace and bringing him over to the couch. He settled down in the recliner with the little guy on his lap, his attention focused on his husband and their little brother.

"And what about you, Robbie?" he asked teasingly. "Were you eager to see me too?"

"Well," Robbie smiled, "I always love seeing you and Luke. I'm excited for Thanksgiving dinner."

"I sure hope so; Luke has been fixing a formidable feast worthy of his grandmother in there."

"The only thing missing is the Hubbard squash," Luke added with a smile.

"The Hubbard Squash?" Robbie asked with a frown.

"You'll see," Luke and Noah chimed in unison.

"I have yet to see this famed squash myself, Robbie," Noah chuckled, but it's supposed to be a Snyder rite of passage so to speak. Maybe Grandma Emma will let you help a little with the cutting."

"That would be cool."

"What would be cool?" James asked as he and Maddie entered the house. Maddie was holding a casserole dish in her hands and James balanced a cake box in his hand as he closed and locked the door.

"Noah said that I could help cut the Hubbard Squash tomorrow," Robbie explained. Luke stood to help with the food and James helped Maddie out of her coat. "And Lucas here decided he wanted to find a hiding spot under the inn table."

"That sounds like my son," James laughed. "The rain is still coming down out there," he said as he moved to join the boys on the couch. Maddie scooped her baby out of Noah's arms and started talking to him as she headed into the kitchen to talk to Luke. Peals of laughter met her ears from behind and she smiled, glad to see that this little party was getting off to a good start.

"Something smells good in here."

"Hey," Luke closed the oven door and stood up straight smiling as Lucas reached out his arms for him. "Hey there little guy, you couldn't stay away from your favorite uncle could you? No you couldn't," he cooed and took the baby into his embrace. Lucas blew a raspberry in his godfather's face and Luke laughed and looked at his friend. "I think everything is going to be ready soon."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Luke said sincerely. He held on to Lucas with one arm as he checked the pots on the stove. "I'm doing better than fine. I think…I think tonight's going to be okay."

"Of course it is, Luke. It's just us…there's no one here to ruin it. And the storm is just a storm."

"So was the last one." His voice was so quiet that Maddie was uncertain that she had heard it. The look on her friend's face told a different story however.

"Luke," she said stepping forward to place a hand on his arm. "That was two years ago." Her voice was gentle as she spoke not wanting to dismiss her friend's fears but letting him know that he could move past them. "We're all together this time and I think this little guy is a good luck charm." Lucas giggled as his mother tickled, burying his head into his godfather's shoulder. "Nothing is going to go wrong. I need you to believe me."

Luke shifted the baby in his arms and turn to face Maddie abandoning the pots on the stove. "I want to believe you, Mads, I really do. But the last time I let my guard down it happened again. I don't like being this scared but I don't know what else to do."

"Try to relax." Maddie ran a gentle hand up and down Luke's arm as she smiled up at him. "I know this has been a rocky year, but it's almost done and we've survived it. And guess what."

"What?"

"There weren't so many hospital stays this year." She winked and Luke smiled as he rested his forehead against the baby's.

"Thanks Maddie," he said a minute later. "I needed that."

"What you need to do is hand me my baby so you can finish our scrumptious meal. What do you say Lucas are you ready to come to mommy?" The baby laughed and turned holding his arms out for his mother to take him. Luke relinquished his hold on the little one and turned his attention back to their dinner. Maddie took a seat at the table and kept him preoccupied with little anecdotes about Lucas and her classmates at school. Noah and James joined them soon after with Robbie rounding out the group keeping them entertained with stories about him and his friend Laurie.

The constant sound of chatter was enough to help Luke relax. He served up dinner and was just about to take his seat beside Noah when the lights went out. Immediately he felt Noah's hand on his arm offering comfort and protection as he settled into his chair. He heard shifting as someone got up to find candles and Maddie tried to soothe Lucas letting him know it was going to be okay.

"Let me have him," Luke said reaching out for his godson in the dark. The little guy quickly tried to wrap his chubby arms around his godfather's neck. "It's okay little guy. There's nothing to be scared about okay? The lights are out, but your uncle Noah is going to make it light again and you're safe here with all of us. We're going to protect you from the big bad storm okay?"

James couldn't help but smile as he watched Luke comfort the baby. He knew that the words were soothing, not just for little Luke, but to his namesake as well. He watched Noah return to the table with the candles and soon the room was illuminated in a soft glow. The relief that came over Luke's face was witnessed by all, but somehow James didn't think Luke cared or noticed.

"So is this the point where we say grace and go around the room telling what we're grateful for?" Robbie asked as Noah reclaimed his seat beside Luke.

"Would you like to start?" James asked his eyes gleaming in the candlelight.

"Well," Robbie started looking around at the assembled guests. If anyone would have told him his life would change so drastically this year he wasn't so sure he would have believed it. Yet here he was actually surrounded by people who cared about him and he couldn't be happier. "I'm thankful for family. And I'm glad that you didn't turn me away, Jimmy. You took me in and gave me brothers and a great sister," he smiled at Maddie. I have a family now and I'm glad we're all here together."

"That's a great sentiment, Robbie." Maddie said as James hugged his brother. "I think I can speak for all of us when I say we're glad you're here too. This has been a crazy year, and they say the first year of marriage usually is. I'm thankful that we made it through year one, and we have this little angel," she said her hand reaching out to stroke her baby's hair. "I'm also glad that my best friends are here with us this year and that we can celebrate this day together."

"I'm glad Luke is here with us," James spoke up next. "The four months you were missing just seemed to drag on endlessly, and I think we were all starting to lose faith a little. Except for this guy," he said acknowledging Noah. "He never lost faith in you, not for a minute, Luke. So anyway," he said smiling softly, "I'm thankful for family. My brothers, my beautiful wife and my son.

"I'm thankful for family too," Noah said wrapping his arm around his husband. "I'm glad that I get to share this holiday with you, and I'm glad that the grim times are over and at the end of the day you still love me." Luke turned in his chair slightly to give Noah a proper hug prompting a chorus of awwws around the table.

"It's your turn, Luke," Robbie pointed out as everyone settled down. "I bet I know what you are most thankful for though."

"Do you now," Luke asked a fond smile touching his lips.

"You're glad that you're here." For a moment Luke could only sit in wonderment as he looked around at his friends, his family. This was what it was all about for him. These were the people he wanted to get back to, the ones he couldn't live without.

"I come from a big family," he said after a long pause, "yet I still felt like something was missing. Even with love all around me I didn't feel whole somehow. I wasn't complete, that is until I found you guys. All of you have made me feel loved in ways that I never felt despite my huge family. I don't doubt even for a minute that you guys care about me and I'm eternally grateful for that, so thank you."

Noah leaned in to kiss Luke on the cheek as everyone else made a toast to Luke before starting in on the prepared feast. The evening was full of talk and laughter despite the darkness, and Luke found himself easily having a good time. He joined in the conversation, snickering at jokes and making some of his own. Robbie had seconds of sweet potatoes while Noah helped himself to more cornbread stuffing. James teased that if he ate much more he wouldn't have room for the feast they were invited to the next day. Even Little Luke got into the fun deciding that it would be a good idea to scoop up his baby food and toss it at his mommy. Luke's laughter propelled Maddie to throw sweet potatoes at him. The offending food hit Noah instead, who in turn tossed turkey at Robbie. Before long a fully fledged food fight had ensued until Luke declared that he thought they threw more food then they ate. Still he was happy and satisfied with the evening.

They cleaned up by candlelight, marveling at the fact that they somehow managed not to set the place on fire during their impromptu fight. The dishes were cleared, leftovers (if there were any left) were stored in containers and the group settled down for dessert. Little Luke fell asleep in his high chair as the adults and Robbie feasted on Caramel Pecan Apple Pie. The rain beating down on the roof set the soundtrack for the rest of the evening. James and Noah took turns telling ghost stories while Luke and Robbie huddled together pretending to be frightened in the candlelight. Maddie tended to baby Luke as he listened to her husband and her best friend try to out scare each other. The competition ended when Robbie asked about Thanksgiving at the Snyder farm. They were all excited about it, and Luke started talking animatedly about his family only stopping when he noticed that Robbie was trying to stifle a yawn.

"We should head home," James said standing from the table.

"No, not yet," Robbie whined tiredly. Luke had to chuckle, he sounded so much like little Ethan when he was sleepy.

"I think James is right," Noah added his two cents. Maddie stood and lifted the sleeping baby into her arms while James left the room to gather their coats. "Thanks for coming," Noah said embracing Maddie warmly. He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and kissed the top of Little Luke's head.

"Thanks for a great evening," Maddie replied softly. She hugged Luke and gestured for Robbie to follow her. Luke and Noah each hugged Robbie before leading him into the living room where James was waiting with his hoodie.

"I can't believe it's still pouring," James commented.

"And the lights out still out," Luke said hugging his brother.

"It will be okay, Luke," James assured him. We're right next door if you need us." Luke nodded before stepping aside so Noah could give James a hug good bye. They followed the family out, standing just underneath the landing as they watched them trudge the few feet to their home. The only illumination was that of the flashlight James was holding in his hand.

"Come on," Noah said taking Luke's hand into his own. Before Luke could ask where they were going he felt the water on his head and looked up into the eye of the rainstorm. The cool water felt good on his flushed face and he shook his head and laughed before looking at his husband who was smiling at him. Noah's hair was already matted from the rain, but he didn't seem to care. "Do you remember the last time we did this?" He asked a mischievous look on his face.

"Actually," Luke said as he stepped closer, "As I recall we got caught in the downpour. We didn't quite walk right into it."

"Details," Noah chuckled, his arms wrapping tightly around Luke. "I just wanted to kiss you in the rain again."

Luke's hands easily found their way into Noah's matted hair as their lips met in a kiss that could only be described as sensual. It was wet and sloppy and very intense. It was all them, and Luke gloried in it. For one moment the rain was forgotten and all he could feel was his husband's growing need pressing against his own. He moaned as he felt Noah's lips pull away, a smile crossing his lips as their foreheads touched.

"I love you Noah."

They kissed again briefly before Luke felt wet lips on his nose. "Same here."

The Snyder kitchen was already buzzing when they arrived. Charlene, Angel and Emma were huddled over the stove, while Faith, Sage and Natalie tried to piece together the seating arrangement. Luke could hear cheering from the parlor and knew that the majority of the Snyder men were assembled watching the annual football game. Carly and Meg were mixing up something in a bowl all the while looking at a piece of paper which detailed one of Emma's top secret recipes. Lucinda was there as well leaning against the counter in her elegant way as she and Emma discussed their pigheaded children. Luke shook his head as he heard her mention his mother's name.

"Hello, Grandmother," he said kissing her on the cheek.

"Darling, I'm so glad you could make it," Lucinda said kissing him in return before greeting Noah, James and Maddie just the same. "And how are you, Robbie?" she asked tousling the young man's hair. "Are you ready for your first Snyder Thanksgiving?"

"Has the Hubbard Squash been cut yet?" Robbie asked. "Everything smells so good."

"Did someone mention squash," Holden asked as he entered the room.

"Hi Dad," Luke said stepping away from the group to greet his father properly. "Robbie here wants to cut the squash or at least help."

"You think you can have a firm grip on the hacksaw?" Holden teased.

"A hacksaw?" Robbie asked amazed. "You have to cut it with a saw?"

"Yep. That's why it takes more than one Snyder to do the job. Noah gets to do it this year too."

"I've been waiting for two years for this moment," Noah smiled placing a hand on Robbie's shoulder.

Luke stood by and watched as Holden continued to explain the Hubbard Squash ritual to the newest members of the family. It didn't take long for the rest of the men to troop into the kitchen, and Luke found out that Alison had to work at the hospital that evening. His eyes roamed around the crowded room as if he were seeking out one person in particular…even though he really didn't want to see her.

He felt someone tugging at his shirt and looked down to see his little brother smiling up at him. "Hey Buddy," he said scooping Ethan into his arms. "How've you been?"

"Fine," Ethan said pretending to be shy as he ducked his head into his brother's shoulder.

"Enjoying the football game with Dad?" Ethan lifted his head and nodded vigorously. "Fuball is fun!' he exclaimed. Luke laughed and squeezed him tight. He loved his baby brother. "Is Mommy coming today?" Ethan asked a few minutes later, a serious expression on his face.

"I'm sure she's coming, buddy," he said even as he prayed his mom didn't make a liar out of him. "She's probably just running a little late. What do you say we get ready to watch them cut that squash while we wait?"

"Okay," Ethan said wriggling to let Luke knew he wanted down. Luke obliged and watched the little guy run off a frown set on his face as he crossed his arms in front of him.

"You okay?" He felt Noah's hand on his shoulder and he attempted a smile as he looked at him.

"I'm trying, Noah. I really am. He just asked where Mom is…do you think she'll come?"

"If she knows what's good for her she'll show up," Noah whispered as he continued to rub the tension from Luke's shoulders. "You need to relax and enjoy yourself. Do not let your mom ruin your Thanksgiving."

"Guys come on, they're about to cut the squash!" Robbie called before they could continue their conversation.

"We're coming," They exclaimed in unison. Luke smiled as Noah wrapped his arm tighter around him and together they went to help with the squash.

Luke had to smile as Holden and Jack held the huge squash so that Noah, James and Robbie could take turns sawing into it. "Come here, Luke," Noah waved him over to the counter. "IT's only fair that you get to finish this," Noah smiled and handed the hacksaw to his husband. Luke kissed him on the cheek and gladly sawed into the squash amidst cheers from the rest of the family. It felt good to be surrounded by so many people he cared about. He had been back home for five months now, but the nagging thoughts that he would never see them again refused to go away.

"You okay Squirt?"

Luke smiled and turned to face his dad who was suddenly standing just behind him with a tower of cups in his hand. "Aren't I getting a little too old for that nickname?" He asked pretending to be exasperated.

"You will always be my squirt," Holden informed him, a smile tickling at his lips. "And I'm always going to worry about you…even when you're fifty."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"I hope so," Holden placed a hand on his son's shoulder. "Now how are you doing, really?"

"I'm fine," Luke said shrugging his shoulders. "It just feels weird, you know? It's strange to think that I missed this, twice, and I was so scared that I would never see another Snyder Thanksgiving. And I'm here today, but I can't stop thinking about it. It's like this past few months has been nothing but a big dream and I'm still in that place-"

"Hey," Holden said cutting his son off. He placed the cups down and wrapped his son into his arms, pressing a soft kiss in his hair. "You're safe now, Kiddo. You're home where you belong, and the people who did this to you can't hurt you anymore. Not that Noah and I are going to let you out of our sights."

Luke managed a smile as he pulled away from his dad. "I know Dad, and I'm sorry…I don't want to ruin Thanksgiving with my insecurities and fears."

"You aren't ruining anything," Holden reassured him. "Come on, help me with the table." Luke followed his dad and helped finish setting up the table. The kitchen was filled with lively chatter and the tantalizing smell of Emma's cooking. Everyone was in good spirits and for the moment the only thing Luke was focused on was making sure Noah had a good time.

For his credit Noah was keeping himself preoccupied with the kids and his grandparents. He didn't go out of his way to ignore his mom, but it was obvious that he wasn't really in the mood to talk to her either. He sat between Luke and Natalie at the dinner table, with his Mother taking a seat across from him between her parents. Emma sat at the head of the table and encouraged everyone to join hands as she looked around at her huge family.

"Holden would you please say grace?" Emma asked once all hands were accounted for.

"Can I?" Luke asked looking from his grandmother to his father. Emma and Holden exchanged a look before Holden nodded his assent. Luke took a moment to look around at the assembled family, his dad was there smiling proudly beside his grandma. Seth sat beside her, with Charlene and Angel right beside him. Next came his Grandmother looking rosy and healthy next to her husband. James was beside his dad with Maddie and Little Luke next to him. Aaron was next followed by Faith with Sage, Jack, Parker and Carly bringing up the rear. Brad and Katie were there too, as was JJ who sat next to Ethan, who had insisted on taking the seat beside Luke. Lastly his eyes fell on his baby sister, and then Noah, his steadfast and sure partner. He felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

"Let's bow our heads," he said waiting for everyone to do so before he spoke again. "I don't usually put much stock in God or religion but this has been quite a year for my family and I feel the need to thank you, Lord, for bringing us together and reminding us of the spirit of family. We take strength from you today as we partake in this feast with your blessing and with the knowledge that we have made it through with your grace and your love. Thank you for helping Noah find his family, and for bringing my uncle Seth home. Thank you for Robbie and Little Lucas, and for making sure that Grandma could be here today, and thank you especially for letting me come back home."

His voice cracked at that point and he felt Noah squeezing his hand as lips touched his cheek. "Amen," Noah said his voice soft but loud enough to be heard around the table. A chorus of Amen's was heard followed by the clinking of plates and bowls as food was passed around. Noah was beaming at him as was Holden who raised a glass and mouthed the words "you did good." Luke smiled, allowed himself to relax and soon he was lost in the wonderment that was the Snyder Thanksgiving.

They were partway through dinner when the screen door opened and closed and a new couple appeared in the kitchen catching everyone's attention. Luke narrowed his eyes, while Noah held steady to his hand. James and his father glared at the couple while Lucinda remained calm and managed to place her fork in its proper spot beside her plate.

"Hello, Lily," Angel spoke up much to everyone else's surprise. "How good of you to join us."

"Mommy," Ethan and Natalie chorused together as they bounded out of their seats. They attached themselves to their mother while Faith and Luke looked on. Neither of them smiled and Faith suddenly found her sweet potatoes quite interesting.

"Lily, Damian," Emma broke the uncomfortable silence. "Would you like to join us for dinner?"

"That won't be necessary," Damian spoke up. Luke narrowed his eyes and glared at his biological father. Noah squeezed his hand and held on tight.

"Don't let him get to you," he whispered so only Luke could hear. "Just breathe, baby. Just breathe."

"We insist, Damian," Holden spoke up before the man could protest further. "The kids haven't seen their mother in a while, and they would like to spend some time with her. I'm sure you can understand wanting to be there for your kids."

The newcomers were somehow squeezed in between Lucinda and James who was none too pleased to be sitting next to Lily. Luke gave him a sympathetic look before focusing on his dinner. He was determined that his parents impromptu arrival would not ruin his Thanksgiving. After what felt like a lifetime of silence the conversations started back up again. Jack and Aaron started arguing about the game while Angel talked clothes with Carly and the kids started laughing at Parker who was intentionally being goofy. Holden was holding a conversation with Noah while James lured Luke into a discussion about ethics.

After dessert Noah, Luke and James cleared away the dishes while the kids ran off to play video games. Aaron left with a plate of food for Alison, while Lucinda insisted on having a talk with her daughter out on the porch. Jack and Carly left soon after dragging along three disappointed children. Brad and Katie looked much like the Bickersons when they left and the rest of the family was sitting in the parlor with Emma sipping coffee.

"Are you guys alright?" James asked as he put away the last of the dishes. Luke was giving the table a wipe down while Noah was folding tablecloths. James leaned against the counter and waited for one of them to answer him.

"We're good," Luke spoke first catching his brother's eye. "Tonight's been kinda fun."

"All things considered," Noah agreed as he too looked at James. "I think the evening went pretty well, don't you?"

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourselves?" James asked crossing his arms in front of him

"What do you think?" Luke asked though he was sure he knew the answer.

"I think that even though you're having a good time a part of you wants to escape so that you don't have to deal with your mother, who surprisingly is still here. And you," he turned his attention to Noah, "You can't wait to leave either because as much as you love being around your new family you're afraid your mom will approach you and want to talk about things you aren't ready to say."

"Do you think we're being silly?" Luke asked sadly. He knew there was no point denying it, James knew them too well.

"No, I think you have every right to be apprehensive, but not at the expense of your happiness. You are upset with them, rightfully so, but we live in a small town. More than likely you guys are going to run into each other…and if you're uncomfortable then you won't let yourselves relax and that's important."

"What do we do then?" Noah asked as he placed the folded cloth on the table. "Do you think we should just bite the bullet and talk to them?"

"Well I'm the last person to tell you to let go of a grudge," James replied thoughtfully. "I think you need to accept how you feel and move on. It doesn't matter what they think, or how they react to what you're doing. Your feelings are important here, and if how you feel about them hinders you having fun then it's not good. When you're ready to talk to them then you will do it. I know that without a doubt. Right now I want you to stop worrying about them and focus on you. Can you do that?"

Luke and Noah exchanged a look before focusing on their brother. He was right…he usually was when it came to them. "I think we can do that," Luke assured him.

"And I'm sure you'll let us know if we don't," Noah teased happily.

"That's what brothers are for, right?"

"Yeah," Luke said as he and Noah simultaneously came to stand beside James. James felt two pairs of lips on his cheeks before two pairs of arms wrapped him into a bear hug.

He smiled and hugged them back thinking this was an incredible feeling, and he was very thankful that he could experience it. "I love you guys too."

The weeks following Thanksgiving flew by without much fanfare. James and Maddie finished up their coursework and took their finals, while Noah and Luke finished up their schoolwork online. Robbie was doing well in school as well, and much to the surprise of his guardians he wasn't looking forward to Christmas break. The weekends found the Snyders and the McPhersons at the mall looking for anything to make Little Luke's first Christmas special.

Robbie asked Luke to help him find a gift for his friend, Laurie. Since his friend loved to read as much as he did, they went to the bookstore and ended up spending the whole afternoon just browsing the shelves and talking about some of their favorite books.

"I was beginning to wonder if we had to send out a search party," Noah teased when they met up with him in Old Town.

"Oh hush," Luke said swatting him playfully. "It's no different from when you get lost in the video store."

"Touché," Noah laughed. "I got your coffee for you and hot chocolate for you, Robbie. Did you find something for Laurie?"

"The boxed set of the Chronicles of Narnia," Robbie responded. "Everyone should have a copy of that."

"Very true," Noah agreed. "So what else did you buy?"

"Can't tell," Robbie said laughing. "I don't want Luke to maim me."

"Who's maiming who?" a new voice joined the party. Everyone looked up just in time to see James slipping into a chair. Maddie was pushing Little Luke in his stroller which was laden down with bags.

"Robbie was just protecting my secrets," Luke explained. "There will be no maiming, I promise."

"These two just spent five hours in the bookstore," Noah snickered.

"We can't talk," Maddie said adjusting Lucas's hat. "We were in the baby store for quite a bit of time, and then we had to get some music for the Christmas party."

"Did you get the sing along versions," Luke asked a twinkle in his eye. "I want to hear Noah sing carols again this year."

"You're singing too," Noah pointed a finger at him."

"We'll all sing," James laughed. "I think Luke is just in love with your voice."

"Ain't that the truth," Luke sighed happily. Noah leaned over to tweak his nose causing Luke to swat his hand away even as he laughed. "Dork!"

Maddie, James and Robbie all laughed as Luke and Noah continued to banter at each other. It was nice to see them like this; so happy and carefree without many worries. James was happy that they seemed to be taking his advice. The only thing they were focusing on was them and what they wanted. That was as it should be.

"Oh my god!" Robbie screamed sounding much younger than his twelve years. James smiled behind the coffee cup he held in his hand and winked at his wife who was trying to stifle a giggle. "Oh my god, Jimmy," Robbie called, "Did you really do this for me?"

"We're in here, buddy," James chuckled even as he stood to get Robbie something to eat. "Stop yelling you'll wake…" before he could even say the words Lucas let out a cry which immediately brought Maddie to her feet.

"Thank you so much," Robbie said bursting into the room hugging Maddie before he would allow her to leave. "This is the best Christmas ever. I can't believe you guys got me a computer!"

"It was your brother's idea," Maddie said smiling at her brother-in-law. "All three of them had a hand in it. 'We'll have to tinker around with it, but let me go get your nephew first." She kissed Robbie's forehead before going to get the baby. She could hear Robbie chattering to James as she headed to the nursery as she left and she couldn't help the contented sign that escaped her lips.

"Merry Christmas little man," she said as she lifted her son out of his crib. "You wanted to be a part of the action didn't you?" Little Luke quieted down almost immediately and snuggled into his mother's arms. She laid him down on the changing table, talking to him as she wrapped him in a new diaper. "Later your uncles are going to come over and we're going to have a huge Christmas party, how does that sound? Just our little family. Your grandpa will be here, and grandma too, you'll like that won't you? I'm sure you will." She tickled her son who laughed gaily and waved his arms in the air.

James and Robbie were still talking when Maddie made her way to the living room. James was explaining all the programs that had been loaded onto the computer while Robbie listened intently. "What happened to breakfast," Maddie teased.

"He practically swallowed it whole," James laughed as he typed in the info needed to set up the internet connection. "He was very eager to try out his new toy."

"Hey Lucas," Robbie said moving towards Maddie to take the baby out of her arms. "How are you doing this morning huh? Are you ready for Christmas? Do you want to see the tree?" James looked away from the computer a smile crossing his lips as he and Maddie watched Robbie show Lucas the sparkling lights. "No, Lucas no pulling on the ornaments," Robbie laughed as he reprimanded his nephew.

Maddie walked over to her husband and slipped her arms around his neck, kissing him softly on the cheek. "I love you, you know that?"

"I love you too," James' voice was soft as he shifted and pulled his wife into his lap for a proper kiss. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Maddie wrapped her arms around her husband's neck and pressed their heads together and they shared another kiss even as Robbie placed baby Lucas on the floor, snagged the camera and snapped a picture. Lucas crawled over to his mom and dad and Robbie snapped more pics as James scooped the baby into his arms. It made Robbie smile to see them like that. This was his family, and he couldn't have been happier. It really was a merry Christmas.

Luke sighed contentedly as he settled back in the passenger's seat. He looked over at his husband who was watching the road straight ahead. Without taking his eyes off the road Noah reached out to take Luke's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. After Christmas morning at the farm Noah had insisted that they take his new truck for a spin. His Christmas gift from Luke; a Blue 2010 Dodge Ram, was fully equipped with snow tires and everything inside was state of the art and brand new. The new truck smell filled his nose, and he was cheerfully singing along with the Christmas music blasting from his new stereo.

It felt good to have his own vehicle again, and he was glad that he was sharing the moment with the best husband in the world. It wasn't lost on him just how huge a deal this was for Luke. Neither would soon forgot the accident that left him in the hospital two years before, but in the long run having two vehicles would be beneficial in the future, especially when they really got their company off the ground.

"Are you okay?" he asked daring to take his eyes off the road when they were at a stoplight. Luke was smiling at him and he couldn't help but think, not for the first time, that his husband was beautiful and he was very lucky.

"I'm good," Luke nodded. "It's starting to snow, and I'm good. I love you, Noah."

The light changed green and Noah focused again on the road ahead. He carefully maneuvered the truck through the streets of Oakdale getting them back to the highway that would take them back to Mile High Road. "I love you too," he said as he pulled safely into their driveway beside Luke's car. He took off his seatbelt and leaned over to give his husband a kiss. "Merry Christmas."

Luke bit his lip and wrapped his arms around Noah's neck pulling him into a warm hug. He buried his head in the nape of Noah's neck and held on for a long moment just enjoying the feel of being in this space, Noah's personal space, in Noah's truck…this had been a big step indeed.

"Come on," Noah said sometime later pulling away to get out of the truck. "Let's go inside. We have movies to watch before we head over to Maddie and James' place. What time are they expecting us?"

"Four," Luke replied closing the passenger side door. He looked up into the sky and stuck out his tongue to catch a falling snowflake on his tongue. Noah leaned against the truck and watched him lovingly. It was nice to see Luke so carefree. When he realized he was being stared at Luke turned and blushed which made Noah chuckle. "I wasn't sure I'd ever see the snow again," he admitted shyly.

Noah wrapped his arms around him and kissed his cheek. His heart was full of love for his husband, and he didn't know how to convey it in words. As they entered the house he stopped intentionally under a sprig of mistletoe and pulled Luke into a deep meaningful kiss. It was a year since they returned home from Italy, and he was still amazed that they had made it to this day. So much had happened; good things as well as not so good ones. People had come into their lives and others were taken away, but all in all Noah was most grateful that he would be ending another year with his love. He couldn't have asked for a better Christmas gift.

"Okay who's turn is it?" Maddie giggled as Luke finished his rendition of jingle bells, complete with silly voices, jingling bells and a laughing Lucas as his orchestra.

"IT's Noah's turn," Robbie said even as Noah handed him the video camera he had been holding. He was recording the performances for prosperity. Robbie set the camera on record and placed it on the mantle by the Christmas tree. Noah smiled and lifted Little Luke into his arms as he watched the others move around him.

Maddie was picking up wrapping paper to stuff into the trash bag James was holding. He smiled as James dropped the bag causing the paper to spill out on to the floor. James smiled sheepishly and pulled Maddie into his arms before she could fuss. Luke was over by the Christmas tree with Robbie shaking presents they had yet to open. Robbie was laughing as he took each box Luke gave him to examine himself before placing it beside him. Noah shook his head and kissed his godson on the forehead before settling into a chair where he could watch all the action. As he sat cuddling the baby he began to hum, knowing the perfect song to match the scene playing out before him.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas"

Robbie handed Luke a gift which took him by surprise. Robbie nodded in answer to Luke's silent question and Luke settled down like a little kid to open the package.

"Let your heart be light  
From now on, our troubles will be out of sight

Luke let out an exclamation of joy and held up his gift from Robbie before pulling the younger boy into a bear hug.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
Make the yule-tide gay  
From now on, our troubles will be miles away

James and Maddie finished with the wrapping paper and settled down on the couch just in time for Robbie and Luke to come over bearing gifts.

Here were are as in olden days  
Happy golden days of yore

Robbie laughed as he was pulled down onto the couch where Maddie and James promptly kissed him on his cheeks as Luke looked on.

Faithful friends who are dear to us  
Gather near to us once more

Noah smiled as the music played and his eyes met Luke's for a brief moment. Luke stood and took the baby out of Noah's lap so he could settle down there.

Through the years we all will be together  
If the fates allow

Noah continued to sing as he wrapped his arms around his husband and their godson.

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough

Luke turned to kiss Noah softly on the lips and together they sang the end of the song.

"And have yourself a merry little Christmas now"

It was 2am before the last strains of Auld Lang Syne were heard, and the last party whistle was blown. Luke hugged and said good bye to the final guest and rested his back against the door as he locked it and closed his eyes. It had been a great party. All of their friends and some family had come to the house to celebrate the New Year with them. Luke was glad that everything had gone off without a hitch, but he knew his feet would be angry with him the next day. He felt like he had been standing on them since the morning before.

"Come over here, Baby," Noah called from his spot on the couch. Noah had his tie loosened and his shirt untucked while his bare feet rested on the coffee table. Luke pushed himself away from the door pulling his emerald green sweater as he drew closer. He placed the sweater on the loveseat and joined his husband who handed him a flute of sparkling grape juice.

"Thank you," he said cuddling up in Noah's embrace his head resting where his shoulder met his bicep. "Are you as beat as I am?" he asked taking a sip of his drink.

"Mmmhmmm," Noah said sipping his own grape juice. "What a day right?"

"What a night," Luke replied as he looked up at him. "Did you have fun?"

"Anytime with you is fun." Noah beamed down at him.

"I can't believe it's 2010."

"You know, they say whoever you end the year with is who you are going to be with the next year."

"Was there any doubt?" Luke asked biting his lip as he looked into Noah's crystal blue eyes.

"You have to admit it 2009 was a crazy year."

"Yeah, we were thrown some major curveballs," Luke agreed.

"Starting with that big fight you had with your mom."

"And then the big fight we had with your dad."

"Yeah," Noah chuckled. "Which inevitably led us to finding my mom."

"And lest we forget the evil grandparents," Luke bristled.

"We finally went to New York and,"

"The dressing room," they said at the same time.

"Oh god if only you could have seen the look on that saleslady's face when she realized you were gay," Luke laughed and took another sip of his juice. "I swear I wish we had a camera."

"We have to go back there," Noah added. "It was nice…and when we got back things went a little nuts."

"That's for sure," Luke said softly. "I can't even begin to tell you how glad I am to be here with you today."

"Nine weeks without you was hell," Noah hugged his husband closer and kissed his forehead.

"And Little Luke came into our lives last year, we can't forget that, and-"

"Robbie," they spoke at once and shared a kiss which made Luke giggle.

"That's right we dealt with James' mom too, and Grandma Lucinda got married and had surgery and she's fine."

"And so are we," Luke took Noah's glass and placed it on the table beside his own. Doing so allowed him to settle down, resting his head on Noah as he wrapped his arms around him. Noah hugged Luke close and rested his chin in thick blond hair. "The rest of it seems like a blur, you know?"

"Yeah," Noah said allowing his fingers to card through Luke's hair. "We started our company, Maddie went back to work and school, Robbie moved up to the eighth grade, and James is one step closer to having his license to practice."

"And you have grandparents who love you, plus Dad has his brother back."

"Do you think we'll ever make up with our mothers?" Noah asked moments later.

"Do you want to?" Luke asked looking up at him. "Are you ready for that?"

Noah thought about it for a moment, his hand lazily grazing Luke's back. "I don't think so," he said after a moment. "I think I just want to get used to having you back. I mean, you've been back for six months, but with so much going on I don't know…"

"You feel like we haven't had all the time in the world to get reacquainted," Luke finished the thought. Noah nodded glad that Luke as always understood. "I feel that way too sometimes, Noah. I just feel like you and me, we're entitled to some kind of happiness you know? I think we've earned it."

Noah smiled and kissed the top of Luke's head. "I think so too, and that's what I want for 2010. I want us to have our happy."

"And I want a family with you," Luke's voice was becoming raspy, a sure sign that Noah's ministrations were making him sleepy. "I want to adopt kids with you…I think we're ready."

Noah shifted pulling Luke tighter to him before kissing him breathless. "I love you, so much and I would be more than happy to start a family with you, Luke. You know it's not going to be easy."

"The process can take a long time, years," Luke nodded. "I've been doing my homework. "But this is something I really want. I think we can give a kid a good home don't you?"

"You are amazing with kids," Noah placed his hand on Luke's cheek. "There's no denying that."

"You're good with them too," Luke interjected taking Noah's hand into his own. "You have so much love to give, Noah, and I think we should give it a shot."

"So the goals for 2010," Noah said counting on his fingers, "Are to start the adoption process, work on our business and See if we can find our happy?"

"Don't forget school," Luke reminded, "and then there is the matter of dealing with our mothers."

"And Damian," Noah added softly. They hadn't talked about Luke's biological father since his appearance at Thanksgiving Dinner, but they knew he wasn't going away until Luke told him to.

Luke sat up and reached for their glasses handing one to Noah before reclaiming his original position. ""I think we've more than proven that we can handle just about anything as long as we have each other."

"We're stronger together." Noah acquiesced. They clinked their glasses together in a toast, gazing at each other as they sipped on their grape juice. There were things about the previous year that neither would soon forget; things that had put their love and commitment to the test, and others that just reaffirmed the vow they made to each other.

"I love you, Noah." Luke kissed him softly, smiling against his lips. "I love you so much."

He allowed their lips to touch once more before Luke settled down against him. Noah placed their empty glasses on the table beside him and wrapped his arms protectively around Luke. He would never tire of moments like these, and he hoped that there would be more of them in their future. Despite all they had endured he knew they were very lucky to have each other.

He rested his chin in Luke's hair and took comfort in Luke's even breaths, knowing it wouldn't be long before he was sound asleep. "Go ahead and rest hon, we have our whole future ahead of us and it starts tomorrow."

"I love you, Noah." Luke muttered sleepily.

Noah kissed the top of Luke's head and smiled as he snuggled close ready for sleep to take him as well.

"Same here."


End file.
